Excellent article by Olga Valyaeva on why it is time for all of us "on the handles»!
All the girls are waiting for a life care. More precisely, we like all people want to love. And the love in our's, understanding - is a concern. What comes someone big and strong, and you will, a small and weak, on the handles. Save, heal, take care. We all want to handle. All the time. When we are sad, lonely, when we hurt and it is difficult when we are happy and well, when we have a day or not at all so. "In the hands" - a universal cure for all - fatigue, depression, sadness, anger, guilt, and not only.
Yes, absolutely all the evil woman is angry because no one to take their pens. Or is there someone, but not take it. But it is worth it for someone to take care and get as in "Buttermilk" - "This is why I was angry? Because I have no one in the pen I did not take. And now I'll just good! ».
I exaggerate, but it is. Any aunt in the queue, you upcoming feet and hamyang county, any troll the Internet a female, any gossip envy you - it's just a woman, no one to take care of that. Even if it seems that next to it there is someone. Maybe there is, maybe, a good man, maybe he even tries to take care of her. But somehow it does not feel this care, it is not filled and does not dissolve all the pain in it. The options are many.
Perhaps accustomed to fighting off the arms and legs when she wants to conclude a hug. Maybe she did not feel worthy of it to someone cared. Maybe she does not know what it is. Maybe she does not ask for care and hopes that he will guess. Or maybe she is trying to reach all and is committed to full independence. Every woman's a reason why she left without care. Although there are those for whom there is simply nobody to care. They are much smaller, but it happens.
The woman left without care and protection, it is not just vulnerable. She seemed naked in front of hundreds of people. She has to survive. We have to defend ourselves. You have to be somewhat aggressive, to create for himself armor. Its behavior can be challenging, harsh, rude, cheeky. What you want. And the most important is the goal - survival. And then it becomes a habit. See all the enemies, trust no one, no one do not ask, do not relax, no one could depend, rude, pushed his elbows.
Women who do not care off my heart, my soul freeze, so they do not interfere with survival. As if making a "spiritual anesthesia". It seems to be temporary. But after a while, it starts to move away anesthesia - in the heart of the pain again. The pain that a woman says that she is still alive. But often this pain is just frightening - and again the heart gets its dose of anesthesia. So goes the whole life. Without heart. According to the program of survival.
Any conflicts - is an attempt to women in any way to receive care. More often - strange and roundabout ways. For example, blackmail, manipulation, trade, their achievements, tantrums, endless shopping, food, non-repudiation. You can enumerate a lot, but the essence is. A woman in such behavior without even realizing yells at gibberish: "Urgently take me to handle!". But as a gibberish language, it is impossible to make out her request. You can hear a scream.
Our mother-in-law, boss, colleagues - substitute here the woman with whom you have a complicated relationship - and realize that they really just do not care enough. Not enough and not enough. Not by much happiness they swear to you. Not from the inner fullness. And only on the inner pain and tension.
These happy woman receiving enough care, so do not lead yourself. They do not need anyone to be rude to my goals. No need to force anyone to do something. Next to them we want to live differently, behave differently. And the people they are surrounded by others - nice grandmother, lovely woman. And this, by the way, a reason to think about yourself - if only those around you "evil aunt," then maybe you they are not that far gone? Maybe you, too, it is high time "to handle»?
Trees that grow not helped, and sometimes hindered, can grow terribly ugly, crooked, miserable. It can never give the fruit or to give a very, very bitter. A woman who does not know how to love, which did not receive the care and love, can send their entire force in women's anger against this most cruel world. Its power it can destroy and maim, to fight, to fight, to destroy. But the world of these better to do.
But the power of care in women's lives - much more than its previous negative experiences. You probably know that once carried out an experiment with plants. There were three categories of germs, care physically of all was the same. But different relationship. One - constantly whispering words of love, the other did not say anything, and the third and all whispered curses. The first grew faster and better second and third were killed. Even plants, to say nothing about the people need care and love. And this woman is the care needed in huge doses. Especially if there is a deficit (and it is almost all).
It would be great if "to handle" was recognized as a medicine and for women, it would be discharged recipes, which then could be "otovarit." That is, come and get what you need without unnecessary conversations and requests. I am sick, I need it, here is the recipe. And yet.
It would be great if every poor woman compulsorily be sent "to the pen" - as in the correctional work. To get the same send all those who poison the lives of others, "Woman, and you would not go to the pen!". That in times of crisis, not only handing out rations and coupons, but also "in the hands" - for women. Because if a woman is in crisis can keep yourself alive and happy, all the others will not notice the crisis.
It would be great if we ourselves learn to care for each other and take each other "in the hands" when it is so required. Do not shout, do not be rude, but mentally embrace and surround care. And so easy to talk about other people, the mythical world peace. But how hard, when it comes to your loved ones, your family. Especially those with whom you have the most complex relationships.
To my mother not taught to live, and their daughters were taken "to handle" even if my daughter forty. Especially if the daughter of forty. To grown daughter sometimes took "to handle" of their mothers, especially if no one else to take care of my mother. We do not come up, why is it wrong, did not try to bring happiness to his mother, and was surrounded by a concern. With love and respect.
To a daughter-in-law took all my heart to the family, not appreciating not competing. Surrounded by love that woman, who from now on will also give love to your son. The more you give her the heat, the more heat and get your favorite and a big boy. To their daughter-in-law saw women who are simply afraid of losing the love of such an important man for them. And then I took "to handle" those who are constantly fighting and who so hated.
"In the hands" is necessary for all. As often as possible. In all circumstances.
And we can help each other in this - women love through sharing circle "on the handle." Just try to give at least a modicum of heat to every woman you meet. Give a small portion of care - mentally or tangibly. Take them all "in the hands". Commensurate their capabilities, a little bit. Friends, colleagues, neighbors, relatives, all falling within your field of women. Take "to handle" for a couple of seconds to warm their warmth and release it in the world - that she passed it on. How quickly we would have gone all the wars and conflicts!
And to begin with would be worth that we ourselves have "to handle" themselves. As they say: "Take care of yourself, do not trust such an important matter as strangers!". And it is true. If you do start to take care of yourself, allow yourself to take care of this world, your life will change a lot. Both externally and internally.
Well-groomed woman - is the one for which I would like to look after. If we take care of themselves, Holim and cherish, then others also want to take care of us. Act. And if we threw ourselves, but everyone around invoice - who and how much should we care in grams - we just get frustrated. Because the first is to take itself "on the handle».
I take myself to handle, when in the evening, after putting the kids to bed and sit in silence with your favorite fermented baked milk and do masochki face, writing articles, read books, do crafts or just pray. Or when I walk alone in nature. Or I do what I love. Or allow yourself to be alone, without anyone in the silence. These are my priceless moments, without which in me begins to accumulate power.
You can wait for me to make my husband happy, but I know that he was such a burden can not do. Make of unhappy woman happy no one can. Until she decides that she deserves to have her "on the handle." Only I myself can not afford to be happy and to take care. Then he can multiply my inner wealth. Take me "in the pen." After all, a lot of "on hands" does not happen. This natural medicine, without preservatives and chemicals, it is not only harmless, but also very useful. Each one of us.
And instead of an epilogue. For men.
And I want to say a few words to men. After all, most pleasant, when "on the handle" you take exactly the one you love much. Whether it's a father, brother, husband, son, friend, relative ...
You do not know what to do with a woman? Take it on the handle.
You do not know how to calm a woman? Take it on the handle.
You do not know how to deal with her bad habits? Take e on the handle.
You can no longer argue with her? Take it on the handle.
You want to be heard? Take it on the handle.
Do you want to stop the war? Take it on the handle.
Do you want from her to get something (for example, a delicious dinner)? Take it on the handle.
You want to be happy at home? Take it on the handle and hold!
Handle carefully. Do not use. Take care. Protect. Love. And it will be your mascot, a talisman, your success and your inspiration. Harmony House begins with a woman who sits you "on the handles».