How to live with a man who is afraid of everything

Modern understanding of our social culture coward The concept is sharply negative and worthy of all condemnation. Masculinity, fearlessness, the ability to control the situation and so on. These are the qualities that an ideal man should have, according to most people. But what if they simply do not exist?



One of the readers shared with "Site" with his painful history. Her man does not meet the modern requirements of a “real man”. And this worries her very much, because in everyday life or in working moments it is too catchy. What to do in this case and how to act. As they say, the heart cannot be commanded.

My husband and I are 8 years apart. I'm 53. As far as age is concerned, everything is fine. The problem is different. He is afraid of everything and does not trust anyone. At work, everyone wants to take his place. Although, to be honest, the salary of Igor (let’s call him that) is not a good thing. You can't take out the trash in the evening. It'll bring trouble.



All women, in his opinion, want only one thing: first to occupy, and then divide or even take away his apartment after a divorce. I don't understand how it's possible if, at 45, Igor is still living with his mother. The reason is trivial: not enough salary to rent a private apartment.

He's a good man, though. He's been wanting a family for a long time. He likes to repair old Soviet equipment. He knows by heart where, when, and at what factory a radio, TV, or some retro refrigerator was made. I've never seen anyone like Igor in my life. But I'm pretty tired of his fears.



As you can see, we meet at my place, but sometimes we visit him. I know his mother very well, we are even friends. But there can be no question of Igor moving to me. Even though I'm lonely, I wouldn't be happy with that. First, the salary. Keeping a man at my age is a moveton. Secondly, his constant fear and insecurity. There's no power.

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I have absolutely no answer to how such a wonderful, intelligent, suave person can be so intimidated. He's primarily a man. It's been a long time. And I'm fine with him. But that's before his first reaction, like, "Oh, my head hurts, no matter how it's the first bell," or "you know, stray dogs are always walking near my house - maybe lend me money, I'll take a taxi, I don't want to walk home at night."

Can you help me understand what this could be?

First of all, it should be understood that everyday “cowardice” in this case is not comparable with real cowardice. That is, perhaps, in case of real danger Igor can act as a very courageous person. Fire, bullies, other real threats. Especially since the letter says that he is a good man.

But, of course, we see a little male infantility. Immature. To find out the root of this problem will help psychologists or perhaps even psychiatrists. It would be interesting to hear about Igor’s childhood and his relationship with his father. What kind of atmosphere reigns at work and in general, who he works, if money is so lacking.



I think this information certainly wouldn’t hurt. There is a very unpleasant ailment. paranoid personality disorder. The symptoms are very similar to the case of Igor. So maybe his reaction is not cowardice or cowardice. These could be signals of illness.

In addition, I would like to clarify who Igor thinks you are in a relationship? If you say that you are friends with his mother, just pay attention to how he behaves with her. Other behaviors may be used there. As a son, he can, on the contrary, show false courage and care. It's an important factor.

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To summarize, I would like to say that a professional psychologist will help to understand the situation. At least he is able to ask the right questions. There are no unsolvable problems, but to fully understand them, you need to identify the root. Do not be lazy and go to the specialists. Good luck to you!