The closeness with a partner

The closeness with your partner - is the proximity of an equal. The classic version - the man and the woman about it, and I'm going to write. But in principle, this applies to any partnership. Some of my clients even in business relations practice elements of true intimacy. But back to the man and woman. As a child, we all can love truly. A child is like a magic omnipotent being, but too weak to brute reality. We have built up a thick solid shell, but it weakened the sensitivity and general joy of life. And like it would be desirable. Therefore, we carefully Kolupaev shells at each other and let their Kolupaev. One master says that the more a man of experience with women, and women - with men, the better for them and for the world at large

. It is not necessary each time to have sex. It's not always the same. we learn one from the other with some partners - different. With other men, sitting in the coffee shop, you can learn more than others during the years of life. And it is very important to understand the experience, do not discount it. Then our soul will grow and flourish under the protection of, and not to weaken and fade in the dark. We all learn from each other about love, and that's good. And then the training ends, and begins Olympiad. We wake up. Our soul becomes so strong that it is no longer in need of protection. And then the fun begins. Again, we dare to love. It's like that joke: "Do you want really? - The tank fell off

tower. "

first stupenV love do not need to be afraid to become attached to a partner. Being next to him. Feeling his presence, smell, smile. His warmth. His breathing. His incomparable with anything comparable energy. Remember how we as a child loved to parents? Not when pulled out from under their authority, or have had problems in the family. A baby, original, is a little bit, even with someone, but it was at all. Come and delve into the beloved presence ... And then join hands and let the boats, to ride, to save the world ... all - together. Because we have grown up, and we can play on equal terms ... in true love, we perceive ourselves as a partner and yourself as a partner. This is a real closeness. We can easily penetrate into the thoughts of another person, and they are ours. We feel his joy and pain as his own. And this, of course, mutual. Love is not unrequited. Simply, we are afraid of it.

Because in such a stunning intimacy, of course, there is also a dependency. This is our desperate cry in the void after the departure of a loved one. And the inability to come to terms with the fact that the partner have any concerns other than us and even his own life. Logically, we can perfectly understand everything, but I'm not talking about it ... This is a dull pain in the whole body by the fact that the favorite does not embrace at a time when it must be so. And fading in empty space as in amber, when he leaves. In short, it is a sense of a child left in a kindergarten. He does not care that the loved one will return in the evening. The world is crumbling now ... But even a child, cry, run away to play friends. Dependence - is the power of love. Just so powerful that at first it is difficult to maintain it. But once we were able to walk. And we could not stand the weight of a simple backpack. Dependence should be lived. Do not run from it, do not depreciate, not cut, along with love, and really live.

< And then, in addition to the proximity, between us there is also a tremendous freedom.
< br> ... In love, we go through four stages. But any step conventional structure. That is, it is our one and only life could well be "smeared" on all four "stations". Just somewhere dosdat and cleans up "tails».

The next meeting is on the path of love is highly dependent on whether we are at a stage. If we really passed the first, already starting bonuses. Tell you a secret that they are in the past - simply by being in the personal dependence, it is very difficult to notice. With each partner, we again go through all the way. But passed stage runs easily. So, slightly touching: as it is with him .. All to whom we have experienced love until the last relations, called "forerunners". Therefore, every love is the first. And more meetings on this road are the answer, pointer, sign. Creator as it shows that here, it is ... While we certainly want to see everything at once was a happy end, we are ready for it or not. And - yes - it's like the movie "Interstate 60". Only Boys oh boys just interesting.

Second stupenV love do not need to be afraid to become attached to a miracle that there are between us. After all, it is love itself. The strength, the joy of creativity. A life that is beginning to change both, regardless of the partner - and, at the same time, because of our love. Here there is freedom. We can go to meet any of his feelings, knowing that we have enough power to keep everything properly. Gone problems with jealousy, envy and lack of a partner. After all, we love everything he loves. And yet here is each has its own life. And we are happy to be alone no less than communicate. And if suddenly bored there ... It can be seen in the summer sky eyes of your partner, listen to pre-winter grass, vyzvanival his name. Feeling the heat, "accidentally" bumping into what exactly it will be interesting for both of us. Private not gone anywhere, but we do not depend on it. Even jealousy and envy are striving for more, but the desire to see the partner immediately - the power of love. As my friend the witch, "a beautiful experience, let it be." And once again the joy of freedom is stronger than the desire to possess. A jealous want to play funny, seizing fake dagger.

At the second stage of our thoughts and feelings are very close. And this is not a compromise agreement (not to be confused), but the real profound change both, if the personal relationship we too were together. And if at this stage we are waiting for a new love - it is possible to meet a man whose thoughts and feelings are the same immediately, or almost the same as ours. Since we just reinforce each other. Here there is another passion. And it is so much stronger than that of personal care for the tenth plan. Her satisfaction becomes mandatory, we can even forget about it honestly. Because here we see each other not their illusions and ideal images, and nature, the Creator, the true self for atheists gentlemen.

And here it is "tydysch!" That covers us more abruptly than in the first stage. We were falls waterfall. Events, matches, joy, pain, creativity finds miracles ... A real waterfall, under which you are, trying to breathe, and do not have time to say "your mother" celestial office, although very desirable. In fact, it is divine grace. Or a special, magical favor Ms luck for atheists gentlemen. But first, we just blows. We are ready to be friends, brothers and sisters, alternately teacher and student - that's how it goes. Sometimes we do not believe in this miracle. Says to himself: "Come to your senses, it does not happen - it's just a dream." But the "dream" continues independently of us. We turn away, and catches up with us and flow beats in the back. So several times. Until then, until you believe. There is no need of any sex or frequent presence. This all may or may not be. But there is a need to maintain the fire and steer the river. To the miracle continued and did not lose touch with reality. And for this desperate need to communicate. Any. Infrequent. But desperate. And it becomes a dependency. This restricts personal freedom - and our own, and partner

. This dependence is also necessary to pass ... But stop! After all, we have to depend on this flow. Still, the life force, the Creator. "Love that moves the sun and the light," is no longer our personal whims ... And here we realize that fell. And that personal dependence - this is so, flowers. And berries - here they are ... See, there on the river a thick layer of matter? You're about the other side ... Yes, love, which, if it is given not only to the male-female relationships. Yes, great opportunity. Yes, direct access to the love of the Creator, does not change anything in life without our consent. But even this can be waived. Because the personal freedom of choice is sacred. And in the case of a complete lack of understanding between us - at any stage of a culture of separation and closure of the current relationship. There are different rituals and techniques to gently break even such a strong and deep connection.

Third stupenV love do not need to be afraid to become attached to the house and desired way of living together. To our creativity. To the warm light in the windows. To the families and friends who are visiting us. By the unique atmosphere that we create. For things become alive and magical. For a wonderful family tradition. To our dear habits. By beating hearts and breathing next.

But few people in family life is something that we really want. Because we just go on compromises. We think no other way. Even if we are very similar to each other - and this is the case with solid second stage - still it happens that one wants one, and the other another. And then quietly pops up a lot of small troubles that accumulate like a snowball and poison life. We so want everything to be good that adhesive wallpaper becomes a priority, and dishwashing tragedy. Because these coils are one and a half years, and utensils falls through the edge of the sink. It would seem a trifle, and nonsense. But for the love of it is really serious. We wanted something like a fairy tale. And, of course, is not in a pot and wallpaper. The point in the system. Just even the most beautiful way of life, even a miracle itself can become a habit, repeating every day. This is called the dependence on daily.

You can tell yourself that otherwise does not happen. What we are adults and enough fantasizing. Accept the everyday life, bringing into it elements of creativity. To pretend that none of it is not everyday, looking for joy in the little things. But it is for those who want good. And we do not want well. We want an incredibly good! Because "good" - it is not love. It is a habit, a comfort zone. Gorny middle between happiness and sorrow in which we still do not live. No matter how hard decorate everyday and detract from the voids themselves and each other. Dangerously close to absolute zero: in a relationship, in the perception of the world, in the most of life in general. Hence any philosophical muddied that reality is illusory. What in the world there is nothing of this, for what is necessary to live and die. And finally, that life - it is death

. The intellectual families such ideas usually affects men, and they can understand. Women do not resign themselves to the emptiness. Nurturing life, they instinctively feel framed. But they are also accustomed to near zero comfort zone. And often, trying to fill the void of vanity. Of course, men do not like it, and they continue to lie on the couch, thinking about the transience of what is happening. Or help equip the void, but under duress. And yet they go about their separate male, truly important things. This can be not only a man's vanity, but also what a man really love, such as creativity. But then it becomes an outlet, an escape from the emptiness, and sooner or later the resource is depleted. The less intelligent families desire for real life, with strong feelings expressed as a thrust to the bottle and other ancient Russian melancholy.

It would seem that what could be simpler? To live in the present. Do not hide their desires and feelings. Do not compromise. But we love each other and want both were good. We are very much afraid of misunderstanding and conflict. We are afraid that they will destroy our life together. But the conflict - this is not a bloody war and other horror-horror. It's just a clash of interests. And he is quite resolved at the negotiating table, but without compromise and passing the buck. The compromise - this is when we want to Crimea, our partner in the White Sea, and went to the Volga and the type of all happy. The solution without compromise - this is when he povёz it to the White Sea, and then she had to Crimea. It's not complicated: a vacation is still not final. But another story ... Of course, not all conflicts are solved so simply. But in the same way. No compromises! :) And yet there are many other simple but effective tricks. My friends, a lovely couple, are in their school training "proximity to the conflict." Be sure to go.

More difficult it is when broken dreams, unsatisfied desires, guilt, resentment, compromises and hidden conflicts stick to us like barnacles with clams on whales. Whales, among other things, on this sink ... Many couples live as whole life, sincerely thinking that it is impossible otherwise. What at first it was a passion, and this is - this love. This sucks we have summer. But if the buck and start the process further would be the winter, and then spring. And new spring we can meet with the same partner, if both have enough desire and energy to real rapprochement. And I recently wondered whether we can eventually give himself in a relationship Country Eternal Summer. And you know ... theoretically can. :) And almost - we must look. In the same, I have repeatedly said the school my friends, have a wonderful system of cycles in a relationship on the basis of the change of the seasons. Simple as all ingenious. It is very effective for almost any pair.

And there is nothing wrong in everyday life. Every day the sun rises. Every day we open our eyes to the world. And that depend great! Because even that every day is different ... We have been dependent on daily life. Again, we are free to love her. In the body, it feels as increased sensitivity. Any. Hearing, sight, smell, touch, taste ... and other little-known or completely unknown feeling, without number. Then something in us and begin to open the notorious internal reserves over and above the possibility of person. No everyday life, there is life! There is no spoon. :) And the best way to learn, we are living, or is dependent on us invented everyday life, is a question that magicians like to ask, are good psychologists, and the Creator if we hear: "Hey, man! Are you happy? »...

Fourth step further we have children. New joy. New proximity. New love. But how to make sure that it does not interfere with - or better yet, help - intimacy with a partner? Many psychologists are advised to remember that "the husband - the head of the company, and the children - middle managers." That is, shifting from the US to the human, intimacy with a partner still important proximity with children. And it is true. The child is happy, if the parents are close, really sincere attitude. And miserable if vice versa. He always sees it. But, from the point of view of love, husband and children are equal. For many mothers the children become even closer. It is also normal, especially if temporarily.

The children must also undergo addiction. And here all the same. From dependence do not have to run away - it should be lived. We can not depend on our children, we love them. But when our heart expands from that love, there is more freedom and ... What is the relationship with the children? This overprotection, which is often more from a sense of guilt. It fears that really have nothing to fear. My mother used to say that if I go beyond the threshold, and she was starting to get into the head of any thoughts of failure to rape. But she figured out pretty quickly with them. Because these things we bring real damage over time. And myself and the children. Children - a new family and a new love. They also have to pass a personal, warm, largely bodily dependence. That's the way we all live in the hearts of each other. We are gradually cease to see in the child a part of themselves, keeping with him a deep intimacy. As my friend the witch: "I'm keeping her son in the garden. Good garden, he likes. The guy is independent: bye-bye, and directly to friends. And I, when I see him leaving, something inside breaks. Normally, the dependence. »

So intimacy with a child turns into intimacy with a partner, an equal. But there is another key point. It is important for any family, the woman learned to maintain proximity with her husband, the proximity with the child, and the closeness with her husband and child at the same time. For example, in one company. And this, of course, in the fourth stage of the most difficult.