Jokes from the clinic

- Hello, Doctor. I have a problem. Can I get naked?
- Please.
- Here, you see?
- No, I can't see.
- And I can't see! That's terrible! When two centimeters in an excited state!
- All right. Here's the direction.
- The surgeon?
- The optometrist! Next one!

- Doctor, I think I'm sick.
- Bayan. Next one!

- Doctor, Doctor!!! Help me!
- What is it?
I have my right hand to the knee!! Do something!!!
- Yeah, unsymmetrical. Nothing, it's fixable. Here's the direction for surgery. And a new job.
- What other job?
- Like what? After we lengthen your left arm, go to the circus. Orangutan work. Next one!

- Doctor, Doctor!!!
- Calm, just calm. Copyright. Come in, sit down.
Doctor!!! My wife left me! Help me, save my life!
- Let's not get nervous. In order.
- I'm urgent, just vitally necessary to suck...
- Ooh, Father. You're not here. To the gay club.
- No, Doctor. You don't get it. I need to be sucked out...
- It's for Leningrad...
- No way! Suck the fat! See how fat I am!!! Make me skinny!!!
- Why didn't you just say... Drink Fairy. Next one!

- Doctor! Do something!
- Wait a second. Here you go. It's a bit of a mess. Next one.

- Doctor!
- I'm a doctor, too. Hello, colleague. Next one!

- Doctor, Doctor!!!
Don't yell, you're not at the Curling Olympiad. What is it?
- I got this! Apocalypse!
- Any more details?
- Don't you see? I have some terrible spots all over my body!!
- Oh, that's fixable. Try the new Vanish. Next one!

- Doctor, we have an operating problem.
Did you see a light switch, air conditioner and ultraviolet light on the wall?
Yeah.
Press all three at the same time, the operating room will restart and you can continue to work. Next one!

- Doctor, I can't do it with girls!
Don’t tell me you decided to try it with me.
- No way. Look at that. I'm so fat. I have fat everywhere, absolutely everywhere.
- All right, now go to the passport. Change your name to cottage cheese. He's fat-free, a lot of people love him. Then it's all in your hands. Next one.

- Doctor, have you had me recently, like my tests?
- I have two news for you, patient. One good, the other worse.
- Let's go with the bad.
- You have cancer.
- Fucking hell...
- Yes, you have cancer. And I have cancer. Bring a beer in the evening, with crayfish - the same thing. Reception's over!