How to remain a man in a woman's world

This article was provocative and not very pleasant to read, most likely it will cause you a lot of protest and resentment. It is intended mainly for women and mothers who have sons, although it concerns everyone. So there you go ...

Now many say that we all, regardless of sex, forced to live in a man's world and men's rules. There was an incredible amount of practice and a guru female disclosure inner "goddess" in this cruel world, which do not give "to bloom and smell as" evil men.

However, if you look into the problem deeply enough, it turns out that we have a long time do not live in a male and female in the world, and "power" are not captured the best of his representatives. But first things first.




The lack of paternal love or welcome to the female world

Just like always begins at birth. The boy, from its birth, very often surrounded by women - my mother, a kindergarten teacher, the nurse, the teacher, - these are the people that have a major impact on the formation and development. The bulk of information about themselves, and that is life, men receive from women. All the values, ideals, patterns of conduct of men tell and explain women. So in what world we live in today? The answer is obvious.

Initially, the family's mother teaches much larger and has a more powerful effect than the father. Fathers of families for various reasons, are fenced off from the education of children, and immediately after the birth of trying not to take part in it. Looking ahead to say that this is the fatal mistake of all fathers. The reasons for such behavior can be many: a fathers not interested in messing around with little to innocent lump, others are afraid to approach him and they are all waiting for this hour, when my son grows up and that's when ... Many of the fathers of the family and does believe that "it's not masculine occupation to educate children. " There are couples in which the mother and baby's first days of life, do push the father of education, not trusting him even basic care.

A little grown up, boy, accustomed to the constant contact with his mother (and other women of the family) and the absence of the Pope, is not specifically configured to communicate with his father, he just was not used. The boy had already developed some of the reaction, which he took over from the women, it was brought up, and the periodic appearance of the Pope on the horizon with shouts: "You Th like a woman behaving ?! Be a man! "Only aggravate the situation. In addition to these cries dad really can neither tell nor show what it means to "be a man" than "do not roar" and "be patient." Women certainly can tell who the real man in their subjective views, but they are likely to be given a list of its unfulfilled fantasies, which is also not particularly reflect the essence of real men.

Often women who are bringing up the boy, put him here are in a dead end: all the words and actions they show that his father was not a real man, not a man at all ( "you are not a man, and a rag", "... half-baked", "you're always can not do anything "), thereby completely eliminating its small but intense world of decent male image (mother - not a man, father - not a man, and who then, I?). Due to his father's disability (real or so his mother says), the relationship with the mother of his son becomes even stronger.

Children always learn better images than words and constant example before your eyes on "being a man" it is simply necessary. Let's break that sees an ordinary boy in real life: all the questions in the family decides mother (at least the last word always her) family budget guides also mother (if the mother in the family earns more than his father, he is all it still gives all salary), social life of the family runs the same mother (and whose birthday is on the right, when and to whom to go for a visit), communication from the heart also occurs with the mother (someone lucky in this respect more someone less), almost no father is not involved emotionally in the life of his son. Where is this all a sample of men and head of the family for a little boy?

How to become gay

Another fatal mistake of fathers is that they do not take the emotional involvement in the education of sons, do not show them the senses, do not share with them their problems and failures, do not teach them by example how to find out, to rise again after the failure of remaining man . Men's world really called brutal not just in the company of men not made manifest to each other attention and sympathy, share problems even between the closest - father and son, and in fact and feeling, and sympathy and a desire to share with someone from this do not disappear. One of our friend after his son's birth, even said that he would not kiss a newborn, either now or in the future, because he's a boy and a man, even if his father can not kiss a boy! As it is not terrible, but it was their fathers rigor, lack of healthy affection for his son and pushed him into the very "blue hole", which are so afraid of. Let me explain why: the father's love and affection there and that's fine, in fact it is necessary to the boy, he must learn to love and to express their feelings just as a man, and he can do so only looking as it does his father. And it turns out that his father was emotionally cold example of expressing the emotions of a young man receives only two mother-and out of this situation: either to restrain the father, or to begin to show himself as a woman. Plus, the added huge frustration from lack of fatherly love, that young men and looking for it in other men.

Subject or gay men, men do not feel very extensive, so we open it wider. Mothers often try to realize their unlived lives through their children, and not so bad if it's a girl, and if the boy? Why did he realize the unlived life of another woman, even if she is the mother? This fact and its consequences no one thinks, especially mothers.

Influence of mother's courage

A mother's love - a powerful weapon, but when it is a weapon used against the child - it destroys the life of both. Mothers are their overt desire to manipulate his sons as care and love. They are unconsciously trying to maintain psychological control over his sons until old age. Methods for this purpose are chosen different:

This can be through the threat of health (I was seriously ill, I need your help, preferably free of charge and around the clock),
manipulation of inheritance (do not you love your mother, do not appreciate all that I do, if you do not change for you - the legacy will not leave),
attempts to live and satisfy his unrealized ambitions through his son (I dreamed that ... Ah, if ...),
imposing son responsible for their own happiness and well-being (if you ... I would be happy).

Thus it turns out that the psychological impact of a mother at her son is so strong that he could only see the world through her eyes and, as though he did not deny its value, it is still a mismatch for them, he will feel guilty.

Many psychologists say that nepovzroslevshie men have been unable to get rid of psychological care, looking for a partner who could be their mother, "good breast". For a long time, and so it was, but in the last few years we have seen a change in this trend in a completely different and unexpected direction. Watching many families and couples, we concluded: still alive in at least some love for the mother and the hope that she finally be able to love and accept unconditionally - a man will look for a woman-a mother who will give him all this
<. br> In recent years, inter-generational tension has increased so much that instead of a desperate attempt to feel maternal love and care, the young men completely reject both the mother and all the women. They oversaturated maternal "love" so that their gate and some of it is pushing for same-sex relationships. In this situation, it is a father's love shortfall still has value to them and that they want to receive it. But in our society it is not accepted between men or the expression of feelings, or conversations on the souls and it puts young people into a dead end.

Stereotypes and attitudes

The interest of men to sports, active girls (Girl tomboy) is not involved in traditional women's occupations, also originates from a lack of attention to his father.

"They have more fun with them more interesting to talk to, discuss politics or any other topic, go to the mountains, not the fact that these" stupid ovulyashki "- say the men, but in fact all of these things are male friends, but women - just another

. Men are afraid of intimacy with other men, both emotionally and spiritually. They are afraid that their friendship not understand, they are afraid to open up to the man, to discuss other fears, problems or fragile hope, but the woman is the most tomboy. This girl is endowed with a number of masculine traits and chat with her gives satisfaction and the relationship will not be censured by society. Topics on which men can talk to women, simply prohibited between a man and a man (as with a woman a woman can talk about anything). Conduct an experiment: imagine that you (male) embraced another man (it does not matter for what reason), the first thought that probably comes to mind - "everyone will think I'm gay." Did you cry in front of another man, without feeling humiliated? Or you can not cry at all in someone's presence? But sometimes you want to cry, and there are reasons.

The image of this man

Many generations formed the image of a "real man", let's finally look at him. So, a real man:

silent (idle talk only women),
strong,
all suffering,
on what does not complain (snivel only women),
It solves problems faster than they appear (of course for everyone, even for a second cousin of his wife, who had never in my life seen not help -. lose man status),
everything is always kept under control (well, clear the stump, he is a man!),
fucks everything that moves (all men should want to always and everywhere, you do not want - do you mean a fagot or impotent),
not sentimental, even rude (all calf tenderness neither male horse).

The list is long, but it seems to us to have enough ;-)

As a consequence of all this, man must constantly prove to himself that he is a man. He had all the time to prove their strength and masculinity. In fact, many men are concerned ... not because polygamy is inherent in their nature, but because they do not consider themselves to be men, and need constant confirmation of their masculinity from the outside. A man does not feel like a man just by birth, he was inspired that man still needs to be that it does not happen naturally. It adds fuel to the fire that is constantly on the horizon (cinema, television, literature) looming image of a "real man", implying that everyone else is not present by default. In fact, men fall into the hopeless situation of complete loneliness and endless need to work on the image of this man, rather than simply provide it.

What makes a man? How to feel like "a man" is not fell into the mad race for the vicious circle "should" and "do not you dare?" The answer already suggests itself: it is necessary not only to get rid of all artificial notions of masculinity (and femininity as well), all the images and stereotypes that accompany this virility, but also to restore the male energy. It is necessary to get rid of feelings of shame and guilt for the expression of feelings, emotions and mismatch "masculine" qualities. It is necessary to solve all the problems and misunderstandings with her mother and father (as well as with the family) - it helps to take a both male and female part, to bring them to the energy balance.