In the Preface I will say that initially the idea was to talk about family problems. In General, family, she is designed in order for people to be able to be in security, peace and contentment.
Family members, on the idea of nature needs to different degrees to each other to support. There is, of course, has its own alpha and gamma species, which goes to family resources in different ways, but still gets everything. And all and the alpha and gamma holds together dopamine, oxytocin and a number of other hormones (well, it will focus on dopamine, since we're mostly of him talking). And dopamine is released to all members of the group, because family life from the point of view of survival of the species, more successful.
We now have to bunch up due to the fact that a bunch easier to kill the cave bear and throw stones at mammoth. However, to use the natural gifts of dopamine in the presence of the relatives are not prohibited. There is only one thing. Family relationships are often so complex that what is there to relax and enjoy... Sometimes, even for a moment to doze off, it is impossible not to get the adrenaline out.
Cases and sources of knockout are different, but still quite often get the knockout daughter from narcissistic mothers. The problem is, in fact, quite widespread, because the daffodils we have for many years laid up. Furthermore, narcissistic parents usually are not able to adequately raise a child because of their features. I.e. to create conditions so that the offspring developed into independent self-sufficient person, they can't.From narcissistic mom goes to sons and daughters, but the latter more, because the mother sees her daughter as a rival in many areas
. Then explain why.
Actually, initially, future narcissistic mother expects that her child will be the best and he will have the best of everything. That's not what the dream of each young woman prokidyvaya a role of a mother, it's 100% confidence laced with arrogance.
Ie the main idea of the existence of the child – not the child and motherhood, as a way to protect their weak I am
. The child from the beginning, in General, is not considered as a person. It's either part of the Narcissus, or a part of the situation. From this and the attitude of the child is appropriate.
I will explain clearly. Is it possible to love your right ear? Of course. Moreover, your ear, sincerely admire. But imagine that your ear suddenly doesn't want to go shopping or want to have their own friends. What's that? Is schizophrenia of some sort. The ear need to fight! It somehow should be treated or controlled. Imagine the ear may in fact want to live separately! How are you without ear. Not that without it you will miss... But somehow awkward and strange. And anyway... one earrings to wear or something...?
Is it possible to love the nightstand in the corner? Of course, and still also possible for her to admire. But it is clear that the nightstand has a very narrow indications for use, and at the tables no one asks where she should stand, what kind of paint to cover it and what brahlo to keep her drawers. Negotiating with furniture and tolerance of her furniture needs... this is... illness.
Now the time has come, and narcissistic mother decided to perform a miracle, shake the world the birth of a beautiful child. The first time it POPs somewhere in the 4-5 months of pregnancy, when the latter starts to make itself felt in one way or another. In General, facing all sorts of unpleasant events such as childbirth, which does not escape.
You can, of course, to talk about what adopting a child or surrogacy, but, you know that there child is not perfect. Could be bad genetics, or bad influence (suddenly a surrogate mother anything have been ill). Then you can't trust anyone. Abortion or artificial birth? Also will not work.
First, the idea is to impress the world still exists, and secondly, abortion and artificial birth too, not a fountain what a beauty. There is still a lot of things personal. In the end, somewhere in this period of narcissistic mothers suffer from doubt not to remove if from the child, and eventually creaked continue the pregnancy to childbirth.
It was about this period, they subsequently put the ballads that tell children, "now did I have an abortion/ artificial birth", "if I was not at that time 4 months with you."
In General, the vast majority want only son. Daughter ultrasound is a blow below the belt. Only want a son who will become President and the ruler of the galaxy. Daughter no, she's second grade. Presidential women are not so willing to take, and in the sovereigns of the galaxy even more.
The imagination immediately begins to paint them that her daughter is a bitch, a prostitute and a Freeloader and a mother with her will only suffer. Some disappeared on the floor. Others are already in advance have for daughter negative. That is, here the key point is not that a woman wants a boy, and she hates the daughter before she was born, and sees in the fact of its existence is his own personal failure.
Childbirth in women occurring usually hard. For reasons psychological. The process of birth they have to evoke strong protest. No matter paid or not paid, with friends or without. The woman remains dissatisfied.With a child the same way almost immediately problems arise.
The kid being alive and, though dependent on the mother, still separate. Mother is a narcissist doesn't understand and feels bad needs of the child. Returning to the example of the ear and bedside tables. If you are tired, it is assumed that the ear is tired, too, if you want to eat, and the ear wants too. And imagine what your desires with your ear are not the same. You want to eat and feed the ear, ear ... sorry... pukes on you... but what about the bedside table to talk!
Imagine that you've done everything according to the instructions of the care for furniture, and bedside table night starts to make noise, and you find underneath it a pile of feces. Right on the expensive parquet! Bedside table very aggressively wants you to pile removed and then smeared her bedside table, oils, obvorachivany paper, sang to her and carried her in his arms! And so every day throughout the year, and even more!Now I understand that if Narcisse is all that survives, the child care he later recalls as a personal feat
. This is for my mother-Narcissa was really not easy. Sometimes, she manages to fuse the child in its most indigestible age grandparents. It's very good, because in all subsequent problems with the child are chronically guilty.
If grandparents do not fade, the baby's mother is chronically annoying. If it is a daughter, she is constantly in the eyes of the mother stupid, clumsy, unlucky, and not many that describe the child of imperfection. If the mother does not distinguish the boundaries between themselves and the child, she is always with her walks, talks for her children, decides all questions, buys clothes toys etc.
What she likes, because it is clear that daughters it's like. Can't she like something else. If between a mother and daughter standing wall, about the child's mother can really forget. Not to celebrate birthdays, forget to buy her clothes, forgetting to pick up from school.
He and the other type can ignore the problem of the child. The first type ignores because he does not understand that there is a problem (my mother is no problem, as there may be a problem in the child), the second type just wants to know what the problem is.
Accordingly, in adolescence, the first type continues to stick everywhere for her daughter, to intermeddle in her relationship and Affairs. Any attempt by the girls to decide something food yourself strongly suppressed. No one would not want to ear healed separate lives. The second type, gives his daughter as much freedom as she wants, but severely punishes deviation from the General line of the party requires payment for the works (well I gave birth!).In adult life, children of mothers daffodils, ongoing difficult relationship with his mother.
The mother, seeing no boundaries, gives her in marriage, and lives with her and her husband and family life. But only so that the daughter was not very happy. Relationship with her husband constantly swinging to the daughter was next to her mother. Sometimes the mother is seeking a divorce even if the husband suddenly appears too confident person.
In the absence of contact mother eventually begins to just use the daughter for as long as possible. If the daughter succeeds the mother requires the daughter shared with her and even kept for the reason that she (mother) didn't have the abortion at the 5th month. But it could! So the daughter, cough it up. If the daughter is not so very well settled in life her mother would regularly cut for it. Be willing to take what may, for "with the black sheep even a tuft of wool".
It is clear that the daughter will always be imperfect, because there is only one Supreme being – the mother.Ie my daughter initially had no chance to trigger some recognition from my mother.
Therefore, the problem daughter is nonsense. Mother they are not interested or only interested in the way that is the recognition that she, a poor woman, gave birth to "a complete fool".
Always on the side is the ideal — it is a neighbor, relative, other odnoklasnica that "wonderful girl". It is constant comparison, certainly not in favor of their child. And of course the mother constantly compares the progress of his son with him. But the mother is always better and more important, her problems are more relevant and Zanchini, her interests are more important. If the daughter succeeds the mother notices that in those same years had only 100 times more (suitors, job offers, etc). Or would have, if not ugly child sitting on her neck.Mom always knows how to skillfully "drop" my daughter, when she suddenly begins to think about himself too much.
Sometimes direct insults, sometimes a gentle rebuke or a reminder. It costs nothing to do a pretty tactless remark of her daughter, which put her on the level of a teenager or even 5 yrs.
If the daughter begins to argue and tries to defend himself or to send his mother to hell, she always knows how to make daughter feel like a bastard. Each mother knows the approach to their child. Therefore, all attempts to settle the conflict over the fact that the child feels "bad girl, which upsets the mother." And sometimes it is forced also to ask for forgiveness.
As I said, the daughter, especially one in which life was more or less, often used as a source of income. Some moms have millions to their children, and this despite the fact that children are not getting fat. The money spent on all the crap, without counting and calculating. All of them initially, no one is going to return, because the child needs the coffin of life.
All attempts to return the money Dating a narcissistic frenzy, where the mother speaks pompous about their achievements and tramples the child in the dirt. If a child with persistent debt repayment, the mother may hire and dismiss rumors about her daughter, and thugs to hire, and psihbrigadu cause, and the Prosecutor's office to apply. Well, you know, when a nightstand or ear raged and want to enjoy your resources, there is need to act decisively.
Do not think that the mother in this situation feels happy. She is as unhappy as a daughter. She can feel needed and important only in that it establishes conditions. Just a child in her hands, as the clay from which she sculpts a backup of their deformed personalities, as well as the child is still another entity that develops according to its laws, the mother in order not to fail, constantly need to correct his creation, despite the protests of the establishment.
Women's anger — lack of lovethe worst enemy of all relationships
So... narcissistic mother is for the daughter of a eternal battle,
from which no mental health and soothe is not responsible. Those who have such a parent, will have to work very hard to normalize his life.
Here in the first place to start is to form his own identity apart from mom. It should be noted that Mama would be creepy to resist, and you too will be hard.
The first step is to recognize that your childhood was spent with that person. To digest it. Undigested throw away and leave only what really will feed your life and personality.
Yes, even a child could be really terrible and traumatic, but still at least a little positive, the vast majority are available. And this is the material you need to build your life.published
Author: Natalia Stilson