LETTER father to son (About the only good reason for deciding to MARRY) Bashny.Net

On the walls of the ego, the essence of a harmonious marriage and about the only reason to marry reflects psychologist Kelly Flanagan, in his letter to his son.



Dear son,

It seems only yesterday you put in the pants in the lap of his mother ... I think if it was only yesterday, but today we are beginning to talk on the subject of love and ... Yeah, deal with diapers was much easier!

But before we begin to discuss ... I want to talk about marriage. I will not shame you, and shun, any chance in your life, these two events do not occur in that order - although I still hope that the first will marry, and then ... - I just think that understanding the only decent reason to join Marriage will clarify all aspects of your life, and ... including.


Dude, are you sure you want to marry - and the reasons for that you will have well absolutely wrong. As with all of us! Generally, the most common reason to get married is also the most dangerous: we get married, because we think that family life will bring us happiness. But to marry, to be happy - it is a sure way to get a divorce.

In the light does have a wonderful marriage. But such they are not on the pursuit of happiness; they are beautiful because of the search for something completely different. Marriage is transformed when two people understand the only reason for marriage: that every day give up your ego.

Ego. I guess you hear that word for the first time. I think it is for you sounds familiar and strange. That's what it means to me:

Ego - is that part of you that protects your heart. You were born with a good and beautiful heart, and it will always be with you. But when I was with you too hard, or when your friends laugh at your choice of optional subjects in school, you start to question whether you have a good heart. Do not worry, we all pass through it.

So your mind has already started to build a wall around your heart. This also happens with all of us. Imagine a tall castle with a moat - it protects us from invaders that can get inside and hit your heart. Thank God that there is this wall! After all, your heart needs protection, buddy.

First, we use the ego-wall only to prevent unwanted intrusion. But in the end, we understand that the best defense - the attack. Along his wall, we are putting a gun and start to shoot one of them. Someone fired this is anger, some other - gossip, condemnation and strife. One of my favorite ego wall - is to pretend that all of my wrong wall. So I feel that I am right and very pious, but actually I'm just a prisoner of his ideas and concepts. I know that sometimes shooting at you out of the ego-guns - forgive me for that.

Sometimes we need our guns to survive. But most of all we did not need them.

And men and women have their ego wall with guns. But soon you'll be a man, and is therefore important for you to know that we usually do with their walls - we justify their existence because they like as necessary for "real men." But in fact we are just afraid that our hearts will be not good enough for the people we love, and therefore prefer to remain in the safety of these towering walls with lots of guns.

You understand that the marriage it can be a problem?

If you get caught in the trap of ego-wall need to be a real man, you will lose any opportunity to build a long and happy marriage. Because the purpose of marriage - to disassemble the ego wall, brick by brick, until you find yourself completely at the disposal of the person you love. Until you find yourself completely open to him. Vulnerable. Absolutely him unanimous.

Dude, people are engaged in the relationship, because of the high point of his consciousness has no boundaries, the ego disappears, people are absolutely free and become one. In relationships this feeling lasts only a moment. But if you are deeply committed to their marriage, then you will always dedicated himself to a long, painful but joyful work on analysis of their ego wall. And then the time of the merger will last a lifetime.

Many will tell you that the key to a happy marriage - to put God in the center. But I think it depends on how your experience of God affect your ego. Because if your god - the god of power and domination, God, that proves that you are always right, creates boundaries between people, and it allows you to judge the rest of God, which always keeps you in the comfort zone - I think, you need to keep away from this god of the Center of their marriage. It will make your ego wall even higher and stronger.

But if the God whom you have known - is a vulnerable God, the one who turns the world upside down, living in the brokenhearted, to accept those who are there on the side of life and sacrifice everything for the sake of reconciliation, he who gladly exchange the peace of the danger and the risk of true love - then I agree, let it be in the center of your marriage. If your God - is the one who destroys the ego, He will make your marriage sanctity of space.

What is the secret of a happy marriage? Marry the one who also knew what the only good reason for marriage.

On the one will die with you - not in fifty years, and every day, brick by brick walls examining your ego with you.

For that which is true to you, and not your own safety.

On the one who loves the beauty of sacrifice, renunciation of force and the risk of vulnerabilities.

In other words, the one that wants to spend a single life while staying in a stunning and such a dangerous love - with you and only you.

With disassembled walls,

Your dad.

Dr. Kelly Flanagan