Many women think that men rule the world. And — sure women feel good...
In fact, the life of many men is an ongoing personal hell. Moreover, the degree of "adovate" only increases if the man tries to be a good person.
Take a seat and I will tell you about men you never heard of (if you are male, of course).
Thirty four million six hundred thirty five thousand five hundred thirty seven
Anatomy of hell
Full name of male hell — role conflict. As you might guess, role conflict is conflict between roles or their elements. And roles is the social norms that contain regulations and prohibitions regarding the experiences and behavior (thanks for the definition of Messrs Thompson and Pleco).
How many roles in men? Many. Here is the most basic: the Earner (Worker), Husband, Father, Son (Relative), Friend. Each of these roles has certain regulations and restrictions regarding the experiences and behavior.
These requirements and prohibitions tear the man apart.
Here's a man wants to be a good earner. To be a good earner, you need to be a good employee (e.g., to travel or to stay at work). Hard work usually helps the growth of earnings and promotion up the career ladder (which also affects income positively).
But if you work, begins the conflict with the roles of Husband and Father. The man leaves early, comes late and here you are, Hello — it's already a bad husband, because "you don't pay attention to me!"and a bad father — "you when the child was last seen?!!»
In Japan, for example, in 1991, the father saw the children an average of three minutes on weekdays and as many as nineteen minutes on the weekend.
But if a man tries to shift the bias in favor of the family (the roles of Husband and Father), then suffers from the revenue. And the man quickly becomes a bad earner.
And this is especially painful if the man, again, strives to be a good man, good Provider, good Husband, good Father.
He genuinely wants to be good, but the very structure of reality does not allow him to "play" these roles simultaneously. All the time we have to make sacrifices and to compromise.
It turns out that all that effort wasted and the man is doomed to failure... But I remind you that sincerely wants to make things right, to be good at all roles.
For clarity — here's another example. A man wants to be a good Son and is going to help parents, but then a conflict arises — the wife asks to go to her mom. In this situation, how to be a good Son and a good Husband? Question…
Such questions man decides every day, every minute, and we cannot say that this choice is always easy. Moreover, we cannot say that this choice is always a man satisfied.
Usually the choice is tough and not a bit satisfied — I want to make it right, and it turns out all sikos-nakos. I'm telling you — a little personal hell.
Of course, this is not all men (if not to strive to be a good person, not to be a husband and father, and no problems). In some men this ad is expressed more, some less. All, of course, individually, but many, many men live in this hell, at the same time trying to be good Miners take the time to be good Fathers, to find some crumbs in the hope to remain good Friends... And so on and so on and so forth.
Where is the salvation?
Role conflict is tearing men apart. The most obvious way to deal with it is to give up the role. For example, to divorce or not to bear children. Or not work and say "I'm looking for myself, do not bother".
The other obvious option is to adjust the content of the role. Say, money I brought home, and children to do is not a man's job, the quality of the father is defined only by money and not fuss with the child, leave me alone, woman.
The obvious third way — to drink alcohol. At least he'll ease the pressure of this conflict.
Less obvious way is to work with a psychologist in order to reduce the severity of the conflict. Here we should say to mitigate, but not remove will not work. The reality is heartless.
The way men live in a small personal hell.
What to do to the woman?
This is the time to appease the just indignation of some readers (who are readers). I'm not saying that men are all poor, and women have no role conflict does not happen and their life is a rainbow of sparkles and happiness. No, I don't want to say in a woman's life too, the bulk of role conflict, transforming her life into her personal hell.
All I want to say, I said. A man often lives in a serious role conflict and out of it as he can. And often lives in the conflict and/or exit from the hurt and harm not only the man but also his family.
And the woman knows about it and believes that it's only her life is awful, and the husband all is perfect and delicious.
Through this ignorance are different difficulties. So it is better to know.
The question may arise — whether it is necessary for the woman to do something with this role conflict? Well... of course, it's not for me.
Moreover, about this conflict in a man's life can only know. To know and to thank the man for his efforts, even if they do not always lead to the desired results.
I understand that I do not want to say "this goat" words of gratitude. First, it's hard to believe (and verify) that he really goes for you as he can. Much easier and more familiar to believe that he is a lazy selfish prick.
But even in this case, try to begin to thank him. If he really is a lazy selfish prick, your gratitude for him will have no effect. But if he strives to be a good person, if this man really is role conflict, thanks to your man will begin to seriously change for the better.
However, this is only tactical advice. The strategic goal of this note is to clarify some of men's secrets. Secrets known to men, but usually hidden from women.
Why I left my husband
As we take and give energy
Why do we need such an explanation? Then that knowledge allows you to live better. If you know what happens to a person, it is easier for you to respond correctly and easier to understand what and how you do with this person.
Sum up. The more man tries to be a good person, the higher the risk of falling into the millstone of role conflict. Out of this conflict without a loss difficult. Seek rather to alleviate this conflict. A woman can help the man, knowing about this conflict and thanks the man for his efforts. published