Experience to check on their skin "taste" of the belt THAT gave years later
Experience to check on their skin "taste" of the belt, and it gave years later.
The network has gone mass propaganda, "the decriminalisation of domestic violence", under the auspices of "psychologists" began to articles, which endorses spanking children and spanking. Readers read, and can see the signature of the psychologist, published it in a respectable place and purchased on this supposedly "professional" nonsense.
Me now 48 years old and of them more than 10 years I actively took personal psychotherapy in a variety of formats, participated as a client in many groups and trainings, was in many men's groups. And about the same age, take care of my customers and training, faced with hundreds of personal stories involving strap as a "means of education".
And now I know one thing — beating is violence, no matter how noble the end, it does not cover. People are not animals, and should not "train" method of carrot and stick.
Eighty three million thirty seven thousand five hundred thirty six
My story about this "education" and the consequences that had to Rosgranitsa:
Mother and father were divorced when I was only a year old. Except I was still a child, a senior for 3 years, brother. The mother was forced to go to work and it was shift work a switchboard in the unit. Thus it often was not home, and when they came, was tired, had to deal with the economy, and it was a "Finnish house" without a bathroom, not an apartment.
The divorce forced my mom to podobratjsya, to include the mechanism "father left you, he is a puto and a goat and you do not need anyone but me". Well, on the program that we "need to help the mother, to be obedient and deal with everything themselves."
By and large, together with the father I lost and the mother, not in the physical sense and in the emotional — warm and accepting, forgiving and supportive. In material terms she was ready to break the death, but to make us "happy." Therefore, it is less than 3 papers then and there was: the maid, the caretaker, boiler operator, janitor. One of the works was always on the day.
Understandably, it was hard for her. Child support for two amounted to 22 rubles, with a minimum in the USSR pension of 70 rubles. We were very poor. And we, as children, did not want to upset my mother somewhere and support. But we were often left to themselves and very few taught how to deal with situations.
Often had orders from his mother to do something, to clean, to wash the dishes, do their homework, wash the shoes. But it was neither a game nor a joint work with adults. In fact, we did "adult" and asked for the full execution of orders. Any error, forgetting to do something aroused the anger of the mother and, as a consequence, cry and "education" with a belt. Sometimes it was called "the dope beat", but more often was accompanied by the question "will You be mother to listen to?!".
How many years of us flogged? Mom says dad used the belt against his brother when he was 3 years old. Brother came home from kindergarten, for which he received a soldier's belt. Mother proudly shows the arm on which the trace of the buckle, she stood up for my brother and I got the belt on the arm.
Again, according to his mother, brother then hid somewhere in the pipe under the highway and didn't want to crawl out. You can imagine the horror that he experienced. Demonstrated initiative, independence, a kind of "maturity" and ogreb. A father who must protect his son, to support his courage, initiative, suppresses it all. No wonder that already in adolescence, brother, they had a conflict to the death of his father, brother did not want to communicate with him.
And actually, who was responsible for the fact that the brother quietly left the nursery? Who should be punished should have been? And, in fact, what catastrophe happened in 3 years old need belt be included in education? And what it would teach brother? And, most importantly, WHO would have taken the "lesson"? What is the capacity of the child in 3 years, that is, the ability to realize the consequences of their actions and duties.
But if brother educator terrorized and he could not resist? But if a stomach ache, etc. someone asked?He "violated" the rules, that's, like, enough. After all, it's a good rule, to be in a Soviet kindergarten all day without parents. Who was there, I now understand. Of my friends do not know of anyone who would have been from the gardens in awe. Most describe it as a horror movie. And it needs a belt to punish a child for leaving? To mom and dad. Hi son, I'm very "happy" and get a buckle in the ass — take "education".
For my big question, why is the mother's brother from the belt his father defended, and we flogged herself, she says that 3 years old is not flogged before. Well, in 5-6 years already, since "head on shoulders". I wonder why criminal liability only 14 years, and all years 5 and be planted, once the dome is already there.
On the question, and what belt to beat, the answer sounds: "And how you had to raise?".But I would ask another question, when to raise? If you have 3 jobs and are not at home.
To enter the position of the mother, and even to understand. Full vymotannost, the desire to be the best, so nobody thought she was "a bad mother". A desire that at least the children "loved" and supported by her husband was betrayed and left. These W should not give up, but should "listen" to at least a little bit to ease her life.
And here appeared the belt. As a means of "education". Poorly washed utensils or the floor in 4-5 years get. Broke something — get. Had a fight with his brother — get. The teachers at the school complained to get. Cut door trim in the entrance of the revenge — get.
Most importantly, never know when and for what you get.
Fear. Constant fear. Childhood in fear that it will be painful, unbearably painful. Fear that I will get a buckle in the head. The fear that knock out the eyes. Fear that the mother will not stop and will kill you. Woman, mother, which you should protect from the threats of damage from enemies - turns into a monster that you don't know what to expect.
I can't even describe what I felt when the belts go under the bed, and his mother got out there and "educate". When I climbed into the wardrobe, and there found. But the worst thing is, when I or a brother was hiding in the toilet or bathtub, and the mother tore the heck, pulled out and flogged. The apartment was not a single area where you could hide from "education".
"My house — my fortress". Ha! I STILL have no homes, but my big machine, converted for travel. And only in 40 years it is the feeling of "home" appeared. Mother knocked out, literally, I get the feeling that home is the place where good and safe. And what she told me, tell me, "raised" this belt?
Sixty two million eight hundred ninety eight thousand seven hundred twenty
Fear. I spent my whole life afraid to do something "wrong." Turned into a perfectionist who must do everything perfectly. Tell me, what is this? It's even good shit to do will not. As it is not so. From mistakes people learn by first doing so yourself, then fix it and each time do everything better. And because I can not be mistaken, for it can strap to, so how best to do? And in any way. Better not to start, then you're just "stupid" and "lazy". But the strap still hurt.
And now imagine what slabiciune, effort, doubt I had to go to something to start. And as I have thrown up interesting Hobbies when they ran into the slightest obstacle. And as I myself hair pulled and how many months did you hang that anything not capable of.
As there to "help" the belt? Well, apparently, according to his mother, he protected me from mistakes. Who's going to make mistakes, knowing that the belt is in pain?You know that the child is at this moment thinking if I messed up? And I know. "I'm a freak, all done through the ass. Why should I care? Well, who asked me to do so? All my fault!".
Is unlikely to fans of "education" belt will shudder, but I have tears welling when I remember how I was down to mother and pleaded, "Mommy, don't hit me! Mommy I'm sorry, I won't!". I at the time was no difference, I will do the same again or not, I wanted one to beat. «Education.»
Somehow my mother I was recently asked whether she understood that it HURTS, strap on the back, shoulders, rump, and legs. You know what she said? "Where is there hurt? Do not invent!". And silent when I offer her to imagine that her belt ohazhivat giant 200 kilo. Because the child weighs 20 kg, and my mother at 70. Imagine for a moment the breadth and force of the strike women in anger. If you are a fan of BDSM, and you are 3 times less in size, I think I will cringe.
But it was still not a complete "education", I pushed, and my mother recalled that we have always at home was a stick, actually the rod, and her mother actively used. However, as a jump rope. Only here the mother is still unhappy that we switch constantly from her hiding.
Reasonably ask, so what? Is all in the past. And the mother here says that it is only through the belt didn't drink, didn't smoke it and become men. Steel? And now about what "was", about the fact that I don't like talking, drawing a parallel. I spent, since psychotherapy has been tough and many have compared, things came up and gave answers where I have adult problems.
But yet again to my childhood. I think spanking has prevented our brother schools? Yes, sir. As we duped and duped. As teachers complained and complained. As something broke, and broke. As they fought, and fought. That is, to "educate" the belt was always for that.
The question is, where is the effect? Where a decrease causes belt? Where better school performance? Where less time? Where less rowdy patsanski misconduct, like stolen apples in the cottages or blow up the carbide on the site. Where responsibility for actions? Maybe we kept the mother with a belt from something more terrible? One problem, all the time was to punish, then do not become angels. Or maybe it was a Foundation for the adult years? After all, the purpose of "education" is the future, and Nevermind that the child is now scared and hurt, but then...
So. Feelings. Know what was important when I became a little older? Surprised — revenge. "Grow — back.". All he wanted was to repay her mother for pain when there is physical force. How to throw a punch. Perhaps there are those fans of Porky, who is going to say: "that bastard, mother his whole life gave a man of him wanted to grow, and he is ungrateful!". So before I "man" began to grow, I went through the experience of the animal, cornered. I, like any beast wanted to rush and bite someone who is hurting him. Instinct. The protection of life. But from whom? Who is the aggressor, who hurts you? Own mother. I think it was me-not "native"? In response to the pain, I wanted one thing — to hurt in response and take revenge!
Believe me, it's scary to want to kill his own mother, which is love. With each of her "upbringing" with a belt or a stick, I further and further she was away. As an adult, she became my very strange man, no emotional intimacy at all, only "native blood" and thanks for what you grow. Throughout. The warmth not where will. She lost me there when destroyed.
Tell me, do not invent! Well, it's better you did, warning you of errors. But no, it "destroyed" my animal, male essence for the protection of yourself, your body. It was impossible for me to resist, to protect myself from the pain, responding to aggression with aggression.It made a strange concept of "love" in my reality. "Love is when it hurts".
And then I learned to close my Heart. Even then, I learned to agressirovat each "hitting" or "misunderstanding" in relations. I learned to freeze and shut down all feelings just disappearing from communication. Even then, I learned to be in relationships that are destroying me, which hurt me.
But the saddest thing is, I "learned" to turn off the body, the sensations, the pain. And then a lot a lot of sports injuries, estebania themselves in marathons, freezing in the campaigns, countless contusions and bruises. Zero care and body care. I just didn't CARE about my body, it hurts, it hurts — well, to hell with him. And then not notice that something has damaged and need to heal. The result killed my knees, back, traumatic hemorrhoids, emaciated body, a bad immune system. So what is there to belt "raised"?
In my 12-13 years coup. The mother came once with a man home, and went to my room through my checkpoint. Well, the leg was out of the way to manhandle my cars and soldiers. Said "throw away generally, if more time is see it." I stood up for toys, for which he received a kick to the — "educated".
And now for a second imagine how much I've accumulated in that time, "education", if I got up and said to her: "if you touch her again I'll kill you!". Own mother. Probably expected effect "of education-whipping"? That's because the bastard will shout the adherents of the belt, as the mother of all life gave him, slaving away at 3 jobs, married not even come out again. And who "trained creep"?
And here is the question, and would have killed? And who checked? More for a mother not touched. The man tried to get what was sent, and that he would definitely throat in that time have gnawed. He understood and did not climb.
The result for the future? The lack of trust towards women. Persistent aggressive reaction to any "violation" of my interests and boundaries. In fact, the inability to build a normal, calm, accepting attitude. The almost complete lack of tolerance (tolerance) to the errors and imperfections of your partner. Almost immediate shutdown of the senses and the removal from the person. Sometimes were punished by coldness, turning into a cyborg. Well, this fucking "hysteria", a mental breakdown if something goes wrong. Raising your voice, yelling in a loud voice, vanity, broken the walls of the mug. Took hundreds of hours of therapy and training to ensure at least something to do with it.
But the saddest thing is, I was afraid to be... a father. Yeah! I didn't want their children the same fate that I had! I knew I was aggressive, and that I shall begin to smite children, and I didn't want to beat them, Oh, sorry, "educate". I didn't want to yell at them, and I knew I was going to yell. The result — I have no children, I'm 48 years old and not the fact that there are already the health of their organize. Himself's cooler now because of the whole body "care" about me.
What will be taught "education" belt? The fact that don't defend yourself, your territory? And as a grown up girl to behave when she's attacked? And when to slack off in class or at work? And when the ownership will deprive? A conditional reflex as Pavlov's dogs would work? Right, don't rock the boat, and then my lips get. And will not rock the boat and shout, even if Rob or rape. Believe me, dozens of such women was.
You know my favorite training that I spent a lot of time? About BORDERS. I became an expert on the limits - teach people to protect them
Last. You know what the worst thing when you strap to raise and they do not care how you feel at this moment? YOU DON'T. You're a zero. You transparent. You a mechanism that does not work. You are a poisoner someone's life. You're concern. You're not human, you're a NOBODY and you can do anything you want. You're a doll, which works poorly and it should be fixed. And you know how it is for a child to be "transparent" for your mother, father?
Better not to know. Educate their children without a belt. See them, take them, blame their actions, but do not make them "bad". "The only good Indian is a dead Indian." The child can "die" symbolically "killing" everything that prevents to live to mom and dad, in fact, Himself. Becoming comfortable doll. Or becoming aggressive and actively warring with the world. That is no better.
LIU TO BEAT. The truth is that the word contains? Dogs also love and raise, training. You want to the child who grew? Loyal dog that you are not upset? Angry animal? Or the person who loves life, peace, you, others, myself?published