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Single mothers: a funny text about motherhood
When my daughter arrived, I was 23. My daughter’s biological father is three years younger than me, and it was funny to watch him tell a story about a grown woman and a naive and inexperienced self at 27.
I was terrified, I didn't know what to do, what was right and what wasn't, and I did a lot of things intuitively.For example, she refused to marry the father of the child, absolutely suddenly asking him (the daughter was then six months old) what would happen after the wedding (I naively believed that the proposal meant that he somehow - finally - was serious, but it turned out that it was a beautiful gesture that colored his self-esteem). Stories about beautiful gestures were still a few, then began ugly.
The second intuitively correct act was not to formalize paternity - now thinking that my daughter's visas and entries and exits would depend on this person, I think extremely obscene.
I often hear the question "why do you give birth to assholes" to women who find themselves in a difficult situation of divorce or child separation. And if they are psychologists, the question is added to the “well, then what kind of professional are you?”
I wasn’t a professional at the time, but I was a student yesterday. And he was not an asshole then, but a handsome, slightly capricious boy with a low voice and beautiful gestures.
What he did after that was his choice and his responsibility. I can say that I was lucky to have the best, I did not become the wife of this character, and my daughter called the father a much more suitable person. Sometimes I get very angry with my husband - like any wife - sometimes he does nonsense. But I know that if he came to school for the morning, it’s not going to be a story about posing in front of a child.
And all the years that followed convinced me of one thing: I did the best in that situation.
But the truth is, all of my features — that even when I lost my job in a crisis, I found part-time jobs and I could take care of myself, that my daughter and I never went hungry, that I always found money for vacations and entertainment, that I continued to study and build a career, for many it was a story about being big and strong.
And it's like it means that you weren't exhausted, you weren't sick, you didn't lose stability, you didn't get into debt, you didn't lose some years of sleep.
I know how scary it is to be alone.It depends on your salary if you eat. When you're afraid of getting sick.When can't you choose "nanny or educate yourself"?
It became easier for me, a year after returning to Moscow - when financial stability appeared, a second grandmother began to come to Sandra on Saturdays, at some points my husband began to insure me. But the daughter was already 3.5.
I’m never going to have a story about “they met, fell in love, planned a wedding, and a couple of years later decided to have kids.” It was like hell, and by half I wasn't ready.
Before the age of 3.5, her daughter had a period of terrible instability and constant fear. This is what many single mothers live in.
And they do, really. I managed. But if you have the opportunity to help a young mother with a child - play with her child on the weekend, go to the store, talk to her in the evening about something, give her a good vacancy - do it.
Don't play the stupid "she forgot me" game that a number of my friends have done.She probably remembers her name with difficulty. Call yourself. Come visit.
Stay with her while she's in a bun and with crazy eyes. Do not depreciate it - it will take a couple of years and it will be normal.
Or you lose her.
And don't tell her she's strong. She probably wants to kill for that phrase. I really want to.
And don't tell her she chose the wrong person, or that she did something wrong with the baby's father. She’s probably thought about it so many times that you can’t even imagine.published
Author: Ariadne Imge
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: vk.com/adriana_imj?w=wall1594856_2684%2Fall
I was terrified, I didn't know what to do, what was right and what wasn't, and I did a lot of things intuitively.For example, she refused to marry the father of the child, absolutely suddenly asking him (the daughter was then six months old) what would happen after the wedding (I naively believed that the proposal meant that he somehow - finally - was serious, but it turned out that it was a beautiful gesture that colored his self-esteem). Stories about beautiful gestures were still a few, then began ugly.
The second intuitively correct act was not to formalize paternity - now thinking that my daughter's visas and entries and exits would depend on this person, I think extremely obscene.
I often hear the question "why do you give birth to assholes" to women who find themselves in a difficult situation of divorce or child separation. And if they are psychologists, the question is added to the “well, then what kind of professional are you?”
I wasn’t a professional at the time, but I was a student yesterday. And he was not an asshole then, but a handsome, slightly capricious boy with a low voice and beautiful gestures.
What he did after that was his choice and his responsibility. I can say that I was lucky to have the best, I did not become the wife of this character, and my daughter called the father a much more suitable person. Sometimes I get very angry with my husband - like any wife - sometimes he does nonsense. But I know that if he came to school for the morning, it’s not going to be a story about posing in front of a child.
And all the years that followed convinced me of one thing: I did the best in that situation.
But the truth is, all of my features — that even when I lost my job in a crisis, I found part-time jobs and I could take care of myself, that my daughter and I never went hungry, that I always found money for vacations and entertainment, that I continued to study and build a career, for many it was a story about being big and strong.
And it's like it means that you weren't exhausted, you weren't sick, you didn't lose stability, you didn't get into debt, you didn't lose some years of sleep.
I know how scary it is to be alone.It depends on your salary if you eat. When you're afraid of getting sick.When can't you choose "nanny or educate yourself"?
It became easier for me, a year after returning to Moscow - when financial stability appeared, a second grandmother began to come to Sandra on Saturdays, at some points my husband began to insure me. But the daughter was already 3.5.
I’m never going to have a story about “they met, fell in love, planned a wedding, and a couple of years later decided to have kids.” It was like hell, and by half I wasn't ready.
Before the age of 3.5, her daughter had a period of terrible instability and constant fear. This is what many single mothers live in.
And they do, really. I managed. But if you have the opportunity to help a young mother with a child - play with her child on the weekend, go to the store, talk to her in the evening about something, give her a good vacancy - do it.
Don't play the stupid "she forgot me" game that a number of my friends have done.She probably remembers her name with difficulty. Call yourself. Come visit.
Stay with her while she's in a bun and with crazy eyes. Do not depreciate it - it will take a couple of years and it will be normal.
Or you lose her.
And don't tell her she's strong. She probably wants to kill for that phrase. I really want to.
And don't tell her she chose the wrong person, or that she did something wrong with the baby's father. She’s probably thought about it so many times that you can’t even imagine.published
Author: Ariadne Imge
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: vk.com/adriana_imj?w=wall1594856_2684%2Fall
