Marina pushes me in the side. Sleepy fucking can not understand.
- What's wrong?
- I forgot to say to my parents here, guests gathered ...
- What are the parents?
- Well, where to put them?
- A couple of weeks they will live in my apartment, go to museums.
- Museums, too, in your apartment?
- Fool! The Hermitage go!
- Fortunately, there just selling ...
After Marina went to work, a dispute broke out in the kitchen.
- Starpёrov we do not need! - Cat once said. - Freedom and niebёt!
- Really, why do we need extra consumers? - I support her dog.
- Yes, you two a week zhrёte more than we have to the Marina for a month! - I tried to go to the counter. - Who the new year all ate the sausage? Pushkin?
And the cat has left the room.
- Well, what about you? Also, it means that you are afraid get emaciated, blokadnitsa?
- Well, how to say, there's not only the food, but to a greater degree of comfort problems.
- That is not popizdet happen?
- Again still a factor.
- The words that are from?
- Books to read, watch telly ...
- Yes, you have the same except for football and mormyshkas your dick or do not care?
- Are you sure? And the food?
And the dog, too, proudly left the kitchen.
I went to work angry as hell. On-site meeting with a neighbor.
- Hello! - Happily so.
I also shook hands. Still, St. Petersburg outside.
A few words about their family. Her husband - an athlete: whether the boxer, or a fighter - I do not remember. Hefty as a bookcase. Somehow (the elevator was broken) met on the stairs of the shop, I bags pёr, puffing and sweating, and he as carrier-based fighter in afterburner whizzed past two rolls of linoleum. I was more ohuel. Then, too, as you saw him in the yard: he and his wife bought a refrigerator nevebenny (apparently eats it too as a fighter), stevedores of course - "to the entrance." And he fuck dust, grabbed him and dragged both trelevochnik yourself.
Now a neighbor. Not bad. Marina doёbyvala everything, as they say, our life together has turned out?
Something she shipped it is that now, when a neighbor saw me - smiling all the time. Naturally, when the husband is not around. That it apparently strict.
And, here's an important detail, she - blonde. And so that the garage only through auto repair drives.
- My already I am gone, and I have a light bulb burns out ...
That's what she wants? Asked me to replace a light bulb, or to inform you that my husband is not?
- Well? - I look questioningly at her, waiting for something more concrete.
- You can change?
- The husband?
She was frightened:
- No, why?
- I do not know, save on food ...
He looks at me, or does not understand dick, I'm joking or not.
- Okay, where is your light?
- There, on the ceiling.
Ash-mold, do not think that you have in your head lamp.
Passed her apartment, he tried to take off his shoes, but a neighbor protested.
- We still housekeeper cleans!
Another swab to the portrait.
- Wait, I'll bring a ladder.
And I went to him for a ladder. Pets are greeted at the door.
- She has a husband, a boxer! - Carefully resembles a cat.
- I know.
- Not a boxer and a fighter! - Improves the dog.
- It does not matter who he is, above all, the consequences were not so ...
Then I could not resist:
- The bulb burned her !!!
- Did you hear ... - Cat, rolling his eyes, is responsible.
I did not get involved, take the stairs out of the closet and went to a neighbor.
- Oh, I do not know where we stored bulbs. - Suddenly she remembered.
Of course! - I think to myself - How do you know!
Returning to her for light bulbs.
- Che, condom forgotten? - Cat podёbyvaet.
- Hui forgot !!!
I am going back to the neighbor. Silently climbs (on the ladder), to twist the old, the new bulb is screwed. This stupid light is not turned off, and I like the eyes uebёt hundred and fifty watt. I stand and I am angry at myself, too, because mudilo - would check! This - at least in the eyes ssy - all God's dew.
- Oh, how light is now!
I thought, she's clapping her hands. In the doorway asking:
- And the husband you have a boxer?
- No. It is engaged in the struggle!
- "Classic" or "wrestlers"?
- I do not know, ask him ...
- Well, goodbye, then.
And I walked out. While put the ladder, came the cat.
- Well, "classic" or "wrestlers"?
- You what?
- The interest for security purposes.
At work, I almost missed.
The next day, in the evening, we went to the Marina station. Met her parents drove around the city with a sightseeing tour. I tried not to delve into the conversation. Solid "hatches and hotbed." Gardeners, damn.
House rodstvennichki displeasure glanced at the animal.
- What have you got? - With claims strictly Marinin the father asked. - Cat and dog at home?
Cat let him look full of contempt and went without even sniffing.
"Well, now you fucked grandpa" - I thought.
- You'll be in my apartment to live, and we're here. Animals will not interfere. - To try to make amends for the potential conflict of Marina.
- Does not matter, does not matter! - Cautionary old man persisted.
His wife looked reproachfully at her husband, but she said nothing.
For a family dinner animals pointedly absent. I apologized to everyone and walked into the room.
- Well, Che you do not like home? - Whisper ask them.
- I'm afraid to join the discussion. - Dog serious answers.
- What we can say to them? - Cat incurred. - "Animals - does not matter!" Look fucking business!
- All right, wait a couple of weeks, Marina, too, is going through.
- To suffer, we, of course, tolerate - soothingly assured dog - But let this not provoke an advocate of cleanliness.
- Let me explain. - I promised them.
Returning to the table and listening to a half-hour lecture that "everything is not so", I began to nod. Then he remembered that he had promised "his" to resolve the issue. - Ivan Ivanovich (forgot to say that Marina's father - Ivan Ivanovich, and his mother - Katherine), I am on the animals, they have a very neat and clever. All understand.
I have identified the voice "everything" to put pressure on the subconscious, but only Ivanovich groaned with displeasure, as if I had pushed him to the corn. Katherine told him: - Vanya have very categorical, but I love animals. Once they have you so smart, you tell them that you can be friends with me. - And she laughed at his own joke.
From the hallway was heard Encouraging fuss, clearly there is a lively debate overheard. Well, sort of order on this issue.
Leaving the Marina with kinsfolk, I decided pokemarit in the chair. The room was already working telly. The cat watched football. However, alone. The dog was lying on the floor of the battery and read "The Old Man and the Sea" turning the page language.
- Good for you, do not fail the mission. - He encouraged me a cat, not looking up from the screen.
- But my grandfather is still potentially dangerous ... - thoughtfully said dog.
- Well, we did, if anything, re-educating! - She assured the fold and immediately yelled: - Where did you pass you give !? I then valerian tail or rather otpasuyu!
Marina shouted something from the kitchen, and I went back.
- Listen, we have food for tomorrow does not, not Congress?
- Come on.
I got dressed, I checked the keys and money. Every evening was gone, though pumped before bedtime. On the stairs, I faced with coming out of the elevator neighbor - a fighter. We greeted each other nods.
I traveled two hours. He returned, thinking that everything is going to sleep. But it was not there. In the hallway I met Marina with a rag in his hand.
- What's wrong? - I asked suspiciously.
- Flood! - And she dashed off to the bathroom.
Quickly undressed, I burst into the room. There were: Katherine, obviously upset by something, Ivan Ivanovich - suspiciously scared cat - shining, exultant. I glance showed her "exit", hoping that it will go unnoticed. She slowly got up and, arching his back, paraded into the corridor. I went into the bedroom. There sat the dog, sadly looking out the window.
- Well, what can you do?
- Pensions sralnik broke.
- What do you mean? - I did not even realize at first what it was about.
- Split the tank and push mudilo - continued cat - It's good shit did not have time!
- Ivan Ivanovich? Than?!
- Yeah, not by a dick, because the old! Useful to check what your tool cabinet, well and dropped the wrench.
- Ebicheskaya power!
- Epic, so cultured. - Correct me summed up the dog and optimistic. - Everything has just begun ...
- Sit here, from sin.
I rushed to the bathroom to the aid of the Marina. Together, we quickly gathered up all the water in the basin.
- How did your father has managed? - With glee I began, when the accident has been eliminated.
Marina gestured in frustration, and I decided it no longer torture and conciliatory kissed on the cheek.
- Do not be upset, and explain to them that we are now in your apartment "to the wind" will walk. Only concentrated attention that animals, too, are accustomed to human facilities.
- Okay, thank you, do not get angry.
While I was busy with rags, basins and "not angry," Marina, the quiet, crossed to his family. When I brought the pieces in the trash, it became quite dark, and we finally sat in the kitchen drinking tea.
- How long are they? - As if by chance I asked Marina.
Cat and dog pricked up his ears.
- I think a couple of weeks, maybe less.
And after sitting a little more, she went to the bathroom. Then the dog was gone and we were left alone with a cat.
- Marina in the cabinet over the toilet did not have heavy? And then tomorrow we can easily start to shit in the yard to go.
I sighed and went to sleep.
In the morning I was awakened by the insistent doorbell. I opened, and I see a neighbor. We stood looking at each other, he finally decided to say hello:
- I 'wrestlers »...
He said at once - "I fucked up."
- For bulb thanks.
And most nodules are playing.
- Aah, - I reached out. - Please. Burn out - please!
- A Th, so often burn out?
- Of course, there is a conventional light bulb, if you want to change the date, twisted, such as intrauterine devices, those eternal Fidel Castro.
Plaque-fly, I wonder about this spiral. Straining hero.
- Good. - At depots responsible. The result was a poem by Mayakovsky some.
A neighbor looks. Eyes tired - do not get enough sleep, it seems. Jealous husband, probably all night put her to the ground. For bulb avenged.
I do not remember as we have, but we finished the conversation, and I went to brush my teeth.
- What does this comprachicos wanted? - Cat asks.
- A dick knows? Probably, that I had a "classic" inadvertently confused.
- Do not forget to buy the plumbing today.
- There was a telly would you zyrit!
- There is prevention, through all the channels only to "fight the ants."
- Crossword then guess.
- And here's a thought!
And she rode away.
While I was going, the dog caused the plumbing for tomorrow. Today, all "shit and a pair of kings" were already taken.
Are all the relatives come? - I wondered aloud to a dog.
Having had time to seize the coffee mug, I peeked into the room to say goodbye.
Pizdobratiya really crossword puzzles. I quickly scanned the questions.
Ohuet! Half of the about fishing, about half of football! One question finally a fucking "What unites fishing and football?".
At work, I had to stay, and I burst plumbing shop before closing.
- The toilet needs.
Do not know what the seller wanted: povyёbyvatsya or he joked ...
- That to shit! - I snapped.
After all the problems at home and at work More mozgoklyui Jam. This still here. Hohmachi shit!
- What company? - Probably still the seller was not joking and vyёbyvalsya, but I already suffered:
- End Bang Olafson!
- There are no such!
- Then yonder, and all the offal which may be needed.
In the evening, when they say "there were no signs of trouble," Ivan Ivanovich got into the concrete prick. The problem surfaced when trying to go over the encampment in the push.
- Animals on the street! - Dogmatically he said.
I looked at Marina, she gestured for me to wait for five minutes, and left to work through.
- The case takes a serious turn, we are not angels, after all. - He reminded me of a dog. The cat was more terse:
- Comanche will be avenged!
I suddenly somehow sharply Jam it all, and I strongly went to Marina's apartment.
- No cats, no dogs! - Pence ruined, already on the landing could be heard.
I walked behind me jumped crowd support group, the infantry for armored spearheads.
Marina with red eyes from the disorder spread his hands helplessly.
- Try to convince you ...
And she went back to our apartment.
- Grandpa - I said politely - you have deprived us of bathrooms and now usurped the spare!
- It's not about you, but about these! - Santa waved to "Comanche."
- They are members of our family, the same as you do, do not raise a stink about nothing. Santa get into a fuss, and grabbed a glass of water.
I wanted something else to present arguments orally, but ahead of me:
- I schA his galoshes Nasri was then in another will start singing.
It could tell the cat.
Grandfather was like, and ёbnulsya directly from the glass. Well Katherine was in the farthest room!
- Glass dropped, old-fashioned man. - I admire the dog.
And I went after sal ammoniac, a good supply there, but on the stairs waiting for me "wrestlers".
- This is normal?
- What is "this"?
- The bulb.
I realized that all that he says, twisting in my face this fucking lamp.
Like me in the eye he wants to screw her!
While I was thinking how to answer him, fled "second rate" dropped the cat on the go:
- On the road "protein." Ponaebut the freaks!
I wonder how much he weighed? Because when he pizdanulsya flat on the floor, the house shaking sign. Lying like a dead man with a candle, only to place a candle - light.
Juli say - tech. I am really surprised that the bulb is not broken.
I'll have to buy the same, or what?
Then he remembered that quite forgotten given to the end "Ivanovitch."
Finding ammonia, and opened it, he poured on the run (ammonia) bit into the nostril "wrestlers". He jumped like a rocket out of the mine, and frantically twisting his head, Rushed to him.
"Fuck it, then explain that glitches due to anabolic steroids," I thought, resulting in the feeling of the old man.
He opened his eyes and was silent.
- Well, tell me something already, CC does not wrinkle ... - I said.
- It's true?
- What is it"?
- She says?
- What are you about?
- About the cat, it seemed to me that she promised me in galoshes shit.
- If the toilet is not empty, then it is possible that you guessed it desires.
- Let go ...
And my grandfather, grunting, and departed.
All this time Marina was on the balcony.
- Well, what is it? - She asked anxiously. - Something crashed because I was scared even!
I stared at her, choosing his words.
- "Our" won. - I reassured her.
- As always?
- As always!