We want and believe that someone owes us something.

© Sarolta Ban

When we fall asleep in the evening, we expect tomorrow to be morning. Getting out of the train, the girl expects a hand from the guy, on which she can lean. Expectations of adequate people are an idea of what is likely to happen.

However, there are other expectations. If I am very much waiting for a letter, there is both my desire, my desire, and my belief that a letter should be written to me. The desires and beliefs, our desires and the belief that we owe something are the basis of subjective expectations, which are associated with dreams and worries, experiences and disassemblies.

A typical sign of tense expectations is the annoyance you feel in the presence of a particular person. If you often cannot cope with yourself, throw caustic reproaches, go to provoke a conflict - most likely, you expect something from a person.

Do people have to do what you expect them to do? Of course not. Few people expect anything from anyone... Young people expect a girl to go have sex with him right away, because they like each other, and he wants to. And the girl expects that young people immediately confess their love, or even offer them marriage. Nope. Many of our expectations are not legitimate and realistic, and it is better to say goodbye to them right away.

Mentally grown-ups do this easily: in fact, they do not expect anything from anyone without serious reasons, their original principle is “Nobody should.” People with the soul of a child with their unrealistic and unrealistic expectations, it is difficult and painful to say goodbye: they are used to believing in fairy tales, they are used to the fact that everything they want, they should have. They are used to insisting on their desires. . .

Honey, sooner or later childhood ends. Time to grow up. If you walk and warm up your unrealistic expectations, there will be only one thing: you will walk tense and angry. Do you want this? In addition, a lot of extra time is spent on unproductive conversations and experiences, and people have no extra time.

How do you know what your expectations are, realistic or not? Should you or should you not expect this man to propose to you? The most serious recommendation sounds like a mockery: “Include your head.” Start thinking! Unfortunately, this is not bullying. A huge number of people, especially girls, prefer to live with feelings, not including the head, without thinking, filling themselves with dreams and hopes, then fears and fears. If you ask such a girl a simple question: How many girls has this man dated in the last six months? Is he divorced? Did he introduce you to his parents? Did he discuss with you the topic of family and children, or at least joint holding the next vacation?, the girl is quite able to answer them on her own and come to a very definite answer.

Take your feelings away, start thinking. If you can’t understand, talk to smart people. If you have already tried everything (connected to the brainstorming of relatives, friends, psychologist, read many books and films on this topic), and the situation stands still or even some deterioration appeared – it seems that you are breaking into a closed door and there is nothing to expect. Your expectations are unrealistic, and it’s probably best for you to take on another project.

Instead of thinking, many people prefer to complain: “I always helped him, and he rejected me when I first needed help from him,” “Close people should not betray,” etc. This is empty, stop complaining: your words will not change anything. Who told you that people are reasonable and the world is fair?

Adequate people only expect what they can actually get. And smart people not only expect, but also speak their expectations directly, openly (and usually politely). Don't keep your expectations to yourself. No one will get into your head, and your feeling of “how can you not guess?” and “how can you not understand this?” – only your problems.

Therefore, if your expectations are legitimate, talk about your expectations, make them into requests or suggestions. It is not obvious that your requests and suggestions will respond, but at least you have tried and can already draw conclusions from what people you can expect. Learn to understand people.

Your expectations will be met only by those who are (1) dear to you, (2) afraid to lose you, and (3) empathic in character.

So: pick people and build relationships where you are needed and roads. This is more promising.

Source: www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/nashi_ozhidaniya._chego_zhdat_ot_lyudey_i_zhizni_vop_zn_