Jokes about cats

One programmer came to visit a friend. Sit, sip beer. Here the kitchen fills up a huge gray tomcat.
 - This is my cat. Modem name.
 - Why Modem?
 - Look. - Takes the broom, cat pokes. - Modem! Connect!
(Cat) - Shshshshshshshshsh ...

Communicate two cats:
 - And when he had promised to marry you?
 - In March.
 - In March, they promise

Ginger Cat in full dismay rushed through the snowdrifts, otmorazhivaya your loving, shouting:
 - Well, where? Where, I ask you, spring? What a country, eh? Where girls, Snowdrops, shebetane birds? Although sparrows chirping, even crows cawing, where ?! I'm not talking about a thaw. Snow from the sky fray how to break them out there, and these spring here. A fraud and a lie!
And people listened to the cry of the cat and smiled:
 - Look like yelling. Spring smells. Kotov is not fooled ...

Cat gets away from the dog and thinks:
"I myself for the hamster yesterday raced around the room, it was just terrible, poor hamster, poor pussy ...»
Then, bam, wood. Cat on a tree, caught his breath, sits and thinks:
"Well, hamster, hairy creature now hold on!»

 - Count up, guys, yesterday the plan smoked, laughed the cat decided to fill with smoke ...
 - Well, Th cat?
 - A niche - sat with us, laughing.

 - I brought a kitten, white fluffy ...
 - Sfotkatsya, show!
 - No ...
Fotik  - Scan!

Côte priest throws a bowl on the floor and lays out food cross, praying, eating food, and goes to bed.
Cat architect pours feed from it lays the architectural plan, the details of changes in some places, finally eats everything and goes to bed.
Côte director pours food on the floor and starts to peck the food bowl, razdalblivaet him in the dust, lays out three of the dust of the road, sniffing them, falling on his back and yells, "No, I can not work like this!"

And my sorrow - my Persian cat on my Persian carpet made Gulf !!!

What does your cat when shits on the carpet in the corner behind the chair?
 - I know that is impossible, but: first, one does not, and secondly - dark, and then - I'll bury ...

The owner feeds the cat buckwheat. On the first day the cat had eaten, the second day is coming to cup:
 - Fee, buckwheat ...
Exit. Next:
 - Phi again buckwheat ...
Exit. On the fourth day is:
 - ABOUT! Buckwheat !!!

One lady lived a cat, well, a smart cat, just do not say. So she was upset every day - Kitty, well, you're so smart, say something! Well, when you start to talk!
Once they sit opposite each other at the table, the owner gets the same song: that cat would have said something. The cat opened his jaws and issues:
 - Right now, a piece of the ceiling will collapse!
The hostess and stunned, sitting on cat eyes widened - and here it as the head sharahnet thus a piece of plaster from the ceiling!
 - Well, - I growled the cat - all the "kitten, cat Say yes, say," and when I say this silly woman did not listen.

In England, the visitor comes to the shop and asks him progdat pie. Seller gives him a cake, but said that this is the last instance.
The buyer asked not gnawed whether his mouse because it looks strange.
 - Oh no! - The seller is responsible.
 - Why are you so confident in that?
 - He slept all morning our cat.

Fans of advertising.
Recently received evidence that the cat Boris, involved in advertising cat food - castrated. On the screens out the movie "Boris - a great dancer».

Train rides. Suddenly, he is heading off the rails, and then again they become. One passenger was impatient to know what was going on.
Comes to the engineer:
 - Excuse me, but why the train derailed?
 - There's cat sitting on the rails.
 - Well, I would be crushed!
 - So I had just caught up on the field

A visitor in an antique shop, after examining all the shelves, toward the door, but then noticed that the cat is on the threshold of drinking milk from a saucer times Tutankhamun! The man returned to the seller with feigned indifference offered:
 - Let me buy you a cat for $ 1.
 - Never. My children are very used to it.
Bargain at $ 200. Visitor:
 - Your cat probably used to eating from this bowl, I'll take her, too?
 - What do you! It's Tutankhamun! Collectible rare! And cats, by the way, I have already sold 126 units so.

I am before the wedding on cats trained very uncomfortable ... While the animal's paw on the ring will dress, the whole face scratched.

 - How to persuade a woman to continue the way if a black cat ran across the road?
 - It is easier to convince the cat to return.

Engineer, an accountant, a chemist and government officials argued, whose cat is smarter. Engineer called his cat: "X-square, show them!". X-square came to the table, picked up a pen and paper and drew a circle, a square and a triangle. All agreed that it was a good idea. Then, an accountant called his cat, "Ledger, show them!". Ledger went to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies, which spread to a handful of 4, 3 cookies each. All agreed that it was also good. The chemist called his "spatula, show them!". Spatula pulled from the fridge pack with milk, the shelf 200-gram glass and poured it exactly 150 grams of milk without spilling a drop. All too impressed. And all three have asked civil servants: and thy that he can? And then the civil servant said to his cat: "Smoke break, show them." Smoke break ate all the cookies, drank all the milk, pee on paper, was raped by three other cats, yelled that this had aching back, wrote a complaint to the harmful working conditions, sent her to the sanitary and epidemiological stations and took sick leave for the remainder of dnya.