The questionnaire "judge-Your-Neighbor""the Work of Byron Katie is simply four questions, is something immaterial.
She has no motive or condition. Without your answers it is nothing. These four questions will complement any program that you have and strengthen it. If you have no religion — they will strengthen it. If you have no religion — they will bring you joy. And they will burn anything that is not true for you. They will pave the road to reality, which is always waiting for you."
The Work Of Byron Katie:
Study: four questions and a turn1. Is this true?2. Can you absolutely know that's true?3. How do you respond when you receive this idea?4. Who would you be without that thought?
The u-turn.Presentation of ideas on paperthe First step is to write down your judgments about any stressful situation in your life past, present, or future — about a person who you do not like or about which you are concerned
; about a situation where someone annoys, frightens or upsets you, causing you insecurity or embarrassment. Record your judgments in the form of the thoughts that come to you.
Don't be surprised if at first you will be hard to fill in the questionnaire. A thousand years we were taught not to judge — but let's face it, we still do it all the time. The truth is that condemning thoughts stop spinning in our heads. Through the Work we finally allow ourselves to Express or even to shout these thoughts on paper. We find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love.I encourage you to write about those whom you have not fully forgiven. This is the most effective beginning.
Even if you've forgiven someone for ninety nine percent, you are free as long as the forgiveness is not complete. This one percent, who you have not forgiven, the same stone on which you stumble in all your relationships (including relationships with ourselves).If you are a beginner in research, I strongly advise you not to start with the questionnaire about yourself.
If you start to condemn yourself, your answers will include the motives and decisions that don't work. Condemnation of someone else, and then research and turn—that's a direct path to understanding. You can judge yourself later, after gaining experience in conducting research enough to trust the power of truth.
If you start with pointing your accusing finger outward, then you will be out of focus. You will be able to Express feelings and not to expose themselves to censorship. We're often quite sure about what should make other people how they should live and whom they need to be. We have an absolute vision in relation to other people, but not themselves.When you do the Work, you know who you are because knowing that are other people.
Eventually you begin to realize that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thoughts. You are the storyteller, the projector of all your stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts.Since time immemorial people have tried to change the world to be happy. It never worked because the problem was solved in the wrong way. Work allows us to change the projector — mind, not the projected image.
It is as if the projector lens got lint. We think that the defect is on the screen, and trying to change this or that person, which is the flaw we saw. But it is useless to try to change the projected image. Once we understand, where is the hindrance, we can clear the lens itself. It means the end of suffering and the beginning of a little joy in Paradise.People often say to me: "Why do I have to condemn your neighbor? I know that all of this applies to me." I say, "I understand. But please trust the process. Condemn your neighbor and follow the simple instructions".
As an example here is those people about whom you may want to write: mother, father, wife, husband, children, brothers and sisters, partner, neighbor, friend, enemy, roommate, boss, teacher, subordinate, co-worker, teammate, sellers, customs, men, women, authorities, God. As a rule, the more personalized your choices, the more effective can be the Work.
Later, when you become more experienced in Work, you may investigate your judgments about such things as death, money, your health, your body, your addictions and even your self-deprecation. In fact, as soon as you're ready, you can make entries and carry out a survey relative to any unpleasant thoughts that appear in your head. When you realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift pointing the way to your freedom, life becomes very pleasant.Please avoid the temptation to conduct the research without recording their judgments. If you try to do the Job in the head, not reflecting the thoughts on paper, the mind will outsmart you.
Before you even realize it, he gets away and will tell a different story to prove that he was right. But although the mind and is able to justify itself faster than the speed of light, it can be stopped using the records. Once thoughts are recorded on paper, they remain constant and it is easy to apply the study.Record your thoughts without trying to censor. Sit with a pen and paper and just wait. The words will come. The story will come.
And if you really want to know the truth, if you are not afraid to see your story on paper, your ego will write like a maniac. It's nothing to worry about, it is completely liberated. This is the day which the ego has been waiting for. Give it life on paper. It was waiting for when you stop, at least once, and really listen to him. It will tell you everything as a child. Then, when the mind will Express itself on paper, you can begin to study.
I urge you to be judgmental, harsh, childish, picky and even petty. Write with the spontaneity of a child, hurt, angry, embarrassed or scared. Don't try to be wise, spiritual or kind. Now is the time to be completely honest about our feelings and not subjected to censorship. Allow your feelings to emerge without fear of consequences or threats of punishment.People who are new to the Work, sometimes I think: "I don't know what to write. Why do I need to do the Job? I'm not mad. Nothing actually doesn't bother me"
. If you don't know what to write, wait. Life will give you the theme. Maybe the friend didn't call you as promised, and frustrated. Maybe when you were five, your mother punished you for something you didn't do. Maybe you're upset or scared of what I read in the newspaper, or think about the sufferings which the world is full.Describe on paper the thoughts that say this. You will not be able to stop the story in mind, no matter how you tried. It's impossible.
But when you write the story down on paper exactly as it sounds in your head, with all your misery, frustration, anger and sadness, then you will be able to see what is bubbling inside of you. You can see it's been brought into the material world, in physical form. And finally, thanks to the Work you will begin to understand it.
The Questionnaire "Judge-Your-Neighbor"
In this example, I wrote about her second husband, Paul (this story is included here with his permission). There are samples of the thoughts that I had before my life changed. When you read the questionnaire, you can replace the name of the Floor on a suitable name from your life.
1. Who Angers, frustrates, saddens, or disappoints, and why? What exactly don't you like this person?
I don't like (I am angry or I'm upset, scared, embarrassed, disappointed, etc.) (name) Paul, because he's not listening to me. I'm angry at Paul because he doesn't appreciate me. I am angry at Paul because he wakes me up in the night and doesn't care about my health. I don't like Paul because he argues with everything I say. Gender upsets me because he is so evil.
2. How do you want it changed? What you want to do?
I want (name) Paul gave me all his attention. I want him to love me fully. I want to see that he considered my needs. I want to agree with me. I want Paul more involved in sports.
3. What he should or should not be, what he should or should not do, think or feel? What would you recommend?
(Name) Paul should not have so much to watch TV. Paul needs to quit Smoking. The floor should tell me that Tobit me. He should not ignore me. He should not criticize me in front of our children or friends.
4. What do you want from him? What should he do to make you happy?
I need to (name) Paul listened to me. I need Paul to stop lying to me. I need him to talk about his feelings and was emotionally open. I need to keep the Floor gentle, affectionate and patient.
5. What do you think of him? Make a list of his qualities.
(Name) Half — dishonest. A half — reckless. Half — serious. He believes he doesn't have to follow the rules. Gender, unreliable and closed. Half irresponsible.
6. What would you like to relive with this person?
I don't want to live with Paul if he doesn't change. I refuse to see how Paul destroys their health. I don't want to quarrel with the Floor. I don't want to see that again lied to me.Study: four questions and a turn
1. Is this true?
2. Can you absolutely know that's true?
3. How do you respond when you receive this idea?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
And make a u-turn.
Now, using the four questions, let's investigate the first statement from the first paragraph of example. I don't like Paul because he doesn't listen to me. At the time when you read this, think of someone whom you have not forgiven completely.1. Is this true?
Ask yourself: "is It true that Paul doesn't listen to me?" Keep calm. If you really want to know the truth, the answer will appear. Let the mind ask the question and wait for response do not rise to the surface.2. Can you absolutely know that's true?
Think about these questions: "Can I absolutely know that Paul doesn't listen to me? Can I really understand when someone is listening or not listening? Whether there were cases when I was listening to, although seemingly, that it is not?"3. How do you respond when you receive this idea?
How do you react when you think that Paul doesn't listen to you? How you feel about it? Make a list. For example: "I cast upon him a reproachful look. I interrupt him. I punish him by not paying attention to him. I start talking faster and louder. I'm trying to get him to listen." Continue to make the list, as you sink inside, and see how you feel about yourself in this situation and what you feel about it. "I'm closed. I isolate myself. I eat a lot and sleep. I spend my days watching TV. I feel depressed and lonely." Note all the consequences of the thought "Paul doesn't listen to me."4. Who would you be without that thought?
Now, think about who you would be if I couldn't stop thinking: "Paul doesn't listen to me." Close your eyes and imagine Paul not listening to you. Imagine that you have no idea that Paul doesn't listen to (or even that it needs to listen). Not in a hurry. Notice what is revealed to you. What do you see? How does it feel?Make a u-turn.
The original statement "I don't like Paul because he's not listening to me" after the turn can turn into this: "I don't like myself because I don't listen to Sex". Ask yourself the question, isn't this statement the same is true or even more true for you? Are you listening to Paul when you think about the fact that he isn't listening to you?
Another reversal, which may be the same or even more truthful: "I don't like myself because I don't listen to yourself." When you are mentally busy is not his business, and I think that should do the Floor, do you listen to yourself? Do you control your own life, when you think he listen to you? Can you hear, as you say Paul, when you think about what he should listen to you?
After working some time with the turns, you can continue your research according to the same scheme with the following statement, recorded in paragraph 1 of the questionnaire: "I'm angry at Paul because he doesn't appreciate me" — and then do it with each approval of your questionnaire.Reversals are your recipes for attaining health, peace and happiness. Can you give yourself the medicine that was prescribed to others?Your turn: the questionnaire
Now you know enough to experience the Work for yourself. First, state your thoughts on paper. It is not yet time to examine them using the four questions, we'll do that later. Just select the person or situation and write using short, simple sentences. Remember that the accusing finger should be directed outward. You can write based on your current situation or based on your point of view, you were in a five-year or twenty-five years of age. Please do not write about yourself yet.1. Who Angers, frustrates, saddens, or disappoints, and why?
What exactly don't you like this person? (Remember: you have to be tough, picky, childish, petty.)
I don't like (I am angry, sad, scared, confused, etc.) (name) because _________.2. How should it change? What you want to do?
I want (name) ______________.3. What he should or should not do, think or feel? What would you recommend?
(Name) should (should not) ________________.4. What do you want from this man? What should he do to make you happy?
(Imagine that you have a birthday and you can have whatever you want. Choose!)
I want (name) ________________.5. What do you think about him?
Make a list. (No need to be rational or kind.)
(Name) ___________________.6. What would you like to experience with that person again?
I would never want (I refuse) _____________.Your turn: study
one by One ask yourself four questions for each statement from the questionnaire judge-Your-Neighbor and take turns. (If you need help, go back to the example.) In the course of the research process learn to be open to possibilities that go beyond what you think is known. There is nothing more exciting than to open himself up to the ignorant mind.It's like diving. Ask a question and wait. Let the answer find you.
I call this meeting of heart and mind: more relaxed, the polarity of mind (which I call the heart) occurs with the polarity that is in turmoil, as it has not been investigated. When the mind asks sincerely, the heart is always answered him. Can you survive such revelations about himself and about his world that will forever change your life.
Give yourself time to get a taste of Work. Read the first statement in paragraph 1 of your questionnaire. Then ask yourself the following questions.1. Is this true?
Not in a hurry. The job is that you find the truth in the deepest part of ourselves. It may not coincide with the views that you had before. But when you see your own answer, you get to know him. Just stay calm, sit with it and allow it to pull you even deeper.
There is no right or wrong answers to these questions. Now you are listening to your answers, not the answers of other people and not what you once taught. It may unsettle you, because you enter into the unknown. As you immerse yourself deeper and deeper, allow the truth within you to rise and meet the question. Be relaxed, yielding to the study. Let the experience will completely blow you away.2. Can you absolutely know that's true?
This is an opportunity to penetrate more deeply into the unknown, to find answers hidden subtopics, which seems to be well known. All I can tell you about this sphere — is that horror is the joy. Do you want to know the truth?
If you answer "Yes" to the second question, you can just go to the next question. But you may find it helpful to pause and reformulate my statement in order to see your interpretation of this statement. It is often the interpretation that might be hidden from you, is the cause of your pain.3. How do you respond when you receive this idea?
Make a list. How you feel about yourself and the person about whom you wrote when you receive this idea? What are you doing? Be precise. Make a list of their actions. What do you say to this man when there is this idea? How do you live when you believe that thought? List how each reaction can be felt physically inside of you. Where do you feel it? How does it feel (ringing in the ears, fever, etc.)? What are you talking to yourself when there is this idea?4. Who would you be without that thought?
Close your eyes and wait. Imagine yourself for a moment without the thought. Imagine that you can't think that being in the presence of this man (or as in this situation). What do you see? How does it feel? How different the situation? List the opportunities for your life without this idea. For example, how differently you will treat this man in the same situation without the thought? Not whether you will feel more inner kindness?Make a u-turn.
To make the turnaround, rewrite your statement. First, write it as if it was about you. Where you write someone's name, replace it with yours. Instead of "he" or "she" write "I".
For example, "Paul should be kind to me" turns into "I should be kind to yourself" and "I should be kind to the Floor."
The other option is to turn 180 degrees to the opposite: "Paul does not have to be good to me". It should not be good, because it is not so (in my opinion). It's not a question of morality, it's reality.
You can find three, four or more turns for a single approval. Or maybe just one that you think is true for you. (Turn to the allegations of paragraph 6 of the questionnaire differs from other turns. We take claims and change "I never wanted to..." with "I want..." and "I'm looking forward to...".)
Look closely, is an expanded version of the approval the same or even more true for you compared to the original statement.
For example, turn "I must be kinder to yourself" seems to be equally and even more true than the original statement because at the thought that Paul should be kind to me, there is anger and indignation and I experience a lot of stress. It's not the best for me. If I were kind to myself, I would not expect kindness from others. The statement "I should be kind to the Floor" at least as true as the original statement. When I think Paul should be kind to me, while experiencing anger and indignation, I treat it very good, especially in their thoughts. I need to start with ourselves and to do what I wanted to do the Floor towards me. As to the statement "Gender does not have to be good to me", then it is certainly more truthful than the opposite. It should not be good, because it is not. That is the reality.
If your first experience did not seem effective, this is normal. Just go to the next Chapter or try to fill in the questionnaire on the other person, and this will come back later. Don't worry about being valid or not. Just start to learn how to do it. It's like learning to ride a bike. All you need to do is to continue to wiggle. You will feel it when you read the next dialogue. And you're not the first person to notice that it works for you. You may decide, as it did with many people that I do not see any effect of the Work, but actually you have changed a certain way, although still can not feel it. The work can be very subtle, but very deep.
posted @Byron Katie
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©