There is so banal and obvious thought that about them even uncomfortable to speak and write. "To live, to breathe" - it's hard to imagine a more banal idea. Any person to whom you say this phrase, wondering why discuss it. After all, it is clear by default.
The same thing happens when I say that deliberate management of their own lives begins with the fact that people have to take responsibility for your life. With the exception of a very large army of fans of "prednachertano of fate", usually no one this thesis is not questioned. Yes, you have. And I do not understand why you talk about it, because it is so obvious. You would have said that in order to live, to breathe.
Indeed, once everything is obvious and trite. With only one difference. Breathe everything. But the responsibility for their lives to take much less.
"The responsibility for your life say? To take on? So who can argue. This horse is clear. Took a long time this is your responsibility. Now you better tell me...." This files most often followed by the question, which completely refutes the previous phrase and indicates that no liability on not take.
It is very easy to determine how the formulated question or problem which the person wants to resolve. Who wants to, can conduct an experiment.
Set aside article aside, take a sheet of paper and a pen and do the following:
1. Write the ten problems or challenges that You would like to solve in the near future.
2. What a way to resolve the situation You see in the moment?
3. What hinders to solve this problem now?
Now let's look at the ways that a person uses to remove responsibility from themselves.
It turns out that not all "horse course," a horse is accepted as a guide to action.
Nine excuses to do nothing
Probably the most common way to absolve themselves of responsibility. Can't start going to the gym. Can't find the time. Can't pull myself together. I can't concentrate... can't.... Can't... can't... Usually, "man can not" looking for the magic recipe, as still to be able to, without straining. And so, as such there is no solution, either a man spends his life in search of magic, either, giving up the search, resigned to fate.2. Shifting responsibility to others
and the search for those responsible: "the Director of the goat". "The husband is a tyrant", "Parents do not give ...", "Papa was not satisfied with a good job...". In the relationship of partners "for you...", "If you hadn't...", "you got me...".3. Shifting the liability to the circumstances:
"Not born there", "No conditions", "Career can only be done on the pull". "Not we such, life such".4. Attempts to change the situation by changing other people:
"I want to guide me appreciated", "How to explain to your parents that I'm an adult and don't need their control", "I want a husband ....".5. The shifting of responsibility for the current situation:
"Now is not the time...", "I'll do it, but after... .". "First we need....". Of course, there are often situations when the moment is not quite suitable. For example, opening a business in crisis may not be the best option, and such postponement may be justified. Although people who take responsibility, always find a reason why they did not start to do anything.6. Language.
"Pisses me off". "He annoys me". "Upsets me", "don't appreciate Me". If You analyze the phrase, you will see that the wording there is an element of passivity. Someone or something outside affects my inner state. But its internal state in response. And when we use such language, we disclaim responsibility for your feelings.7. The Game Is "Crippled."
A person who plays this game says its "trump phrase": "What do you want from a man like me?". He finds any flaw, either in yourself or in your life and this explains their problems and their passivity. Causes of defects, "cripple" can be of the disease, and the origin of the "poor family", "live in a small town with no prospects" and so forth.8. The search for the answer to a question that cannot be answered.
It can be either General questions to which there is simply no clear answer: "How to succeed...". Or search for secure ready-made recipes "How to convince...", "How to open a guaranteed profitable business ...".9. Marking the start of the action.
The formula of this excuses has the following structure: "If.... I would....". "If I lived in another city, I would be able to make a career". "If the husband let me work, I would ...". "If leadership was adequate, then ....".
All these ways allow you to evade responsibility. The question why? The answer is simple. Justification of passivity that allows you to maintain a stable self-image.
With me everything is OK, just... self-Deception.
There is a lovely phrase which describes the acceptance of responsibility:"The one who wants looks for a way who does not want looking for justification".
Now go back to the problems that You have formulated and see if the language that You wrote, passing the buck. If You found such a mechanism, it is necessary to formulate the problem by taking responsibility.9 plants how to take your life in your hands
It all starts with the installation of the "I can"
. Of course, there is the fact that we objectively can't. For example, to jump from place up to three meters. But this is a rather hypothetical example. Most of the problems are in the area of our "can." I believe that human development is a very important setting is "Not Gods pots", which means basic installation "I can."
"Can't" implies the inability, the hopelessness, and therefore, why rock the boat. Although in reality it is not. It is important to formulate the problem so that it was able to fix it, and it has become clear how to do it.
It is necessary to reformulate not "scary", "difficult", "risky" and so If we excuse "can not" replace "scary", then it is clear that we need to work with the fear, to overcome it. "Risky" — learn to count options, minimize your risk.2. Shifting responsibility on other a very convenient excuse.
It turns out that I'm good, but it is a reptile, so I something goes wrong. But! We can't change another person. We can change themselves, their behavior, and then change the behavior of others towards us. In this case it is important to define for themselves their area of responsibility, and ask yourself a checking question: "What can I personally do to change the situation." The answer should not be recommendations for other people, only for themselves.3. Shifting responsibility to the circumstances.
In common with the preceding paragraph. In many circumstances we cannot influence directly. They can either adapt, or change environment circumstances. No opportunities for development in a small town? You can move to a large. To develop their business using the Internet. A dead end job? Happen. Who prevents find the other? Just do not say that there are no jobs. You are alone, because "no real men". Understand that this is nonsense, and one can always be found.4. Attempts to change the situation by changing other people.
Already wrote that we can't change others. Think about how you can change yourself. One woman, whose husband is a successful businessman, complained that he refers to it lightly. Why is it so? She approached him with a request: "tell me some business." He naturally refused, since with this formulation the business is not open. And she kept trying to figure out how to make it so that he opened the business.5. Wrong time, can be really inappropriate.
But there are people whose whole life time is not suitable. So that's not the point. Thing is the excuses that people come up with, justifying passivity.6. Replace the wording of the type "irritates me", I-statements, such as "I'm nervous".
In the first formulation, something external affects our internal state and we can't do anything about it. If you use I-language, our state depends on us, we can control it.7. Stop trying to play "the Cripple".You're all right.
If we return to the image of the "Cripples", that is to deal with self-esteem.8. Stop looking for a recipe of success. It is not in principle.
Try to understand yourself, learn technologies of efficiency create your recipe.9. Remove from the vocabulary of "If...". This is an excuse.
Coulda woulda mouth grew mushrooms. Your "If...", it's just excuses.
To take responsibility for your life means concentration on opportunities.
The answer to the question:What can I do to change the situation?
Only with this approach we will manage your life. This can be done as long as man does not take real responsibility for their lives.
It is fair to say that there are situations in which we have no control. But we can always change your perception of the situation.
Just a week ago we returned from vacation, and missed connection in Istanbul. This is the fault of the airline. We did what depended on us. Changed the tickets. Then went to rest in the hotel. There were other latecomers, who have long cried, threatened by the courts, was indignant. Only the result is not affected. In the morning we met on the plane. We were relaxed, and people are nervous, not slept and tired. They just are unable to accept the situation, which really could not influence.
Also interesting: Not take responsibility for the happiness of an unhappy man... Take responsibility for WHAT happens in Your life
Responsibility is a key principle in human life. And, as I tried to show in the article, it's not as obvious as it seems at first.published
Author: Boris Litvak