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How to prevent unjustified expectations of our relations
Bashny.Net
our life plans are always very closely linked with other people, their feelings, thoughts and actions. We try to predict the actions of their loved ones, waiting for them to any specific behavior. But expectations are not always justified - and then comes the inevitable disappointment.
Website has prepared for you a useful article, in which the author by example will explain how to stop expect a certain behavior from others and build a harmonious relationship.
Once my husband was away on business for a couple of weeks in another city. Then we lived near the beach, and I love to walk in the evening along the beach, enjoying the sunset and noise of ocean.
That night I was in a good mood: the beach was full of happy families, life seemed so wonderful - everything was perfect. I called my husband to have a little talk and share their feelings, but it turned out that he was frustrated and depressed because of his work, which do not bring him pleasure.
I took it to heart and immediately froze: how can he talk like that when there are so many commitments? Why did he spoil my perfect summer evening?
But after only 10 minutes, I would have seen the light if: he did not destroy. It was me, I expected him to be in the same good spirits. I was upset because he behaved not like I wanted to.
Or that's what has been the case: once after a meeting with her friend, I sent her a message and share their emotions about the fact that she was very glad to see her and we talked nice. Of course, I expect to get early mutual response.
It's funny, but the next day I was really upset by her silence, it seemed to me that she ignores me and does not want to. Ultimately, she answered me very sincere mutual communication - and delayed its response simply because it is a busy man and does not respond to the notification immediately. And after all that I knew, but once again fell into the same situation: to come up with the behavior of another person, and when I saw him, and she is upset.
Hope for the results that you deserve - is one thing, trying to force the issue and add negative thoughts and emotions in any situation - is quite another. You can not predict and control how people think, feel, react to other people.
And if the reaction of other people depends on your level of happiness, self-confidence, or his actions, the way you advance setting yourself up for numerous experiences.
Here are some ways to help stop building false expectations and not to get upset if something goes wrong in your plan:
1. Stop to expect from other people for such behavior, which I would like to get from them. h3> Instead, try to be more open with others, be prepared for the possible reactions to different situations.
If, in the beautiful summer evening I opened my mind and heart for her husband without any preconceived expectations, the evening would have remained glorious, and the mood of my husband would have been much better.
2. Start to build your own happiness and self-confidence based on their own thoughts and beliefs. H3> If someone does something unexpected and we are disappointed, because just because we have an idea, in fact people had to do it.
For example, you think that your son should receive high marks, but when he brings home two and three, you feel anger and guilt. When you cease to believe that the evaluation of your son are a reflection of you as a parent, and you start to believe that really do for him all the best, then let go of the guilt and suffering will cease.
3. Feel this point in time as often as possible. H3> Do not get excited and think carefully in the moment when you think someone again lived up to your expectations.
For a fraction of a second there are many theories, versions and guesses, one worse than the other - stop at this point, do not invent unnecessary. Consider and evaluate the situation as if the part not keep you cling to their expectations and "cheat" them to someone's behavior?
You can not get the understanding and support, if only to make that wait for somebody else to provide them. The only way - to stop thinking about what should and should not do your loved ones, and allow yourself to create your own happiness.
via tinybuddha.com/blog/how-expectations-undermine-our-relationships-and-happiness/
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