Jokes on tyapnitsu)

Features of this year's fashion: girls wear earrings in the color of cowards!
Now I understand why some girls do not wear earrings ...

 - Little Johnny, the girls are offended that you love them just behind.
 - And what do they currently smoke and the stench of my mouth does not begin orgasm, and vomiting ...

Hard to find something better for the price / quality ratio than the free shit.

 - Girl, what you have there in the window between the buns?
 - Nahal !!!
 - Yes, I did not mean your buns ...

It was good for Adam! If he happened to successfully make a joke, he could be sure that does not repeat old jokes.

Scam of the century!
Dana Borisova managed vtyuhat soul to the devil.

Man and woman after a stormy night ...
The guy is going to go, and suddenly near the exit he sees a photo of a man ... he asks:
 - Honey, who is he?
 - Let's not talk about it ...
 - I love you so much, trust me, I understand everything ...
 - Well, it's me in the past ...

There are three types of priests: funny, clever and hurtful.
Funny - it is Orthodox priests, because all the time singing. Crowned - sing, read the burial service - sing.
Sly - a Catholic priest, because all marry and do not get married.
A harmful - it is the Jewish priests, because the cut there, where so short.

Sit three customs and think what to give to a fourth day
First - let us present to the 600th Mercedes?
the rest - but not he already has at last birthday presented.
second - then let us present to a bungalow on Kanarah.
the rest - but not, it has already.
third - think! let's leave it as a present one work
All change!
others - yes you che, stunned _TAKOY_ expensive gift to give!

The lady in the store trying on clothes:
 - You know, I was a little bit of chest presses.
 - And I think you very well sit!
 - No, you did not understand me, my toad presses ...

 - Why are all these people running?
 - They participate in the race for the Kremlin Cup!
 - And who gets the trophy?
 - Whoever wins!
 - Why then run the rest?

 - How can we trust the inner voice, if in the morning when you need to work, he says that you need to sleep?

 - You go tomorrow Kirkorov?
 - No, I will not. With me no gun, no license ...

In the midst of celebrations Lieutenant Rzhevskij offers hussars:
 - Gentlemen, let's redeem horses in champagne!
 - What do you mean, Lieutenant, we have no money.
The lieutenant thoughtfully:
 - Well then, at least the cat beer Obol ...

Sit Spanish and Arabic to negotiate business. For each question, the Arab Spaniard responds, "enticing" to each question Spaniard Arab responds "Inshallah."
Somehow we agreed and took note event. There is an Arab asks:
 - Listen to others say informally that the word means "alluring"?
 - Well, it means maybe tomorrow or the next day, maybe in a week or two, a month or more, but in the end will turn out. And you tell me right now that means "God willing"?
 - Well, almost the same as the "enticing", but without the element of haste.

 - What is the point to schedule trains, if they are always late?
 - And how would you know that they are late, if there were no schedules? ..

Optometrist - patient:
 - Close the left eye. What is the first letter in the bottom line?
 - «B».
 - Take a closer look!
 - «B».
 - Open the left eye. So what letter?
 - I told you twice already said - «B»!
Ophthalmologist up to the board looks:
 - Wow, really "B»!

 - Doctor, I snore at night that wake up on his own snoring! What will advise?
 - Sleep in another room.

The two talk on the train:
 - Yesterday called me after the show as much as 15 times!
 - Big deal! I produce every night a hundred times.
 - Are you an actor too?
 - No. I - the waiter.

Wife looking fashion magazine, tells her husband:
 - This year, men will wear shirts without buttons.
 - Yes? So I have 15 years of fashionable dress.

From the rules of electro-shock weapons claim 23. It is forbidden to use electro-shock weapons against pregnant women unless they are armed or group attack.

My husband persuaded his wife to go with him to a football match. However, she was going for so long that the couple had only the second period.
 - What is the score? - Asks a neighbor's husband?
 - Zero zero.
 - You see, - says his wife - we, therefore, have not lost anything.

 - Doctor, help!
 - Give me a prescription for antiviagra!
 - Why?
 - Santa Makar died!
 - So what?
 - Viagra drunk - not a coffin zakrivaetsya !!!

 - Girl, I want you to make an offer.
 - What, darling?
 - Leave me alone, and?

 - You remind me of the ocean ...
 - I have the same wave?
 - No, I'm from you just as sick.

 - For me, the best time - a holiday in the Canary Islands ...
 - You go there you're never traveled?
 - I - no, but my wife goes there every year!

School. Last call. Director:
 - Natalia, you're a teacher of literature! You have to teach children fine, not as eye opening bottles!

Council banker:
 - Do you want to increase the capital by half? - Put your money in the mirror!


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