"The less we love a woman, the easier she likes us" – this quote from Eugene Onegin so profound that even Pushkin would hardly have considered it in the parent context, namely relations of the grown-up daughter and father.
Yes, it is these relations that form the matrix of consciousness of women of the future undergo such transforms that fit to open a school for fathers.
Every once my research current challenges women (young or Mature age) suggests that they are caused by the nature of the relationship between daughter and father, formed in early childhood and continues to exert its direct influence until the age of 21. However, in practice this influence, albeit indirectly, but continues to provide his often destructive role in almost rest of my life.
What rights classic Alexander? And that the main catalyst for the relationship to themselves, their environment and the future of men in early childhood for the girl is her father. And the less contact/sociable he and his daughter, the stronger the desire the last "reach out" to his favor, praise, recognition and love.
Of course, there are those representatives of the fair half of mankind whom got lucky with a father's love and care.
But even in these relationships have their pitfalls, especially if the parents gave a crack or broke up altogether. Then raising a daughter takes the one-sided nature with a hint of resentment on my mother's side and guilt on the part of the daughter.
Despite this absurdity view in relation to the child, which the girl unconsciously feels the guilt of failing to save the Union, as well as frustration, anger and disappointment caused by the fact that now I have to share the parents/love, this situation is not uncommon, but rather the rule than the exception.
A similar analogy can be traced in the relationship between mother and son. But there is another form of "dependency" and, accordingly, other mechanisms of "freezing" the boy in adult life with its inherent immaturity in the background sverepec mother. There are, of course, and much more.
Daughter "absorb" or unconsciously "try on" the model of a mother to the man. That is, if the father is "not the authority" the child's mother, has the same disrespectful attitude will be formed in the child, and not only the girl and the boy.
However, growing up, girls choose a man similar in many ways to the father – the physical type / Constitution, certain behavioural reactions and other elusive at first glance the similarities.
These "similarity" trigger a subconscious memory mechanism, in which the father is a perfect image of a man beyond criticism. It is especially in early childhood when there is no proper awareness, and her father was the only and best man in the world.
The sons, in turn, allow the internal contradiction of the father in relation to himself. What does it mean? And the fact that emotional closeness with the mother often acts up to 7 years mechanism of rejection of the father on the one hand and imitation on the other.
Later, as they Mature, sons want to be in many respects similar to the father, thus identifying himself with the possibility of volitional dominance over the woman, the development of strength. Often, however, this identity applies to addictions and addictions inherent in the adult world, in which a callow teenager enters, ostentatiously emphasizing its importance in front of the opposite sex and wanting to "gain a foothold" "in authority" among their peers.
NEGATIVE BABY TO "ANCHOR"THE
Here, the correlation through negative bindings, which relate to how certain patterns of behavior, and both girls and boys, and the distorted worldview of the scale parents that children "read", just collating it later with social standards, thereby forming their own while still wet and fragile web of individual manifestations.
There are, of course, bindings do not carry harm, but in turn is not conducive to free expression, for example, vanity, ambition, pride.
But the most negative references are those which facilitate the manipulation, and that form various limitations: lack of confidence, low self-esteem, fears, inferiority complex and other consequences of parental mistakes upbringing.
THE PARENT OF THE VICTIM
The path to the parent of the victim, as the "educational model", along with seropeco also not a "correct" mechanism of education. Because it implies the dissolution of their children and the dedication of his life. But to dissolve, not dominating, not controlling and hierarchical, is not possible.
Also quite difficult for a child in that relationship to fully develop its own character and motivational qualities that he needs for a happy life.
In addition, there is no guarantee that children will adequately perceive this overwhelming reality, that most often occurs to a greater or lesser extent, protesting, opposing or ignoring over time, this sacrificial message.Much more correct, in my opinion, developing as a holistic personality and self-sufficient individuality, to be to his children a loving example and unobtrusive evidence of free will in the best traditions of the family.
All possible interactions and options for the relationship in the format of "parents – children" it is hardly possible to "pack" in one article, most of the book. But at least you can fit in a single individual session. It, accordingly, it is possible to find the specific root causes of "stuck" in parent programs as an adult parent and his child. Also in this business it is possible to identify ways of overcoming/getting rid of many constricting and restrictive ties, conflicts and problems of mutual understanding.
We were all children. Many of us continue to stay. All anything, if not for the "scars" of childhood that we adults carry on their younger or grown-up children.
The lessons of the past, of course, valuable if recognized by us, but the essence of their training has not formed a complex partial values. Otherwise, we othem not only his own life, but also generated restrictions/distortions that complicate our descendants harmonious existence.
"It's not enough to only education does not spoil us
it should change us for the better."
Michel De Montaigne.
If we consider everything in our life, as a free choice, which we are increasingly deprived, being in the matrix all kinds of addictions, prejudices, stereotypes and complexes, it turns out that everything moves in circles, and vicious, with no significant progress and the ability of radical changes.
But the solution, as always, is. And he's in our third-density due to the development of self-realization, whereby we may not only get rid of their children's complex, resentment, feelings of guilt, shame and all kinds of fears, but allow the errors of education, which has an impact on our children.
Mistakes of upbringing are inherent in varying degrees, to most people, especially early in their development as parents. Because unconsciously imitating educational models for their own parents, young families come on the same, painfully striking rake of fatherhood and motherhood.Will highlight only the main, in my opinion, flaws, or errors of education are inherent in varying degrees to most parents:
- inadequate or excessive demands for the child;
- proprietary and consumer's attitude to the child;
- underline the dependence of the child from his parents;
- educational authoritarianism and directiveness;
- pointing the child to his inferiority or insignificance;
- delineating hard boundaries of personal space of the child;
- excessive pretensions of the parents;
- comparison of personal qualities and abilities of the child in favor of other peers;
- attitude towards children as a burden;
- the lack of parity relationships;
- the imposition of a set of prohibitions, under pain of punishment;
- restriction of personal liberty of children;
- demand from the child of expected behavior;
- the use of common educational models: the "stick - carrot";
- "photosatellite" and the inability of perception of the child seriously;
- the habit of lying to children under any "plausible" excuse;
- underline the personal superiority of the parents to their children;
- deliberate or unconscious undervaluation of self-assessment of the child;
- the lack of understanding of the needs of a developing personality of the child;
- shifting parents the primary educational role of the kindergartens and schools.
Best, again in my opinion, the way education is recognition of the fact that "educate" the child in the common sense and sense of the word (carrots and sticks), it is not necessary and even harmful. For such a doctrine implied authority and execution of written truths, or rules, which in many ways has outlived its usefulness or, worse, intentionally interfere with the little artists syncretic to know the world in its complete diversity. Plus they develop manipulative model of attitude.
Also "socio-cultural normative models" of education is unlikely to serve as a model for individual development of today's children, but rather "adjust" them under a certain public standard.
We need to develop in children from an early age a sense of personal significance, along with personal liability.
"The education of man begins with his birth; he has not said, still not listening
but already in school. Experience precedes learning".
I think many have accepted the fact their repeated coming into the world or at least admit the possibility.
And if so, then we only need to allow to remember the rules on planet Earth, according to their own design, interests and preferences, while maintaining all key values based on three main laws of the universe
, the author of the open Duetti:
- The Law Of Free Will (Freedom Of Choice),
- The Law Of Not Causing Harm,
- The Law Of Love.
In preparation for the next earthly journey, the man carefully plans and chooses its own parents, in the case of a sufficient development of the soul, or this choice is made mutually by the Law of Attraction.
In any case, allowing its sons to be navigators in early childhood, when the waves of life are still too large and sometimes dangerous for self to overcome them little traveler, leaving behind the captain's care, the parents give them the responsibility, a critical component of their emerging individuality.
Thus a small person, yet not lost contact with a knowledgeable soul, but fully trusting their mentors and guardians, develops in proportion to the need of mastering life programs.
So the little citizens learning to learn life lessons, without excessive supervision or pressure and overpressure and comprehensive domination of the most convenient and comfortable way.
To reach the proper understanding and not be a source of fear, childhood complexes, resentments, forming low self-esteem and cementing the Foundation for future addictions (behavioral disorders), it is important not only to comply with a certain number of rules, most of them unconscious, and send your caring attention and genuine interest in the needs of your child, the main of which are unconditional acceptance and love. The best way to repair the mistakes of education — they prevent.
In addition, it is never too late to shape in a responsible and loving attitude towards educational process in which the roles of teachers and students are not rigidly fixed.
Therefore, it is important to follow a specific algorithm, and to remember the words of M. Y. Lermontov:
"Educate... the hardest thing. I: well, all over with now! There it was: just the beginning!"
THE MAIN PARADIGM OF EDUCATION
If you try simply to Express reasonable methods harmonious interaction between parents and children with emphasis on parental responsibility and conscious, loving form of education, then, in my opinion, it is the number of value rules and even paradigms by which are laid the best spiritual and family ties.Here are the main ones:
- to love your child, surrounding tenderness, concern and sensitivity;
- be sincere and genuine in the relationship;
- always listen to children's interests and needs;
- learn to accept and understand their point of view, whatever it was;
- they had no one to compare and evaluate;
- encourage children's creativity in any way possible;
- allow the child to participate equally in all family events;
- to replace requirements for children voluntarily taken sole responsibility;
- never use pressure, threats, blackmail, and other methods of manipulation.
- not to dismiss their request using various excuses;
- respect the personal space of small individual;
- to instill and to cultivate ethical and aesthetic perception of life;
- never cheat and don't tell half-truths;
- always and in everything to provide freedom of choice;
- not to punish for on/KAZ ( Ukr. "Casati" – to speak) is hex or negative energy effect (damaging the etheric double of the physical body of the child), and give the opportunity to draw the right lessons and conclusions from both sides of the offense;
- be for children is a loving example of family happiness and harmony of the spouses.
If your children are not at the very tender age of early childhood, and the errors of education have formed some complexes, then all previous advice is still not to be redundant, helping you to rethink your stance and perhaps help to find not only their educational deficiencies but also the joint overcoming of existing problems.
Although often self-detect, and even more to free himself from the influence of "complexes" quite difficult without skilled assistance is not enough.
Anyway, change is always at hand when we are ready to apply them in our lives.
In any case, we are using the expansion of consciousness and the development of consciousness, exploring the linking of communication with their parents can shed light on many problems and difficulties.
Also interesting: does it really proper upbringing? Pamela Druckerman: How to raise happy children without sacrificing your personal life
Carefully staring at the deep childhood and the area that psychology refers to as the subconscious or simply a memory, not only mental and emotional but also bodily first, we approach the solution to many of the current personal and interpersonal problems and conflicts.
However, it is important to remember, as once said by the famous novelist George sand:
"To change our nature, can not be only to send a blessing to the various features of character, even with the shortcomings, this is a great portrait mystery and the great problem of education." published
Author: Sergey Kolesa