Funny jokes.

Man comes to the pharmacy:
 - Give me a pack of condom !!!
Saleswoman:
 - Man, and can be polite?
 - Give a pack of condoms!
 - Well, even polite?
 - Please give me pachechku contraceptives!
 - A modest possible?
A man gets his noodle, lay on the counter and said:
 - Put a gentleman !!!

The teacher asked the children to write an essay on the topic "How I spent a day».
Little Johnny wrote:
I woke up, wiped the x $ th. Took a shower. Wiped x $ th. He helped my mother make breakfast. Wiped x $ th. Breakfast. Wiped x $ th. Went for a walk. Wiped x $ th. Returned. Wiped x $ th. Lunch. Wiped x $ th. I played a computer. Wiped x $ th. I called Masha, asked lessons. Wiped x $ th. Homework to be done. Wiped x $ th. I looked telly. Wiped x $ th. Dine. Wiped x $ th. Went to bed.
Ofigevshy teacher
 - Little Johnny, you're that sick, you have that any allocation? You go to the doctor?
 - Do not pigweed I. I'm all right. Just my father works in the SAI, always some freak on the door, "$ x minutes" write

1: How are you?
2: +
1: It was in the university Sedna?
2 - 1 Set on a pass ...
2: =
1: blah, you're sitting with a calculator ???

There is an orgy of Pierre Bezukhov. From under a pile of naked bodies gets lieutenant Rzhev and shouts:
 - Gentlemen, I urge you to order! I take in my mouth for the third time !!!

Communal apartment. The toilet accidentally closed a little girl and
He can not get out from there. Around the toilet and all the people gathered excitedly
shouting out the door:
 - You see there is such a small schekoldochku?
 - Top, top it!
 - Left push!
 - No, right! Right! Pull!
 - To the left!
etc. and etc.
Behind seamlessly fits another little girl looks at
Adults and quiet so myself:
 -% Ahu be ... Ford Boyard, embossing ...

...

Earth. 2047.
Suddenly, the sky begins some global pandemonium. One stars fade, new lit, everything starts to move. People are in a panic. After a while, the sky is laid Star sign: Who are you?
People gathered all satellites, all aircraft helicopters, all that glow in the sky and highlighted the spotlights and other lasers: We Earthlings!
It takes several days. All tense waiting. Here again pandemonium begins in heaven, and there is an inscription: Land, go to hell, do not ask you ...

At operation. Surgeon:
 - Clip ... tampon tampon ... scalpel ... ... Suction ...
...
 - Sister! Suction - a tool!