How to learn to make decisions

That's how life is, that we will perforce have to make different decisions. These solutions can be different in its complexity and significance. In some cases, we accept simple solutions, for example in a supermarket we decide what to buy cookies, or some sausage to stay.

There's a bit more complex solutions, such as which car to choose or what pokleit wallpaper in the bedroom. And there are serious decisions, the adoption or rejection of which can dramatically change a person's life. It is usually fatal decisions, which include the choice of way of life, marriage, a new job, starting a business, investment of money, etc.

Some people are hard to even simple decisions, and the person may month reflect on what color blouse choose. Someone easily tested with lightweight solutions and "hangs" on important decisions. Different people in different ways. Probably most people would agree with me that the ability to make competent decisions, the ability to take their time largely determines the success of a person in life, and the very quality of life.

However, quite often in my practice I was confronted with the fact that a person is very difficult to make decisions. Above all, this applies to decisions related to his fate, that is important and fateful decisions. Therefore, in this section we analyze the psychological mechanisms of decision-making. Why are people suffering in indecision, and will try to formulate some rules of decision-making.

An act or how we begin to act

Classic volitional act consists of the following stages:

The emergence of demand (motive)

Fighting motives



Implementation Plan Feedback (such feedback loops can be several)


plan The implementation of the adjusted plan

Meeting the needs of

In this section we will focus only on the first three paragraphs, and special attention is given to the second and third point.

A person usually does something only if he has a kind of unmet need, therefore any action begins with the appearance of a motive to satisfy one of our needs.

But the need to have more than one person. We have many needs, and when there is a new theme, it is sure to be to compete with our other motives for which one will be satisfied first. Therefore, in any case, before proceeding to the action stage we are going through the struggle of motives. And well, if these motives are very different in its significance.

Remember, there was a film with Faina Ranevskaya "foundling". There's a little girl heroine Ranevskaya asked questions: Girl, what do you want? At the cottage? Or to your head torn off? Of course, when the question is posed struggle motives will not. Rather, it is sure to be, but this stage is over pretty quickly, because motives are not comparable in its significance and power.

An avid fan of watching football. World Cup Final. Interesting match. Suddenly he feels the need to go to the toilet. But still not too impatient, and in combating the motives of the campaign in a toilet loses desire to see an interesting match.

Time passes, and campaign relevance to the toilet gradually increases. The motive is gaining strength and is becoming comparable with the desire to watch the match. Our fan suffers struggle of motives, and even jumped a couple of times to satisfy vanity motive, but another dangerous moment on the pitch made him go back.

Finally he realizes that further pull from going to the toilet and you can not fight motifs ends the decision to run to the toilet because fan understands that the consequences of not implementing such a strong motive can lead to tragic consequences. Decision is made. Now, without any doubt, he runs to the bathroom. After satisfying this need, it immediately loses its force and the fore once again the need to look beyond football.

If more or less clear with toilet and football, what happens when the power of motives not equivalent, and the consequences are not so obvious. Very often, in this case the person is stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives.

Conflict of motives

What determines the speed of passage of stages of struggle of motives? For example, a person somewhere running for more than five years at one place. And suddenly he was invited to work in another organization. Sometimes he even he was looking for a new job, was interviewed, I received an invitation to a new job and suddenly ... Suddenly strongly doubted, and there is a sense of such a transition. It may still remain at the old place of work.

Or people work hired employee, but for several years nurturing the idea of ​​the business. And then he offered to become a partner and go to the free swimming. And get scared, he loses his calm, nervous, exhausts itself and can not be solved. While here it is a dream, just around the corner.

The rate of passage of stage combat motivation depends on several factors:

If the motives are not comparable in strength (one motive significantly stronger than the other), then the conflict of motives is fast and ends in favor of a stronger motive. Remember in the movie "The Foundling" heroine Faina Ranevskaya asked the girl: "Tell me girl. Do you want to the country or to tear off your head? ". Naturally in this case the fight motive is not. Many decisions we take, without getting stuck in the struggle of motives, because the motives are too different in strength.

If both are important motive and the same in strength, we are trying to see the final result, which will follow the adoption of a decision. Of course, a person will be easier to decide if he will ensure that he will make the right decision, and it definitely will bring it to success.

For example, if a person who can not decide on the transition to a new job, someone will come and say that the transition must Vasya. A year later, you will improve, you will be two deputy director of a large salary, and after five you will be companion. And all this is to say the person who can be trusted, which is the authoritative predictor predictions which come true for 100%, the struggle of motives as such will not be. Rather, it quickly end.

Or, on the contrary, the same reputable forecaster says that we should not go into this company. You were deceived, there is atmosphere in the team is terrible, no prospects, and so on, the struggle of motives, too, will not, because It will be understood by the final result.

At this point there is a BUT. We can not always see the end result, the consequences of our decision. Most decisions suggest that they may be unsuccessful. The man understands it, so stuck in the stage of the struggle of motives, trying to see the end result and not take any decision. Or decides that five minutes is changed to another, and ten minutes later the third. Thus, stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives for the following reasons:

Man seeks to take only those decisions that are one hundred percent guarantee him success. He seems to say, I am ready to make this decision, but I promise that I will succeed. Because no such guarantee can not give, then the person is stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives, trying to get to see the guarantee.

This explains the desire to constantly indecisive people to discuss their concerns with others and to consult with everyone. Like others may see in the future that he can not. In fact, a person gathers reviews to verify the correctness of the decision.

Even after the decision, any negative assessment of the outlook on the part of important people can throw a person on stage in the struggle of motives.

The desire to play only for certain results in passivity and constant emotional stress, the causes of which will be discussed later.

The reasons for getting stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives connected with the fear of failure, which leads to a drop in self-esteem.

If a man understands that a guarantee of success give him no one can. If he realizes that perhaps the decision will be sub-optimal, and the events will unfold on pessimistic scenario.

If he assessed the risks and realizes that perhaps the events will develop not because I wanted to, but it will not lead to fatal consequences, then the person will not suffer at the stage of the struggle of motives, and calculates the options and make a decision, realizing that perhaps this decision It may not be completely successful. Man is not afraid of failure, because He considers that no errors can not be learning anything. And this failure will not affect his self-esteem.

Emotional background STAGE COMBAT MOTIVES

Preference there is a saying: the demolition decided, the player amused. Who is playing at cards, he will understand this saying. When the decision is made, it becomes easier.

And what happens to a person at the stage of the struggle of motives? Why say that, well, he is tormented with the choice? Why suffer? Yes, because he does not know the consequences of their decisions or lack of decisions. Formed shortage information, and lack of information, as is known, leads to anxiety. That anxiety defines the emotional background of the person on the stage of the struggle of motives.

Anxiety is very distressing to a man she just produces it. Therefore, a person who is on the stage of the struggle of motives is often very nervous. And at the same time, he listens with interest all the information regarding his situation since Only this information enables the alarm to remove. This is partly due to the desire to consult with all, because the opinions of others, in some cases make it possible to muffle the alarm.


We often seek help from people who want to find their place in life, his calling. In most cases, they choose from several options, but only want to focus on one. The main concerns related to the selection of one or another way related to the fact that a person is afraid that he will go on this way, and after some time he realizes that was wrong with the choice of the way. As a result, people get stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives and does not actually do anything to try to find the only correct option.

So what solution wants to take the man? He wants to take the right decision and one for a lifetime. That is, people want to take NEPERESMATRIVAEMOE SOLUTION. If we made a decision, then it is required to implement throughout their lives.

Agree, very responsible to make a decision for life, which can not be reviewed. Choosing a life partner for many turns in this version, does not revise the decision of a lifetime. Naturally, it takes such a decision a responsible and serious.

In my opinion, this is the wrong approach to decision making. And when making a decision, it is easier to focus on what I have to make decisions that could be reviewed. Then, if I had taken earlier bad decision, something I can from him to give another solution, at the same time, the new solution also needs to be considered as revised from.

If I made a decision that you need to get married once in a lifetime and long hesitated to marry, but then I realized that I did not want to be with this person, when not revise the decision, I will "live and suffer." If the decision is reviewed, I admit that I was wrong, and I will look for a more suitable companion.


I have plans to write a separate article about the adaptability, because of its high prevalence, so in this section I consider adaptability only in the context of the decision. Because the ability to make a decision it is also a skill and like any skill it needs to accumulate.

The man who was raised in terms of adaptability, has no such skill. Since childhood, he made it clear that your desires do not matter here, and parents know better how to live in this world. We must pay tribute to what the parents really better children know what to do to get it right. They do not give the child to make independent decisions, and forced the child to carry out the decisions that they take for it.

The most disgusting in this situation that the first decision of parents really better than the children's decision, which is understandable in principle. But in the end the child did not learn the skills of decision making and skill getting errors. Own mistakes. Eventually there comes a time when you need to make their own decisions, and to do this there is nothing, because skill just is not formed. And here are two outputs, or find someone who will take the decision, or to sit on the horns of alternatives. And any, even a primitive solution is given enormous effort.


Decision-making is a skill that is desirable to form a child. Who is the process failed in his youth, to pass it as an adult. There will be mistakes. But no other way.

Any decision may be erroneous. Only strong people understand that the error is an experience that develops them. Indecisive take it as a personal defeat that accompanied the fall of self-esteem, a sense of failure, self-flagellation. Need to work on self-esteem, to problems and failures do not lead to its downfall.

The desire to make a decision that guarantees success, leading to the abandonment of a decision. When a person refuses the choice, it is also a choice. The choice to leave everything as it is. This is one of the reasons for inactivity.

Take any decision like as revised and corrected. Price decision once and for all life is too high. On it is very difficult to decide.

Learn in time to fix damages if the decision was wrong. In time to get out of the relationship, if it became clear that it is "not your partner." In time to change jobs, if you see the futility of it.

Come to a decision rationally. Consider all the options and calculate the risks. Try as much as possible to remove the emotion from the decision process.


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