Conflict resolution—5 easy steps Bashny.Net

No matter you are active man or discreet, in the conflict we all feel the discomfort. First of all, because it seems to us that the reason for the differences in us. We are doing something wrong and do not really the right people. If you remember that there is no right and wrong behavior, and there are just different points of view, to find a common language much faster.

American psihoterapevta have Laneprintable the advantages and disadvantages of people of different temperaments to find solutions to conflicts between them. Their experiences she shared in her book"the introvert Advantage"(Publishing house"Mann, Ivanov and Ferber"). Here are some simple steps to better understand each other when there were contradictions:

Step one. "Let everyone tell you what, in his opinion, is the essence of the conflict." Even if it's completely opposite point of view, this step gives you the opportunity to talk, to hear another, and perhaps to realize that the opinion is not directed against him and exists by itself.

Step two.Tell us about the reasons you took the position. If the husband goes on a fishing trip and a meeting with friends, and you want to stay home, explain what this is for you. Maybe you will feel lonely without him, or are jealous and afraid to lose the love of a spouse. In turn, it can tell you what gives him the communion in his circle that he finds in the passion and hobby and why it is important for him to be there. This step leads away from the conflict even further and gives it the form of an exchange of experiences, makes communication more deep and full.

Step three. "Clear impasse". Try to figure out where and why there is a contradiction. If need the other person has nothing to do with you personally (and usually and happens), you will be easier to reach agreement. For example, a Frank admission that you miss your spouse instead of direct accusations that he does not respect your opinion, configures it for a different attitude to you. You, in turn, reduce demands when you find out about the real reasons for his aspirations.

Step four."Put yourself in the place of another". This step must be done as faithfully as possible, not leaving a soul of their own interests, not a substitute for openness of the formal agreement, "Yes, I understand, but...". Let him know how you are sad at home with the embroidery and how you tormented by fantasies about other ladies that lead it from you. This experience will help him change the image of the evil bitches more close to reality – of a loving woman, yearning for the society of a loved one.

Step five. "Talk to each other and find compromise." The author shares with readers her surprise – in practice, everyone who passes the first four steps, the fifth ready it is easy to agree with each other. In the book, Marty describes the conflict of the spouses, one of whom wanted to stay home and the other to go out. During showdown all together allocated one important thing that it was impossible to see in the heat of passion."They both said that they want to spend time together, and this reduced their anxiety".

In early quarrels, you would think that a husband avoids you (however, the mere fact of disagreement on his part suggests that it is important for him is your opinion, that you have understood it correctly). He has a feeling that his control (although, in fact, need him and appreciate his company). In addition, being in conflict, people often are afraid to suffer the defeat, making the struggle becomes more violent, and in the course are all methods (insults, accusations, threats). When a person receives a positive experience of resolving difficulties in communication, excessive aggression is not needed, because clearly it is noticeable that it is possible to solve all peacefully.



Source: domashniy.ru/