"Kill" yourself in the romance ofRomance and real life are incompatible.
Way of life, full of romance, exploit all and Sundry. These are Sundry, clearly understand what they are doing and why. But those who fall under the spell of this image, getting emotional dependence.
Configured more romantic than people, so it is less adequate because it is configured for a specific energy exchange with the world. And he may not be partner, but the mood on "the long joint, the romantic life" is already there.
This mood comes and the man have an emotional romance relationship.
But romantic calls it "love", and behaves accordingly. As long as it appears before the fact deafening and painful breakup.
This only came up after many months, romantic understands that the right was Pushkin, saying "the less we love a woman, the easier she likes us". All who are familiar with such relations are intuitively aware of it, but to stop "loving" volitional effort is rarely.
Therefore, this article is for those who would like to "love", but can not. Especially for those who put before the fact termination. And for those who can not forget ex-love/partner/spouse.The mechanism of "love" and the emotional channel.How to start a love?
Love begins with uncontrolled outbreak of sympathy, like "blue". So it is true, but not quite. The bursts of MUTUAL sympathy initially, and cannot occur without attitude for a certain energy of each of the two.
This attitude is so quickly read by the subconscious mind that the conscious mind does not have time to react and give digestible form of this flash. If the attitude "not the" this outbreak has not continued. 99.9% of them have no continuation and are quickly forgotten.
But if one "sees" the potential of the other, "reads" attitude as "the one", a flash of sympathy passes into the material-verbal and tangible phase. In life it looks like an attempt to speak to a person to invite for a Cup of coffee, a walk, a movie. Even a smile is already an invitation to go further, to translate is still a virtual acquaintance in a more intimate relationship. Even at this level, there is a CHANNEL of energy exchange, through which energy goes from one to another. The channel opens to the one who is more interested in continuing Dating.
If the other reciprocates, the energy passes into a new form, was not yet clear neither for the one nor for the other. At this stage, the energy is unstable, and can stop at any moment when one decides that "I am he/she does not like." The consequences of the appearance and disappearance of channel usually don't notice. Well, true, we've all been there when the first meeting was last.But if the energy exchange that suits us both, a flash of sympathy develops into closer acquaintance, in a close relationship, but in some cases, love and family.
Each phase is characterized by its state of energy exchange between partners, and is determined only by the quality and quantity of energy that partners are investing in the channel.If each partner put into the relationship the real action, soul, strength, feelings and emotions are of equal value, such couples live happily ever after.
But if one partner starts to pull "the blanket over himself", giving the channel the energy is not of that quality and not quantity, these relations become dependent. This happens due to the fact that the other partner is more romantic than the first. Romantic living with illusions, dreams, and builds out virtual a happy life with a partner, taking wishful thinking.
At the same time one who is more adequately perceive the reality, who is interested in the relationship to a lesser extent, becoming a leading partner in the pair.
The lead partner produces less energy in the channel, and the other, the slave, to restore balance, you need to give energy "for two".
As soon as one feels the imbalance of energy exchange is not in their favor, begins to rebel his Ego, realizing that by the will of the "owner" was caught in an energy trap. And the "boss" is busy pumping channel their energy in the hope of restoring the elusive interest of the lead partner.
It turns out the man himself, voluntarily, with the hopes of "love", finds its energy better use than to push her in the canal, resulting in the appearance of sympathy. And on the other side of the channel almost always full contentment in life.Emotional addiction.
So, the less interested partner in the relationship, the more dependent on the other partner in this relationship. Addicted to lost personal autonomy, and to restore it, the human mind pushes him to do some action, exonerating the Ego.
The mind tries so hard to begin to despise the partner, to continue would be ashamed of myself to admire. But you need to suppress that part of the Ego, which is sympathetic partner.And it is very painful. In fact, you need to kill a part of yourself.
On the external level, this is expressed as the throwing from one extreme to another: from love to hatred, from revenge to pardon, from admiration to contempt. The man himself "shakes", these "swings" cause driven partner more and more pumps channel the energy, putting in the lead partner's part of his Personality, endowing it with your energy. This is an energy "investment" that is invested in the hope of receiving emotional energy "dividends". People just do not understand that the "dividend" it will never be, as it is already at a lower energy level than a partner.I will make here a digression:
Any relations are based on the principle of emotional – energy "investments-dividends", and the romance is an attempt to give these "commodity-money" relations decent view. To rehabilitate itself, first of all, to himself. Like, I'm not selfish, I'm all for him/her, I'm sublimely spiritual and other crap.
So if you hear of romantically tuned young man or girl, and even about man and woman, it means one thing. People hide behind a romance in the hope that their "materialistic" impulses no one will see. And the fact that gusts of "Mercantile", knows and intuitively understands every.Just because it is consistent with the principle of energy exchange. Which States that a person for the purposes of survival and procreation cares primarily about themselves and then about others.
It is an evolutionary program with which it is foolish to argue. Well, if someone wants to argue, suggest to think, where would you be if your distant ancestor would have chosen someone else's life instead of his.
Romance, how it is presented, implies the refusal of man from his personality, from his Ego for another person. A veiled suicide.
But if we give up romance and live according to the laws of energy, the motives of people become visible "at a glance", and this applies not only to relationships between a man and a woman, but any interpersonal.
The roller on the romance offered to go to those who are in the relationship dependent. Those who put before the fact who have been "fatal" rupture of relations, but the emotional dependence on a partner is stored.But, back to emotional swings
Emotional dependence on the partner always remains the slave of the partner, as the channel between the partners continues to run until until one of them continues to drain there energy. No matter irrelevant the place to be or have already been destroyed. While one wants to return to "investment" and to energy-emotional "dividends," part of his personality is in the grip of lead partner, although the fact it nafig not needed. Dependent partner keeps himself emotionally to burn and often can not stop it.
But the technology out of the dependency is still there!The technique of getting rid of emotional dependence.
The first thing to do when a dependent relationship, or after a "fatal" gap is to block the energy channel between the partners
This is to stop and consider myself and the lead partner a single entity, identified with him.
In philosophy identity is called a full match properties of objects.
In psychology to identify himself with the man to consider himself one with it, inseparable Union of two, which is inseparable under all conditions and circumstances.
Lead partner little identifies himself with another person, and that is why he is leading. He knows that in addition to partner in light of the many interesting and not to focus only on the relationship with the partner.
Driven partner, on the contrary, identifies himself with another person, making plans for life and a bright future. Sees around him of anyone or anything.Step 1. The overlap of the channel.
So, the first step to resolve the dependency relationships and after a bad breakup should be a disidentification of yourself with a partner and closing of the channel.
Actions are the key here. You need to redirect the energy flowing from the channel to some action. It helps to go "sport" and insanely straining body. Or to direct attention to those areas of life that failed because of the dependent relationship.
This is the most difficult step, although in fact the "dumb" and all you need is a stubborn donkey. To download domes of what was never enough time, yet were in a relationship.
It also have to do continuing to remain in a dependent relationship. With the same asinine stubbornness.
Without action – no matter how much puffed, no matter how much strained willpower, no matter how much I persuaded myself – nothing happens.
Actions – mandatory and necessary attribute of "healing".
It is clear that after a relationship that will lead to ongoing happiness and "Golden mountains" of new emotions and impressions, to make banal, familiar difficult. But just so and not otherwise.In addition to the steps to hold the emotional "work" to disidentification of yourself with your partner.
This means that you need to consciously destroy the "castles in the air" of his illusions, to what it is with him you will live happily ever after, every day basking in love and joy, give birth to children, nusajaya cucumbers, buy a dog, and go on a journey. No. Not going to fly. Not give birth. No cucumbers. No children. No dogs.
To mastoiditis is to begin to understand themselves apart from man, kill hope for a future with him, stop and consider that everything will work out. That he comes/will come back/will change/will love/appreciate. No. Your chance of different layout of the relationships you have missed. We just have to back myself into a corner completely.
I will consciously silent about some of the effects which may follow attempts to block the channel and to mastoiditis.
Say what the mistake is at this stage looking for another partner to switch to his thoughts and actions.New partner will help to close the "old hole", but your Ego will not perceive the new partner as a Person, and would despise him.
The main thing at this stage is to redirect the energy to some other actionStep 2. "The empty chair"to Return part of the energy input, to let no energy emotional dividends, but part of his Personality integrated into partner by using emotionally-shaped therapy or technique 'empty chair'.
To do this, imagine that partner sits opposite on a chair and recite those feelings that bother you. This action released blocked emotions. Talk until until it's devastation. You can do it at one time.
It's still the same channel that still exists, as in the first stage with proper effort is an "overlapping" channel, but not the destruction of it.
To destroy the channel can only be getting part of his Personality back.
Here also energy, but through images.How to get back a part of yourself?
Further, when the technique "the empty chair" to represent that through the channel all the time from you was the lead partner of energy and this energy is the Image
. What is it? Blue ball, flower bouquet, torn, bleeding heart, balloon? This image is an Image invested in another person of your own energy, part of your personality, which had been given to another person.
All you need to do is mentally or/or:
To opt out permanently from this Image; Take it as a part of his personality – his pick themselves. To visualize how this Image melts/disappears/leaves/breaks/is lost or returned to you and you take it back. Sometimes, part of the personality and the energy invested is so large (e.g., part of the personality has the image of a huge rock or a large bowl) that people can't accept it in yourself, then you need to "go" in the image of himself.
At this stage there can be some trouble when neither to refuse nor to accept fails. Man can not make a decisive choice.This happens because:
in the first case, a man's Ego ceases to "trust" the person is so ridiculous squanders the part of the Individual "right and left" and resists the refusal; in the second case person is afraid of the return of part of the personality, fearing that she'll fail him or manage it. There is internal breakdown and fear of failed self-control. This means that people in emotionally feels the lack of confidence in himself, does not appreciate himself, doesn't trust her feelings or abilities. It resists rehab, complained, because it fears that freedom, he will make new mistakes.
Solved it with PHYSICAL action. If the self is not able neither to refuse nor to accept, you should seek the assistance of real people, explaining the situation.
People need to pull you in different directions for hands. One pulls in the direction of "opt out", another to "accept" you and persuading arguments. This should be done as long as the decision is made.
Often the decision is made for the return of "investment," and this is the best exit strategy from dependent relationships. Return that Image in your own body allows you to regain lost resources, though not of such quality and quantity as has been invested, but even the return of the energy gives the person the freedom.
And then there is "letting go" that is not necessary for the person, it is possible to merge in this "letting go" before the heap that can be drained. This is a little "revenge" former partner.Psychosomatics in dependent relationships.
Psychosomatics evolves when a certain "value" outweighs the psycho-emotional health.
Often it affects mothers, wives of alcoholics, drug addicts. They have a "duty as a wife and mother" outweighs their own health, leading to dependent relationships. They understand that they will not be able to save anyone that they sacrificed their health and fortune, but "can't" differently. Because their "value" is stronger.
Because you don't understand what "alcoholic, addict" doesn't need saving, and its further decline is a foregone conclusion on his own, they are not responsible for it.
Often psychosomatics shows these people that they are dragging people to "their backs" against the will.
Emotional dependence can persist for many years, although the person may not even know it. Moreover, he suspects that his physical ailment is the consequence of this dependency.
As soon as one is aware, using the technique of emotionally-shaped therapy, the meaninglessness of their "heroism" – it leads to disappointment, and investments get automatically. And for that you need to ask the Way and answer from the Image name to the question: "does he Need to be rescued and dragged on my back somewhere, maybe he's not going?"
The answer often frees man from psychosomatic medicine.
So, with the right technique "the Empty chair" is the return of invested "capital" back, the release and neutralization of the dependency object.Will sum up.
Not to run willingly in dependent relationships need to kill a romance in themselves
, adequately assess what is happening, not to create illusions, and "castles in the air", a sober look at the behavior and motives of people. Respect, above all, themselves, their interests and desires. To properly assess the actions of the partner, coming up with meanings for it.
Author: Olga Rybakina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©