Finding MyselfUntil I suddenly realized that "personal development" for many readers, — an empty sound.
They do not understand, about what speech. That is why assaults on the parent "nedodali" and saved. It seems that everything in man can be raised from outside if you try.
What kind of education is clear to everyone. What is physical development — Yes. All this is possible, in principle, from the outside to instill. Possible exercises with the baby to do and every morning to Wake the student, shouting, "get ready for charging", not to mention the trips to the pool and skiing, sports clubs and dance clubs. First, it will not be in a rush, maybe, and then get addicted and get used to it. Can books he read aloud and then pay expensive school Tutors and teachers. To instill intelligence from the outside more difficult than physical training, but still, if mentally intact child engaged all the time in mathematics, physics and language, the average level he will surely overcome, and most likely will develop into intellectual. Thanks to the efforts of parents.
Knowing this, many people think that parental laziness and selfishness hinder to raise children developed personality.
But a person is quite another. Physical and intellectual skills can crumble as a puzzle in different directions, if not personality. There are smart people, educated from childhood and erudite, broken as individuals and useless to others and myself. They have no motivation to work and do not want to live, they feed a different addiction, mostly chemical, because using drugs and alcohol is easiest to escape from himself. And such people do not like, because did not possess. Their identity is fragmented, weak, Yourself have not. Personal development is important, what should the people, then all the other skills, physical and intellectual, and will follow and develop.
In almost any age can improve education and to develop themselves physically, if you have a strong personality. But if the person is not, it is useless to possess some sort of skill, all will merge into the pipe. Or become food for addictions.
And here's a person from the outside to form does not. And most importantly, paying your demanding look outward, to bad teachers and parents, and will remain without a personality. Personality is formed only when a person begins to rely on himself and is learning to do himself, develop self-reliance for self-management, control and organization of yourself and your life. This is finding Yourself.Here it is all: self-assessment, self-regulation, locus of control is a personality, a system of your energy, ability to earn, invest, to organize and manage
not to fall to the bottom of an energy pit, not to worry for a long period of destruction and apathy, quickly get out of any frustrations, and to move the focus from those areas where there is a barrier from external circumstances, not to be confused what you can influence and you can't.A strong personality so effectively governs itself and organizes itself, that her life was such a fascinating sea journey and the discovery of new lands.
A weak person quickly runs aground or becomes a victim of robbers or goes down, and before that, floating as another passenger, not choosing the route. Seeking to fill a child's skills, parents often forget about the most important and useful personality.
If the child does not learn to create and maintain his motivation, he will not learn to cope with boredom, laziness, bad temper, resentment, if he shall gain all the skills only under pressure from parents, and identification (which one am I?) with their active suggestion, already in adolescence, it turns out the problems in the motivational sphere, and then more. He will be a reluctant, lazy or all of the meaning he sees, he will say that he does not believe in himself, does not feel forces. And he's used to unconditional love, unconditional approval as for sweets instead of balanced meals and wants it a lot. He wants to get the approval of authority figures, and are so often looking for it in a marginal field (girls want to have sex with older men for gifts and admiration, boys learn to smoke and steal, for example).
Most interesting is that teenagers are accustomed to hyperopic, blame the lack of self-motivation for learning and working parent (he has no one to pay more of their questions and complaints, he doesn't have, he replaces the parent). He says "you're too little I was praised, many criticized, so I don't believe in yourself enough." It really feels the lack of confidence and is afraid of loss, he reacts — that's right. But he sees the culprit in the parent, although the problem is the lack of internal supports, the jelly in place Y. it seems that it is the parent "gave him confidence, into a stable self-image". But give a man confidence in himself is impossible, as it is impossible to give the internal force from the outside.
You can not "convince" a stable self-esteem, you can help to fasten the crown from illusions. But the crown does self-esteem even more unstable, up and down, because flies just that, and man is shaken by a tantrum from the sudden collision with reality, self-hatred and hatred of the "culprits". The most important is personality: self control, self esteem, ability to build boundaries, the ability to transfer attention from one to another resource, the ability to "control yourself", as Pushkin said.
If your personality is strong, you own yourself, which means:
can to support, to guide, to abandon what is now impossible to obtain, ideally, to postpone, to shift the attention to something else, to get pleasure from useful activities, change directions on their own, finding in any activities of creativity, to strive for more complex skills, to progress, to establish links with people, to get the sympathy of those who is nice to you, to defend its borders, to protect the self-esteem of UPS and downs, to control the regime and to abide by all measure, alternate tension and relaxation, in General, to lead a strong-willed energy processes and oversee random (spontaneous), not preventing them, and helping. That is a strong personality. You can see how this inner personal work in which others may participate indirectly or not at all? A weak personality is notable that all the time it is a stranger volitional impulses. She has so little self will and motivation that it any traffic outside picks up and follows him.
Advertising on TV — she wants to buy and eat or drink. It's going to take a consumer loan, because you want to get what you want right now, can not postpone.
She doesn't want to work and wants to relax, but a vacation for her means abandoning yourself to oblivion: alcohol, compulsive sex, or other people's games. She wants to passively receive pleasure and energy to work less and less. In love, it also goes with the flow. If someone liked her, she tries to make contact, not paying attention to the closed borders, tempting, harassing, or trying to buy, and if you contact them not all the time dreams, that is, comes into contact in the imagination, stalking on social networks, identificireba merges.
The same weak personality with everything that caught her attention. Her attention wanders unattended, the owner he does not, will not. What caught her attention, the way it stuck to everything emotional, vivid or dominant. It is easy to any propaganda, quickly falls under any effect. She is a real food because it has no personal center, one biological and neural material. She might have some skills, something that she was trained to teachers and parents, it can be a beautiful body, but she doesn't have someone all of these can be managed, it's all lying as pasture and everyone can use it, if you want. And when it all degrades to use no one wants, will start to swing in the direction of the feet.A weak personality all the time reflects only the will of others, his is not at all and therefore is not A. As the weak person become stronger? How to start to become Yourself?1.
Stop blaming parents and other dominant figures. Find dominant in themselves, to begin to raise him. 2.
To nominate your mom, your self-esteem, his dad — your locus of control. 3.
Realize that swing-esteem up-and-down and diffusion of boundaries — a lack of muscle ego. Muscles ego get stronger from Work.4.
Not seek to rely on anyone to hate parasitic ideas and see their subversive nature and corruption. 5.
Fall in love with the idea of becoming your own boss. Fall in love with the idea of work and the idea of pleasure from the work.
So it is possible to focus on internal support, move and keep. We must continue to live, to communicate, to engage in life, school, work, but keep these settings and be guided only on them. It is pretty fast and allows you to significantly make progress, that is, to feel their holistic personality, to feel its center in itself. Further, this center should be developed and strengthened in practice. published
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©