With this action, girls ruin relationships!

Description: This article discusses one of the most destructive actions that girls (and others) often commit in relationships. This behavior undermines trust and understanding, leads to conflict and can lead to separation.



When it comes to the causes of separations or conflicts in relationships, we often hear about incompatibility of characters, lack of understanding or inattention of partners to each other. However, there are more subtle, almost imperceptible at first glance patterns of behavior that begin to undermine the union from the inside. And very often they are the “last straw” that leads to a break. In this article, we will talk in detail about the most destructive action that girls often perform in a couple without realizing it. We will examine why such behavior is dangerous to stability and trust, and suggest ways to avoid such a mistake in the future.

Introduction: Invisible Relationship Destroyers
If you look at the statistics of divorces and breakups, you can see that many couples do not break up because they “lost love” or faced insurmountable difficulties. Often a relationship ends due to a series of minor conflicts, omissions, or passive-aggressive behavior of one of the partners. It is this gradually accumulating negativity that can deprive a couple of mutual trust and the desire to go to a common goal. According to many psychologists, “a drop of stone sharpens” – the same action, repeated over time, can cause fatal damage to a partnership.
But what exactly is this notorious “action”? We are talking about a manner of behavior that seems to motivate or “re-educate” the partner, but in fact leads only to resentment, alienation and lack of warmth in the relationship. Such behavior often arises from well-meaning: “I wanted him to understand how much I was hurting,” “I wanted to pay attention to my problem.” But the real effect is exactly the opposite.



Main part

1. Ignorance and silent punishment
Many have heard of the so-called silent treatment, or silent treatment, when one partner consciously ceases to communicate, completely ignores the other, tries to emphasize his dissatisfaction or resentment, but does not name the reasons. Such a “technique” may seem convenient: no shouting, no open conflicts, and the partner “must guess for himself what happened.” In practice, this behavior has a devastating effect on relationships.

What's the danger?

• Growing distrust. A partner who is “punished” with silence feels rejected and may start thinking negatively (“She doesn’t love me anymore,” “She’s not interested in me”).
• Accumulation of mutual grievances. "Silent punishment" often leads to the fact that the understatement turns into a snowball. The longer the neglect continues, the more tension increases.
• Communication disruption. The lack of dialogue deprives the couple of the chance to understand the problem and find a solution that suits both.

What to do instead of ignoring? Psychologists advise direct expression of emotions and needs. Tell me exactly what offended you. Silence will never solve a problem; on the contrary, it will create another.

2. Passive aggression in small things
If “silent punishment” is the most obvious variant of destructive silence, then there are more subtle forms when a girl can not refuse a partner in dialogue, but in every possible way demonstrates resentment, avoiding a constructive explanation. For example, consent to a meeting is expressed in a “cold tone” or monosyllabic lines. The question “What happened?” is usually followed by a tired “Everything is fine” or “Nothing.” At the same time, it is obvious that something is wrong, because it can be seen by gestures, looks, intonation.
This way of communicating makes the partner guess on the coffee grounds: “What was my mistake?” How can I help you? As a result, he may begin to feel guilty, even if he did nothing reprehensible. According to passive-aggressive psychology, such behavior is formed when a person is afraid to openly express anger or discontent, but wants to “show” resentment.
In order not to fall into passive-aggressive patterns, it is recommended to learn how to formulate your need (for example, “I was uncomfortable when you didn’t call in the evening.”) I was worried. Open communication reduces the risk of misunderstandings and increases trust.

3. The desire to “re-educate” a partner through the cold
The most dangerous thing about silent punishment is that it is often used as a tool of manipulation. Hoping that the partner will feel guilty and rush to correct the situation, the girl deliberately creates distance. It can be a refusal to touch, avoiding intimacy, an emotional “wall” and a clear reluctance to discuss the problem. Such tactics are often found in people who do not have experience in constructive conflict resolution. They are convinced that the partner “should understand” what is his fault and “correct”.
In practice, this leads to the fact that the partner either begins to withdraw (if he does not understand why he is “punished”), or becomes aggressive in response (“If you do not want to talk to me, then we cannot build contact”). Emerging. stalemateWhere both feel misunderstood and hurt. The longer this period lasts, the more difficult it is to regain the former emotional intimacy.

4. How do we break this vicious cycle?
The way to solve the problem begins with the realization that silence or conspicuous disregard is a destructive habit, not a way of upbringing. If a girl (or boyfriend) sees for the first time how toxic this behavior can be, there are a number of opportunities for her to make a difference.

1. Talk about your feelings directly. The phrases “I’m hard now because ...”, “I’m offended because ...” are more effective than “pumping” and evasive behavior.
2. Learn to ask questions to your partner. If something in his behavior is incomprehensible or offensive, ask him what his point of view is, what he meant. You will be surprised how often the source of the problem is simple misunderstandings.
3. Provide solutions to the conflict. Instead of closing in, it is better to seek compromises together. When partners understand the vector of movement towards agreement, the ground for ignoring disappears.
4. Schedule an “ecomoment” for the conversation. Sometimes the reason for “silent punishment” is a lack of time and energy for calm dialogue. If the partner regularly comes tired, there is no opportunity to discuss quarrels “here and now”, assign a certain time and place when you can talk without haste.

Constant practice of such approaches will help to replace the habit of silent conflict with healthy communication. Of course, this will not happen overnight, but the more often you use honest conversation instead of ignoring it, the stronger the understanding will become.



Conclusion
One of the most destructive things that girls (and men) do in a relationship is to “silently punish” or ignore a partner. It can manifest itself in the form of cold silence, monosyllabic answers, avoidance of physical and emotional contact. Passive aggression is often added to this, when discontent is carefully hidden behind formal consent. Such a model of behavior does not solve problems, but only creates them, since the partner does not receive adequate feedback and is forced to act blindly. The result: an increase in mutual grievances, an increase in distrust and, often, parting.

In order to maintain a relationship, it is worth giving up such manipulative strategies and learning to openly express feelings, emotions and needs. If a partner couple strives to develop and strengthen the union, then sincere dialogue, respect for each other’s feelings and willingness to find common solutions will be the best cure for any conflict. True intimacy is not born from silence, but from the desire to understand and be understood.

Glossary
Passive-aggressive behavior A communicative style in which a person does not directly express their negative emotions, but demonstrates them indirectly (through reproaches, ignoring, etc.).
Silent punishment (silent treatment) A form of emotional influence, when one partner deliberately ignores the other, refuses to communicate and thereby signals his dissatisfaction, without directly naming the reasons.
Communication The process of sharing information, ideas, and emotions; in the context of a relationship, involves the ability of partners to openly discuss problems and express feelings.
Distrust in relationships A condition in which one or both partners doubt the sincerity, honesty, or trustworthiness of the other, often leading to conflict and discord.
Emotional closeness A deep connection between people based on mutual understanding, respect and trust in each other’s feelings.
Mindfulness (Mindfulness) The ability to notice and understand your thoughts, feelings, and motivations in the moment, which helps you consciously control your behavior.
The stalemate A situation in a conflict in which the parties cannot make a move towards reconciliation, since each is waiting for a step from the other and no one changes their original positions.
Open dialogue A conversation in which partners freely express thoughts and emotions, seeking to understand and find joint solutions.