When a person decides to change himself or with the help of psychology or psychotherapist, in the process, he must meet with some unpleasant moments. Ie, without this in any way.
One of them is taking responsibility for what happens in our lives. About the responsibility I wrote the text about being proactive. However, before you start doing it regularly you should always make the first move.What does it mean to take responsibility?
For many, this is equivalent to the determination of guilt. Ie if I take responsibility, so I admit I was wrong and guilty that I have something wrong in your life, moreover, it follows from this that I should be punished.
It is easy to confuse with legal definition of responsibility. Here, responsibility involves the "personal characteristic of a person, describing his ability to thoroughly analyze the situation, to anticipate consequences (the whole complex of consequences) of their actions or inactions in a given situation and make the choice of the form of their actions with a willingness to accept the consequences of choice, as an inevitable fait accompli."
In General, many people refuse responsibility for the events in their lives, it is because "determining the guilt and punishment that should follow it. And since it is normal to seek to avoid the bad experiences, people prefer to avoid responsibility for what happens to them. They impose it on others, and even determine the guilt of other people for the problems in their own lives.
In fact, that person waives liability in my life happened, he tries to push out. Why? Because bad things in life reduce self-esteem. All, of course I know that "bad things happen to good people", but nevertheless, if you listen to human opinion, nothing bad just not happening. Increasingly heard that "the fool". Yes, of course, all that happens is part of your participation, but this participation is not always negative. Some of the things that happens to us is completely neutral, but there are people who tend to paint them black and write yourself a verdict. Either they believe that such a verdict should be issued so any means to avoid it.
In the situation with the disclaimer often made up of individuals with traits of perfectionism. When something does not work, means for perfectionist a pretty serious failure. Although even if really a failure as such, no. The failure may be that the situation is not as we would like, but the people around do not behave as expected. This property of life, and most importantly – the ability to adapt or look for other alternatives for the implementation of their plans. But not for the perfectionist. Must be to blame. Either he is guilty or others. So as to be guilty to be not nice, the fault is not in men, conditions, the government, the position of the stars, the phases of the moon, etc.
Another reason for rejection of responsibility, a sense of failure of their ideas, plans or life principles. Is the feeling that everything is over and nothing else happens. And that it happened only because of you. I.e., that failure is a personal disaster. If something does not work out, it means it wasn't my fault, and the fault of others. So, failing a project, a person protects himself from feelings of personal failure. I have not achieved what they wanted in life? But it's not me, it was frustrating.
In addition, some people with the help of finding fault on the outside and disclaimer gain a kind of control over the situation, give yourself the opportunity to act in a certain way. If you know who to blame for your bad feelings, and you yourself not being here, it seems that you are in this situation, it is clear what to do. If a person "suggests", it is safe to give him in the eyes. The victim makes no sense to be unhappy with a black eye, because she asked for it. published
Author: Natalia Stilson
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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