5 postulates about the relationship incorrectly interpreted

Each of us have their own ideas about what should be the relationship between people and how to build them. They come to us from childhood and often unchanged accompany us for many years. So, every day we act in accordance with the rated us in the distant past postulates, which do not cause us doubt. And, despite all our diligence and efforts, we once again sincerely surprised at the quality of the relationship and the degree of dissatisfaction with them. What's the matter? The reasons may be different. Today I propose to talk about one of them. May not disappoint the idea and its interpretation. Look for where the dog is buried?

1. TO BE SELFISH IS BAD. Interpretation: for a good relationship you should be able to refuse their demands.

"Anyone who puts their interests above others, is not a place in the team!" This is probably one of the most popular views about the relationship, which we somehow interacting with others. In this case, the result of the desire to "be taken" in combination with setting "not to be selfish", is often the choice of strategy "for the other." And here we already go with the banner "For love!", to make big and small feats and demand the same from others. But if you honestly look at the relationship built on the Foundation of such a principle, it becomes obvious fact of violence, both on yourself and on others. And the question immediately arises: a relationship built on violence, can be for someone good? Are we willing to bear the burden of responsibility for the choice of others? Do we want to blame our loved ones for their own victims? And that, and another is a heavy burden in any relationship. And growing with time exponentially the mass of the cargo is capable of breaking even the strongest of relationships. So what exactly is the rejection of the egoistic approach? I think that, first of all, accepting the differences of our own needs from the needs of others and the recognition of everyone's right to free choice.

2. "PATIENCE AND A LITTLE EFFORT". Interpretation: if you don't like something in the behavior of the partner, needs to learn how to "swallow", otherwise the relationship will not be built.

"Without patience anywhere!" How often do armed with this motto, we condemn ourselves and our loved ones for the misunderstanding and dissatisfaction in the relationship? How often do we fill the concept of "patience" about the meaning and deprive themselves of the opportunity to engage in dialogue? More often than we think. Patience has nothing to do with "swallowing", ignorance, connivance and strategy "to make concessions". It is the ability to remain calm in unpleasant or difficult situations. The adoption taking place, the rejection of impulsive actions create favorable conditions for dialogue contributing to the resolution of the situation. In this case, your labor is not in vain, but patience is justified and rewarded.

3. "WATER WEARS AWAY THE STONE". Interpretation: if every day to convince people of something, sooner or later he'll agree with that.

In the psychology of relationships the perception that people break up with each other for the same reason they are each other's once chose. For example, because of strong differences. Our differences from each other, sometimes inspiring, and sometimes depressing. Whatever it was, along with the idea that the other does not change, there is a perception that "if long to suffer, then..." who knows, what if? Because water, rock... All in the course of, for the benefit of the common good. But if you start from the ideas of acceptance of others for who they are, and to add to this folk wisdom, the scheme of operations in accordance with this postulate is not limited to everyday bubnio and dripping on the brain. Rather, it is about time that gives us an opportunity, so different, come to something common. That to see, to hear, to understand another, to understand themselves and to make a choice, it takes time. And after a while on all these processes, it becomes possible even the impossible. But if the passage of time, the long-awaited miracles do not happen, this period is enough to make unfulfilled hopes.

4. "AS YOU SOW, SO SHALL YOU REAP". Interpretation: if I treat a man well, he would answer me the same.

We often fall into the trap of following the idea of the interconnectedness of our actions with the actions of other people. So, we sincerely believe that making one choice, showing it to others, we will get the same in return. And if you think about what underlies the behaviour, the fallacy becomes apparent. Behind every action is motive, and different people driven by different motives. So, the reasons for the behavior of other people not directly associated with us. The sequence of our own actions leads to a particular result. And this is exactly what we reap and what we are able to take care of. No more and no less.

5. "THE SAME RIVER TWICE NOT ENTER." Interpretation: if the relationship did not work out, they are not favorable.

We often talk about the impossibility of the repetition of phenomena, events. And it's true. Nothing in life repeats itself. It is impossible to reproduce exactly what happened. The second time will not be identical to the first. With it to argue difficult. In this assertion there is nothing that would speak in favor of the inability to create a new relationship with the same person. Each meeting a new meeting. Relationships, whether we like it or not, there are dynamics, they have their own flow, and every moment is a copy of the previous one. It is also important not to forget that we ourselves are changing, and after a while change our attitudes, beliefs, values. Creating in your consciousness the limitations that are the result of previous experience, we lose touch with the present moment. But previous experience – this is the river, which does not enter twice. And the present can be unpredictable and different.

 

Author Ludmila Gniteeva

Source: www.facebook.com/bezrecept/posts/1646928955534500:0