Woman in the decree: BAD NEWS FOR MEN

Family psychologist Paul Zygmantovich help sober look look at the decree as the trials, much more difficult than working




Many of the problems occur in people's lives because of the head. In my head live a strange idea that using spoil people's lives. Such concepts need to knock out of my head in every possible way, except, perhaps, the amputation.

For example, some men in the head lives an interesting idea - if a woman sits with children at home, it is the clock rests and relaxes.

Through this man expects his wife to meet him from work happy and infinitely rested, fresh, fun, somewhere even tired to rest. It meets clear perfect dinner and bathe his feet on the ancient Greek tradition. Okay, I got excited about the legs, but the rest - no.


And a man somewhere you can understand. He vpahivat at work, most of the money from this vpahivaniya spends on himself and his wife with children, and believes that deserved veneration of the wife. Here's a quote: "What is it, it is difficult, is it? I went home - to meet me, as it should be! »

And as a woman none of the above does not make the man in the tragedy and confusion. The way out which can very easily be a decision: "She does not love me, she did not appreciate, in this house there is no love!". And then - lover, divorce, difficulties in communicating with children and so on, so on, so forth.

All this can be avoided if a sober look at the world (or, in other words, to put the cognitive barrier).

A sober look will show us important points. Namely - the seat in the decree is an ordeal, much more difficult than the work.

The fact there are at least four reasons:

1. You do not control
For the happiness of a person is very important to control their lives (for details - here.) Control over their own lives (stress - on their own) directly affects the health, happiness and success in life of man. What is control? It is their decision, and following them.

A woman sitting in the decree, it is extremely poor choice of opportunities for making its decisions and follow them. Here it is conceived in the afternoon, while the child is sleeping, do abdominal exercises. A child p-time - and fell asleep. It seems, and walked, and ate - and the child does not sleep, coo himself happily.

Or - she decided to call a friend, a child is engaged rattles. Just start a conversation there - bang! bang! What went wrong, a child in mourning, we need to save.

This woman's life in the decree in times greater than that of men at work, and it's awfully tiring.

2. You do not have results
At work - the deal caught the culprit, hooked the crane, route, and at home - nothing. The woman washed the dishes - in half an hour again accumulated a mountain in the sink. Wiped the floor - again children spilled milk and smeared clay. No results.

Moreover, often the woman and did not pursue the case. She took the clothes out of the car, did not have time to decompose - we need to change a diaper. CHANGE - did not have time to go back to the laundry, because the child has asked for. Nourish - a child asks to play, like this refuse? As a result - is currently in the pelvis clothes, drying, as best he can.

And when there is no result, there is no "dopamine reinforcements." Simply put, the body does not receive the rewards for their work, and a favorite psychologists operant conditioning does not happen. That, in turn, reduces the motivation for such cases. But doing something you still need, no matter what the motivation. It oppresses and can easily contribute most natural depression.

3. At work - thanks, but at home - nothing
Well, when children are more or less the adults themselves and can guess that my mother should be thanked. And if not? Thanks to man - an important point reinforcement (including the above-mentioned dopamine). No thanks - no motivation to do anything further.

Especially bad if the husband does not know that a woman on maternity leave should be thanked three times more than usual. This adds to the conditions for the emergence of depression.

4. The duration of work - more than twelve o'clock
The decree - this is not only the children to play and tetёshkatsya. This is the house bother - cooking, there, cleaning, laundry. And besides - it is also a night climb, because her husband get up early tomorrow to sleep, and it is more important (and this, in a sense, it is true). So it turns out that time a woman on maternity leave is much longer than that of men. That, as I see it, a little unfair.

5. Decrease communication and support
The woman in the decree communicates a little. It just seems that she has a wide circle of friends - such as moms at the playground. In fact, the situation is not so straightforward. The woman went out on maternity leave, it falls out of the usual circle of friends and, at first, some time adjusting to this situation, and, secondly, can not always find a fellowship that would be the same for the depth of openness, such as, that before. Still, tovarki on the site do not always allow each other to a frank conversation on the souls.

So it turns out - of communication, like a lot, but the quality of it can limp in comparison to what it was (can, of course, age - this also happens).

What man do with all this? Well, there are options.

Know that the decree - this ordeal. The very fact of this knowledge helps to adequately treat all the complexity and difficulty of this period.
As much as possible to facilitate the life of his wife. Yes, men want to relax after work, well, and the woman also wants to relax. It is fair, if both will be a long time in which everyone does as much as possible. This parenting, baby, here - here so.
Remember that his wife is especially in need of gratitude and support, and to give it all as much as possible.
Regularly give his wife "leave pass" so that she could meet with friends or even just alone walk in the park (this trip, by the way, not a bad way to increase the area of ​​control in your life - even a walk at least an hour a week, but in control !).
(For women), give her husband to read this note. Immediately, of course, does not agree, but then, when everything is considered, would come to the right decision.
And I have everything, thank you for your attention.

Paul Zygmantovich,
family psychologist

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