Jokes

Yesterday came the neighbor and borrowed a drill for a couple of hours. The third day of silence behind the wall. What he did not drill - to hell with him. But I have nothing to drill in the morning!

Caretaker paint factory, and does not know what is working without a partner.

Durov Snowden invited to work "VKontakte» ...
Multipass operation on the implementation of a CIA agent to the company storing private information of all Russians completed.

When Larissa Guzeeva found a husband for Valeria, she realized that her mission on earth is finished.

As a child I loved to call strangers and tell them something improbable fate chastised me, and now it's my job. I - advertising agent ...

Be sure to read the book. After these insults are sophisticated.

The process of defecation in humans takes a few minutes a day. But thanks to the Internet, many can to shit continuous hours.

 - Well, you're there with Kate?
 - Yes, we parted.
 - How did you meet?
 - 1024 days. Just think - gigabytes of life in the ass!

Spell in Russian. To a man made the right choice - need a bottle of vodka and you are friends with dire.

It is wrong to say: "The woman stood out bad morning ..." Correct: "Morning is not set at the whole family!»

Odessa family:
 - Yasha, the grave often bring flowers than you do me ...
 - Sarah, I do not understand! And yet, what do you suggest?! ..

I keep yourself in shape ... In the shape of a ball.

 - Lucy, you will not irritate your husband in the company of continually boasted of his love affairs?
 - Do not worry, let the invalid tells about the war ...

 - How the hell swear?
 - Thousand Boyarskikh!

Buying cheap condoms, you can win 400 thousand rubles

Guide dogs lost the owner and now leads anybody home.

You have to look at the enemy so that he analyzes flowed.

About life priorities of the human species may be a lot to tell his muscle. The most powerful of them - the jaw muscle, the biggest - buttock.

 - My new guy some moron! He went to the bathroom, and his hysterical!
 - This is just so?
 - Well, drunk fell asleep for an hour there and what ?!

Matured - it is a pity when it became Tom of cartoons.

 - Dad, where shops caviar, sturgeon fishing is prohibited because?
 - Divorce. Sometimes the fish are more likely buyers.

His wife and children in the third week of departure. In the absence of domestic food waste ants have learned to forage residues from beer cans. But the fish in the aquarium is now always on fresh bait - I'm the hunter, not the fisherman.

Chukchi comes from Moscow.
 - Well, like Moscow?
 - A very nice city, however. The rich, almost no Russian, even the mayor - and that is our.

The prisoner before execution asked about the last wish - to smoke a cigarette. He was given a pack with awesome words "Smoking kills." Frightened, he stopped smoking.

Employee recruiting office:
 - Young man, do not take the army, the army calling clear.
 - If the army called, and did not take, there you have no one to serve.

In order to captivate a woman, it is not necessary to give her diamonds ... enough to show their presence.

A man says to a friend:
 - You know, yesterday I fucked your wife for two hours!
 - Yes, you're in luck. But I've had to last for two hours to stand in line to fuck yours.

There are two friends, one asks another:
 - I heard you got married?
 - Yes. And you know, I'm tired of someone familiar or go to prostitutes.
 - And now how?
 - And now again beginning to like!

Previously, all the best in the country were children, and now - the children of a bitch.

Rosselkhoznadzor officials, taken off to New Zealand to test milk, winning in the nomination "The most exquisite vacation at public expense».

In Russia, the police took the illegals in the markets, it is necessary to break the head of police.

We often say that we have no choice, forgetting that he is, is much more complicated.

 - As one of my friends say Chinese ... No, I will not say what they say, in Russian it means mat.
 - Well, tell that to the Chinese.
 - The fact of the matter is that they speak Russian.