How to find: a man really confident and good at playing the role?

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Self-confidence - the first prerequisite of any great endeavor
. Samuel Jackson (1709-1784)

To better understand the term "self-confidence", denoted its boundaries. Self-confidence is quite often confused with self-esteem, but it is a different concept, and this difference is very important. Confidence refers to a specific situation or sphere of activity. Self-esteem - it is a person's ability to like yourself and feel worthy to receive from the good life. It may well be that people respect themselves and well to his concerns, but feels insecure in a particular situation, or under certain circumstances. It may be, and vice versa.

The man, who himself is a very respected, may feel lousy chess player, but it does not prevent him to like himself. He will show signs of uncertainty, playing chess with a superior opponent, but his self-esteem will not be harmed.

Confidence man a relatively specific situation based on various factors: the experience on previous successes or failures on the feedback that we receive in response to their actions, and, of course, on comparing yourself with others. Self-esteem can affect the self-confidence. Studies show that people with high self-esteem feel more comfortable and confident in this new situation in comparison with those who have self-esteem lower level. The inverse is not true. The man attaches great importance to the sense of self-confidence, may show signs of high self-esteem, which are not backed by a true sense of self-worth, which is not always visible to the untrained eye. Self-esteem is more evident in the fact that a person is doing (in the manifestation of his free will), not that he says about it. We can say that self-esteem is actually have a degree of ego development.

Self-esteem and self-confidence - a different mental energy, which each in its own impact on the human condition. Of course, it would be very interesting to see what factors and how can affect the self-confidence, but that we leave out of our consideration. We are interested in just how much a person is self-assured. How and why it came to this, in this case, it is not so important. So, let's get back to the main topic of our conversation, and look at how it is possible to determine the degree of confidence man.

When we are nervous, or are under stress, our ability to concentrate is significantly reduced. Happens to you is that you are familiar with the man at the party and at the same moment forget his name? Such signs of distraction and inability to focus on what is happening is an indication that at this moment you do not have enough confidence.

Assessment of the degree of confidence

Now we have a closer look at what it looks like and talking to a confident person. As a result, once it becomes clear who is sure of himself, and who is not. Depending on the situation, we can resort to one or more methods, to draw attention to certain signals.

To determine the degree of a person of confidence, need to find signs that people only shows confidence. Of course, we know that the inherent behavior confident person:.. Smile, eye contact, etc. However, it is very easy to portray, so we will talk about the not so obvious signs that are still visible
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Symptom 1. Physical state

At the time of very strong fright, when a man feels very uncomfortable, it can be seen two different versions of his behavior: or he will become very scattered, and his eyes shall run from side to side, it will do a lot of chaotic movements, hornier, or he will fall into stupor, like a rabbit before a boa. Let's see, what else can happen to a man when he is afraid.

"That in the heat - and cold." The man's face in fear the situation could suddenly much blush or blanch. Also notice the breathing rate, and increased sweating. Also, try to notice whether a person is trying to control his breathing, calm down. Attempts to deal with this condition may be noticeable by a deep breath, noisy breathing.

Chills and shivering in his voice. Fear can shake hands. If a person hides his hands, perhaps he is trying to hide this uncontrolled movement. His voice can be broken or appear unnatural.

When we worry, it takes everything literally. When we lack confidence, our brains too busy and we can not ignore the hidden meaning of what was said. For example, in difficult situations, we do not perceive sarcastic expressions, because the ability to think non-straight requires additional energy costs.

It's hard to swallow. In a situation of fear it becomes difficult swallowing, so you should pay attention to it. Actors who want to portray grief or fear, often use this technique, showing that "suffocate" the emotions. Coughing may indicate the same and is a sign of nervousness. Anxiety triggers secretion of mucus in the throat. He who is nervous, often cough before you start a new sentence.

Changes in the voice. The vocal cords, as well as other muscles, shaking, when a person is nervous and is under stress. Therefore, voice breaks, becomes higher.

Blink. When a person is nervous, the blink rate increases. The newspaper "News of the Week" for October 21, 1996 Boston College professor of neuropsychology Tese Joe described his observation of the presidential debate between Bob Dole and Bill Clinton in the first round of presidential elections.

Normal human blink frequency television ranges from 31 to 50 times per minute. Bob Dole blinked about 147 times per minute, that is, 3 times per second. When asked whether he believed that the situation had improved over the past four years, he was blinking more often. Clinton blinked an average of 99 times per minute, and the maximum frequency of blinks (117 times per minute) coincided with the question of an increase in drug abuse among youth. Tese also noted that, according to his observations, in the last five election campaigns the candidate with the higher frequency of blinking lost.

Symptom 2 The focus

Imagine an athlete, musician or artist in the performance numbers. He did not think of himself, he was all absorbed in what he was doing. He does not think about the pain in the body. Its task is completely absorbed his attention. For example, a basketball player who wants to get the ball in the basket. Extraneous things do not exist at the moment for him. He's obsessed with purpose, and does not think of himself. He is not conscious of itself and does not feel in the foreground of his intention. If a person begins to draw attention to himself, his self-awareness distract him from what he was doing. Attention at any given time is divided between what is happening around and perception itself.

A confident man is able to devote its attention to the object and let disappear my "I". A person who is nervous, constantly watching them because the worries and fears of losing control of himself. The only thing that can help him - is attention to their own actions. It monitors literally every step, what is doing and saying. What we usually do automatically, such as folds his hands, choose the position, becomes the object of attention and control. All his actions are realizable. Imagine what kind of life you want to focus on it. It just may not be enough to what a person is trying to do. Thus you can see that a person is lacking confidence.

Let's continue to look at the psychological mechanisms of self-confidence. When a person develops any type of activity, it goes through four stages: unconscious incompetence when a person does not realize that he could not perform the action properly; conscious incompetence when a person realizes that he lacks the appropriate skills to be an effective and successful; conscious competence, when a person realizes that he can be successful enough, but he for this need to constantly monitor their actions, unconscious competence, when the person can perform the right actions, and it does not require its full or even partial attention.

Consider this example: A person who develops the gearbox in the car. This example is a good illustration of the four stages. Actions, which at first seem completely incomprehensible, eventually becoming an automatic skill.

The second, third and fourth stage give us an idea of ​​what's going on with the competence of the person and his self-confidence. (First stage do not count, because people do not even understand what to do.)

You are talking to a colleague. Suddenly you notice it takes a jar of lemonade. She looks at her hand, which brings the bank to the mouth, and then monitors the reverse motion. Your colleague is nervous and is therefore not convinced that it can do without the attention that has done a thousand times - a sip of lemonade. A distinctive feature of the uncertainty is the transition from unconscious to conscious competence, ie attention to the usual automatic action is enhanced.

If you know what to watch for, confidence or lack of notice easily. Just pay attention to whether a person is focused on themselves and their actions. Consider the following example.

If a man feels attractive and self-confident, he will treat women. If he is not sure of his appeal, his biggest worry is how they perceive it. In other words, it shifts the focus in dependence on the degree of confidence. Lack of confidence leads to the fact that a person begins to consciously control the simplest actions. At the same movements become clumsy and mechanical, and focus on what impression he makes on others.

We are often faced with this on their own experience. For example, when a person is sure of what he says his main task - to convey the meaning of what was said to the audience, and his little concerned as he looks at the same time. When we are interested in that deal was done, first of all we want to make sure that others understand us correctly. If, however, we are confident enough, we direct attention to their words and actions and think about how they will be perceived. We're now watching his every word and movement.

Additional features: perception management

When a person is nervous, but does not want to show he can apply what is called perception management, presenting a certain image to others, to achieve the desired result. Above, we discussed what is necessary to pay attention, to understand, confident person feel or not. Now we will look at something else. We will look for signs pointing to the fact that he is trying to portray confidence. We know that the attempt to portray confidence is not confidence. If he wants to make a fool of you, hiding those signs of uncertainty that we discussed above, you'll catch it if you know what it looks like someone who's bluffing.

Symptom 1. Svehkompensatsiya

A person who wants to influence the perception of others, and tries to replay over and above measures appear confident. If you're looking for this sign, you will see it quite clearly. Such things always catch the eye. Remember, self-confident person is not interested in how it is perceived. He was not concerned about their image, while the one who is involved in the perception of control, trying his best to impress others.

This principle applies in every situation. If someone reacts too quickly and without hesitation, he wants to demonstrate that the self-confident, although in most cases it is not. In contrast, self-confident man does not need to prove it to anyone. Anyone who wants to look confident or how else will diligently to portray this state and always will be a little over the edge.

Another manifestation of overcompensation can be man's desire to show his psychological superiority.

Symptom 2. Unnecessary gestures

Any unnecessary gestures in a serious situation shows that people want to appear calm and confident. For example, law enforcement officers know that the suspect may yawn, to portray the calm and even boredom. If a person is sitting, he can stoop or stretch, showing complete comfort. Or it can represent that absorbed some nonsense like shaking off the dust from his clothes, and, therefore, it does not disturb anything. The only problem is that those who falsely accused, will soon be understandable indignation and will not pay attention to any detail, nor the "right" image.

Another example of deliberate behavior - an attempt to show the differences. The man suddenly changes its normal behavior, although there is no reason for this. In this case, it also tries to portray what is actually there.

David Lieberman

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