Vanity magnified the meanness

Today we consider the theme of humiliation is through the prism of pride and vanity. As it says in the dictionary, vanity is the need for the evidence of their own superiority over other people. On the one hand, it's a sign of the painful feelings. On the other hand, the desire to be better than others – excellent and sometimes the only motivation for self-development. Perhaps with this tool, the evolution of nature is a little overdone.

Competitive spirit and will to survive as motivation to do great work if not go to outright humiliation and tyranny. Try to be better than others, playing by the rules and developing personal skills – this is a healthy motivation.

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Perhaps the fact that nature promotes human development by awarding successful in this business people a sense of satisfaction. And people – being clever – learned to deceive himself, and to experience the satisfaction of pseudorutile.

It is self – deception, in which to "keep the brand", it is not necessary to grow the most, just enough to humiliate other people. To stay on level – much easier to down others than to actually advance in their evolution. But substitute "development" by belittling others is a fake, simulation of development, the dead fake, which in fact is probably the degradation.

Vanity nothingness

Vanity is a way to deceive themselves, getting satisfaction from the illusion of their own greatness. At advanced stages, the vanity turns into stardom and on to megalomania, a self – styled paranoia, where the person on the empty space, imagining his own power, beauty and brilliance. All this – the flip side of humiliation.The vanity is magnified meanness.

Sometimes, when we ask for help, or when we offer this help without our request, we can survive a humiliation, because in our heads sits a stamp that is weak, helpless, or handicapped members of society. A proud man will not ask for help, even if it affects someone's life.

We are humiliated not so much "kings" as people equal to us, but in my vanity, imagined themselves kings. And if this is so, then our position below average in our side can spit and sling mud, yet we allow it to. In a sense, the desire to be "above" others is meanness, which is trying to rise at the expense of others.

Conceited jerk enjoys the pain of others, become an energy vampire who feeds off someone else's suffering. Jerk seeks out the sore spots of people, to feel power over them. From growing legs including: selfishness, snobbery, ambition, pride, posing and self-importance. Putting all these pompous mask, we flaunt in front of their own humiliation within himself. Exalts itself to heaven, dragging in the mud of their own a depressed nonentity. So we create and maintain an internal psychic split in which our greatness is the reverse of our insignificance.

When the person is experiencing humiliation for a long time, he loses his self-respect and self-esteem becomes low. It is closed from others, hides his pain, defending the mask of the false personality, which is artificially constructed to hide the trauma. With the growth of an internal split, the psyche is becoming less sustainable, and the man is in constant tension, because you can't be yourself, can't reveal any others, nor even to himself his guts, mutilated bleeding wound of humiliation.

With such a wound in the soul of man is sensitive about any criticism, overheard a stranger's laughter takes on your account as a mockery, and even an innocent remark he recalls a depressed humiliation.

Third-party critic sometimes feel like he gets humiliated, revealed the secret of psychic wound in the shower, climbed under the skin, and, recognizing a weak spot, stuck in the hurricane's eye.

All this – the personal hallucinations of an injured soul. That is why the therapist listening to the client, at some suitable moment to ask a question about similar cases from the past. Perhaps, in early childhood, when the child was not able to digest the humiliation of this experience was repressed into his unconscious. And in the unconscious wounds will not heal and continues to bleed. To heal, you need to patiently open up, eliminating all false disguises, to face their own fears.

It is not surprising that even an innocent criticism can cause in the wounded soul of hatred. Humble and vain man susceptible to flattery, and is very dependent on the opinions of others than others may consciously or unconsciously use. Once the humiliated person often reinsured in self-defense even where the attack was no smell from what seems unnecessarily harsh and aggressive.

The more advanced is "the situation", the more tense the person, the more difficult to communicate with other people, the more lonely, sometimes a person feels. In such a situation the role of the psychologist can be invaluable. Suffering people need to be just listened to, allowed to be themselves, accepted without any evaluation, sensitively and with respect for its nature.

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Love vain nothingness

Love with such a wound in the soul can be a very painful experience, filled with a cascade of insurmountable illusion. Painful feelings projected onto the beloved joy to the possible acceptance of a wounded soul. On parting, or the inability to be in the company of the beloved is projected wound. In other words, a person living with a depressed wound of humiliation, I am inclined to ascribe the pain from the wound of separation with the object of his "love." On this topic at progressman.ru there are a number articles under the tag "affection".

At the opposite pole painful to the psyche it is convenient to ascribe interior self-aggrandizement "victories" on the love front. A man in a relationship not so much building a relationship, as is asserting itself, trying to prove himself another victory, he's not a pathetic piece of shit. And if this affirmation resist, "love" suddenly turns into hatred.

Do we hate Valentine's? He did not flatter our pride, was not to magnify our person, showed that we are unworthy of this attitude, and so our conceited Majesty goes to the other extreme – humiliation. Love involves hatred because the denial of reciprocity crushes pride, which in reality was just a cover for their own inner nothingness.

And by the way, the more beloved trampled our pride in the mud, the more we "love"! Remember? One extreme supports and strengthens the other. This kind of painful "love" goes hand in hand with vanity, hatred, and humiliation.

Let me remind you that it is not about any real insignificance, but only about his conflicting feelings and guesses at its own expense. We do it all ourselves. Work psychic mechanisms of duality. We are trampled in the mud himself, and then to exalt. Such mental "wounds" in varying degrees affects the majority of us.

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The conceit of civilization

Our whole civilization rests on the affirmation of worthlessness. Go back to your childhood. We've always liked the characters that tickled his vanity especially skillfully. The steeper the characters, and the virtuosity he enhances their egos: indestructible terminator, or a powerful Neo defeating the neurotic Smith, Cinderella, came from the lower classes of society straight to the Prince, Barbie, born in wealth and luxury pink glamour.

What is one Pushkin's fairy tale about a magic mirror! Proud the Queen of the sly mirror told that she is "the fairest in the land". And now, around low self-esteem of the Queen began a brawl! "Brutal" truth about what a young Princess more beautiful, painful psyche of the Queen are unable to accept wisely and to keep its image at the height of the Queen was ready to embark on "breaking bad". The list can be endless. In every story there is a suitable example.

And the greatest masters in this difficult matter vainglorious self-aggrandizement we become on the spiritual path, when, renouncing pride, our assumption is that it's a pride for ever more sophisticated and subtle levels. I believe it should be treated with quiet understanding.

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Vanity and humiliation

The long experience of humiliation does not mean that person can put a cross. On the contrary, overcoming the imbalance, we gain wisdom and become stronger than he could become without it tempers the experience. All mental "disease" can be overcome. Our weakness – just those mental "muscles" that must work in the first place, turning a weakness into a strength.

Often, when we see how criticize others, you can easily recognize the subjectivity of the critic.But if you criticize our person, we begin to take criticism seriously. There is a kind of "hitch" when hallucinations criticism would coincide with hallucinations degrading.

For example, dominant boss chastises a subordinate, reaching tyranny, towering over the man who depends on it. A slave is actively participating in the "game" not equal, humiliated, reaching the position of a weak Manager of a younger link. The slave sees it as "objective" reality, "shared" space, in which occurs this process of humiliation and exaltation between the two entities. It all felt so realistic, like actually an objective reality. And hatred to the boss, appears to be justified and appropriate.

However, this whole situation going on in the mind of the subordinate. There is no "objective" reality, where the boss in the role of the alpha male humiliates the slave. All of this is subjective perception, the dual game of the mind that most people lose every day in their heads.

What is really going on in the mind of the boss – doesn't matter. The subjective experience of the boss do not go beyond his head. If the boss publicly masturbating flatters his vanity is his "national" problem. Subordinate only to hear the tone of voice, see facial expressions, and all this characterizes the manner of his life experience. And if his experience is the psychological trauma of humiliation, she naturally projected into the new similar situation.

In psychology there is the term "classical conditioning", which denotes the process of elaboration of a conditioned reflex. You may have heard the anecdote about lab monkeys?

 

Talking two monkeys in a cage:
Friend, what is a reflex?
– Well, how would you explain... you see this lever? As soon as I click, so this is the man in the white coat immediately suitable and gives me a sugar cube!

 

Reflexes occur when, for example, we respond to a neutral situation-specific emotion only because this it is associated in our minds with another situation from the past, in which we showed these emotions.

That is, when a subordinate hates the Boss, maybe he actually hates his father, or a bully classmate, who in the past were able to dominate our subordinate, suppressing his mind. Perhaps the comments of the boss was innocent, but some similar elusive shades of his actions awakened repressed feelings in a slave, and caused inadequate reaction.

It is therefore advisable to maintain healthy self-esteem in a child because children's minds are not able to realize fully the mental illusion of duality. Trauma in early childhood are repressed into the unconscious, and can haunt the person all life.It is in childhood develop our basic ideas about the world and society that change in the future extremely difficult.

 

To humiliate others is a much worse kind of pride than to exalt himself not deserved.
Francesco Petrarca

Pride — an echo of the former humiliation.
Stepan Balakin

Don't lose to anyone: don't look at anyone down!
Leonid S. Sukhorukov

If you didn't humiliate himself, nothing to humiliate you.
Richard UHT

 

 

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Conscious humiliation

Sometimes humiliation deliberately choose, for various reasons. For some, humiliation is a kind of psychological extreme, which gives a liberating feeling of freedom, boundaries and freedom from fear.

Something similar, with a characteristic rush of adrenaline felt by the lovers of extreme sports, for example, during parachute jumps. Looseness of the senses gives a feeling when "reckless".

In other cases, some people like to feel subordinate thing the owner will do everything you want. That, I think, a distorted need for acceptance and trust, in something similar to a child's trust towards their parents.

I mentioned above that humiliation is the reverse side of the vanity. Perhaps people in positions of great power over others (bosses, bosses, etc.) to smooth the self-esteem and defuse the tension, you can consciously choose humiliation.

In our society there is even a separate psychosexual subculture "BDSM", which is based on humiliation and domination in a sexual relationship. The followers of "BDSM" excited and defuse emotional tension, breaking in their role-playing games, social conventions and taboos.

Sometimes grovel to manipulate the vanity of another person, which his humiliation exalt. For example, the humiliated, the man in the role of the weak is just trying to absolve themselves of responsibility to leave all the complicated things for a "strong" personality, susceptible to flattery and vanity. Degrading at the same time, can consider himself smarter, since he managed his "cunning" manipulation to achieve the desired. Or degrading just wants pity and wants to remain forever in the comfort zone, where it is convenient to be helpless and weak.

Beggars and beggars, also, playing the pity for their humiliating position. Say, some of these "beggars" earn a decent humiliation where their benefactors.

Sometimes people come to a conscious humiliation, in order to avoid punishment from a ruling authority. If the authority is on the "game", he also, in his mind increases the rift, swinging the pendulum of vanity and humiliation.

Another, a rare variant of conscious humiliation with the spiritual purpose of the restraint of pride and vanity. But the goal of the person is not humiliated so much, how many learning to show humility. And such humility, I believe, is not to be confused with humiliation. Commonplace humiliation is always a certain kind of self-deception and rejection. Humility on the spiritual path, by contrast, is associated with the acceptance of what is happening life. Humiliation differs from humility – as well as the parents of Holiness.

 

Inertia

Understanding how our mind operates, how we are tied to the pendulum of humiliation and vanity, helps to draw attention to these mental mechanisms. But even their conscious awareness does not guarantee a complete release from these experiences. I can judge by my own experience.

Inertia – as if one of the key laws of the mind. Mind without habits is the mind of the Buddha. But if a person claims that he has no pride and self-importance, most likely, this means that the pride he has developed so much that prevents a person to recognize its presence.

Out of this painful duality – self-knowledge, diligent, systematic awareness, sensitivity and attentiveness to the manifestations of your own psyche. Not to engage in this game, be honest with him. Does it matter what directs other people? What is leading You?

If you don't play vanity and humiliation, you become boring to humiliate. Not getting the desired result, petty tyrant stops to get their painful feelings.

If you can laugh at yourself, nobody can laugh at you. People are not humiliated when bowing, and when he feels the humiliation. The very experience of humiliation – a sign of internal split.

 



Michael Labkovsky: Love yourself into inaction

About the spiritual and material debt

 

Strong is not the one who stands and the one who more need it. It is possible to be successful and prosperous man, without becoming a vain idiot. Such impulses in himself should carefully examine to those fading from the root. Vanity is only a game of strength and real internal division. True strength is our healthy mind and creative will of gained abilities and talents.published 

 

© Igor Satorin

 



Source: progressman.ru/2011/08/vanity/