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How to keep your temper when you’re excited
Description: Scientifically based and practically proven methods of regulating the emotional state in situations of increased stress, allowing you to maintain clarity of thinking and act effectively even in conditions of strong excitement.
Why do we lose our temper under the influence of excitement?
Modern life is rich in situations that cause excitement and anxiety: from important public speaking and business negotiations to personal conflicts and unforeseen problems. In times of stress, many of us seem to lose ourselves by making decisions that we later regret. This reaction is not just a whim of the psyche, but the result of complex neurobiological processes rooted in the evolutionary past of mankind.
When faced with a potential threat (which can be both an angry tiger and a disgruntled boss), our brains activate an ancient fight-or-flight mechanism, preparing the body for emergency action. Adrenaline and cortisol are released into the blood, heart rate increases, breathing becomes superficial, blood pours from the prefrontal cortex - the area responsible for rational thinking.
According to research by neuroscientists, in a state of strong excitement, activation of the amygdala (the emotional center of the brain) can actually block the work of the prefrontal cortex, responsible for making informed decisions. As a result, people literally lose access to their intellectual resources at a time when they are most needed.
Harvard University professor Amy Edmondson said: It is neurobiologically impossible to be in a state of extreme anxiety and simultaneously demonstrate maximum cognitive efficiency. It is like trying to apply the gas and brake at the same time.”
However, contrary to popular belief, a complete absence of excitement is not an optimal state. Back in 1908, psychologists Robert Yerkes and John Dodson described a pattern according to which moderate nervous arousal improves productivity, while excessive – catastrophically reduces it. This principle, known as the Yerkes-Dodson law, demonstrates that our goal should not be to eliminate anxiety, but to manage it.
Fundamental Principles of Preserving Self-control
Before proceeding to specific techniques, it is necessary to understand the key principles on which the ability to maintain self-control is built. They form a kind of “fundament”, without which individual techniques will be ineffective.
Awareness as the First Step to Control
Emotional self-regulation is based on the ability to recognize your condition in the early stages. Research in neuroscience shows that the very act of observing one’s emotions activates the prefrontal cortex, which can modulate amygdala responses. In other words, being aware of an emotion already weakens its power over us.
Developing the skill of early identification of signs of increasing excitement (frequent heartbeat, muscle tension, changes in breathing) creates a kind of “buffer zone” in which you still retain sufficient control to apply regulatory techniques.
According to the concept of a “window of tolerance”, proposed by Dr. Daniel Siegel, each person has a certain range of emotional arousal, within which he is able to function optimally. Going beyond the upper limit of this range leads to hyperactivation of the nervous system and loss of self-control. The ability to “track” your position relative to that boundary is a key element of emotional competence.
Acceptance instead of struggle
Paradoxically, actively combating anxiety often reinforces it. This phenomenon psychologists call “secondary stress” – we begin to experience anxiety about the very fact of anxiety, creating a vicious cycle of escalating emotions.
Full acceptance of the current emotional state, without attempting to deny or suppress it, creates the necessary space to apply constructive strategies. As Dr. Riess Harris, author of Acceptance and Commitment, notes, “It’s much more effective to say to yourself, ‘Yes, I’m worried right now, and that’s okay’ than to deal with the body’s natural response.”
Practical techniques for maintaining self-control
Consider specific techniques, the effectiveness of which is confirmed both by scientific research and long-term practice of their use by people in stressful professions – from surgeons and pilots to crisis negotiators.
Tactical breathing
Breathing is the only automatic physiological process that we can consciously control, making it a powerful tool for regulating the nervous system. Special breathing patterns can quickly reduce stress levels and return access to rational thinking.
The Square Breathing technique, borrowed from the training of elite military units, includes four equal phases: inhalation, delay, exhalation, delay - each lasting 4-5 seconds. Studies show that this pattern activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for resting and recovery, and can lower cortisol levels after 2-3 minutes of practice.
The 4-7-8 method, developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, is an even more powerful calming effect: inhale through the nose on count 4, delay on count 7, exhale through the mouth with a sound on count 8. Prolonged exhalation is a key element that triggers the parasympathetic reaction.
Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist at Harvard Medical School, found in his research that regular practice of controlled breathing not only helps to cope with acute stress, but also forms long-term resistance to it, changing brain activity patterns and reducing the baseline level of reactivity to stressors.
Cognitive reformulation
Cognitive behavioral therapy demonstrates that it is not the events themselves, but their interpretation, that elicits an emotional response. Reframing a situation is a powerful tool for managing anxiety. Consider the key strategies:
- Transforming threat into challenge. Interpreting a situation as a threat ("I can fail") triggers defensive responses, while perceiving it as a challenge ("It's an opportunity to test yourself") mobilizes resources. Research by Professor Jeremy Jamieson shows that a simple instruction to perceive symptoms of stress as a manifestation of the body’s readiness to act significantly improves cognitive performance in stressful situations.
- Distance. The technique of looking from the outside reduces emotional involvement. Addressing yourself in the third person ("Ivan will handle this task") activates more objective areas of the brain responsible for self-control, according to research by Ethan Cross of the University of Michigan.
- Temporary perspective. The question "Will it matter in a year?" quickly returns proportionality to perception. Neurobiological studies show that thinking about the future activates the prefrontal cortex, counteracting the emotional capture of thinking.
Anchornia technique
In moments of intense excitement, we often “lost touch” with the present moment, sinking into a cycle of anxious thoughts. Grounding or anchoring techniques take us back to the here and now, preventing an emotional spiral.
The 5-4-3-2-1 method, widely used in dealing with panic attacks, involves all the senses: you need to note 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 sounds you hear, 2 smells you feel, and 1 taste. This technique focuses attention on sensory sensations, interrupting cycles of negative thoughts.
Tactile anchors are especially effective in acute situations. For example, clenching a small object in the fist with a focus on sensations or applying moderate pressure to certain points activates the somatosensory cortex of the brain, switching attention from emotional experience to physical sensations.
Preparation and preventive strategies
As Seneca said, “Luck comes to the prepared mind.” Systematic preparation for potentially stressful situations significantly reduces the level of anxiety when they occur:
- Mental simulation. Studies involving athletes and surgeons show that detailed mental rehearsal of a difficult situation activates the same neural patterns as actual performance. This not only improves technical performance, but also reduces emotional reactivity at the time of the actual event.
- Preventive regulation of the physiological state. Maintaining stable blood glucose levels, sufficient hydration, and regular physical activity create a “physiological buffer” state that raises the threshold of a stress response. Studies show that even a 20-minute moderate aerobic exercise increases resistance to stress for the next 24 hours through the release of endorphins and neurotrophic factors.
Individualized approach to managing anxiety
It’s important to understand that there is no one-size-fits-all anxiety management strategy that suits everyone equally. Personality, temperament, and even genetic factors influence which techniques will be most effective in a particular case.
Studies in psychogenetics show varying degrees of sensitivity to stress in people with different gene variants associated with stress hormone processing. Approximately 20% of the population have a genetic predisposition to increased reactivity to stressors, which requires a more systematic approach to developing self-regulation skills.
According to the theory of emotional styles, developed by neuroscientist Richard Davidson, people differ in six key parameters of emotional response, including “resilience” (the speed of recovery from stress) and “mindfulness” (the ability to recognize subtle bodily signals). These differences determine which self-regulation techniques are most effective.
The practical approach to individualization is to create a personal “crisis plan” – a set of proven techniques, consistently located from the fastest (breathing techniques) to more complex (cognitive reformulation). Such a plan provides cognitive support in situations where the very ability to think clearly is temporarily impaired.
Developing long-term stress resilience
In addition to operational techniques, there are practices that systematically increase resilience to stress and the ability to maintain composure in the long run.
Regular mindfulness practice (mindfulness) has shown impressive results in neuroplasticity research. An eight-week mindfulness meditation program results in an increase in gray matter density in areas of the brain associated with self-awareness and emotional regulation, as well as a decrease in the amygdala responsible for the fight-or-flight response.
Exposure practice – systematic and controlled exposure to situations that cause moderate anxiety – creates a “stress vaccination” effect. A process known as “hormesis” shows that moderate stress under controlled conditions increases the body’s resistance to subsequent, more intense stressors.
Social support serves as a powerful buffer against stress. Studies show that even the simple presence of a trusted person nearby reduces cortisol production in stressful situations. Systematic networking is just as important as individual regulatory skills.
Conclusion
The ability to maintain self-control in moments of excitement is not an innate trait, but a developing skill based on an understanding of the neurobiological mechanisms of stress and the systematic practice of self-regulation techniques. The combination of quick tactical techniques with long-term strategies creates a comprehensive emotional state management system applicable in a wide range of situations.
It is important to remember that perfection in this field is unattainable – even the most trained professionals experience excitement from time to time. The difference lies in the speed of regaining control and the ability to function effectively despite the presence of emotions. As psychologist Susan David notes, “Emotional flexibility is not about never feeling anxious, it’s about not letting it determine your actions.”
Applying the techniques presented and adapting them to your individual characteristics, you can create a personal strategy for maintaining clarity of thinking even in the most turbulent emotional states.
Glossary of terms
The amygdala is a brain structure, part of the limbic system responsible for processing emotions, especially those associated with fear and anxiety.
The prefrontal cortex is the frontal lobe of the brain responsible for planning complex cognitive behaviors, making decisions, and regulating social behavior.
Cortisol, a steroid hormone produced by the adrenal glands in response to stress, regulates a wide range of processes in the body, including metabolism and immune response.
The Yerkes-Dodson law is an empirical dependence of the effectiveness of activity on the level of emotional arousal, according to which for each activity there is an optimal level of arousal.
Window of Tolerance is a concept proposed by D. Siegel, describing the optimal zone of excitation of the nervous system, in which a person can effectively process information and respond adequately.
The parasympathetic nervous system is a part of the autonomic nervous system responsible for the processes of recovery and regeneration of the body at rest (“rest and digestion”).
Cognitive reformulation is a psychological technique that involves changing the interpretation of a situation in order to change the emotional response to it.
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the nervous system to change its structure and function in response to internal and external factors.
Hormesis is a biological phenomenon in which the body shows a favorable response to exposure to low doses of a substance or factor that would be harmful in high doses.
Mindfulness is the psychological practice of directing attention to the experience of the present moment with acceptance and without judgment.
