Retarded parents teach their sons that "girls can not hurt". Then we have to teach girls that "boys cannot refuse". For symmetry. The destructive potential of both phrases is the same.
But jokes aside! We must be completely blind not to notice the obvious degeneration of men in our society. And all it takes is 3 phrases to this process continued to mow down our ranks in the next generation.We sit with my friend in a cafe and after a conversation talking about business about the children, our boys.
— I have long realized that it is difficult to raise a real man, when a guy sees examples of men's behavior.
— What do you think is an example of male behavior?
— Well, I tell him that girls should not be hurt...
— But boys can? And the dogs? And the old ladies? You know what kind of language do you guarantee that my son problems in adult life?
We did not have on the subject of holivar, we're the old-fashioned way to communicate, but not in LJ. Besides, my friend is quite adequate to such an important matter as the education of men, still listen to the man.
By the way, I have noticed that women describing the perfect man in a vacuum, lead to a specific set of wording. But if to complicate the experiment and focus attention on her son, the wording change. So to say: from the consumer to the universal. For example, there is the word "free".
So, I think there are 3 phrases that by regular repetition will make the boy problem man, if not a weak-willed rag.
1.It is impossible to offend the girls.
In this pure form, the phrase puts the boy in a subordinate position, and the girls gives indulgence to life manipulation. Girls do you hear these units, they are aware of their existence, and, of course, use. From the moment the girl realized it's a weak man's place, she's had enough at any moment to do to cause the boy's guilt. Women's grievances, therefore, for men is unpredictable, but not because we are thick-skinned, and they are mysterious. Not at all. Most of women's grievances arise not when we did really hurts, and when it should be the girl. That's the whole unpredictability.
The boys hide their resentment, and the girls demonstrate. Just the boys not taught to extract from the offense's favor. Women's tears — so do the nuclear bomb, well this is all I know. We didn't planned and didn't do anything wrong; or did, but not plotting, or plotting good, but did not guess, and then — BANG! — we have already are bad, then it should be corrected. Tears will dry very quickly and the ring will remain.
And all this just because the setting "you cannot offend the girls" too General and vague to really serve the education and formation of conscious values. A man can't learn to act in their own interests, if you will look back and not offended if it is his actions any woman within a radius of 50 meters? Some will always hurt, infa 146%.
Any man will find in its history when it acted to the detriment of their interests, in order not to offend a woman. It's called "freedom"? Even if we can not predict what she might be offended. It is impossible for man to place the responsibility for other people's feelings. "Resentment" — from this series.
Let me explain: we need to talk specifically, which means "to hurt". For example, "you can't hit girls unless they hit you" and the meaning of the verb "offend" is specified instead of all the hypothetical set of actions. Or "deliberately not to point out the flaws that people cannot fix". This is for older children, Yes. And, by the way, notice that these rules not only apply to girls? So they are correct.
And then the kid will grow up with a normal appropriate response to the explicit manipulation through guilt: "I Want to suffer — it's your choice. You are not satisfied with something — let's discuss". Although it would appear that the presumption of innocence in warfare, but not so much that you are guilty just because she had her eyes on a wet place.
Well, purely for symmetry. Ever you heard that parents strictly said to the girl: "you can't offend the boys"? Unlikely. So it is possible! Normal society?
2. The girls have to give in.
In the same cafe with my friend during our conversation, we watched a scene together. See a couple with children. Dad so authoritatively says: "Go wash hands!". Boy 6 years and girl 8 years a race rushing to the bathroom. In front of the door girl, the envy of the NHL, barthet boy's thigh, and the boy flies forward. Then returned to the door, the fuss, both returned to the table.
— Mom, dad! And it kicks! Girls also need to give!
— Yes, the girls have to give in! What are you doing!
The guy has tears in his eyes: he suffered more physically developed sisters, and he is still guilty. And you can't admit that he was weaker, and weep not, for "not manly". Children in this stage are just kids, and the whole strategy for their future life is laid by parents in similar situations. Parents, as a robot, muttered the learned phrase, not penetrating into the situation.
Here grew up a boy, believing that "girls up". What exactly to give — in or trolley profitable project at work? And all that, and more. And here he is all a gentleman, girls are inferior, comes home and what he hears? He's a goof and a loser. But is he guilty? Him in the head with loving parents laid. And tell him that he is a goof and a loser is not an insult? Hurt, but boys hurt you.
It may seem that I exaggerate. No, not thicken. This is a basic value orientations, they are not looking back on our minds: what in the literal as embedded parents in childhood, then rush when the time comes. It then sometimes corrected, sometimes for years, and, if lucky, some. But before returning to normal, it will take years, and then the pendulum will swing in the opposite direction. And girls get it.
Girls love gentlemen. But the age of the gentlemen coincided with the age of the lady, and the lady was not involved in the business and do not compete with men. And all this highly romanticized view of life narrow layer of society, a long time ago.The true gentleman — the result of free and conscious choice, not driven into the head of the habit. Besides, if it is to send boys with gentlemanly attitudes to the world of predators of both sexes, then life will be beautiful but short-lived. Gentlemen die first. Although, in General, why not give the lady a seat in the subway? The main thing — not to extend this rule to all areas of life indiscriminately. It is possible to love and respect a women, not trying to constantly give them in vital issues.
3. Good, obedient boy.
For me it seems obvious that a person reproduces the behavior that encouraged. Encourage beauty? Get beauty. Encourage intelligence get intelligence. Encourage obedience? Get obedience. Encourage independence? Get the independence. However, just obedient male in the household chores. Yeah, especially if you have a naughty lover, free and strong man.
Why good girls love bullies? Freedom, independence, the willingness to establish and defend their rules, the power of the spirit. Well, or something. Correct me if I'm wrong.
And what do good boys
? They live with their mothers, for example. Because:
1) my mother will be offended, if he's going to live separately. And the mother is the main woman in life, and girls can not hurt.
2) the Mother asks, "a girl's gotta give".
3) How not to listen to mom?
These despised women men really lofty goal and a very difficult situation, it without irony. Everyone has their own difficulties and its own way of overcoming. Do you think that such a man is an asshole, and you're done? Personally, what is your merit that you have that man by different parents and how they raised you?
I live on my own since I was 17, but I understand that it is in the first place, not mine, and credit my mom, all my childhood which said to me: "think with your head." I don't remember I was praised for obedience.
What I want to say?
Burgeoning misogyny is, in my opinion, the reverse movement of the pendulum after unapologize. It is the result once his parents brought special demands to the boys. Those grew up and realized that the world is different, that they fulfilled his part of the contract, but did not receive awards. And most importantly: it seems there's nobody to blame. Parents not to blame. And not what parents are to blame — they did as best they could. And accused all women EN masse. It's stupid and unconstructive as any extreme. But for the mistakes of the parents pay children.
And, Yes, even men sometimes drink. When multiple values are in conflict with each other. This is my personal opinion that one of the causes of male alcoholism — an attempt to reduce the weight of some units compared to others, as in an unmodified state of consciousness for that individual selection is possible. Vodka will drop on one scale, and then it is easier to choose a course of conduct.
Of course, I can't compile a complete list of what not to say to the boys. But it is what it is. Can such a phrase to educate responsible free male personality, able to make decisions? Unlikely. And, if the solution does not lies with the male, it will take a woman, and not in his best interest.
It so happened that in a short time I heard these 3 phrases. They are probably the most common, and in such a blurred value is definitely harmful to the psyche of future men. Although many women are comfortable. If it's not about your son.