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Tough childhood: What has life taught me so strange and hard?
When I myself was a client of a psychologist, attended psychological groups and trainings, caught myself on the fact that I was offended by the very situation of therapy. So, there was a difficult childhood, all the time only did that " coped", "survived", "overcame", and grew up, became an adult, but still " coping", only now with the consequences of such a childhood.
You realize that as an adult, you're not effective! You are not in control of your life, but the cockroaches control it.. And I would be happy to change, but the unconscious is stronger and better if I got to a psychologist. Man, but what a shame that the childhood of the "scumbags" was and adult life is difficult and you still have to pay your blood money to "cure" and again picking on children's themes.
And how, like, good for those who grew up in a prosperous family with good parents and they do not need to go to the therapist in adulthood and waste money and time. Isn't that fair? White envy is born to these lucky ones and, of course, anger at their fate. “The ways of God are inscrutable.” And the article is about whether there is any meaning in such a childhood and so much effort to “heal” already in adulthood.
Initially, I noticed “acquisitions” from the whole situation when I led supervisory groups for psychodramatist psychologists. The style of conducting the group, interaction with the client, each student was different. Someone had more emphasis on softness, someone on leadership, someone well empathized and the process moved, and someone well included the analysis of the client and the process also moved.
Often, the practice of “change of directors”, that is, when one process of one client is conducted by several therapists for half an hour. And then, with one client, the individual style of each leader directly emerged. That was interesting. But it was even more interesting to pay attention to how the past experience of the therapist, including childhood, influenced this style.
Here I had the bonus that with many therapists I once did their processes during three years of psychodrama training and was well aware of their family histories and traumas. Observing them from the outside as a supervisor and not getting involved entirely in the client’s work, I began to pay attention to their strengths.It turned out that many of these qualities were developed by them as compensation for what they did not have in childhood. They knew the value of it when they didn’t get it, but they needed it.
Example: Parents never listened, were busy and brushed aside. A grown-up child, now the therapist is just all the attention. He does not interrupt, catches every word, asks if he does not understand. And the client opens up, sits in a relaxed position, and on the body you can see that in good emotional contact with the therapist. A skill developed as what the child needed. He knew the value of listening!
So I started to look at other therapists and see what's going on and moving the therapeutic process well. And the assumption was confirmed, so was the majority. Those who were not hugged were very close to the client and could be hugged when it was difficult. He could have held his hand when he was scared. Those who were yelled at, spoke quietly, but audible, with accents. Where there was gloom and depression in families, there were a lot of game moments, a group included, and a lot of things turned into a fan.
But I'm still talking about well-developed people, therapists, most of whom have undergone individual therapy. The topics I mentioned were fully worked out by them and did not “fonite”.But the resource derived from childhood injuries remained. I wish it had happened sometime before it came. I think most of them worked on these topics, because they are very important, since the resource has swung so much.
And there was a paradox that most therapists didn’t consider it special in their work or in their lives. When I drew their attention to this resource, they said, "Well, what resource is this?" For me, it's like breathing, what's so special? If only I had that... and called other qualities. Since this was a trend, I decided to explore it further and look at my strengths as a therapist and draw a parallel to my childhood.
There was a lot of experience in reflection and supervising, but I asked my colleagues what they considered my strengths. The main ones were:
I'm going to draw a parallel between skill and childhood at home, and you're going to look at your work, your hobbies, your communication from your strengths. Perhaps a parallel with a difficult childhood will be drawn. Or maybe on the contrary, it is this skill in the family that was supported, as well – remember the resource.
Well, then on the points, as I imagine it in the relationship:
Every subsequent event becomes the norm that all life is a complete ass. Nothing else. As long as you can be happy, be happy, play, live, then the ass will come anyway. Why should I be surprised? Shocked, threw something against the wall, cursed and forward, chest on embrasure.
Childhood and then adulthood were taught to hold the punch. And then they taught me not to be surprised that other people have ass, and even cooler than mine. The most important thing is that you can survive, but it is difficult for one! What do I mean? Yes, the fact that in the first moments, when I realized from my youth that Ass came, I had panic, hysteria and I did not know what to do with it. I mean fortune. A huge man completely crumbled, tore up and threw from powerlessness.
Only with the study, only with the tracking of the mechanism, I understood where the problem came from. From a childhood in which no one was around in difficult moments. "Do it yourself and don't be a smear" are the main messages from your mother. Dad was not at all, his uncle slept and drank all his childhood, and he sometimes behaved explosively. I mean, I wasn't taught calm during a disaster. And my mother could also get angry and grab the belt.
Over. I know the value of having a calm person nearby who will not let you jump into panic and hysteria. And I became that for others! The client reports the ultimate experience of childhood, monstrous. The hair on the head gets up, inhales, exhales, swallows and: "It's scary ..." How did you survive this horror movie?
Inhale. Exhale. Don't disappear. Be with a client. Not to save and not to let go in this whole, to dive into retraumatization. Staying alive, feeling the client’s pain and in full awareness, with a cold head. To be, to some extent, a "parent who doesn't break down more than his child does upon learning of an injury or problem." Little Andrew knows all too well how he needed such a parent, but he wasn't there. And he came along, and it's a pity that as an adult Andrei, in Ass moments, I can't always include that Parent inside.
If something difficult happened, it was abrupt. Get ready, grit your teeth. It's very serious. My mother’s favorite phrase is “Why are you smiling like a jerk?” Each event is a task as high as a skyscraper, everything is very important and serious. No place for jokes. And through this I “learned” how important it is even in the most critical moment of working out with a client, a difficult situation in a group to include humor, joke, relieve tension.
And again, to incorporate humor into my real life, in those moments where it is difficult for me, where “serious” is rarely possible. For clients, friends as much as you want, the mother’s behavior model gets out for herself more often. I'm not a wizard, I'm just learning. But I know the value of it, and the skill is, but to myself... Thank you for your sense of humor. Customers are lucky, I'm sure.
My aunt was kind, but she did not protect her mother, she was silent. Sometimes I wanted to help with cooking. Okay. The rest of the time, the street and playing with a few toys. And the street again.
My brother tried to play his games, 3 years difference is a lot. I was a burden to him. My mother made him take me with him. And he kicked back. But sometimes at home we were mad together - it was cool, for which we got a pill from my mother.
So I learned the value of having everybody in the same process, nobody sitting down, everybody involved in the game, in the action. I learned how to motivate, how to make each member of the group meaningful. I think in attracting a band I'm a master, in every sense. Few people have seen this ability, even in Shadow Work, where it’s part of a mandatory process.
Am I easily involved in the group activities of others? Absolutely not. For me, a vacation with some company, kebabs in nature - every time overcoming.
The most important thing that wasn’t in the family was men. Yeah, he'd lead the one who got carried away. One who protects from his mother and brings justice.. Someone who tolerates children’s mistakes and really wants to teach them. He wants them to be ready for life. Not for them, but for themselves. I mean, chief, coach, teacher.
Shit! Just let me teach you something! I don't really know how to do it myself, but I'm going to teach people 100 times better than me. The sergeant in the army is the best unit in the unit. 8 years of teaching aikido. Head of the law department with 5 subordinate men. 8 years of teaching psychology. Countless trainings and master classes. Teach, train, inspire.
At the same time, I have a full out with the motivation, goals, mission – the energy of the Monarch/King in Work with the Shadow. The weakest archetype. I remember living near Bitsevsky Park and over the weekend I could not really get myself out for a walk - on a bike or skiing. Stupid at the computer or TV.
But there is a skill to leadership! I rocked him, despite the fact that his father was not at all, and his mother pressed with authority. But I know how important a leader is in a group, in training, in therapy. How important it is to give a skill, it is important that the client not in words, but in deeds master.
And about the experience of the phrases are also well-known: “well, what did you nunny dissolve?”, “mother and not so worried”, “yes, nothing terrible”, “everyone happens” etc. That is, the support of feelings is zero. You had to! I learned to support them from others.
I can cry with clients, I can be angry, I can support, I can share the pain. I don't include a detached position if the feelings are real, here-and-now. I'm not hiding behind the role of therapist. I am present as a human being, from my living part. Why?
I know the price of not caring about what's inside of you. I know what it's like to be formally supported, kind of encouraged. And I know how pissed off I am when behind the “smart” words of a therapist is nothing but “work”. It is impossible to deceive me in this, sensitivity is beyond the bounds of possibility. So I was honest with my clients about that. I don’t want to cry for support, I’ll say it and try to understand why I don’t respond to his story or tears.
And it took me years of therapy to empathize with Little Andrew. Empathize with the wounded inner child inside. And not include such familiar mother's phrases. And the first years... “Yes, it would be better to die than to be so livid and humiliated before my mother.” . .
And in the end, I learned to see a million details, to look at things from many angles. I have won dozens of lawsuits in a direction that was not properly regulated by law. I could break any lawsuit by finding a bunch of blunders and finding a rule of law to disprove the position.
With clients, I have already seen the family system, the roles of different characters in it. I saw the smallest nuances, even from a minimum of information. As a result, Elena Moksyakova and I came up with an excellent training on countering manipulation. Where taught how to recognize the most subtle intricacies of the manipulator.
My mother’s one-sidedness turned into a supervisor’s skill, where I see the therapist’s work, difficulties with the client, ambushes in transferences and projections from a variety of angles. Moreover, after leaving for a few months in the mountains of Kyrgyzstan, I was able to “look” at the whole system of my growing up, at the role of Willed Andrew, and in general at the structure of the Ego, the Personality. I was able to jump off the emotional needle I had been sitting on for 10 years and get myself back!
This is an absolute paradox. What killed me as a child turned into something that helped me to come to myself. Surely God's ways are not confessed. I was even able to go in and look at the subject of ‘injustice’, which made me aggressive in many, many situations.
I was able to look at hundreds of nuances about the topic of loneliness, which even as a psychotherapist did not have a clear idea. I was able to "bury" what I called the "successful brand" Vishnyakov Andrei. That which made me a “professional” but took me away from Himself, from His Path.
Those articles about domestic violence were also written because of this skill. Mommy’s “I know better” and “What kind of an idiot are you?” turned into the fact that I learned to Know, See nuances and convey them in words, images, metaphors. My mother's abuse has meant that I'm doing my part to keep it out of other families.
I know the price of the truth. The price of a clear vision of the situation.
I paid too much to figure out where I was cheated because everything was for my good, even a belt.. So I learned to look at clients’ stories and help them see how things really are. Face the truth, whatever it is and how painful it is.
This is the place where this skill works not only for others but also for me. I am ready to go into any truth and take into account all the nuances. I'm willing to admit I'm wrong and I'm willing to go into pain. It is. It's important to me, and I'm very lucky that this skill came in spite of what my mother did.
When you are in the nursery, on a five-day garden, on an extension at school, and the pioneer camps, you begin to “want to mother.” Fuck you. Before crying and shouting, "Get me out of here!" Sometimes my mother would. I couldn't stand my lamentations, I was hysterical.
Sent to my aunt's house with my uncle to be without my brother and me. Work in the night, on the day. Three jobs at once. Total absence. And when my mother came home, there was endless cooking, cleaning, washing, stove. Sometimes guests and alcohol. Always busy and not up to the kids.
So, to cuddle with mom, to squeeze into her body, to stroke more hair, from the field of fiction. Some very rare moments. The best contact with the mother is the collection of mushrooms and berries, through the AUUU. But something was done together. Read fairy tales? Here's your film strips. Share something? He will listen to them, who will do them?
And a couple of years ago, I learned that when I was born, my mother didn't lose her amniotic space. They did anesthesia surgery. She didn't bring me for a day. The operation was difficult, barely rescued and the mother left for a long time. That is, energetically I did not feel the mother in this world, who knows him, where she went under anesthesia. With my ability to feel everything. . .
I learned the importance of being present. Being around an important person. Especially when a father doesn’t care about his children. And the skill I've rocked includes physical presence -- I'm a great hugger, I think I'm not going to be allowed to lie. And energy — I feel the mood and the state of the person, even in the back of the head. And being – when all with a person, one continuous attention.
For me as an anchor you can cling to so as not to tear into the abyss of trauma, past, pain. This is what has been gained in the mountains, in the Ashram, in Vipassana. Be in-the-moment, keep track of where the client's psyche and self are, if that's what you can call it now. This is no longer therapy, because no one is “curing” anyone. It is healing by Presence, by Being. As is, with what is. There is little “personal” in this, but much divine, but not in a fundamentally religious sense.
I learned to be, or rather ceased to be. It does not always work, of course, but the road is paved and it is restored in meditation. Mom's absence turned into Presence. Grace. Strange, but Mercy from the Supreme. For some reason, that was the way for me.
And here's the thin spot. Because read all this and it turns out that shitty childhood is good! Spoiling is good, over there, in the I-I AM, but learned to be, the Universe loves it, Grace feels it. Let each child have a thrash, and Nirvana is prepared for them all. Yeah, that's what I'm looking at. Especially in the zombie box of the stubborn and happy for everything with their 86 percent voting. Trained and "happy" - bread and spectacle.
Just a second. Did Jesus have his parents or support? Maybe Buddha was smeared. How about Gandhi? How about the Dalai Lama? Did they need thrash when they were kids? It's not clear.
I am sure that I somehow OFFERED everything that surrounded me from all the resources, even from total, transcendent loneliness. God has helped, perhaps the karma of past lives.
I got this. But I asked you to see how childhood scenarios, parenting patterns, constraints and deprivations could give you some unique skill. There is a psychoanalyst, Donald Kalshed. In his book The Inner World of Trauma, he well described the mechanism of “protecting” the psyche of a young child in difficult situations.
The child, as it were, “flies” into such layers of the unconscious, where divine energies come to his rescue. His figure of Self, contact with the Supreme. This is mainly in moments when there were no parents, it was lonely and unbearable. In a hospital, for example. Or when everyone was betrayed or one was locked up in a closet for a long time.
The child in these "divine realms" finds a resource and returns to the body with gifts - creativity, abilities, psychic skills, the gift of treatment, etc. Kalshed calls them "treasures." The child could not survive in the world of humans, but survived in the world of high egregors.
It’s cool, but it can become a prison in adulthood, prevent an adult from close relationships, protect from social activity. Protects the psyche from possible injuries and kind of "holds" in a safe world treasure. And a person sometimes fears that if he lives among people to the fullest, the gift will be lost. I have a client - the artist was afraid that he would heal and could not draw. I ended up with therapy.
There is a risk of accepting what a difficult life story has given you. Sometimes it is easier to cling to a traumatic experience and not risk living a responsible adult life without hiding behind a “difficult childhood”. Take the resources that have been thanked and glorified by all these events.
Understand the Plan. Try to find out what the meaning was? What can I give to others now, the world? What makes me unique now. What has life taught me so strange and hard? How did I survive and live to this point? What is my success in this? What is easy for me “how to breathe”, why is it so cool and how does “self” turn out? Others don't, but I do. Is it just heredity?
And it's important to note that I wrote that giving to others is a hundred times easier than giving to yourself, because it didn't happen as a child. Skill, you have to learn it. However, first it is good to understand where “hunger” and here is a good hint – and where it is easy for others. Picking up dogs on the street and warming up? Pick up the inner child and warm up.
Only each of us knows what a boy or a girl wanted more than anything and didn't get. You're an expert! You know the price of it! A difficult childhood can be a resource. And again, it is a pity that we, as adults, still have to deal with childhood, spend money, energy and time. Don’t let yourself down as a child who survived this nightmare for you today. Give meaning to his or her suffering.
It takes a lot of courage, awareness, Love and support from Above to let it in and live.
Love is all. Entering such loneliness, it is very difficult to endure not being accepted and loved at this moment.
That there is suffering. That you have to meet him to come to terms. published
Author: Andrei Vishnyakov
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: //www.facebook.com/vishniakov/posts/1434352296597330
You realize that as an adult, you're not effective! You are not in control of your life, but the cockroaches control it.. And I would be happy to change, but the unconscious is stronger and better if I got to a psychologist. Man, but what a shame that the childhood of the "scumbags" was and adult life is difficult and you still have to pay your blood money to "cure" and again picking on children's themes.
And how, like, good for those who grew up in a prosperous family with good parents and they do not need to go to the therapist in adulthood and waste money and time. Isn't that fair? White envy is born to these lucky ones and, of course, anger at their fate. “The ways of God are inscrutable.” And the article is about whether there is any meaning in such a childhood and so much effort to “heal” already in adulthood.
Initially, I noticed “acquisitions” from the whole situation when I led supervisory groups for psychodramatist psychologists. The style of conducting the group, interaction with the client, each student was different. Someone had more emphasis on softness, someone on leadership, someone well empathized and the process moved, and someone well included the analysis of the client and the process also moved.
Often, the practice of “change of directors”, that is, when one process of one client is conducted by several therapists for half an hour. And then, with one client, the individual style of each leader directly emerged. That was interesting. But it was even more interesting to pay attention to how the past experience of the therapist, including childhood, influenced this style.
Here I had the bonus that with many therapists I once did their processes during three years of psychodrama training and was well aware of their family histories and traumas. Observing them from the outside as a supervisor and not getting involved entirely in the client’s work, I began to pay attention to their strengths.It turned out that many of these qualities were developed by them as compensation for what they did not have in childhood. They knew the value of it when they didn’t get it, but they needed it.
Example: Parents never listened, were busy and brushed aside. A grown-up child, now the therapist is just all the attention. He does not interrupt, catches every word, asks if he does not understand. And the client opens up, sits in a relaxed position, and on the body you can see that in good emotional contact with the therapist. A skill developed as what the child needed. He knew the value of listening!
So I started to look at other therapists and see what's going on and moving the therapeutic process well. And the assumption was confirmed, so was the majority. Those who were not hugged were very close to the client and could be hugged when it was difficult. He could have held his hand when he was scared. Those who were yelled at, spoke quietly, but audible, with accents. Where there was gloom and depression in families, there were a lot of game moments, a group included, and a lot of things turned into a fan.
But I'm still talking about well-developed people, therapists, most of whom have undergone individual therapy. The topics I mentioned were fully worked out by them and did not “fonite”.But the resource derived from childhood injuries remained. I wish it had happened sometime before it came. I think most of them worked on these topics, because they are very important, since the resource has swung so much.
And there was a paradox that most therapists didn’t consider it special in their work or in their lives. When I drew their attention to this resource, they said, "Well, what resource is this?" For me, it's like breathing, what's so special? If only I had that... and called other qualities. Since this was a trend, I decided to explore it further and look at my strengths as a therapist and draw a parallel to my childhood.
There was a lot of experience in reflection and supervising, but I asked my colleagues what they considered my strengths. The main ones were:
- calm perception of the most difficult situations in customers,
- A sense of humor, even in the most difficult moments.
- Ability to include the entire team,
- Leadership skills of a good leader-coach,
- empathy in pain and other feelings,
- The ability to see the situation from different angles and in all details,
- Full presence is the ability to be in the here and now, with the client as he is and his acceptance.
I'm going to draw a parallel between skill and childhood at home, and you're going to look at your work, your hobbies, your communication from your strengths. Perhaps a parallel with a difficult childhood will be drawn. Or maybe on the contrary, it is this skill in the family that was supported, as well – remember the resource.
Well, then on the points, as I imagine it in the relationship:
- A calm perception of the most difficult situations in customers
Every subsequent event becomes the norm that all life is a complete ass. Nothing else. As long as you can be happy, be happy, play, live, then the ass will come anyway. Why should I be surprised? Shocked, threw something against the wall, cursed and forward, chest on embrasure.
Childhood and then adulthood were taught to hold the punch. And then they taught me not to be surprised that other people have ass, and even cooler than mine. The most important thing is that you can survive, but it is difficult for one! What do I mean? Yes, the fact that in the first moments, when I realized from my youth that Ass came, I had panic, hysteria and I did not know what to do with it. I mean fortune. A huge man completely crumbled, tore up and threw from powerlessness.
Only with the study, only with the tracking of the mechanism, I understood where the problem came from. From a childhood in which no one was around in difficult moments. "Do it yourself and don't be a smear" are the main messages from your mother. Dad was not at all, his uncle slept and drank all his childhood, and he sometimes behaved explosively. I mean, I wasn't taught calm during a disaster. And my mother could also get angry and grab the belt.
Over. I know the value of having a calm person nearby who will not let you jump into panic and hysteria. And I became that for others! The client reports the ultimate experience of childhood, monstrous. The hair on the head gets up, inhales, exhales, swallows and: "It's scary ..." How did you survive this horror movie?
Inhale. Exhale. Don't disappear. Be with a client. Not to save and not to let go in this whole, to dive into retraumatization. Staying alive, feeling the client’s pain and in full awareness, with a cold head. To be, to some extent, a "parent who doesn't break down more than his child does upon learning of an injury or problem." Little Andrew knows all too well how he needed such a parent, but he wasn't there. And he came along, and it's a pity that as an adult Andrei, in Ass moments, I can't always include that Parent inside.
- A sense of humor even in the most difficult moments
If something difficult happened, it was abrupt. Get ready, grit your teeth. It's very serious. My mother’s favorite phrase is “Why are you smiling like a jerk?” Each event is a task as high as a skyscraper, everything is very important and serious. No place for jokes. And through this I “learned” how important it is even in the most critical moment of working out with a client, a difficult situation in a group to include humor, joke, relieve tension.
And again, to incorporate humor into my real life, in those moments where it is difficult for me, where “serious” is rarely possible. For clients, friends as much as you want, the mother’s behavior model gets out for herself more often. I'm not a wizard, I'm just learning. But I know the value of it, and the skill is, but to myself... Thank you for your sense of humor. Customers are lucky, I'm sure.
- ability to include the whole group
My aunt was kind, but she did not protect her mother, she was silent. Sometimes I wanted to help with cooking. Okay. The rest of the time, the street and playing with a few toys. And the street again.
My brother tried to play his games, 3 years difference is a lot. I was a burden to him. My mother made him take me with him. And he kicked back. But sometimes at home we were mad together - it was cool, for which we got a pill from my mother.
So I learned the value of having everybody in the same process, nobody sitting down, everybody involved in the game, in the action. I learned how to motivate, how to make each member of the group meaningful. I think in attracting a band I'm a master, in every sense. Few people have seen this ability, even in Shadow Work, where it’s part of a mandatory process.
Am I easily involved in the group activities of others? Absolutely not. For me, a vacation with some company, kebabs in nature - every time overcoming.
- Leadership skills of a good leader-coach
The most important thing that wasn’t in the family was men. Yeah, he'd lead the one who got carried away. One who protects from his mother and brings justice.. Someone who tolerates children’s mistakes and really wants to teach them. He wants them to be ready for life. Not for them, but for themselves. I mean, chief, coach, teacher.
Shit! Just let me teach you something! I don't really know how to do it myself, but I'm going to teach people 100 times better than me. The sergeant in the army is the best unit in the unit. 8 years of teaching aikido. Head of the law department with 5 subordinate men. 8 years of teaching psychology. Countless trainings and master classes. Teach, train, inspire.
At the same time, I have a full out with the motivation, goals, mission – the energy of the Monarch/King in Work with the Shadow. The weakest archetype. I remember living near Bitsevsky Park and over the weekend I could not really get myself out for a walk - on a bike or skiing. Stupid at the computer or TV.
But there is a skill to leadership! I rocked him, despite the fact that his father was not at all, and his mother pressed with authority. But I know how important a leader is in a group, in training, in therapy. How important it is to give a skill, it is important that the client not in words, but in deeds master.
- empathy in pain and other feelings
And about the experience of the phrases are also well-known: “well, what did you nunny dissolve?”, “mother and not so worried”, “yes, nothing terrible”, “everyone happens” etc. That is, the support of feelings is zero. You had to! I learned to support them from others.
I can cry with clients, I can be angry, I can support, I can share the pain. I don't include a detached position if the feelings are real, here-and-now. I'm not hiding behind the role of therapist. I am present as a human being, from my living part. Why?
I know the price of not caring about what's inside of you. I know what it's like to be formally supported, kind of encouraged. And I know how pissed off I am when behind the “smart” words of a therapist is nothing but “work”. It is impossible to deceive me in this, sensitivity is beyond the bounds of possibility. So I was honest with my clients about that. I don’t want to cry for support, I’ll say it and try to understand why I don’t respond to his story or tears.
And it took me years of therapy to empathize with Little Andrew. Empathize with the wounded inner child inside. And not include such familiar mother's phrases. And the first years... “Yes, it would be better to die than to be so livid and humiliated before my mother.” . .
- The ability to see the situation from different sides and in detail
And in the end, I learned to see a million details, to look at things from many angles. I have won dozens of lawsuits in a direction that was not properly regulated by law. I could break any lawsuit by finding a bunch of blunders and finding a rule of law to disprove the position.
With clients, I have already seen the family system, the roles of different characters in it. I saw the smallest nuances, even from a minimum of information. As a result, Elena Moksyakova and I came up with an excellent training on countering manipulation. Where taught how to recognize the most subtle intricacies of the manipulator.
My mother’s one-sidedness turned into a supervisor’s skill, where I see the therapist’s work, difficulties with the client, ambushes in transferences and projections from a variety of angles. Moreover, after leaving for a few months in the mountains of Kyrgyzstan, I was able to “look” at the whole system of my growing up, at the role of Willed Andrew, and in general at the structure of the Ego, the Personality. I was able to jump off the emotional needle I had been sitting on for 10 years and get myself back!
This is an absolute paradox. What killed me as a child turned into something that helped me to come to myself. Surely God's ways are not confessed. I was even able to go in and look at the subject of ‘injustice’, which made me aggressive in many, many situations.
I was able to look at hundreds of nuances about the topic of loneliness, which even as a psychotherapist did not have a clear idea. I was able to "bury" what I called the "successful brand" Vishnyakov Andrei. That which made me a “professional” but took me away from Himself, from His Path.
Those articles about domestic violence were also written because of this skill. Mommy’s “I know better” and “What kind of an idiot are you?” turned into the fact that I learned to Know, See nuances and convey them in words, images, metaphors. My mother's abuse has meant that I'm doing my part to keep it out of other families.
I know the price of the truth. The price of a clear vision of the situation.
I paid too much to figure out where I was cheated because everything was for my good, even a belt.. So I learned to look at clients’ stories and help them see how things really are. Face the truth, whatever it is and how painful it is.
This is the place where this skill works not only for others but also for me. I am ready to go into any truth and take into account all the nuances. I'm willing to admit I'm wrong and I'm willing to go into pain. It is. It's important to me, and I'm very lucky that this skill came in spite of what my mother did.
- Full presence - the ability to be in the here and now, with the client as he is, and his acceptance
When you are in the nursery, on a five-day garden, on an extension at school, and the pioneer camps, you begin to “want to mother.” Fuck you. Before crying and shouting, "Get me out of here!" Sometimes my mother would. I couldn't stand my lamentations, I was hysterical.
Sent to my aunt's house with my uncle to be without my brother and me. Work in the night, on the day. Three jobs at once. Total absence. And when my mother came home, there was endless cooking, cleaning, washing, stove. Sometimes guests and alcohol. Always busy and not up to the kids.
So, to cuddle with mom, to squeeze into her body, to stroke more hair, from the field of fiction. Some very rare moments. The best contact with the mother is the collection of mushrooms and berries, through the AUUU. But something was done together. Read fairy tales? Here's your film strips. Share something? He will listen to them, who will do them?
And a couple of years ago, I learned that when I was born, my mother didn't lose her amniotic space. They did anesthesia surgery. She didn't bring me for a day. The operation was difficult, barely rescued and the mother left for a long time. That is, energetically I did not feel the mother in this world, who knows him, where she went under anesthesia. With my ability to feel everything. . .
I learned the importance of being present. Being around an important person. Especially when a father doesn’t care about his children. And the skill I've rocked includes physical presence -- I'm a great hugger, I think I'm not going to be allowed to lie. And energy — I feel the mood and the state of the person, even in the back of the head. And being – when all with a person, one continuous attention.
For me as an anchor you can cling to so as not to tear into the abyss of trauma, past, pain. This is what has been gained in the mountains, in the Ashram, in Vipassana. Be in-the-moment, keep track of where the client's psyche and self are, if that's what you can call it now. This is no longer therapy, because no one is “curing” anyone. It is healing by Presence, by Being. As is, with what is. There is little “personal” in this, but much divine, but not in a fundamentally religious sense.
I learned to be, or rather ceased to be. It does not always work, of course, but the road is paved and it is restored in meditation. Mom's absence turned into Presence. Grace. Strange, but Mercy from the Supreme. For some reason, that was the way for me.
And here's the thin spot. Because read all this and it turns out that shitty childhood is good! Spoiling is good, over there, in the I-I AM, but learned to be, the Universe loves it, Grace feels it. Let each child have a thrash, and Nirvana is prepared for them all. Yeah, that's what I'm looking at. Especially in the zombie box of the stubborn and happy for everything with their 86 percent voting. Trained and "happy" - bread and spectacle.
Just a second. Did Jesus have his parents or support? Maybe Buddha was smeared. How about Gandhi? How about the Dalai Lama? Did they need thrash when they were kids? It's not clear.
I am sure that I somehow OFFERED everything that surrounded me from all the resources, even from total, transcendent loneliness. God has helped, perhaps the karma of past lives.
I got this. But I asked you to see how childhood scenarios, parenting patterns, constraints and deprivations could give you some unique skill. There is a psychoanalyst, Donald Kalshed. In his book The Inner World of Trauma, he well described the mechanism of “protecting” the psyche of a young child in difficult situations.
The child, as it were, “flies” into such layers of the unconscious, where divine energies come to his rescue. His figure of Self, contact with the Supreme. This is mainly in moments when there were no parents, it was lonely and unbearable. In a hospital, for example. Or when everyone was betrayed or one was locked up in a closet for a long time.
The child in these "divine realms" finds a resource and returns to the body with gifts - creativity, abilities, psychic skills, the gift of treatment, etc. Kalshed calls them "treasures." The child could not survive in the world of humans, but survived in the world of high egregors.
It’s cool, but it can become a prison in adulthood, prevent an adult from close relationships, protect from social activity. Protects the psyche from possible injuries and kind of "holds" in a safe world treasure. And a person sometimes fears that if he lives among people to the fullest, the gift will be lost. I have a client - the artist was afraid that he would heal and could not draw. I ended up with therapy.
There is a risk of accepting what a difficult life story has given you. Sometimes it is easier to cling to a traumatic experience and not risk living a responsible adult life without hiding behind a “difficult childhood”. Take the resources that have been thanked and glorified by all these events.
Understand the Plan. Try to find out what the meaning was? What can I give to others now, the world? What makes me unique now. What has life taught me so strange and hard? How did I survive and live to this point? What is my success in this? What is easy for me “how to breathe”, why is it so cool and how does “self” turn out? Others don't, but I do. Is it just heredity?
And it's important to note that I wrote that giving to others is a hundred times easier than giving to yourself, because it didn't happen as a child. Skill, you have to learn it. However, first it is good to understand where “hunger” and here is a good hint – and where it is easy for others. Picking up dogs on the street and warming up? Pick up the inner child and warm up.
Only each of us knows what a boy or a girl wanted more than anything and didn't get. You're an expert! You know the price of it! A difficult childhood can be a resource. And again, it is a pity that we, as adults, still have to deal with childhood, spend money, energy and time. Don’t let yourself down as a child who survived this nightmare for you today. Give meaning to his or her suffering.
It takes a lot of courage, awareness, Love and support from Above to let it in and live.
Love is all. Entering such loneliness, it is very difficult to endure not being accepted and loved at this moment.
That there is suffering. That you have to meet him to come to terms. published
Author: Andrei Vishnyakov
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: //www.facebook.com/vishniakov/posts/1434352296597330
