© Caras Ionut
All want fairy tales. All love stories. Gathered, brought beauty, won the heart of Prince, and got married. Exhale. Live happily ever after. Finish!
Remember when we were preparing for the wedding. For a month did everything and pedicure, and manicures, and tanning, and facial treatments for your hair. And as for me, at that time almost everything was for the first time, I'm really tired. Yes, the day of the wedding and skin, and nails, and outfits were perfect For one day. And it seemed to me that marriage is the final point. Then you can exhale. Remove the corset, which is a bit difficult to breath, shoot again, long nails, with which it is so difficult to wash dishes, get my black jeans, oversized sweatshirt with snowflakes, lay on the couch... the Goal is reached, I'm already married. Will continue happily ever after.
I was sorely mistaken. If I knew this was only the beginning... If I knew that to get married is easy, but to stay there is a daily work... If I understood that to be a woman is every day to maintain their beauty, every day instead of once in a lifetime, within a month, wholesale... a Wedding is not the finish line and start line. Has no end, it's a lifelong marathon.
The marathon of a lifetime in the name of love
After ten years of marriage, I already know that the relationship is no finish line. And even those who think her divorce is wrong. Their relationship, too, continue to live, and not always this "life after death" someone feel good. What can we say about those whose relationship alive and develop. They can't stand still. They may not always be smooth and well without your efforts.
No features, which is going to exhale, relax and do nothing. There is no finish line, no holidays, no weekends. Relationship is every day life. Work, mindfulness, love. To learn to love, accept, forgive, work, his ego, his greed, envy.
Sometimes it seems – Oh! Have so many "work it out", have all seemed to be forgiven and accepted – and here again and again. To stay, to relax, to begin to rest on our laurels - and could happen again crisis. And even after many years together, each crisis could be fatal. From it nobody is insured.
Sometimes you think it's simple and natural – and then the labor, just love. Yeah, someone was lucky with family karma and upbringing. But even here not everything is clear. There are times in family life when you easy for each other to do, to support, to please a loved one. Especially in the beginning. But times are good periods occur and difficulties. Where we have to make a decision to love, to make conscious choices. And this moment is not so easy to prepare a Breakfast favorite in the morning. Sometimes they even forget that this man is a favorite.
A very interesting thing told my editor, she loves word formation in different languages. I quote: "In Hindi, which evolved from Sanskrit, largely preserved the Sanskrit word formation, grammar Sanskrit. And in Hindi not say "reign" and "take the Kingdom", not "love", and "make love." Almost modern "making love", but put an entirely different meaning. That is love in Sanskrit — an ancient proto-language means to Express love every day. So thought and spoke of our Vedic ancestors. Every day to do something, or — is not love."
It is very close to the concept of "love is a verb", which was trying to bring people Stephen Covey. Talking about it and many Vedic lecturers. The problem of families not that the love is gone, but only that we don't want to love. We don't want to commit some action, we want it somehow has evolved and grown. To live happily ever after, but to us it did not require any investment and effort. We were tired, exhausted and hoping to rest up on the couch while all by itself will improve.
- "Even if the husband does something and I don't want to." This "do not want" lots of reasons – fatigue, and misunderstanding, and again some bad period (or PMS).
- "Now we're good, I'll relax". Cease to look after themselves, the house, the husband. Stop wearing him in the evenings.. Cease to communicate with him. We are all good.
- "What we can make happen!". So why should the family pay attention. Husband is probably useless. The house will not collapse, the children will survive if I will Pajaros...
- "If a relationship is hard – it's time to walk out of them". And a lot of the parables about a dead horse, which it's time to climb. That's just the majority of the half-dead horse, and rescue her. At least try to.
So slowly we forget the most important thing – we forget to love. To love means to act. Every day. Especially when "all is well". If I don't choose the actions of love every day, what I create?
If you compare the marriage relationship with fire, it is clear that fire all the time you need to throw the logs. Even while it is still burning. Sometimes it is possible to outline with a stock and some time to relax. Long. Because time does not flip over. And the fire will not care that you have a few years to support him and spent a lot of effort. He's just going to end. And you will have to re-ignite.
In ancient times, for example, a fire in the houses never decline. Women would get up even at night to keep it. After all, fire is warmth, food and comfort. If the house extinguished the fire, it was a huge shame it is for my wife. It failed, not kept. Gone, forgotten, treated irresponsibly.
Today we, the women, homemakers our love, our relationship. This fire is difficult to see sometimes just do not understand the condition it's in (especially if you do not know how to feel). If we are distracted to something else, became interested in something else, immersed himself in the wrong place – the fire will go out. And it will be on our conscience. Because we relaxed, forgot, left, evaded its primary responsibility in the relationship.
Sometimes there are difficult times. They are similar in our case, the rain which will spoil all of our firewood. Then we'll do the same, all right, but in vain. Firewood not only will fuel our fire, but even begin to extinguish. You will need to show ingenuity, patience, persistence and faith. As in times of crisis family it is not enough to do what you've always done. Enough of the usual dinner and a massage. Need a heart-to-hearts, letting go of the men in the cave, self-development, deeper relative to the same dinner...
Sometimes the fire burns for so long that some people think that it burns by itself. And you say that her husband is lucky, you have good karma and in your case to talk about the family. These people don't see that every day you again and again bring wood for your fire, again and again fuel it. For them, all your hard work – just luck. Did you know that it's a choice. A daily choice. And your, and your husband. Don't devalue his work in this matter.
To get firewood is the task of men, you – distribute these resources. Cherish, appreciate. In order not to burn everything for a few hours, that was a reserve for the cold weather and days when he will not be able to bring you poleni. Each task that requires a male or female qualities in their entirety. And both complement each other, being in their places.
Sometimes it may seem that the husband is a little wood, too bad, too wet, too fresh wood. Instead of supporting it, you can make the main female a mistake. We look at other people's fires. They are big, huge, and seemingly none of them so much doesn't care. It's all by itself as it burns, and how — to the heavens. We tihonechko jealous and want certainly the same. Or stronger.
Our women's greed is pushing us to start doing more than you need. For example, you can go into the forest themselves, to deprive men of this duty. And only on the resource to "harmonize relationships". To build a fire as big as the neighbors. But this is your illusion. Or only a temporary state of harmony. Relationship is a mutual process, not a one-sided game.
In the pursuit of the size of the fire, we run out of steam. Because we really live comfortably with a small but constant light. Huge fires are not for everyone – they need to be able to manage well to carry their heat, learning to breathe near them. Trying anyone to copy, we do more than we ourselves need, and strength over very quickly, and the fire remains the same small.
The size of your stake is unimportant. It is important that next to him all warm and cozy to both husband and wife feel in their places, each has the strength and desire to do his duty. And how it looks from the outside – it is something that has to worry you the least. Each of us – your husband and your light. The forces and opportunities. Then why run over someone? Why to carry a huge log? Why destroy the confidence of his men? Why for the sake of it to ruin your family?
Sooner or later the man who brings the wood in your home leaving. Where it need firewood as they are wet, curves, small. The man also wants to love in his own way, as best he can. And who are we to judge it. We're homemakers, not lumberjacks.
Extraction of fire wood makes our hearts callous and rough, our hands are calloused and hard. We no longer can they gently hug and cuddle. We cannot remain fragile and defenseless (have you ever seen a fragile and defenseless lumberjack?). And even the big fire nobody will be happy and not warm.
Would be better if those same forces spent for the benefit of family – supporting your favorite small and light. Yes, sometimes you can walk around and collect firewood. A bit, without fanaticism. Of brushwood, which will dry the wood, brought by her husband from the forest, or will hold out until his arrival. The small branches, helping the fire to penetrate large pieces of wood. If you need it, you have the strength and you want.
But now growing numbers of women who seek to withdraw from a fire requires constant attention and participation, and replace it with the warmth of something else, less demanding. A heater or something, pay for electricity, it warms. And the main thing here once a month to pay, then you can nothing to take care of. Then you definitely will not need to constantly think about fire in your home never went out. I know how these lonely women who are so convenient for any who do not to adapt, that this freedom in some strange and perverse way compensates for the emptiness of the heart.
Choosing a strategy to maintain the fire, you can use the accelerate burning substances not to use firewood, and, for example, take cardboard, pouring the fire with gasoline to burn trash. But the result will be the same as your methods. The cardboard gives you faster results, but just as quickly burns out. The smell of combustion that has got to spoil all the thrill of fire. You have a lot of control over fire. You can try to manipulate him, and you can accept that it is an eternal watch. Where there is no end point. Where you always have to throw the wood, shovel ash rake up the embers, to hold the attention.
Do not leave the fires of your relationship without attention. Otherwise you'll Wake up when their place will remain only ashes. Not always the fire you can breed again. Sometimes it's too hard, and it would be easier not to let him out. If the coals are still fresh – your chances more. And if you are around bad weather, the mission may not be feasible. Because you need something to ignite the fire.
The initial spark gives us the Lord, giving her together with a loved one. And then we decide what to do with it and how. To solve that it will somehow grow together and not go out. Or start at his spark to care, support, follow.
To love is to act. Want to kindle in his own heart that fire again, even if it is already extinguished. Wanting to please this fire someone. Then your relationship will not go out can not only warm the two of you. But your children, grandchildren, friends...
Author: Olga Valyaeva