Look at the implications of the strap for "education" girls from men, a psychologist from experience with older clients.The theme that somehow, in the press, publishing houses not to say. It depends on us whether we change something in the "usual" methods of education to break the cycle of violence at least in some families.
Will not happen again, immediately to the nuances, what feature of the use of the belt for "education" girls and the differences from the whipping boy.Nature released so that the feminine energy is receiving more and more male giver.So extended family, given life to the Living. Yin and Yang. Shakti and Shiva.
Maternal energy creates comfort, acceptance, protects what's inside. The father's energy protects from external threats, support in the development, prepares for external life and Challenges. These functions can take both the mother and the father, since we have both energies are present - remember, the monad, where they flow into each other.
However, the girl will grow biologically a woman, a future mother, to give and to nurture the child in her body. The boy needs to grow into a man who will give protection and support to a woman during pregnancy and feeding the child, taking care of him. That is, they have different objectives and attitude of the parents will also be different.The boy is ready for the challenges, the struggle, the extraction of resources. That is, deprivation, restraints, battle, injury — it all becomes part of his daily life, it will be his initiation into adulthood.
Violence by father, spanking in the form of "education", the boy can already be perceived as a challenge, as a way to endure hardship, as a first step to victory, even in defeat. "It will grow, give back."
Another question is how the child will grow emotionally, what feelings and experiences. Remember? "I am an old soldier and I do not know the words of love." Competition of father and son is about the same "are measured pipiskami". Traumatic, but to overcome, even with their resources in adulthood. Clearly, the father may "score" the strength of the son, to transform that in "cloth", but it must try harder and obviously it is not "education", and "breaking".The girl is not necessary so to prepare for the challenges to overcoming physical suffering, injury to move on with your life. Fighting is not her main goal.
Now imagine that the father physically or mentally, using verbal aggression puts pressure on the girl, as he believes "brings". Like any living creature during the attack, when the infliction of pain, the pressure, the girl will have no choice but to try to defend themselves, to protect themselves. Animals bite, scratch, and if not, then run away. Rather, run first, and if failed, then fight.What opportunities do girls have to escape from the family? To escape from the "educator" of the father, grabs his belt?Where to go?First to the mother.
What do you tell her mother? What mother would do? Here the options that will traumatic development. Protect, turn away, take the baby and leave the house, will scold the girl, cry and call for patience etc, etc. With the client it usually is disassembled, because it all leaves a trace in the psyche. Especially if the situation is repeated many times.
How healthy the mother's behavior? "Get the belt! Don't you strike that child!"
— if the husband is sober. And to grab the children and run out, if the husband is drunk and aggressive. No better if the eyes of the children, the father would beat their mother. Injury is not the weakest, especially if the eyes of the boy. What's next? Conversation wife has with husband WITHOUT the KIDS! About the fact that if he again try to hit her, she will divorce and have to deal with children it will be only by court order in a secure environment.
Scared to lose my husband? And imagine how terrible the kids to lose your beloved father when he turns into "demon of education"? If you do not you protect him, then who?
But, if you belt, or a punch is not considered a "normal" upbringing. And if there are, of course, where to go. Sometimes that takes time and resources to leave. Sympathize with the child and ask his forgiveness that you, as a mother, I can't give him security. Physical security - it's HIS body and no ONE has the right to hurt him. Even for education.
So why are girls so traumatic violence of the father? And "education" with a belt is physical abuse, because it violates the physical integrity of the skin and soft tissues of the child. Even just a DEMONSTRATION of the belt is violence, because the child in mind will complete the picture of horror when he gets on the body belt. Fear turns the father into a monster, and sacrifices. "Obedience" it will be from fear, not from understanding of the situation. This training!!!
Daddy for little girl is almost "God". Strong, decisive and able all. Able to move mountains. He is the guarantor of security and prosperity. He's A Man!
It is different from mums. It is an object of worship, it is the one from whom she wants to hear that she is "Princess".
The same "reliable back support", which then women wanted, looking for her men. 15 kg girls and 80 kg of the father, compare the size of hands, imagine dad's hands, which relies on the child. His hands cover almost the entire back!!! With such support nothing in the world scared!
Except for one thing, if the hands take the belt, hit this hand, throw insulting words like "whore and b*Yad, the same as your mother." Or openly say, "shut up, don't get cocky, you'll get it, play the game", vividly drawing a picture of the embodiment of this in brain, if you have already had experience of violence. Many describe that they "missed" even just the cry of the father - the whole body was paralyzed and it was scary to stupor.
Why? But because those strong hands can hit, to hurt, to manhandle, pin down and even to strangle. Your "God" and kills you. At this point, the whole world collapses, the girl, because the world betrays her. The world is a scary place and from the angry "God" is no defense.
The daddy of the defender becomes the aggressor. But if in the life of animals with the aggressor, fighting, how to fight with my dad-"God"? Biting? Scratch? Many girls try, but how is this likely to end? "Oh, are you still scratching? Well, you ran!". And then the girl realizes that her protection she stood sideways. It is better not to fight when someone stronger and scarier.
Here she grew up, became a teenager, her strong man squeezed into the Elevator, pushes the car, strangled in the transition. She will advise the children's decision? Likely "surrender, and I will be worse." There really is a situation the gun to his temple, for example, where surrender is warranted, but in most situations there are nails and teeth and elbows and a scream, and you can break free and escape. Say "thanks dad" for raising the belt and blows?
If the mother is not defended, then the girl is likely to be inside to live the conclusion that aggression from men is no defense that he can behave as he wants and he won't get in. In one embodiment, a future wife that has a husband, "educating" her as a wife, because it is a "NORMAL" life. And once her mother took her from the aggressor, the father and now she herself does not "carry out" from the aggressor husband. Have wijesiriwardane.
But may work other reaction. The girl is not broke! Gathered all my energy, pain, will, in the Cam and made a promise to myself to never give up, to endure all! True positive qualities in our society? I agree, for adults facing the real world. And for a child 3-5 years. Well, maybe a little older... to Gather, then gather, and relax? And to accept that the World is a safe place, not a place where only "survive"?And here she goes into "pumping" the role of the archetype of warrior women, the Amazons. Women fighting for justice, for the rights of the downtrodden, protects other women, and themselves. Where necessary and where not necessary
. Among the Olympic gods called "the archetype of Artemis". According to the myth, it competes with brother Apollona in accuracy. On the challenge to shoot very far a deer she shoots and kills... but not deer, and your lover.Symbolically, this means that the girl covered masculine energy "is measured pipiskami" and kills Love
. The author of the book "Goddesses in every woman," Jean Shinoda Ill carry Artemis to the "goddess-virgin", one of the three, which is hard to build a normal relationship with a man. And what kind of relationship, if the girl decided not to give up, to always be a warrior and not to give in to men. Remember the "receiving energy"? She will "fight" with her man for power, for justice. When this "surrender"? Well, about the "father-God".
Grow up girl and how she will see Lanskoy, masculine part of the Divinity? It is on the figure of God the Father will be projected? Most likely nakazuemo, "raising the belt," dad.Guilt that "I'm doing something wrong, so dear dad angry and grabs the belt" will move most likely in sin, guilty before God. And will feel "senkusha, punishing God."
To religion it will have little relevance because there is no contact with the Higher Power, God, and stuck a projection on a strong father figure. Yet God the Father cares about us as his flock. Well, or fair, at least. Don't want to get deep into the topic, which is not a specialist. But it certainly will not contact a Mature woman with what is Higher, stronger, vlastne. Again, maybe in the dispute log if artemides a lot of energy. Well, there is humility? Where to take him, if continuous around the "overbearing father".
And without humility how to pass the high situation, grief, loss, challenges? Who and what to rely on?
But still, about girls. What is important to the girl, the woman, the wife in the relationship?
Love, acceptance, admiring look of men. She wants to be Queen to his King. Rule the Kingdom of their families. Girl wants to be Princess for daddy, he wants his father admired, saying, "you've got the most beautiful, you are!". And the girl falls in love to the father, even wants to marry him. We are talking about age 3.5-5 years, body-oriented psychologists call this "structure of sexuality".Psychoanalysts call the "Electra complex" competition girl with her mother for the right to "possess" dad. Girl wants daddy belonged to her, was her "husband."
Of no sex here, not a speech, just in this period begins to form gender identity, the girl clearly understands what she is the future woman. Her body begins to blossom, girl well, very childish and falls from this period affects the development of and adolescent vlyublennosti and ability to love maturely.And here is the "object of love" suddenly turns into a monster with a strap, or gives a strong slap, or threatens, or "only" shouts.
To him she is not "Princess", and the violator of orders of magnitude, the almost criminal that should be punished. She is forced to continue to love this monster. And even if he's not right 100% of love to him, she may not admit it inside his psyche."I'm bad! — say it to yourself, directing the aggression, which should have been able to reach dad.
But then his "love", if we accept that he's a monster? How to give up love, how to accept the pain of losing a father who loves you and won't hurt your finger?And, as I described in my example, if love is painful in childhood, the person will meet with "painful love" in vzrosloi life.
Or otherwise knows, or to "replay" and not to painful either to avoid relationships in which there is love. What can be a husband there's a girl where my dad beat-screaming-"raised belt"?
There can be different options. In psychology, often referred to as "scenarios", a lot of them.Two model:
or well, very similar to his father, overbearing and aggressive, or "neither fish nor fowl", so never touched. The last option, because it was with my clients, very deceptive. Like and not aggressive, but can be quite passive-aggressive. Not really earn sitting at home nowhere, not walking, drinking, teasing, devalues, quarrels with friends and parents.That is, "punishing", but not directly. And infuriating
.Very often the client, whose dad "educated" by force, do not confuse controlled aggression and a real male Power
. Need as a woman to be with a Strong man, but a wounded psyche, there is no other example of how "man-with-a-belt". A little will increase a man's voice, a little turn on the power and on the horizon already the whistle of the belt or punch. From here take the relationship? In the end next the "man-rag", which is well, just a shouting match. By the way, if he drinks, quite and axe can grab.
And another point. If the father of the defender, the aggressor becomes, what will the girl grew up to expect from men?
Stable behavior? Taking it as it is? Forgiveness of mistakes? Support it where it hard? If she needs a man to in the modern world to cope with difficulties? Especially if it is likely bude "drip on the brain"? Want a successful career or business woman to hear the insults, to endure the pressure, listen to evaluations from men? Will she have the option to agree or she will immediately slam the door, not to repeat what happened in childhood with dad.
By the way. The brain stem him when he itches, aches, yelling, criticising, brings up a clock no less severe violence than a punch.
After all, the girl turns into a hostage and dad is a terrorist. She just did not where to go, and she suffers and suffers and suffers. Many clients have exclaimed: "would that hit!".How much do you think such a girl grown into a woman will want to suffer in the "prison of marriage"? Most often, the idea of a showdown, conflict already be sick. And the conflict accumulates and accumulates and the family is probably falling apart. This is "verbal violence", often disguised as "care".
Well, it is very slippery topic. I'm not super expert in this area, therefore briefly. Theme well, very hard working. But even if the psychologist is male. Strap most often where? According to the Pope. At the bottom of the back. Sometimes very "creative" Pope lifts up the shirt, pull the pants. And girl has period of development of sexuality. It already goes to school, and there are already boys and friends and knows that to be naked is not good.
And here is closely related to sexuality, children's "love" for the Pope and the physical pain in tender, soft places. And shame from the fact that naked and simultaneously excited. And where is the guarantee that the Pope in this moment sees a daughter? If the beats, that is clearly no longer adequate. And before him a naked "female" body, albeit young. Screaming. Where else screaming women? And go and find 10 differences in the screams of pain and.... And then he sees the girl in front of him? Or rather "who"? And how can this affect later on her sexual preferences? And the emotional? "Love is when it hurts!".
Well, the last. Self-esteem. "I'm bad!" "I'm not good enough!"... for the Pope, and the Pope is "God"! And can this woman claim to the King in a relationship?
Can she be confident? Does she have the right to be wrong, if dad is SO unhappy that grabs the belt? Will such a girl, a girl, a woman to prove his entire life to the Pope and then the World that she is WORTHY of their love and acceptance?I'll have her go to say, "I can love and be loved. With me everything is in order. I was good enough. I am a Woman and deserve Respect and to be considered!"? I'll have her go to return, log in to your Feminine Power"?Do you believe in "education" with a belt, slaps, blows, screaming, boycotts? What is then the "purpose" of such education? Are you sure that this will lead the girl to happiness?
I? Because using me as a psychologist and as a facilitator in men's groups, hundreds of men, whose mothers were "educated" with a belt and shouting fathers, grandfathers, stepfathers. That aggression, which was addressed to the male parent, resulting in sons. In the course are already "familiar" methods of education. Who grows of these boys, you know? "I am an old soldier, and I do not know the words of love." The Patriarchy, you say? published
Author: Andrey Vishnyakov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! © econet