If a child is missing in the virtual world

Gagloshvili in children – topic raised in the media quite often. But all authors, ranging from specialists and ending with journalists, always too unanimous in their assessments of the situation and its resolution. Sometimes it seems that a different point of view and can not be. However, Katerina Murashova, a family counselor, a specialist in child and adolescent psychology, offered to look at the problem of gagloshvili young generation with another, unexpected direction.



Holistic world of computer games

– Katherine, the last time we talked about the experiment you conducted with adolescents, inviting them to abandon the gadgets and spend eight hours alone with themselves. The obtained results give two obvious conclusions. First, it turned out that modern teenagers do not stand alone. Secondly, most of them gagloshvili. Whether gagloshvili is the most acute problem of modern young people, so to speak, the plague of XXI century?

– It is obvious that the majority of young people dependent on their electronic devices. I think no one will not argue. Just what "combitest", in your opinion?

– First of all, causes a subjective fear that the modern teenager was not interested in anything.

– Except that it finds on the network.

Reality for him is not intense. The intensity of the presence "here and now" in a computer game is much higher.

– Higher than in the real world, so to speak, in a real school, a real family.

– It turns out that we can not offer anything, he was bored.

– Then let's define a few landmarks, to make it clear that I will tell later. The wand first. Will you agree with me that in this area, i.e. computer games, the development of gadgets employ the best brains of mankind? In this area, with the best, most talented.

– In the intellectual sense, Yes.

– Creative too. If you've seen one computer game, you realize that no creative contribution to make it impossible. All present-the very works to some Peter, turning your gadget could not keep my hands off him at all, because it's awesome.

The second pylon. We are not talking already, 15-20 years ago, about some separate Islands – that's a computer game, that's the Internet, here is the e-mail. There is a world. The whole world. It is possible to communicate, to be friends, to quarrel, to draw, to write, to argue, to agree, to fall in love. It is a holistic world. Agree?

– I agree, but it is virtual.

Yes. Veshka third. Do you agree that the world is very few years? Let's say, 30 years ago it itself was not. It's a new world. The world, booming directly into our eyes, it develops simultaneously with our children.

– This is scary, because nobody knows where he is going. I agree.

– So, with landmarks that I wanted to discuss, do you agree? So: it's a new world, it is obvious to the whole world and develop the best minds.

– That is it quality?

– Of course, quality. And he's improved and is improving right before our eyes, becoming more perfect, attractive, diverse. And "combitest" is that our children go there. Just plop and there. If a child emerges from that world here, everything to him seems so gray, suchanick. And he hurries back, gurgling.

We have now identified absolutely eternal, long known to us the problem of humanity is the new world in which the young leave, as well as sailed to the New world the ships of which reached not all. They died, but the ships were leaving over and over again. They go to new worlds, there is the Outpost of humanity. No one knows where he is going. This world only 30 years. But there are young, there are active. And he's incredibly attractive compared to the boring, gray old world.





The journey to the New world and fears venerable matrons

– That is, there is no problem?

– It is. You – the venerable European matron of the seventeenth century, and your son every day to go to the port where you can go pirate or not pirate Galleons, and spends his time in the waterfront dives where they fight, where blood is shed and you realize that you'll never hold him, and, most likely, your son or hired a cabin boy, or hide in the hold of a fleeing vehicle. Most likely, you will never see, because even if he reached the New world, it is unlikely he will return back to you. And you'll never know what became of your boy. You have no problem?

You have a problem you would like to continue his father's work and was, for example, a shoemaker.

But in this case, the matron could take his son's choice, if you believe that there is, in the New world, he will find his place in life, worthwhile. The computer the worst thing is not that the child goes to another world, and that nothing he creates.

At that time mother was not so easy to convince myself that there, in another world, her son would be something to build. Because first, it was necessary to him, before the world, to swim. And along the way many died. At the beginning, you remember where they landed? It was a Caribbean island, it was South Georgia? There was absolutely not suitable for Europeans, the climate, and they were dying like flies. Even if it was possible to swim, to get, to become a planter, to succeed, anyway, some kind of worm, and blyams all.

If he's found himself? Of course! You sit and think, "Float away, float away tomorrow. What to do? What to do?" Beat tried that. To convince, to be a shoemaker, already tried. Nothing helps. "Boring," he says, "grey, you have everything, dust dusted". But there is a New Light.

– Is it possible from this to conclude that the parent needs to relax and allow the child to decide what to do?

– Here no prescription. Remember, you agreed with my three rods and I agree with you when you said, "We don't know anything about where it is, this virtual world is." I agree with you, I don't know where it leads. Therefore, no prescription no. Children go into this unknown world, like our ancestors, the Cossacks had cut down trees on the star, Venus, and came to Sakhalin. They were attracted by the same thing – "new world". And the path to that world was always full of dangers.

– Probably, if I were not a mother, I would like the train of thought would have seemed more convincing. But I, fortunately, mother, and I want that children lived reality.

In this case, you put all the power of his soul and intellect to convince the child that the shoemaker – a wonderful profession that the Old world has not yet exhausted its possibilities that it has a lot of interesting things, and the prospects of the New world is rather vague, though, because one of the ships sinking. Tell him everything that you have all your own sensual experience of interaction with the world port city with its craft shops and all that does not concern the sea. Explain that pirates are not romantic, recall that in the sea there are no women. In General, all that you have, all throw in there. Help? Not a fact. Because the New world is calling.

Okay, I can agree that the Internet, social networks, interest groups have a lot to offer to modern man and even, in some sense, child. But computer games?

– You know that now computer games are almost all online, and players have a real community, where we communicate and even make friends.

– Katherine, actually, I confess that I thought that our conversation will go in a completely different way. Thought that the starting point is the statement that the virtual world is bad.

– I told you, now would be interesting.

Another rule

– Nevertheless, I am still convinced that computer games are harmful and prefer reality. But even I have a question I want to address you as a therapist and as a writer. Why the virtual world of the net is bad, and the fictional world of books good? Because it takes the person out of reality. Moreover, there is also communication no.

– And who told you that he is good?

Is the conventional wisdom. Almost every mother will be happy if her child will lay the gadget and pick up a book.

– I want to tell you that a couple of centuries ago, the picture was quite different. The girls said, "You novels-polybromi all and come to normal life back". Because of the book – the same illusory world.

– When romance studies came, it similarly rejected, maybe now the same thing happens?

The same thing never happens, but everything develops in a spiral, no doubt. Man has always been drawn to the unknown. To leave their homes is in the nature of man.

– Still, before those who left the ordinary world and gone to the New world or to Sakhalin, was the goal.

Is an illusion.

– What about thirst for knowledge?

– Not most of them have such a thirst. Can you imagine what kind of riff-raff floated on these shells?

– Then greed. Still, they had something, I'm sure of it. And those who dives into the computer, nothing. There is no desire. Moreover, from the pioneers required a great effort, they overcame something. A computer, on the contrary, proposes to postpone all Affairs, nothing to overcome, and to sit down and play.

– As it is nothing to overcome? Don't you see how they all shake just as much, moving from the 27th level in the 32nd? I, for example, there is a familiar programmer who spends half of his salary on himself, and the other half on your character – elf 47 level. Sandals of speed she buys something. That is, this world is also demand some sacrifices. Clearly, this is another matter, but there is something in common that leads them is the same: "This world is old, dusty, boring. Somewhere New, and I'm going to find him."

– But if you just let children in the virtual world, it could end badly, such cases were not isolated.

– I sometimes think that such fears are exaggerated. Do modern parents do? Now is the time when, figuratively speaking, in the gadgets part of the second generation. That is gadgetopia parents gave birth to children. For example, dad 27, mom 25. They have a child, they both parted with gadgets. Yes, they met online. Their child is five, he is also not aloof from the tablet.

– You know about this?

– Oh, Yes.

– They give the impression of normal families?

– Yes, there is a sense that they were all right. But that's a different rule, of course.





Method sudden movements

– But full of completely opposite situations. Here is an example from the life of my friend. Lately she began to notice that her son no longer interested in the outside world, not making friends, not going out, not wanting to visit clubs and wants to spend time exclusively in the company of his computer. To her, this situation does not seem normal and I want to do something.

– If you want to, you can do. Suppose the mother who sees it, it seems that the situation is going somewhere is not there, in this case, when talking about the child who still did not earn, she could easily take the computer to his son and throw him against the wall so that the gears will fall. She has every right to do so and to say that if you want another, get up and go, earn.

– Leave my examples from life, take your. After all, you have probably gadgetophilia?

– I tell them exactly what I told you. If you think that the situation is medical or is close to a mental problem, you can do a very sudden movement.

– No sudden impossible?

– No.

– Maybe, we can not deny, but only to limit? For example, not more than an hour a day.

– This option is also possible, but only under the condition that the restrictions imposed initially. Enter them when the process is already running, did not succeed. However, the child is able to obey and learn to lie, for example, instead of school to go to computer club.

Find your place and live on it

– If the options are so many and some of them are diametrically opposed, it leaves parents their greatest fear. It is enclosed in a doubt that the selected solution may not be correct. So a normal parent want to find...

– The right advice?

– Yes, correct. So they come to therapy and say, "What can we do? Tell me what is right".

The problem is that the right Board does not exist. For the reason that you, Marina, characteristically, not me, announced: "We don't know where does this new world." Everything else we are only dreaming. However, if we clearly begin to see that our child is heading into the abyss, you need to make a sudden movement. This is how to hit a rolling ball with a baseball bat. He will roll in the other direction.

Only we must remember that the other side may be a new abyss. There are no guarantees. And yet the duty of the parents to do something, if the situation really got out of control. If a clear threat to the child in addition to games still are passionate about something can, and should leave him alone.

– Still want to look for other ways to solve problems, to avoid any sudden movements. Something to captivate a child. Take, for example, to hike, to take for a month in the mountains.

– If from the beginning we went camping for a month in the mountains, then likely no problems with gagloshvili and would not be. This is the case with my youngest son. We took him camping with three months. And restrict the computers it never had because it focuses on real life. In principle, the parent can do so that the child will always occur in the reality of his capture. The campaign in this case is a good example, but the tour of the sights – no.

– Help?

– Few things can be more boring for a teenager than sightseeing.

– That is a backpack on him, and go somewhere?

The problem is that most parents are not able themselves to put on a backpack and somewhere to go.

– Maybe the time together to engage in some life?

– I'm afraid that this option is not necessary. If the parent itself is not interested, he won't be able to captivate the child. The main thing – something self-illuminating. That's why in artistic families often grow up to be perfectly normal children? After all, their life goes on behind the scenes, none of them particularly involved, but they see the burning of her mother's eye, I see that parents are busy love, not pretend, not for the sake of the child went to the drama club.

– Then parents can start with yourself? Just search for your place in life?

– Actually this is a controversial question that a child needs. Some say the child needs only parental love, and the material does not need to. Others say, Yes it's all nonsense, the baby needs the material because we live in a material world. Others say: you know, it is not so important, and you need to complete family – mom and dad, and, you know, better yet brothers and sisters, and even better grandparents. But what if only a single mom? But nothing, bummer. This is all General nonsense.

The only thing a child needs, by and large, is a happy mother, everything. Without anything else you can do. But this can not be replaced by anything. Well, if it happened, then the happy father is also an option.

The child needs to see a man in his place next to him. It can be really Granny. So if I ask: "What can I do for my child?" – there is one answer. Find your place and live on it. Here is something without which a child's life is incomplete. And all the rest – availability of gadgets, money, brothers, sisters, dads – it's all fine. But if it is not, then the child is not doomed to be unhappy.

But if the child looks around and sees a close not a single person in his place, if the mother says, "I work to feed you," the father says, "I would have quit that job, Yes we have a mortgage", then nothing will help. You can talk to him, "you would Go in a circle, you would have found yourself a hobby". And the psychologist may be as many advised: "you Go the whole family on a canoe". None of this will help.

– Yes, such life is really the child will seem bleak and hopeless.

– Of course, he has seen enough, as dad all his life a shoemaker works. Come, stretch out his leg, and he was there in front of them both, and the extra bracing. And then what the child wants. He decides: "I will go to El Dorado! There, they say, you know, how much you earn! Mother, I'll bring the whole ship of gold". Mother: "Drown!" "But better to drown than the rest of our lives here so sit." New world, the shining world, where does not know.

In General, the main advice is to look for the parents themselves, not for a child to hide.

– Now all to drop everything immediately and start looking for yourself! The mortgage side. Immediately looking for yourself, and do it for the sake of the child has not received computer addiction. Not going to work. In General, the good psychologists don't give advice, they just take and twist the glass, which is known to be multi-faceted, and multi-faceted human personality, and as a multifaceted human life. In General, the task of the psychologist to twist the glass.

– Show all that there is?

– Not everything, something, anything. And then parents should have themselves to think what is good for them and for their children.published

 

Interviewed By Marina Lanskaya, Katerina Murashova

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©

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Source: www.pravmir.ru/v-novyiy-svet-skvoz-monitor-1/