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Seashells offense. TRY unclenched.
Very strong article about Irina Dybov resentment. Perhaps the best, the most accurate description, which occurs earlier. Learn other, know yourself ...
Get out of resentment, still that push clenched wing shells. Try doing that with your bare fingers rukami- izrezhete blood. Resentment is holding a life-and-death.
If you look at yourself in the mirror at the time of offense, you will see a stone face, clenched in a tight thread lips upturned chin, and standing in the eyes of tears.
Resentment choking, grasps the throat, a lump rolls, does not give breathe steel ring tightens the chest. Dizzy; on the one hand - a feeling of complete loss of reality, and the other - the cap covers - sounds heard bad words barely distinguishable faces blurred.
In breast itching severe pain as the knife, vsazhennogo to the heart.
A sense of bitterness, anger, deep unjustly inflicted insult.
And as a response to an insult - a lightning solution - "to be proud." A person dies in a haughty wax mask.
All shell slammed. Started deaf defense.
Resentment - is a response to "not love"
On the idea that I do not love, do not appreciate, do not respect, "for I meant nothing to him".
For grievances do not need facts, not enough suspicion of love.
Resentment requires that on the other end someone was wrong and felt guilty about this. "If I offended, then he is guilty." Even if the second in no way to blame, he will not will become just feel guilty according to the law of polarity, so inherent in our nature.
Once the offense allowed the girls to manipulate the gentlemen and receive confirmation of their love and their value to them. In response to the upturned nose and pouting lips gentleman had sharply wonder what he was wrong, and fall to his knees with a bouquet of flowers and a sweet gift. The concept of "female pride" just did nurture a grudge for any little bit about it. And if the occasion was serious, self-respecting woman should be seriously offended and proud until the end.
Continuing offense, capricious and demanding lady - for many years remains the ideal proper female behavior.
By the way, men too are not averse to be proud and vengeful. They have more rights to aggression, so if a man offended (read insulted), "it is a normal guy just will not leave".
What is the offense?
As I said above - is a reaction to not love. Resentment choking at the thought that someone has the audacity to not love me, appreciate me and cherish me. Someone dared to do something that has called into question my absolute value.
"How is it ?!"
If you go deeper into the offense, you will experience the pain of a helpless, abandoned by all, not a favorite child. Little girl on a big noisy street full raznaryazhennyh people hurrying to their children at Christmas. She is sitting in the snow, his back against the stone wall, in the hands of her matches. Only God can divide it alone. It is to him she hurries into his arms. Andersen is well conveyed that image in his "Little Match Girl".
In the language of the mind out of this abandonment and love - death is a direct or symbolic - numbness, zaledenenie, necrosis, numbness of the soul.
"From that moment I have no more that will not hurt. I stopped feeling. And your lack of love will not be able to hurt me. "
Offended people in the heart of his suffering in pain unhappy abandoned child. He expects that someone will fill it with your love, otogreet his icy hands and revive its soul. It hurt a child who, for whatever reasons, did not receive that unconditional parental love and pervading in childhood.
This pain can flare up every time a match of any suspicions do not love, to the second - proved to me that I like (a), and finally filled my soul, gave me something that could not give parents.
But this is impossible. No one can fill that void. Not always will be. People are pushed into the abyss of spiritual children, animals, things and loved ones, but it still yawns. Forcing each time to play the same scenario.
Resentment becomes habitual protective reaction is triggered, and any attempt to sincere conversation. I know a woman who is more than ten years could not talk to her husband from the heart. Each time as she tried to say something - whether the theme of lack of money or lack of attention to it - tears choked her so much that she could not
speak. Talk turned to sheer torture, and always accompanied by countless streams of tears.
"I am ashamed to ask you" - another facet of resentment
Resentment - it is a request of love.
Acknowledge your neediness, weakness and the need for love and care, ask for it - is very difficult. Because rarely anyone has the right to weakness. Being weak and needy are not allowed to everybody. Often the family to raise a child, so that the only thing that gives the right to the weakness - it is a disease. And people unconsciously forced to use this trick to give yourself a chance to rest and ask for care.
Our culture for centuries considered impermissible weakness, singing in the tales and legends of heroism and self-denial:
"Heat is whether you, girl? Heat, sir. "
Imagine that Nastya says, "No, Jack Frost, cold! No, stop it! Better warm me if you can. "
That too would be a "break pattern".
Talk about their needs are not taken, ashamed and "unnatural." It is necessary that he guessed that a little more and freeze to death. And if he did not think, that death is better than the proud requests for mercy and love.
"Give me what I need! immediately! "
A small child, whose mother left him alone and went away for a long time will choke from crying in a crib. Then he will calm down and fall asleep. No, he did not calm down. Part of his soul just wither away. In his mind mom she left him and never return. The pain of the abandoned child, especially a child upheld in many times, make a grown man is very sensitive about the danger of loss of love.
For a child there is only he and his needs, he can not understand that her mother had gone to their important issues, that she was in the bathroom and it was bad or she left for five minutes, and she was detained. For a child there is only he, his need for love and his sorrow that this is no love when it must be so.
Adults who, after many years act as the child. For them, there is only their need for love and their pain if that love was not given. They are very difficult to understand what the other person has a different from their needs. "If you love me, be kind to give me what I need! Immediately! "They are sincere offended when the other does not give and does not meet their needs. This offense covers the burning pain and breaks the heart, not letting breathe.
A man with a scar in the soul is very difficult to consider the needs of others and claim their
He is waiting for the world as a mom myself guess that's all he needs to give him. And if someone, especially a close does not, the old pain and hurt with head covers.
***
Another man, he ... different. He has his own thoughts, their feelings, their ideas about themselves and their lives, their plans and their needs. Its purpose is not to make you happy (yeah, not that!) He lives his life and lives as he can. How sad not to talk about it, but your beloved, can never become your loving dad to give you all the tenderness and unconditional love, admiration and adoration, which allowed the pope to little girls (those of them who are lucky).
Woman can not replace a mother and love as surely as she is. If it puts on the altar of love all his life and lives only for you, then this is the name of love - psychological dependence.
Fill another man hole in his heart - the dream of many disadvantaged people.
To push back the love, dedication, recognition, admiration and understanding of their absolute values - thus restoring the balance.
Feeling in not passing hunger for love and at the same time knowing that another person has its own life, its own history, its own needs, capabilities and desires; and it is the other can not physically able to give the love that is so necessary, it has the right and the choice of its decisions - to give or not to give; and this decision is always after him - and it does not go into the offense - is not very easy.
Especially if you take offense at the slightest pretext and hide in its shell tightly compressed - a familiar and long-term defense against pain.
Unclench its shell, poke your head out and talk about themselves, about the pain, the needs, the desires and try to hear all of this not only themselves but also others - hellish work.
But every inch of reclaimed appear forces born faith in himself and comes experience, which we can rely, to go further.
Author - Irina Dybov
Get out of resentment, still that push clenched wing shells. Try doing that with your bare fingers rukami- izrezhete blood. Resentment is holding a life-and-death.
If you look at yourself in the mirror at the time of offense, you will see a stone face, clenched in a tight thread lips upturned chin, and standing in the eyes of tears.
Resentment choking, grasps the throat, a lump rolls, does not give breathe steel ring tightens the chest. Dizzy; on the one hand - a feeling of complete loss of reality, and the other - the cap covers - sounds heard bad words barely distinguishable faces blurred.
In breast itching severe pain as the knife, vsazhennogo to the heart.
A sense of bitterness, anger, deep unjustly inflicted insult.
And as a response to an insult - a lightning solution - "to be proud." A person dies in a haughty wax mask.
All shell slammed. Started deaf defense.
Resentment - is a response to "not love"
On the idea that I do not love, do not appreciate, do not respect, "for I meant nothing to him".
For grievances do not need facts, not enough suspicion of love.
Resentment requires that on the other end someone was wrong and felt guilty about this. "If I offended, then he is guilty." Even if the second in no way to blame, he will not will become just feel guilty according to the law of polarity, so inherent in our nature.
Once the offense allowed the girls to manipulate the gentlemen and receive confirmation of their love and their value to them. In response to the upturned nose and pouting lips gentleman had sharply wonder what he was wrong, and fall to his knees with a bouquet of flowers and a sweet gift. The concept of "female pride" just did nurture a grudge for any little bit about it. And if the occasion was serious, self-respecting woman should be seriously offended and proud until the end.
Continuing offense, capricious and demanding lady - for many years remains the ideal proper female behavior.
By the way, men too are not averse to be proud and vengeful. They have more rights to aggression, so if a man offended (read insulted), "it is a normal guy just will not leave".
What is the offense?
As I said above - is a reaction to not love. Resentment choking at the thought that someone has the audacity to not love me, appreciate me and cherish me. Someone dared to do something that has called into question my absolute value.
"How is it ?!"
If you go deeper into the offense, you will experience the pain of a helpless, abandoned by all, not a favorite child. Little girl on a big noisy street full raznaryazhennyh people hurrying to their children at Christmas. She is sitting in the snow, his back against the stone wall, in the hands of her matches. Only God can divide it alone. It is to him she hurries into his arms. Andersen is well conveyed that image in his "Little Match Girl".
In the language of the mind out of this abandonment and love - death is a direct or symbolic - numbness, zaledenenie, necrosis, numbness of the soul.
"From that moment I have no more that will not hurt. I stopped feeling. And your lack of love will not be able to hurt me. "
Offended people in the heart of his suffering in pain unhappy abandoned child. He expects that someone will fill it with your love, otogreet his icy hands and revive its soul. It hurt a child who, for whatever reasons, did not receive that unconditional parental love and pervading in childhood.
This pain can flare up every time a match of any suspicions do not love, to the second - proved to me that I like (a), and finally filled my soul, gave me something that could not give parents.
But this is impossible. No one can fill that void. Not always will be. People are pushed into the abyss of spiritual children, animals, things and loved ones, but it still yawns. Forcing each time to play the same scenario.
Resentment becomes habitual protective reaction is triggered, and any attempt to sincere conversation. I know a woman who is more than ten years could not talk to her husband from the heart. Each time as she tried to say something - whether the theme of lack of money or lack of attention to it - tears choked her so much that she could not
speak. Talk turned to sheer torture, and always accompanied by countless streams of tears.
"I am ashamed to ask you" - another facet of resentment
Resentment - it is a request of love.
Acknowledge your neediness, weakness and the need for love and care, ask for it - is very difficult. Because rarely anyone has the right to weakness. Being weak and needy are not allowed to everybody. Often the family to raise a child, so that the only thing that gives the right to the weakness - it is a disease. And people unconsciously forced to use this trick to give yourself a chance to rest and ask for care.
Our culture for centuries considered impermissible weakness, singing in the tales and legends of heroism and self-denial:
"Heat is whether you, girl? Heat, sir. "
Imagine that Nastya says, "No, Jack Frost, cold! No, stop it! Better warm me if you can. "
That too would be a "break pattern".
Talk about their needs are not taken, ashamed and "unnatural." It is necessary that he guessed that a little more and freeze to death. And if he did not think, that death is better than the proud requests for mercy and love.
"Give me what I need! immediately! "
A small child, whose mother left him alone and went away for a long time will choke from crying in a crib. Then he will calm down and fall asleep. No, he did not calm down. Part of his soul just wither away. In his mind mom she left him and never return. The pain of the abandoned child, especially a child upheld in many times, make a grown man is very sensitive about the danger of loss of love.
For a child there is only he and his needs, he can not understand that her mother had gone to their important issues, that she was in the bathroom and it was bad or she left for five minutes, and she was detained. For a child there is only he, his need for love and his sorrow that this is no love when it must be so.
Adults who, after many years act as the child. For them, there is only their need for love and their pain if that love was not given. They are very difficult to understand what the other person has a different from their needs. "If you love me, be kind to give me what I need! Immediately! "They are sincere offended when the other does not give and does not meet their needs. This offense covers the burning pain and breaks the heart, not letting breathe.
A man with a scar in the soul is very difficult to consider the needs of others and claim their
He is waiting for the world as a mom myself guess that's all he needs to give him. And if someone, especially a close does not, the old pain and hurt with head covers.
***
Another man, he ... different. He has his own thoughts, their feelings, their ideas about themselves and their lives, their plans and their needs. Its purpose is not to make you happy (yeah, not that!) He lives his life and lives as he can. How sad not to talk about it, but your beloved, can never become your loving dad to give you all the tenderness and unconditional love, admiration and adoration, which allowed the pope to little girls (those of them who are lucky).
Woman can not replace a mother and love as surely as she is. If it puts on the altar of love all his life and lives only for you, then this is the name of love - psychological dependence.
Fill another man hole in his heart - the dream of many disadvantaged people.
To push back the love, dedication, recognition, admiration and understanding of their absolute values - thus restoring the balance.
Feeling in not passing hunger for love and at the same time knowing that another person has its own life, its own history, its own needs, capabilities and desires; and it is the other can not physically able to give the love that is so necessary, it has the right and the choice of its decisions - to give or not to give; and this decision is always after him - and it does not go into the offense - is not very easy.
Especially if you take offense at the slightest pretext and hide in its shell tightly compressed - a familiar and long-term defense against pain.
Unclench its shell, poke your head out and talk about themselves, about the pain, the needs, the desires and try to hear all of this not only themselves but also others - hellish work.
But every inch of reclaimed appear forces born faith in himself and comes experience, which we can rely, to go further.
Author - Irina Dybov
