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Escaping from the vicinity
In a relationship intimacy is the place of maximum vulnerability to be real with others defenseless.
Due to various traumatic experiences such an experience can be felt as very insecure, which is why the closer we are to each other, the could be worse, all the skeletons come out of the closet and look us in the face with his terrifying grin.
And people run away from proximity in two ways: in isolation and in fusion.
At the time of detection of differences in interests and needs there is a conflict, "I want one, and you want another." And if you want something in your childhood was insecure (punish me), I'll run in isolation. And if I was insecure when another wants something of her own (leaving me), then I run to the merger, refusing to acknowledge the right of another person on your desires and requiring him to satisfy my desires. And it turns out that one overtakes the other.
Two versions of such retreating is a fact that isolation is sent to the other (which I kicked) and the merger are being denied their interests (I allow another to eat me substitute their interests his interests, not to create controversy).
Usually we use all four options in different situations and with different people.
Can't escape neither in isolation nor in a merger is to stay in the moment of aggravation of contradictions, recognizing their right and the right of another person to their needs, but not requiring the other to meet them. In this place you just need to sit down and to see these contradictions raise the question: how do we in the here and now in the presence of your and my desires, while staying true to herself and not forcing another to do.
It is in this place and is intimacy: you can be yourself and I can be myself. If we are at this point friendly to each other are, starting cooperation, we are looking for a third option, and the development of relations and each of their members individually.
There is a joke: two Jews — three opinions, it is all about.published
Author: Anna Paulsen
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: anna-paulsen.livejournal.com/961168.html
Due to various traumatic experiences such an experience can be felt as very insecure, which is why the closer we are to each other, the could be worse, all the skeletons come out of the closet and look us in the face with his terrifying grin.
And people run away from proximity in two ways: in isolation and in fusion.
At the time of detection of differences in interests and needs there is a conflict, "I want one, and you want another." And if you want something in your childhood was insecure (punish me), I'll run in isolation. And if I was insecure when another wants something of her own (leaving me), then I run to the merger, refusing to acknowledge the right of another person on your desires and requiring him to satisfy my desires. And it turns out that one overtakes the other.
Two versions of such retreating is a fact that isolation is sent to the other (which I kicked) and the merger are being denied their interests (I allow another to eat me substitute their interests his interests, not to create controversy).
Usually we use all four options in different situations and with different people.
Can't escape neither in isolation nor in a merger is to stay in the moment of aggravation of contradictions, recognizing their right and the right of another person to their needs, but not requiring the other to meet them. In this place you just need to sit down and to see these contradictions raise the question: how do we in the here and now in the presence of your and my desires, while staying true to herself and not forcing another to do.
It is in this place and is intimacy: you can be yourself and I can be myself. If we are at this point friendly to each other are, starting cooperation, we are looking for a third option, and the development of relations and each of their members individually.
There is a joke: two Jews — three opinions, it is all about.published
Author: Anna Paulsen
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: anna-paulsen.livejournal.com/961168.html
