To offend Sya...

You know, I think that's the saddest thing in the world to be offended. As to be afraid to offend someone. But as the dullness began to dominate such wonderful things as humor, good nature, adequacy, or at least just minimal self-esteem or let very little respect?

And interestingly, it is easy for anyone to offend anyone. Not because each of us is so small or large, the first or last tsinnik. Believe me, that would be really sad. And just because this reaction is ahead of any, even the most agile common sense.

We might offend even a three-month child suddenly burst into tears in our hands, "not" cast a glance, not such a bending of the smile, not the tone of the text, the sentence with simple punctuation, without brackets and dots, even the ineffable word we might offend.

And just political or other views — even cruel insult. It hurts us and hurts the man who says what he thinks, right up to the burning in the pancreas. How breathlessly we resent this intense "bad manners". Although in my childhood it was a natural component of our existence.

How unbearable we offend someone's talents and successes, it hurt so hurt that the man is in spite of us was talented and successful. Moreover, note that itself is a talent we are not so much offended, as the talent that brought well-deserved success.Why do your talents when you can just take offense at someone else and take all the free space in your living space this offense.

In General, the offense creates is amazing about reputation. It seems to us that the only merit we all have everything, and we are here no one is not appreciated, not honored honors, not praised. How not fair this cruel world... to hurt!

Tell me, from all the clouds of wrongs done to you by others, how many of them were really intentional and for what? Now, harder question: "What caused you offense was really consciously intentional and for what?"

Yes, of course, you can develop the theme on the deep not break out to be seen, heard, in places, the causes of such painful self-doubt. Yes there is, it can almost all the imperfections of the world to write off.

I think that, in essence, resentment is nothing but our boundless expectations from other people that they will be, how we want that their lives will follow our direction, that they will say what we want to hear or present in his mind, to do what we want them to. Our insatiable desire to possess power and leadership, at least on someone's life makes us much more vulnerable and vulnerable than natural sensitivity.

We firmly fixate on someone more than yourself. And not realize that it is our expectations. Our expectations are not met. It is our expectation collapsed when the man was not the man we took him in. It is our expectation that someone or something does not meet our expectations. What we may have in this respect the offense? This is our piece of work, it's our expectations, we deal with them.

But we don't give up so easily, someone must be to blame for the fact that we are equally demanding nothing expected from myself. Any way, habit, manner of conduct, any of our actions may easily offend the other person, even without any of our desires. But not just any "others," and only someone who is also uncontrolled high expectations of something from the outside and views on how it should be. And they can be very different from ours.

I love jeans and say what you think to be silent when you don't see the point in the discussion, like coffee with cheese and cozy scarves, not to fit into the framework and be myself, love my family with all its imperfect perfections, I love to write and do not spread, to worry small and Ecumenical Affairs, like expensive rims and simple things, like the solitude, the sea is not in season, and carefree waves, are demanding and straightforward, often joking, but there is sniping, there are a snob and a snob, but I believe in miracles because they happen to me all the time.

I'm not perfect. But incalculable a big part of me belongs to love. A big part of my life filled its manifestations. All this is quite easily able to offend someone. And this resentment would be a hundred times more the man than the absence of my every need and intent to hurt him.

So, what's so valuable that we are so devoted to their offense? What in the world she gives us that we so carefully accumulate and add to one another and always find a place for it in your life? Do you really have any decent alternatives?

Perhaps, like all children, I was a vulnerable child. And I before it started to cause discomfort. In General, to be a "white crow" — a very sad childhood. After all, a priori, the child perceives itself to be completely seamless with the world and all that fills them.

And then, BAM, and early experience contrast, "not like everyone" is called. And then, unwittingly, you become stronger in this fight imposed on you and suddenly, already in the early years are suddenly finding in my head the first meaningful revelation, and, following them, the rapid transformation of his attitudes and searches vague not less vague meanings.

And since the offense is one of the earliest experiences of a person and often — viral and an unpleasant parental legacy of their behavioral patterns, it can start to understand better as soon as possible, as soon as she started to interfere with your meaningful life. Otherwise, the wood it is it engraved, — for a lifetime not melt down.

I somehow one of the readers asked if I could remember the bitter resentment in my life. And it took me a considerable amount of time flipping through the slides of my memory to recall something significantly specific. I thought that a lot had been experienced, many in a natural way erased, and something consciously worked out. But in reality, at the time, I just realized why I don't need it anymore.



Eric Berne: the Man programmed to obey, obey, obey...Mental castration: selfishness in relationships

Three points was enough:

1. Because the one who hurts is not me, but first and foremost, yourself. But almost always, this is very useful for me. I am very attentive to your reactions, this is one of the most entertaining books of my life.

2. Because I have nowhere to put it.

3. Because it's very dull. And despondency destroys. published


© Tatiana Baruch



See also

New and interesting