Shell resentment: Try to let go!

Exit the offense, still that push the sash tightly compressed shells. Try to do it with his bare hands - izrezhete fingers in the blood. Resentment is holding a life-and-death.
If you look in the mirror at the time of offense, you will see the stone face, lips compressed in a tight thread upturned chin, tears standing in his eyes.
Resentment choking, grasps the throat, a lump rolls, does not allow to breathe, steel ring tightens the chest. Dizzy. On the one hand - a sense of total loss of reality, and on the other - covers the cap - sounds heard bad words barely distinguishable faces blurred
.


The itching chest sharp pain, like a knife, vsazhennogo to the heart.
A sense of bitterness, anger, deep unjustly inflicted insult.
And as a response to an insult - a lightning solution - "to be proud." A person dies in a wax mask
arrogant. All shell slammed. Started deaf defense.
Resentment - is a response to "not love"
On the idea that I do not love, do not appreciate, do not respect, "I'm for it does not mean anything".
To insult the facts are not necessary, enough suspicion is not love.
Offense requires that at the end someone was wrong and felt guilty about this. "If I offended, then he is guilty." Even if the second in no way to blame, he will not will become just feel guilty according to the law of polarity, so inherent in our nature.

Once the offense allowed the girls to manipulate the gentlemen and receive confirmation of their love and their value for them. In response to the upturned nose and pouting lips gentleman had sharply wonder what he was wrong and fall to his knees with a bouquet of flowers and a sweet gift. The concept of "female pride" just yet cherishing resentment for any little bit about it. And if the occasion was serious, self-respecting woman should have been seriously offended and to be proud to the end.
Continuing offense, capricious and demanding lady - for many years remains the ideal of proper female behavior
. By the way, men too are not averse to be proud and vengeful. They have more rights in the manifestation of aggression, therefore, if a man offended (read insulted), "it is a normal guy just will not leave".
What is a grievance?
As I said above - is a reaction to not love. Resentment choking at the thought that someone has the audacity to not love me, appreciate me and cherish me. Someone dared to do something that has called into question my absolute value.
"How is it ?!"
If we go deeper into the offense, you will experience the pain of a helpless, abandoned by all, unloved child. Little girl on a big noisy street full raznaryazhennyh people hurrying to their children at Christmas. She is sitting in the snow, his back against the stone wall, into the arms of her matches. Only God can divide her loneliness. It is to him she rushes into his arms. Andersen is well conveyed that image in his "Little Match Girl".

In the language of the psyche out of this abandonment and love - death - direct or symbolic - numbness, zaledenenie, necrosis, numbness
soul. "From that moment I have nothing more will not hurt. I stopped feeling. And your lack of love can no longer hurt me. "
Offended people in the very heart of his suffering in pain accident abandoned child. He expects that someone will fill it with your love, otogreet his icy hands and revive its soul. This pain is a child who, for whatever reasons, did not get that unconditional and pervading parental love in childhood.
This pain can flare up like a match every time from any suspicions do not love, to the second - proved to me that I like (a), and finally filled my soul, gave me something that they could not give parents
. But this is impossible. Nobody will be able to fill that void. Not always will be. People are pushed into the abyss of spiritual children, animals, things and loved ones, but it still yawns. Forcing every time to play the same scenario.
Resentment becomes habitual protective reaction is triggered and any attempt to genuine conversation. I know a woman who is more than ten years, could not talk to her husband from the heart. Each time as soon as she tried to say something - whether it be the theme of lack of money or lack of attention to it - tears choked her so much that she could not utter a word. Talk turned to sheer torture, and always accompanied by countless streams of tears.
"I am ashamed to ask you" - another facet of resentment
Resentment - is a request for love
. Acknowledge your neediness, weakness and the need for love and care, ask for it - it is very difficult. Since the rare who have the right to weakness. Being weak and need not all be allowed. Often the family to raise a child, so that the only thing that gives the right to a weakness - it is a disease. And people unconsciously forced to use this trick to give yourself a chance to rest and ask for care.
Our culture from time immemorial considers impermissible weakness, singing in the tales and legends of heroism and self-denial:
"- Do you heat
girl?  - Heat, sir "
. Imagine that Nastya replies: "No, Frost, cold! No, stop it! Better warm me if you can. "
Here it would be. "Pattern break"
Talk about their needs are not taken, ashamed and "unnatural." It is necessary that he guessed that a little more and freeze to death. And if he did not think, that death is better than the proud request for mercy and love.
"Give me what I need! Immediately! "
A small child, whose mother left and went one will long to choke from crying in the crib. Then he will calm down and fall asleep. No, he will not rest. Part of his soul just wither away. In his mind mom she left him and never return. The pain of the abandoned child, especially upheld in childhood many times, make a grown man is very sensitive to the danger of loss of love.
For a child there is only he and his needs, he can not understand that his mother had gone to their important affairs, that she was in the bathroom and it was bad or it was gone for five minutes, and she was detained. For a child there is only he, his need for love and his grief, that this love is not when it must be so.
Adults, after many, many years behave like this child. For them there is only need for their love and their pain, if that love was not given. They are very difficult to understand what the other person has a different from their needs. "If you love me, be so kind to give me what I need! Immediately! "They are genuinely offended when the other does not give and does not meet their needs. This offense covers the burning pain and breaks the heart, not letting breathe.
A man with a scar in my heart it is very difficult to take into account the needs of others and claim their. He expects that the world, as a mom, he would guess that he needs and give him everything. And if someone, especially a close does not, the old pain and hurt with head covers.

Another man, he ... different. He has his own thoughts, their feelings, their ideas about themselves and their lives, their plans and their needs. Its purpose is not to make you happy (yes, not that!) He lives his life and live as he can. How unfortunate not to talk about it, but your beloved, can never become your loving dad to give you all the tenderness and unconditional love, admiration and adoration, which allowed the Pope to little girls (those of them who are lucky).
A woman can not replace a mother and love as surely as she is. If puts on the altar of love all his life and lives only for you, then this love has a name -
psychological dependence. Fill in the other person a hole in his heart - the dream of many disadvantaged people

. To push back the love, loyalty, recognition, admiration and understanding of their absolute values ​​- thus restoring balance
. Feeling in not passing hunger for love and at the same time knowing that another person has its own life, its own history, its own needs, capabilities and desires; and he, the other may not physically be able to give the love that is so necessary, he has the right and choice, your decision - to give or not to give; and it is always a decision for him - and not to leave an insult - very difficult
. Especially if you take offense at the slightest pretext, and hide in its shell tightly compressed - the usual and long-term way to protect against pain
. Unclench its shell, stick out his head out and talk about themselves, about the pain, the needs, the desires and try to hear all of this not only themselves but also other - hellish work
. But every inch of reclaimed appear forces born faith in yourself and come experience that you can rely on, to move on.
Author: Irina Dybov