Keep your distance! This is the most important rule, from which stem all the rest. When a man and a woman enter into a new relationship, they are each other's uncharted territory. They rediscover each other and enjoy every step taken forward. Moreover, they ultimately strive to become one undivided whole — it is often considered the epitome of the ideal love relationship.
But with each step, made closer, from the relationship leaving the ease and novelty. At first, she exchanged for the sweet opportunity to open up to each other and it seems a fair exchange. Love the people specifically looking for this opportunity to open up to a partner you know and accept with all the giblets. They cannot themselves come to terms with yourself inside, so want someone to come to terms with them from the outside.
Already at this stage, many relationships begin to fall apart, because everybody wants to be loved, but few know how to love. It is impossible to make another person the way he is, if you can't accept yourself in all its properties and manifestations.
But usually nobody thinks, and convergence continues.
Because the same self-doubt men and women seek each other to bind yourself. They feel locked in the same cage, they will be able to save their relationship. So they want to control each other. All the questions about time spent alone, the desire to know everything about each other, the desire to be connected — for this is the desire to keep abreast of... just in case.
Therefore, the uncertainty and inner restlessness partners, pushing them forward, forcing deeper to penetrate and intertwine with each other. A romantic tale about the second half, about the man who will come and fill the gaping inner emptiness — it's a dream about to hide from his troubles in the arms of another man. Therefore, the convergence to full communion with each other is considered the essence and basis of a good relationship.
All this I describe in order to show how powerful force driven by people who joined in a love relationship towards each other. And this trend need first and foremost to learn to overcome.
Meet people pushing their fears. The fear of being alone, fear of life, fear of our own inner world, fear of responsibility, fear of losing love, fear of losing each other — solid fear and anxiety. In this track relationships quickly lose their pure primordial nature and become a way of avoiding the difficulties of life.
But for normal healthy relationship is mutual penetration is absolutely not necessary. Not necessarily to know everything about each other, to get full pleasure of communicating. If you do not associate themselves with vows of eternal love and fidelity, the relationship is not be lightweight and superficial, on the contrary, they become more honest and sober, and therefore more enjoyable and durable.To keep people close no need to put him in a cage — you need to give him freedom.
It is the fear of losing a loved one often leads to the loss. All this jealousy, suspicion and desire to put each other on a chain — that's what the relationship becomes heavy and tedious.
But that's not all. An unconditional rapprochement with each other has many other negative and dangerous for a relationship consequences.
As soon as there is a feeling that this man belongs to me, so once there is a false sense that I have on this man has some rights that I can demand something that he told me now something that I can put him in the guilt of failure hung on his obligations.
From that moment partners start against each other impudent start mutual manipulation, resentment and whims. Of relations gradually takes care, tolerance and respect. Now you can scream from the next room — "Hey you there, get me some coffee!" and the like.
What a man and a woman would never been allowed in the first weeks of Dating, it becomes appropriate and normal in six months. It may seem that this is the freedom of expression, which is so valuable in a relationship, but in fact it is the loss of care and loss of any control over themselves. That moment where you would have to control myself, but so want to with the one you love could completely relax.
And it's not that to save the relationship you need to continue each other defiantly care as recommended in glossy magazines. Artificial courtship solve nothing and always look forced. Loss of interest to each other — a consequence of excessive reduction of the distance.
Is little to separate the sides, and the woman again will be nice to dress up for her man, and he answered it will be nice to be gallant (or brazen robber, the taste and color).
Relationship — is the game challenging in terms of the process, not the result. Many people think that the goal in relationships is reaching the point where about the other person can say — "all right, now he's mine." That is when you can put the neck: "the Task is complete — the relationship is established" and relax.
But as soon as there is such a clear certainty, so once the game loses its meaning, the relationship turns into a boring routine and then with increasing speed rolling downhill.
To preserve the freshness of relations, we must abandon the desire to win, certainty and stability. Need to overcome their fear and allow a relationship to teeter on the brink of fame and obscurity. How to play animals — growl, bite, roll on the ground, but if the enemy is defeated on the blades, it should be time to let go — because otherwise the game will end.
Through the fears and the usual understanding is difficult to cross, but the only way you can build a really easy, honest and resilient relationship. Freedom creates a very special and much deeper affection.
To understand, you need to try it for yourself.
Have the courage to try: keep your distance. Allow each other to remain individuals. Not prilepite each other, not control each other, don't let yourself proprietary pretensions. Be yourself, but don't forget to share it with people who you love and who also have to be myself. Keep yourself in hand.
It seems complicated and annoying, but only until, until you feel the result — it is really worth it.
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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