About Mother-egoist

- Well, - said a friend, skeptical glance at cheep bundle, tightly tied with a blue ribbon - and you brought into the house of a tyrant. While small. But mind you, it will grow. So do not wait, urgently take a second. Then they "closed" on each other and not grow quite so selfish.

Not yet come to himself from the first, the second, I did not dare even to think. "I will try to live with the tyrant!" - I said to myself mentally and plunged into the very top of the happiness of motherhood.

At first, we "tyrant" to get used to each other. Then we learn understanding. Then rejoice first achievements. And all this time I was not tired frighten compassionate friend and neighbor: "Wait a minute, here's rise - know. Remember, both of his hands did not take, dobaluesh! "And we together become more interesting. I read all sorts of clever books and fearlessly tested pedagogical innovations at Deniska. And for turnichok in the crib he bravely clinging, and began to walk early, bypassing the "polzatelny" stage, and the winter ran barefoot in the snow, and in three years the first book read. "No mother, and sadist!" - Openly indignant neighbor again saw no baby hats. "It is wrong to dissolve in the offspring!" - A verdict around with undisguised glee waiting for when I start to reap the bitter fruits of teaching.

In turn, the young mother, too, began to feel the strength of trying to define the scope of what is permitted. For a while, I was able to resolve conflicts through negotiation. The method, frankly, takes time. It is set aside undercooked mess back down nedomytaya dishes and ... was composed tale about another rude bunny-pig or pig. But once the waste reception has failed. Son pounding feet on the floor and comes in hysterics, necessarily required to give it to mock the "holosenkuyu" Thing from the top shelf. My sensible reasons were rejected, and the roar of momentum. The first impulse was to weigh the legal parent slap. Fleeing from temptation, I got up and walked out, closing the door behind him. Two minutes roar louder, and then got stuck on one note and ... moved to the monotonous whine. And a moment later appeared on the threshold of a very surprised my child: "What are you gone ?! I told you cry! "His outrage knew no bounds. "No, please, you cry yourself if you love it so much. I do not like, so I went. People, if they want to understand each other, talk and not roar ... »

It was our first test of strength. Potential "tyrant" realized unreasonable demands expressed categorically, my mother did not consider. A screaming into the void our own peril. I clarify: no matter how sorry choking crying child, sometimes you have to let him cry ...

The next testing ground was a store. Mothers already have known the beauty of public extortion howls and shouts: "Buy, greedy!", Admitted: it's really an incredible feeling! When Dennis took me to the most expensive machine and loudly demanded: "Mom, buy!" I inwardly tense ("This is it - the beginning!"). Then he took his hand and walked to the hanging next to the coat: "Denis, buy me! I like it ... »

Until now see before me utterly astonished attractive face his son: "Mom - somehow whisper it - but because I have no money ..." - "You know - a conspiratorial tone, I said - I do not have them, too so I'll stay as long as no new coat, and you - no cars. Progress? »

Readily agreed, sonny trotted to the exit. Since then, during any shopping trips, he was interested in moving, whether we have enough money for food, ice cream, toys. And now, as a teenager, he never picks the material showdown. Firstly, because in the course of my ability. Secondly, he knows just - "out of spite" or educational purposes - I have it in my pocket money will not restrict. If you do not give, then really can not. And it seems to me normal that first the money, honestly earned on Mathematical Olympiad, Denis (according to the laws of the genre have to be selfish) spent not on the discs or gum, and proudly brought her mother.

Listening to the stories of their friends that their one and only offspring pose ultimatums and almost suicidal threatened in case of refusal to purchase a computer or new shoes, I think, I have passed this cup because I never created your child a separate "children's " a life. I introduced her son to the best of his age, in the course of my problems. And it is not only material. I taught him to listen to the state of mind of someone close. He knew that my mother might be in a bad mood because of the troubles at work. You see, when better not to have it on a hike in the park, because I have to deliver the material in the room. (And that's what I'm doing, for it was not an abstraction, it is my submission he was trying to "make" its own magazine.)

He has never been the "center of the universe", which revolves around the family. But I always knew that from him something too dependent. For example, if you learn how to cook dinner, will be able to spend all the holidays in the country. (At twelve bungled pancakes, fry potatoes, cook spaghetti and heat the meatballs for him no problem! In special cases, and a cake to bake can.) If prove that is well-versed in the city will go to computer clubs, libraries and training programmers. If you do not have to sit at home because I carry it once. Test for "urban orienteering" put a gloss, so now the baby sometimes tells me how much more convenient to get.

What exactly mothers quenched in children myself, I was convinced, even when Denis was three. I remember, in Gorky Park we humbly stood in line and watched the same image. Carousel slows down, and then, as if on cue, her mother rush - to remove the children, followed by another - plant. I, as a true "sadist" (remember?), Let go of the child. He expertly chooses "his" beast. Scrambles. Slides. He is trying again. Of the last forces refrain from in order not to rush to the rescue. But here it is, a small victory! Denis still climbed on his horse and just beaming with happiness. "You first, kid who is not rushed implanting - distributed over the ear raspy voice of an old servant. - And those who raise Nurse Me? »

But really we are currently Keeping future challenges and joys. "My bonehead fourteen, and he will not make a sandwich, not zastelet bed, do not sew a button ..." - you probably have heard similar.

And what, one wonders, he will do it, if the mother is a much better and she willingly served his fourteen? He really does not understand why something has to change.

Once I realized intuitively, but now almost certain that the kid did not grow up selfish, you have to be a mom-selfish. I never "sacrificed everything" for the sake of his son. Moreover, he did not hide from him his weaknesses. Four-Denis knew for morning mom loves to sleep. So he quietly dressed, followed by the kitchen, eating biscuits with yogurt and playing one until I came out of the bedroom. Now, going to school on the first shift, it will going, breakfast, walking a dog and goes to school. Mom can sleep peacefully!

Also, I never forgot that my son - a man. And I - a woman! Passengers just fell out of the windows, watching the five-Chevalier takes mom's hand came out of the bus. Cloakroom attendant in a children's theater just melted from moving scene: the kid is trying to help my mother to wear a coat. Today, all these rituals of etiquette for Denis completely natural and familiar. Of course, I like it. I do like my son. And I'm not ashamed to tell him about it. He knows that I am always ready to understand, to listen, to support. I'm aware of all of its affairs and problems. It is too bad versed in the mine. I never aspired to be inaccessible to the child idol - broadcasters and order, punishing and miluyuschim. Or servant, ready to fulfill any whim. I always wanted to be his friend. I do not, "sculpt" it. I do not dream that he "realized that it was not possible to me." I want him to live his life. Interesting to him. And for that, no drill and tediousness, without forced driving in circles and the music, and little by little, and I accidentally "slipped" his new hobby. To make it as much food for thought and choices to make. "How do you pretend that all this is interesting to you? - Said one friend. - I have my Sasha begins to talk about their computers, so I tend to sleep right away ».

I had to admit that I did not understand the question. I really wonder! Inspired by astronomy, the night we went to look through the binoculars at the starry sky. "Sick" cactus - all the free time spent in flower shops. At glued aquarium and wept over each sdohshey fish. However, looking for our dissolute escaped poodle. Even embroidered at the time - and then together!

- What are you doing! - Taught me older and experienced. - A child holds for you so that no man nowhere near vschemitsya. Do you have a divorce after his life did not suit!

I did not think so, gradually accustoming Denis to the fact that he does not have a monopoly on the mother. He knew my mother's private life should be. I'm used to that I can come late, I was often invited to go somewhere. He took it without enthusiasm. But now he jokes that all life lives in the face of fierce competition, and therefore learned to indulge all my whims. And he knows he can not be bad if Mom happy.

- Of course - yazvyat my restless neighbor - the child has to be responsible. Well you do not look for him: the bowling alley, the fitness club, the hairdresser ...

I do not look! Because the time has taught him self-care. I do not check homework. Because I know that he made them himself without my reminders. I do not always ask for estimates. Because it is sure: I will answer in response to the "harvest" of fives. And I do not even go to parent-teacher conferences. Because my idea of ​​education is absolutely not fit into the school dogma. I know that I will not cook for him every day of the three-course dinners, will not wash socks and throw myself in the pants press out the arrows. I'm sorry it's own time and effort. But I put aside all business, all the dates, all the "burning" materials to read him poetry, talk about love, friendship and betrayal, or just on why Ira from a parallel class came to school today with burgundy hair ...



Author: Natalia Andreeva

Photos in the preview: Shestock





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