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10 misconceptions parents have in the relationship with the child is always "something wrong"
Wonderful children's and family psychologist Katerina Murashova told about parental misconceptions that prevent friendship with your child:
Wrong: the Parents adapt their lives to the child
All the time you ask the child where he wants to sleep he wants to have or try to guess what it is better. It turns out that adults follow the child, not Vice versa. It often happens that the child "leads" the four adults – mother, father, grandmother and grandfather. Child it is unbearable. This is an absolute guarantee of neurosis. Its resources are being rapidly depleted, it starts to act up out of the blue, becoming aggressive, not sleeping, not eating.
Right: the Child must adjust to parents
The child comes into the world, not having the slightest idea about how this world works. The child is ready to adapt to any life in the Yurt of the nomads or in the castle of the aristocrats.
This model of "mother-duck and ducklings" ducklings always go for duck, and not Vice versa. We inherited it from biology. The cub physically, physiologically and mentally adapted to follow the female. Or both parents where the education is carried out together, as humans.
Our children are ready to adapt to everything, except one – when they are forced to play their role. To preadolescent their role is that of a "duckling" that goes behind the mommy duck.
Not true: raise a child according to the "experts"
Experts are psychologists who know relatives, experienced moms. In certain situations they can help. But we cannot blindly follow all advice, educate children "according to Murashova" or "simultaneously". Because there is something that can not be calculate – the peculiarities of their life and mentality. Experts are people with its history. Someone survived the siege and famine, and therefore believes that children should hard to coddle and feed to satiety, someone has a different personal story and it will broadcast.
True: it is necessary to Rely on themselves, on their desires, the fact that it is convenient for us
Any expert knows what is best for you personally, except you. Do as convenient for you! Put your baby to sleep wherever you feel comfortable – at least in the suitcase in the hallway. Play one of those games that you like. Remember, you are the mother duck and the baby needs you to adapt, not Vice versa.
Incorrect: when the parent devotes time to yourself is the time it takes the child
You go to a movie with a friend, instead of to collect from the son of the designer? You have to play with the baby whenever he asks? Believe that a good mother is not in the bathroom, and puts the pyramid?No! This is an exhausting idea.
It: to my parents was force on children -they need to replenish resources
Child rearing requires parents to be emotional and energy costs. To spend something on the child, it's something somewhere take.If we never take, soon we have nothing left. And this will be bad in the first place the child. It is the law of Lomonosov-Lavoisier — if there's something added, something diminished.
False: it is necessary to engage with the child "useful" lessons, even if you don't like it
Here you have done with it of an application and pictures of cereal, and then you get tired? How to be? The child requires the continuation! You grit your teeth, continue gluing and cutting. Stop doing what you don't like!
That's right: exercise with your child only to those you like
If you have something tired do not want or do not like to do with the child – do not do!
Tired of sculpt – sculpt. Don't want to roll — do not roll. Let's say you like fire and water – pour water into the tub and run to the candles. Any child will love it.
To do with the child only what is interesting for you is the only thing that really needs your kids.
Wrong: feel obligated to rejoice in children's drawings and crafts
You're really pleased with the twenty-fifth figure of the child? We taught them that the drawings and crafts – the only thing a child can do for parents. In addition, our children don't know what mother drinks tea with cream, grandpa brew two bags, and my dad doesn't put sugar. Why? Because we don't teach.
Right: tell the child that you are really happy:
Children want to please us, but don't know how. Teach him how to brew coffee, make mint tea, bring a blanket when you sit on the couch.
Wrong: you should be curious with your child
It is believed that if you are not interested, then you are a bad mother. This is nonsense.
That's right: you should be interested in himself
Then the children will wonder you. Passion attracts others.
Wrong: you have become a friend to your child
You have had a difficult relationship with her mother, and now you want to become a friend of your daughter? To tell each other everything? It is an illusion.
Right: adults and children are not equal
You can't be equal to a three year old. But can you be friends with a teenager. If you get it – it's very cool.
Incorrect: the child should always entertain
It drains our resources, and it.
That's right: the child can not be given at all interesting mugs from
Since it is impossible to play all the games, paint all the paintings, solve all the puzzles. No one can do that – neither you, nor I, no.
Incorrect: a happy childhood depends on the amount of money, brothers, sisters, toys
A child who has many toys, happier child, who has nothing?
A child in a full family is definitely happier than incomplete? The child needs to be happy brothers and sisters? A dog? No, no and no.
True: the amount of something else does not matter, most importantly — passionate people around
The only thing a child needs to grow up in harmony, is that in his field of vision was at least one person "in their place". Such people find themselves and considers the world as a whole is beautiful. The child sees it and grows calm. If the most important people in his life are in the world in its place – then he will find a place when I grow up. If you work in a Bank and love my job – bring a child there. The Bank is very interesting! If you have a profession did not work, show them someone is passionate about.
Incorrect: the child became successful, it must "pop up" led to books, tennis and three languages
Parents represent the world as a pyramid, and try to "throw" a taller child.
It is a natural desire. But the parents tossed it, and his place may not be quite there, but somewhere on the side. Upstairs he can become anyone, but he will never fall into place, not "light up".
True: people can build a harmonious life in a very large range of possibilities
The world is more like a Christmas tree, on which hangs a garland with lights.
Each bulb is a man who found himself. The light bulb can hang down in the center, side, upstairs is still. When the man in his place – it glows!published
Author: Katerina Murashova, recorded Maria Evseeva
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©
Source: ezhikezhik.ru/reviews/10-zabluzdenij-roditelej-iz-za-kotoryh-v-otnoseniah-s-rebenkom-vsegda-cto-to-ne-tak
Wrong: the Parents adapt their lives to the child
All the time you ask the child where he wants to sleep he wants to have or try to guess what it is better. It turns out that adults follow the child, not Vice versa. It often happens that the child "leads" the four adults – mother, father, grandmother and grandfather. Child it is unbearable. This is an absolute guarantee of neurosis. Its resources are being rapidly depleted, it starts to act up out of the blue, becoming aggressive, not sleeping, not eating.
Right: the Child must adjust to parents
The child comes into the world, not having the slightest idea about how this world works. The child is ready to adapt to any life in the Yurt of the nomads or in the castle of the aristocrats.
This model of "mother-duck and ducklings" ducklings always go for duck, and not Vice versa. We inherited it from biology. The cub physically, physiologically and mentally adapted to follow the female. Or both parents where the education is carried out together, as humans.
Our children are ready to adapt to everything, except one – when they are forced to play their role. To preadolescent their role is that of a "duckling" that goes behind the mommy duck.
Not true: raise a child according to the "experts"
Experts are psychologists who know relatives, experienced moms. In certain situations they can help. But we cannot blindly follow all advice, educate children "according to Murashova" or "simultaneously". Because there is something that can not be calculate – the peculiarities of their life and mentality. Experts are people with its history. Someone survived the siege and famine, and therefore believes that children should hard to coddle and feed to satiety, someone has a different personal story and it will broadcast.
True: it is necessary to Rely on themselves, on their desires, the fact that it is convenient for us
Any expert knows what is best for you personally, except you. Do as convenient for you! Put your baby to sleep wherever you feel comfortable – at least in the suitcase in the hallway. Play one of those games that you like. Remember, you are the mother duck and the baby needs you to adapt, not Vice versa.
Incorrect: when the parent devotes time to yourself is the time it takes the child
You go to a movie with a friend, instead of to collect from the son of the designer? You have to play with the baby whenever he asks? Believe that a good mother is not in the bathroom, and puts the pyramid?No! This is an exhausting idea.
It: to my parents was force on children -they need to replenish resources
Child rearing requires parents to be emotional and energy costs. To spend something on the child, it's something somewhere take.If we never take, soon we have nothing left. And this will be bad in the first place the child. It is the law of Lomonosov-Lavoisier — if there's something added, something diminished.
False: it is necessary to engage with the child "useful" lessons, even if you don't like it
Here you have done with it of an application and pictures of cereal, and then you get tired? How to be? The child requires the continuation! You grit your teeth, continue gluing and cutting. Stop doing what you don't like!
That's right: exercise with your child only to those you like
If you have something tired do not want or do not like to do with the child – do not do!
Tired of sculpt – sculpt. Don't want to roll — do not roll. Let's say you like fire and water – pour water into the tub and run to the candles. Any child will love it.
To do with the child only what is interesting for you is the only thing that really needs your kids.
Wrong: feel obligated to rejoice in children's drawings and crafts
You're really pleased with the twenty-fifth figure of the child? We taught them that the drawings and crafts – the only thing a child can do for parents. In addition, our children don't know what mother drinks tea with cream, grandpa brew two bags, and my dad doesn't put sugar. Why? Because we don't teach.
Right: tell the child that you are really happy:
Children want to please us, but don't know how. Teach him how to brew coffee, make mint tea, bring a blanket when you sit on the couch.
Wrong: you should be curious with your child
It is believed that if you are not interested, then you are a bad mother. This is nonsense.
That's right: you should be interested in himself
Then the children will wonder you. Passion attracts others.
Wrong: you have become a friend to your child
You have had a difficult relationship with her mother, and now you want to become a friend of your daughter? To tell each other everything? It is an illusion.
Right: adults and children are not equal
You can't be equal to a three year old. But can you be friends with a teenager. If you get it – it's very cool.
Incorrect: the child should always entertain
It drains our resources, and it.
That's right: the child can not be given at all interesting mugs from
Since it is impossible to play all the games, paint all the paintings, solve all the puzzles. No one can do that – neither you, nor I, no.
Incorrect: a happy childhood depends on the amount of money, brothers, sisters, toys
A child who has many toys, happier child, who has nothing?
A child in a full family is definitely happier than incomplete? The child needs to be happy brothers and sisters? A dog? No, no and no.
True: the amount of something else does not matter, most importantly — passionate people around
The only thing a child needs to grow up in harmony, is that in his field of vision was at least one person "in their place". Such people find themselves and considers the world as a whole is beautiful. The child sees it and grows calm. If the most important people in his life are in the world in its place – then he will find a place when I grow up. If you work in a Bank and love my job – bring a child there. The Bank is very interesting! If you have a profession did not work, show them someone is passionate about.
Incorrect: the child became successful, it must "pop up" led to books, tennis and three languages
Parents represent the world as a pyramid, and try to "throw" a taller child.
It is a natural desire. But the parents tossed it, and his place may not be quite there, but somewhere on the side. Upstairs he can become anyone, but he will never fall into place, not "light up".
True: people can build a harmonious life in a very large range of possibilities
The world is more like a Christmas tree, on which hangs a garland with lights.
Each bulb is a man who found himself. The light bulb can hang down in the center, side, upstairs is still. When the man in his place – it glows!published
Author: Katerina Murashova, recorded Maria Evseeva
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©
Source: ezhikezhik.ru/reviews/10-zabluzdenij-roditelej-iz-za-kotoryh-v-otnoseniah-s-rebenkom-vsegda-cto-to-ne-tak