Think of your last a fight with him. Unpleasant memory, right? He was angry and barely restrained so as not to yell. You looked at your man and couldn't understand: it's your favorite or some stranger who doesn't understand you? A lump of resentment and anger stuck in his throat and a wave of feelings swept over you: the words themselves escape.
Congratulations, dear, you lost control over the situation. Summary — the problem discussed is not solved, the atmosphere in the house is tense, the relationship is ruined. Does this sound familiar? Know that I am. So I decided to write this article to tell you that there are 10 phrases that are worth avoiding when you have a man a serious conversation.
Excluding them, you can better understand each other and get a completely different result. Not to bring the relationship to a situation when a headache over the question of "why a man goes". Because I want you to be happy and able to properly and ladylike to behave even in conflict situations.
Here I will give examples of phrases that you should erase it if you want next time, the conflict has not outgrown in scandal.Phrase No. 1. “I don't care what you want”
When all the arguments are over, you instinctively may try to avoid conflict by saying something like: “I don't care. I want to so let it be so.”
When you realize that your man's going to get offended or get mad, it really can be quite scary. But the ability together to find solutions to problems is part of a strong relationship. After all, real intimacy is not just about warm and tender feelings. It's more about the ability to give to others to feel safe so that you can even be angry. And it is the sign of a healthy relationship.
Next time don't say you don't care, don't avoid the conflict, but be patient and hear him out till the end.Phrase No. 2. “Yes, silly!”
When you lead the conversation in the key of “I am right, you're wrong” is always a losing option. Start the conversation with what you agree, and then add their vision of the situation, saying: “And you can look at it from the other side. Let's see...”.
So you show that your opinion of men is important to you, and you will have more chance to come to a common decision that will satisfy both.Phrase No. 3. “Excellent! Just super!”
Let's not sarcasm. The effectiveness of the zero, and to undermine the confidence he is able to very good. It's sort of a passive-aggressive way to Express their opinion, which is still not clear partner. Better to frankly and honestly tell the man what you think.
Sarcasm can only heat up the already very heated feelings. You have a completely different purpose. Take away the sarcastic remarks out of the conversation and he will be successful.Phrase No. 4. “You never...”
When you tell a man “you always” or “you never”, you're making him defensive and making excuses. Better don't blame, and try to explain to him your feelings. For example, instead of: “are You always so slow going that we are always late to friends”, say something like: “Every time we're late, I worry that our friends will resent us.”
Generally, the phrases “always” and “never” better to remove from your vocabulary — they add drama to any conversation.Phrase No. 5. “Calm down! Calm down already!”
Don't say that man. Just don't tell.
This soothing phrase can cause quite the opposite effect. Because it is a psychological barrier, which can be expressed by the phrase: “I can't stand it that you're upset or angry.”
One of the main principles of a strong relationship is to give your partner a chance to Express feelings. All feelings, even negative.
So instead of trying to calm the man, it is better to sincerely ask him why he is angry or upset.Phrase No. 6. “But...”
By default, it denies all that this man said.
Short “but” deletes everything that was said before, as a key “Backspace” on the keyboard. You don't like it when you said dissolves in the air, before they reach the ears of your man or is left without his attention? Just as he is.
In place of “but” put in your response the words “and” or “at the same time.” The meaning of the message will not change. At the same time, this form of communication will seem to your man more pleasing to the ear. So you'll show that his opinion matters to you and gently Express your point of view might be quite the opposite.Phrase No. 7. “Let's stop here”
Quarrel = stress. And one can understand if one of you wants to stop and exhale. But when the irritation is off the charts, you just can't stop talking.
And yet you can tell the man that you need a break. Tell him that “I need to take time out and digest it all. I promise we'll come back to this and talk about peace.”Phrase No. 8. “You're such a #$%*&!”
Even if your man in conversation “clicks” on your most sore point, don't do the same in return. And the name calling — it is to go the limit. It's about the humiliation of the men, and not about solving problems.
You have to remember that the whole conversation started not to exercise the ability to offend the other person. The purpose of your communication is to find a solution. Focus on yourself and send this to the attention of men.
Phrase No. 9. “Well, why do we have such a complicated relationship?”
Who told you that relationships are easy? Maybe a movie and easy, but not in real life. Over them and a need to work.
If your relationship is going through hard times, seek help. This can be a family psychologist and expert in relationships. And don't take this as an extreme measure. This is not so. Look at it as an opportunity to learn how to communicate effectively with your man, understand him better and gently but wisely to manage your relationship.
Phrase No. 10. “I guess I should just leave”
Hint at the breakup is the worst thing you can do in a conflict situation. These words you cut off large pieces from the pie trust in your relationship, especially if you're threatening to “end” after every quarrel or even every time, when you're angry.
Think of a conflict with a man, not as the end but as a new opportunity to make your relationship stronger.
When a man gives his opinion, which does not coincide with yours, remember that at this very moment, when he looks at you and says, he expects you to hear and understand.
You may not agree with him, but you don't have from him to talk about it — to answer the argument on the argument. Stop and just say, “whatever you say. I can hear you. I know what you mean”.
I sincerely hope that my tips will help you. The next time you will need to discuss the problem with you man, I'm sure you remember my words and hold a conversation as I can only the wise women.And remember: the man most in need of your love when we least deserve it. Conflict — this is the situation.
A relationship of trust. How to create trust relationship? published
Author: Yaroslav Samoylov
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