Psychology of choice. The price of pleasure.

Whenever we get to have to choose, we must remember that in fact we face only two options. Opting for the past or the choice in favor of the future.

The choice in favor of the past. It is a choice in favor of the familiar and the familiar. In favor of the fact that it was already in our lives. Choosing the past, we choose the path of stability and the familiar, we remain confident that tomorrow will be like today. You do not need any changes, and no effort. All tops have already been achieved, we can rest on our laurels. Or, as an option - we feel bad and difficult. But at least familiar and habitual. And who knows, maybe in the future will be worse ...

Opting for the future. Choosing the future, we choose the alarm. Uncertainty and unpredictability. Because the future - the future of the present - it is impossible to predict. The future can not be foreseen and predicted, but it is possible to plan. Often, however, planning for the future - is planning an infinite repetition of the present. No, the real future - is unknown. Therefore, the choice deprives us of peace, and anxiety settles in the soul ... But the development and growth are only in the future. In the past, it is not, the past has been, and can only be repeated. Others it will not be.

So, each time in a situation of serious (and sometimes not) choice we face figures of two angels, one of whom is named Tranquility, and the other - Anxiety. Calm points to well-trodden by you or others way. Anxiety - on the trail abuts the impassable windbreak. This is only the first road leads back, and the second - ahead.

The old Jew, Abraham, dying, beckoned to his children and tells them:
- When I die and stand before God, he did not ask me, "Abraham, why were you not Moses?" Do not ask, "Abraham, why were not you Daniel?" He asked me, "Abraham, why do not you been Abraham ?! ».

How to make the right choice? If, as has been said, now we can not predict the future, how to understand your choice is correct or not.

One of the little tragedies of life is that the selection is determined only by the result. which - in the future. and there is no future ...
Aware of this situation, people often try the result programmed to play certain.

"I'll do it when it is quite clear ... When you see a clear alternative to the ..." - and often the decision is postponed forever. Because no one has ever made decisions tomorrow. "Tomorrow," "then" and "somehow" never comes. Decisions are made today. Here and now. And, too, are beginning to be realized at the same time. Not tomorrow. And now.

The severity is also determined by the choice of the price we have to pay for its implementation. Price - this is what we are willing to sacrifice in order that our choice was implemented.

Choice without the willingness to pay the price - impulsivity and willingness to accept the role of victim.
In this case, I am taking the decision, but, faced with the need to pay the bills, we are starting to complain. And then look for someone to blame responsibility.

"If I knew it would be so difficult ...»

When you begin to understand that taking a decision without thinking about its price. One of the most important questions of life - "and it really worth it." Price altruism - forgetting yourself. Price selfishness - loneliness. Price is always striving to be good for everyone - often sickness and anger at himself.

Realized price of choice, we can change it. Or leave it as it is - but not complaining about the consequences and placing full responsibility.

Responsibility - a willingness to take on the status of the causes of what happened - with you or with someone else (by definition D.A.Leonteva). The recognition that it is you - the cause of the events. What is that now there is - the result of your free choice.

One of the serious consequences of the selection is that for every "yes" must always "no." choosing one alternative, we close ourselves another.
We bring some opportunities in the other victim.

And the more opportunities - the harder we have to. Availability of alternatives we sometimes literally torn apart ... "I must" and "I want." "I want" and "want". "We must" and "should". Trying to resolve this conflict, we can resort to three tricks.

Trick one: try to realize just two alternatives. Arrange chasing two hares. What it ends up - it is known from the same sayings. No you will not catch. Because in fact, the choice is not made, and we remain in the same place where they were before the start of the chase. Suffer as a result of both alternatives.

Trick two: make a choice in half. Decide to make some action to implement it - but the thoughts keep returning back to the point selection. "And what is the best alternative?". Often this can be seen in my students. They decided to come to class (because they have), but they are missing the soul of it, is somewhere where you want. As a result, they are not in class - only their bodies. And they are not where they want to be - there is only their thoughts. Hence, for this moment, for the time being does not exist at all. They are dead to life here and now ... Choose half - is to die for ... If reality has made a choice - to close other alternatives, and immersed in the matter ...

Trick Three: wait until all by itself is formed. Do not make any decisions, hoping that some of the alternatives to disappear by itself. Or that someone else will make the choice that we will declare the obvious ...

In this case there is a comforting phrase "All that is done - all the better." Do not "all that I do," and "everything that is done" - that is done by itself, or someone else, but not me ...

Another magic mantra of "everything will be fine ....". Its nice to hear from loved ones in a difficult moment, and this is understandable.

But sometimes we whisper it yourself, evading solutions. Because overcome fear: what if a decision is hasty? Suddenly standing still wait? At least until the next day (which, as we know, never arrives) ... When we are waiting for that all by itself, we, of course, can be wrong. But often it happens differently - all by itself is formed, but not as we would like.

And there are maximalists and minimalists, which is remarkable B.Shvarts wrote in his book "The Paradoxes of choice." Maximalists strive to make the best choice - not only to minimize the error, but to choose the best alternative of all that is. If you buy the phone - the best ratio of price and quality; or the most expensive; or the newest and "advanced". The main thing - that it was "the most." In contrast to the maximalists are the minimalists. They tend to choose the option that best meets their needs. And then the phone does not need a "best" and to call and send SMS - and fairly. Maximalism difficult choice, because is always a chance that somewhere something will be better. And this thought haunted maximalists.

Choosing is hard, but the rejection of the decision entails much more serious consequences. the so-called existential guilt. Wine to himself on the last untapped opportunities.
Regret for time lapse ... The pain of the unspoken words of unexpressed feelings arise when it is too late ... the unborn children ... Unselected work ... miss ... Pain, when it is impossible to play back.

Existential guilt - the feeling of betrayal itself.

And this pain we can also hide. For example, to declare loudly that I had nothing to regret. What all the past I drop back, without a doubt, and looking back. But it is - an illusion. Our past is impossible to unhook and push back. You can ignore it, forced out of consciousness, to pretend that it is not - but it is impossible to detach, except that the price of a complete forgetfulness of self ... Wherever we rushed - everywhere drag a cart of his past experience. "It is foolish to regret what happened." No, sorry not stupid ... Stupid, probably will ignore the fact that when something went wrong. And ignore arising from this feeling. We - the people. And the pain is not able to discard.

So, being faced with the necessity of a serious life choices, you can understand the following:

In favor of the past or the future for the benefit of my choice?
What is the price of my choice (than I am willing to sacrifice for the sake of its implementation)?
My choice is dictated by the maximalism and minimalism?
Am I willing to take full responsibility for the consequences of the choice?
Having made the choice, I close all the other alternatives?
Am I doing the entire selection, or only half?
And finally, the question of meaning: "Why did I choose?

Ilya Latypov


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