Control only what is in your power

There is only one corner of the universe where you can be sure that the change for the better - and the area you are

. Aldous Huxley

Stress is not always the result of overloading, lack of feedback on the work done at the same time or the need to maintain multiple projects and fulfill its obligations. Stress begins when in certain circumstances demand that you impose exceed your ability to control them. The more control you have over the situation, the less you are tense, and vice versa.

Stress - it is not an outward sign, he is born in. This is not a hundredth of the account a message in your email. It is your perception - you feel that the load becomes excessive, and it is only a "beacon", signaling that it is time to stop and take a break. If the e-mail the bad news, for example, your project is not yet approved or rejected your offer, your body is under stress.

You are filled with anxiety about how it will affect your business reputation, future career and future salary. If the email you find mistakes made by your assistant, the stress caused by the anger that you experience due to an inability to control his actions.

Typically, such reactions are beyond the control of us. Most of them are predetermined our physiology. At a particular point in our brain triggers neurochemical mechanism of stress that creates our feelings and thoughts. Without even noticing, we fall into the power of their internal templates.

Stress comes from the inside, which means you the strength to learn to control it. Where to begin? Let's start with changing your attitude to what is happening.

Use the "internal control lever" to stop feeling like a victim of circumstances and to manage any situation. To do this, you will be required some effort to realize his first spontaneous reaction to what is happening, and to switch to the adoption of deliberate and targeted solutions.

By controlling the situation, you can affect the outcome. Performing actions aimed at gaining concentration and control, for example by adjusting their thoughts, slowing breathing, carefully choosing his words, or allocating time in the work schedule, you control your brain, the body and the situation in general.

When you are calm and confident, you will deal with the work, with ease solve problems and make fewer mistakes. Your relationships with others are formed more positively, and you can motivate them to achieve their goals.

Any of these mechanical actions may be the first step towards the increase of stress. Every time you gain control over at least a little, you agree to motivate themselves to further constructive action and as a result remain favorable within the helix.

Like a butterfly, which is one flick of the wing starts a chain reaction of events and change the world of the distant future, if you take into your own hands control of minor situations during the day, you will be able in the future to effectively overcome the way to the effectiveness of stress.

Of course, you have a wealth of life experience. You probably know that we should "only control what you can control." But are you aware of its control of the border? Do you use your "control lever" - especially in the heat of

? Control what can be controlled

Any problem consists of 50% of the factors that we can control, and the other 50% to our control (see. Fig. 2.1). Circumstances beyond our control include, for example, the macroeconomic situation, market trends, technological innovations, solutions management, traffic jams, epidemics and bankruptcy of foreign states.

But even on a personal level, there are many factors that affect that we can not - it's the tone of voice of the interlocutor, and that write to us via e-mail other


That transcends you, draws you like a magnet attracts metal. However, getting stuck on the factors that you can not control, you are automatically setting yourself up for stress and once again find yourself in a vicious circle, from which exit do not see.

First, let's define what part of the circumstances, you can take control, and which does not depend on you. Think of any ongoing situation that is causing your stress. Inside the circle, in Fig. 2.2 specify what circumstances you can control and what is not.

Remember that when you are caught in the grip of stress, you need to focus only on what is in your power to fix it. To do this, use the "rule of 50%", which I developed. Thanks to him, thousands of managers and owners of companies were able to increase resistance to stress and learn to come out victorious from any situation.

Take responsibility for "the half way»

This means that only you control what you can control, and thus bear for their actions solely responsible. Following this rule, you know exactly what your contribution is effective. In addition, you do not waste your time, energy and attention to the "other 50%" that are beyond you. "50% rule" makes you a master of the situation.

It also means that you have an incentive to further action. Do not expect that changes in conditions or the people around you. Instead, take responsibility for what you do. Changing your emotional or physical condition will allow you to "be part of the solution rather than part of the problem." To illustrate this theory cite three recent examples from my practice.

The first story.

My new client Vicky - the vice-president of a large company in the field of public health. Her boss often raises his voice breaks and her.

For Vicki is a real stress, control which it can not. So when Vicky tries to argue their actions, for which it is criticized, it is obtained too long-winded and unconvincing. As a result, she began to be afraid of working meetings, after which a long time to feel exhausted.

Vicky learned to fully control their "own 50%." She used the breathing techniques to keep calm, clarity of mind and not lose concentration during attacks of anger boss. She prepared and rehearsed a speech before the meeting, so that even in stormy discussions to express thoughts clearly and without much thought.

In addition, it was "adapted" their proposals under the boss's wishes. Vicky convinced herself that her boss is unable to control their emotions and that her "cry" has nothing to do with the competence of Wicca. Now, at business meetings, it radiates confidence and this helps it to work more efficiently.

A few weeks Vicki was able to convince the boss to follow its recommendations for the company in the large-scale reorganization. As a result, she has headed the combined unit! Vicki did not try to change the boss; she changed her attitude, your physiology and the approach to the problem. This is how the "rule of 50%»!

History of the second.

Earlier this week, I sent an e-mail client, who had previously invited me to conduct training for prospective employees of his company. The answer I needed at the end of the week, but I never received. You ever found yourself in a similar situation? I wanted to cry - I was on the verge of a tumble into his office and demand response

! And what have I done? I reviewed my first reaction and stopped blaming the client, which did not receive a timely response. I do not know what could have provoked the delay, so maybe his behavior was worthy of explanation. It lifted my stress.

I applied a breathing technique and analyzing alternatives, found a way out. I realized that the idea is too limited, and that the recipient of the letter was not the only person able to solve my problem. Of course, the company had other employees authorized to give me information on my question.

I also analyzed, whether they could not affect the response delay my own actions. I looked again sent a letter to make sure I was able to clearly communicate their ideas. Clearly if I put it when asked to send a letter of reply? Was my message persuasive? Whether that information provided by me as the interests of the company to motivate executives prompt response?

Applying these active self-management skills, I began to think positively. I have formed a plan of action, and thanks to this I felt fully aware of the situation. I regained composure, I switched to thinking about the meeting with the next customer. (Then - of course, only in order to fully implement "its 50%", - said immediately all those who contacted me recently, but still has not received an answer from me!)

History of the third.

After the webinar for its members to develop leaders among the women staff of cable and telecommunications companies I called Danielle, one of the participants of the seminar.

I asked her how she was able to apply the skills learned during the webinar. It turned out that these skills are surprisingly useful in her relationship with her husband. Danielle said that evening after the training they have happened a little quarrel, and, of course, she thought she was offended party.

Danielle confessed that about "50% rule" she remembered after being told her husband harshly. But the situation was not only his fault!

When Danielle is understood, he apologized and calmly expressed my opinion. In turn, her husband proposed a compromise, and the conflict was over. The next morning they both went to work in a good mood, even before such a misunderstanding would be turned into a protracted showdown.

Control what is in your power, "usually 50%»

When you concentrate on "their 50%" always starts from the point where you can make a difference - even if initially it seems impossible. There are three categories of mechanisms to get rid of stress.

Whatever the situation, you can always:

• change their attitude to the circumstances;
• adapt their physiological response;
• take measures to solve the problem.

The very feeling that you are able to control anything, reduces the likelihood of an inadequate response to stress, increasing your ability to handle stress. Such shifts in your emotional and physical condition motivate you to actively seek a way out, and not just try to silently tolerate or avoid any stress.

In fact, even a one-minute visualization of how you change the situation for the better, will fill you with positive emotions and reduce fear. The number of clients with whom I worked, exceeded six thousand, and now, I think very few people will be able to puzzle me a story about a stressful or "desperate" situation, when we are together we would not be able to identify about a dozen steps that could take my client to for a few seconds, minutes or days, drastically reduce your stress level, to gain control over the circumstances and achieve a favorable outcome.

However, here I want to emphasize that I am not suggesting that you control what you can control, just for the fact of control. Take responsibility for "their 50%" - so do not try to control what is going on below - half way through that pass you towards other

. I also do not recommend that you become overcautious and insist that any price to do everything on his own. The approach that I suggest, should be used for the realization of positive intentions to reduce stress and improve on the way to the cherished goal.

You need to accept the fact that everyone - including you - your own approach and demeanor. This will help you quickly overcome their differences and possible friction and reach a compromise. Just go back mentally in those moments when you feel at peak capacity. Most likely, you do not have the feeling of "control over the situation," is not it?

Q: What if I fully implement "its 50%", and the rest will not cope with its half

? A: This is a question on the merits! I recently sent his close friend the first version of this chapter and the next day received a reply from her: "All morning, my children, May and Kyle fighting. The moment of silence, I took her daughter aside and asked her to apply the concept of "50%", described in the book, to which she said: "This book is worth reading Kyle!" »

I know that in the life of each of you have a "Kyle": "I am a good employee, but my head does not support me", "I recommend to clients of their colleagues, and they, in turn, I do not recommend." In fact, it's not quite true.

Firstly, the fact that you do "their 50%" does not mean that the others do nothing. You do it because it is necessary for you. This is the only way to control stress and achieve a positive result. Remember the old story of how the world, when you hit the playground, but the teacher only sees your response.

Carrying out "their 50%", remember that, when the time comes to assess your reputation and achievements, will have a value of only your actions. When evaluating your track record will only be taken into account your personal actions.

Following the "50% rule" clarifies the complex relationship. Always start with the action that you the strength and which can rectify the situation. Try to make sure that your efforts produce results.

Often, people have long used ineffective strategies, and then decide that nothing can be remedied. If even after you have completed "their 50%" in your environment, or interrelations all remained the same, from this we can conclude that at the moment a certain person or situation is simply incapable of change.

EPER you have any information that will help you make a choice: to continue in the same spirit, or seek an alternative. Often it is our inability to stop, having reached that tipping point, and translates a situation or relationship in the phase of chronic stress. And this stress you impose themselves!

Usually (but not always) the force on the side of truth. There comes a time when a person who does not seek to carry out "their 50%" reaping the benefits of this approach.

In terms of spirituality, we can not enter into the global plan of the Creator and the universe. Perhaps, eventually that person will get their just deserts. Maybe he had already encountered problems about which you do not know. But you can not control it, and so you do not have to worry about it. Your task - to operate as efficiently as possible in the proposed terms or to change themselves or the circumstances to which you can influence

. Q: What are the benefits that I responsibly perform their "own 50%"?

A: Perhaps, such an approach seems cumbersome to you. In fact, after some practice it will enter you into the habit and will not require much effort or time consuming. No need to be "perfect" - just think before you do

. The effort pays off handsomely. Every time you try to fully implement "its 50% ', you reduce your stress levels and get up on the way to achieve this goal. This approach allows you to become master of the situation.

You build trusting relationships with others, listen to your opinion. After a while you get a reputation among colleagues, friends and acquaintances. All around know whether you keep the word and promises, if you give something in return, or just prefer to receive. If you are always trying to pass the half way, people tend to listen to your point of view in a conflict situation.

According to a long-term study, people who are responsible for their successes and failures, often taking active steps, while people who believe that their life is predetermined by external forces such as luck or fate, are often lost in a stressful situation .

The ability to "switch" themselves in the best mental and physical state, and strongly react to the problem gives you the strength every day to achieve maximum results. At this pay attention to your colleagues, managers, customers and business partners. Каждый раз, когда вам удается сохранить спокойствие в стрессовой ситуации, ваши отношения с окружающими улучшаются, а уважение к вам растет.

Есть еще одно бесценное преимущество: вы по праву сможете гордиться собой, а не переживать по поводу того, что думают о вас окружающие. Итак, все просто: если хотите сохранять хладнокровие, излучать уверенность и эффективно действовать даже в стрессовой ситуации, вам нужно контролировать то, что вы в силах контролировать.


Научитесь определять ориентиры, в этом вам поможет упражнение под условным названием «Идеальный день». Его цель заключается в том, чтобы вы четко представили картину своих возможных действий и достигнутых результатов. Сначала опишите свой идеальный рабочий день.

К примеру, что бы вы делали или не делали, на что у вас хватило бы времени и чего вы смогли бы добиться (или не добиться). Сконцентрируйтесь на своих чувствах и опыте — чем больше деталей, тем лучше. Как правило, большинство людей считают свой рабочий день идеальным, если они полностью контролируют ситуацию, следуя «правилу 50%».

Затем вспомните свой обычный рабочий день и сравните эти два описания — вы будете поражены, насколько большая между ними разница. Многие участники моих тренингов по развитию психологической устойчивости обращали внимание на то, что в графике идеального рабочего дня они выделяли достаточно времени на переосмысление и анализ своих действий, тогда как их обычный рабочий день состоял сплошь из срочных задач и деловых встреч.

Осознав это, они старались изменить свой график так, чтобы в нем появилось «окно» для спокойного анализа происходящего. Это помогло им сфокусировать усилия лишь на той работе, которая ведет их к намеченной цели, — сегодня это успешные лидеры и руководители компаний.

Описание идеального рабочего дня всегда должно быть у вас перед глазами — это антидот бесконтрольному хаосу вашего обычного рабочего дня. Ясная картина действий не позволит вам отклониться от намеченного пути — в итоге каждый ваш день будет идеальным. Это не означает, что вас внезапно перестанут отвлекать или что больше не будет кризисов. Это также не значит, что у вас станет меньше дел. Но если вы воспользуетесь методиками, представленными на страницах этой книги, вы научитесь контролировать свою часть работы, что постепенно поможет вам прийти к идеальному рабочему дню.

«Правило 50%» меняет ваше отношение к жизни — вы больше не жертва обстоятельств, отныне ваша судьба в ваших руках. Помните, что не стоит избегать стрессовых ситуаций и ждать, пока все само собой образуется. Вместо этого проявите инициативу и сделайте то, что в ваших силах. Добросовестно проделайте работу на «своей половине пути», и другие последуют вашему примеру.


Проанализируйте сложную или стрессовую ситуацию, с которой вы сегодня столкнулись. При помощи рис. 2.2 разложите ситуацию на составляющие: выделите те факторы, которыми вы можете управлять, и те обстоятельства, которые от вас не зависят. Сконцентрируйтесь на той половине, которую вы можете контролировать, и составьте план действий, которые вы можете предпринять в ближайшее время, чтобы решить проблему.

Выделите три минуты и опишите ваш идеальный рабочий день. Укажите, как вы распределяете время, каких результатов добиваетесь, что вы чувствуете в течение дня, как складываются ваши отношения с окружающими. Поместите это описание на видное место. Старайтесь приблизить свой обычный рабочий день к идеальному.


Вам всегда доступен «внутренний рычаг контроля», который помогает преодолеть первую непроизвольную реакцию на ситуацию и переключиться на хладнокровный анализ обстоятельств. Любое предпринятое вами усилие, даже самое незначительное, приведет к снижению уровня стресса. Результат вы увидите сразу: проблема либо решится, либо вам будет проще ею управлять.

Любую стрессовую или сложную ситуацию можно разложить на факторы, которые вы можете контролировать и повлиять на которые не в ваших силах. Сконцентрируйтесь на том, что зависит от вас, и решительно действуйте в этом направлении.

«Правило 50%» («Несите полную ответственность за «свою половину пути») — следование этому правилу поможет вам существенно повысить стрессоустойчивость и эффективность работы.

Соблюдайте «правило 50%», даже когда другие ему не следуют. Независимо от их поведения, только ваши действия предопределяют ваш успех и уровень энергии. Преимущества «правила 50%»: обретение доверия, надежности, уверенности в себе и повышение стрессоустойчивости. Помните: ваши усилия всегда окупаются сторицей.

Когда вы четко сформулировали план действий, вы начинаете двигаться прямиком к намеченной цели. Упражнение «Идеальный рабочий день» поможет вам расставить приоритеты в течение рабочего дня и следовать им, добиваясь желаемого результата.

Глава из книги «Стрессоустойчивость»

Автор: Шэрон Мельник


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