"As a child I wondered why adults can't solve the simplest problems, for example, to live peacefully. When he grew up, realized that adults simply do not exist" ©AdMePart1
Parents are the basic program in a child's life! How to understand this phrase and what lies behind it? It seems to be very simple and clear to almost everyone who hears about it and maybe think about it. But what does this mean in the broader sense of this statement? I propose to consider in more detail to learn how to see and understand many things at the correct angle.
Children are not fully formed system of value judgments inherent in the adult, it is formed as gaining life experience. It should be noted that we all mostly live only in the framework of their life experience. So the child at the initial stage of life only "observes", and what he sees, his subconscious reads like a scanner. He had seen recorded in the subconscious and stored there as a kind of experience that he watched, but growing up, he may not remember everything on the level of awareness. Then growing up, the child neosoznanno starts playing in my life seen before. Usually it can be clearly seen in the games of a child. As a rule, copied the behavior of adults of people from the close environment of the child. When we observe the copying behaviour of our child in play, it touches us. But if it is a reproduction of behaviour for adults and would remain only at the level of the game, then it would be possible to ignore or just forget about it. But, alas! The game is beyond... About how in adult life it manifests will be discussed. I'm not going to "open" the reader America. I just take a look at those things referred to, and to think seriously.
I want to start with a question to you, dear reader. At least how many "persons" or "roles" is present in the parent program if the child is brought up with one parent?
All right! One. But integrated. The so-called mix. If this is the mother, there are functions and mother and father in one person — so MAPA. If the father, then there are functions of father and mother in one person — means PAM. A clear and distinct division of roles here, because one person combines the functions of two. And, therefore, the child to its parent program, which is in the subconscious, there is no gradation of behavior separately of father and mother separately. There is no gradation and a clear understanding of responsibilities in the implementation and solution of various problems in the family separately both husband and wife. There is no gradation in the sensual and emotional manifestations of women and men. But there are only some ideas about what they should be! And where these some ideas appear? From maps or from PAMs, which the parent periodically voiced because of their attitude.
How is the worldview of the parent and its ideas about the partner? As a rule of life experiences: from those of their parent programs, acquired in his childhood, and from the sad experience of partnerships. Why from sad experience, it may be a reasonable question? But if the parent is the child one, can we call the experience of partnerships in which the child has only one parent, joyful? Perhaps the parent will undertake to assert that, Yes, but whether this is so for the child?! I think that the child is fundamentally disagree! Whatever it was, but the child is love, and it is always present the need for both parents. In General, who grows from a child living with one parent? Full range — way, cobbled together from a mix of ideas about what should be the man, husband and father, and what should be the woman, wife and mother. And this mix forward in life! And you can only imagine how will be the adult child's life, and what and how will you build partnerships. Especially if you're "lucky" to enter into a relationship with the person who had both parents, and such a mix is not.
You can, of course, then go for "stove" and insert "two cents" about what could be both a parent partner. I agree! But now it's not about that, more on that later and separately. I just want to focus the reader's attention on how programs work and what they are. And generally, if to summarize what I said above, what essentially appears to be a single parent in the eyes of a child? I'm not that child can think and how to estimate the level of mental. I mean, it reads "scanner" in the subconscious and enters into the pantry, where there is a transformation of all that is in the field of view of the child. And then in the program that controls his life. Let's be honest with ourselves, dear reader.
Single parent, in fact, appears before the eyes of a child, outwardly representing the signs of its gender, but the behavioral actions and reactions showing a face only middle floor with partly severe signs of the behavior of both sexes. Because it is two in one. How hard would it sound, but it's time to admit it. All this is is a bomb with sling emotional explosion a couple of decades. But that carry such programs, will be written in a separate article, because the material is so extensive and cause for deep reflection a lot, this requires a phased approach.
Offer the reader several stories, for example, which are clearly visible from those things mentioned.THE STORY OF THE FIRSTStory MAPS
My friend, a single mother daughter, somehow in the conversation complained that the relationship with her daughter has completely stalled. Daughter was the fifteenth year. A friend described his daughter as: "I think my daughter is a concrete wall. No matter what I did or told her, I have lately more and more the feeling that I run and hit a concrete wall. Even if I want to show some of his warm feelings towards her, I have the same feeling. The girl then closed, and the impression that she has no feelings and emotions. But she pronounced consumer attitude towards me. Only one thing comes from it — buy me this, buy me this, give me money for some activities. If you say that I don't have enough money to meet its growing demand, it immediately blows icy cold contempt. If I want to talk to her about what's going on, she silently removed to his room and closes the door. It is useless to talk. She just remained silent. I was all scared, I don't know what's going on and where she is. I try for her as I can, but it seems to me that the more I try, the farther she is from me. I already have a strong sense that between us lay a huge chasm. Where there is such callousness? My daughter's been a little distant and like a mechanism. I would even say that she is like a robot! I don't know what to do, I don't understand why this happens and how to find common language with her".
After hearing the familiar, I asked her a few questions, answering which it began to come understanding of the situation. I asked how long she daughter alone. "Seven years," came the reply. Since separated from her husband, the woman has to work in order to survive and to give her daughter a life of their own. Accordingly, the time and attention it is a lot to pay daughter could not. Tried his absence to compensate financially. So having gone with his head in work, she did not notice how the years have flown. But it's actually not even quite that.
In a conversation I broached the subject of a strong woman who is alone raising a child. When a woman raises a child, she usually wants it or not, forced to be strong, even if only because you have to provide your own life and the life of a child. And this will agree, dear reader, requires certain qualities. The woman has to decide many of the questions traditionally decided by the husband when he is. And, in fact, as I said, a single mother have to be both mother and father. That is mapou.
Next, I asked my friend about her behavior in the presence of the daughter as long as she remained without a husband. If she allows herself to show weakness in front of your daughter and related to the woman, and especially a weak woman traits and feelings at all? If she does cry in front of your daughter when tired or impotence, when there are questions in life that seem insoluble? Does yourself in front of your daughter to be manifestations of sadness, sorrow? Generally, all those conduct which may be in a woman, an ordinary woman, who knows all the true living emotional reactions and expression of feelings. Not the woman going to "attack" life for the survival of themselves and their progeny that "gritting" the teeth, "savsa" fists, put yourself in the armor of nezostavovany.... Or, if she gives the will and feelings, and tears, only at night or in the pillow or when my daughter does not see? Protecting their child, thereby, excitement and feelings for mom?!
Her response was for me to be expected. Of course, she never allowed himself to weakness in the presence of his daughter. In principle, it showed no feelings, no joy, no sorrow. Her answer to my question: "why she did that?" was my friend; for me it was all obvious, and without this my question. I been through all that myself, and personally, my experience of the unmanifested weakness and feelings in front of the kids for me was in the past. At the time of our conversation, I was already in that period of life when I reaped what he sowed. My friend was younger than me, and her situation with her daughter was still possible to change.
So did her mom: she didn't allow himself to show his weakness, but allowed himself to other manifestations, because my mother had a husband. And since my friend remembered his attitude and feelings for his mother, he sought unconsciously to protect his daughter from the disorder for the mother.
From its parent program, embedded in the subconscious of my friend, she made two things. She struck out from his family life-husband, neosoznanno doing what, in her opinion, had to do her mother at the time, and repeated the mother's behavior in the failure to exercise weakness in the presence of her daughter, the failure to exercise any of the feelings and emotions. When I asked her to look at yourself through the eyes of her daughter and see that she is from what she can perceive is a girl, she had a full understanding of the behaviour of his daughter. In the view of the daughter was the picture almost always hard strong personality of his mother, whose expression of emotions was mostly when daughter was required to achieve something — the execution of some of the intent and wishes of the mother. The mother, who if you look from the side, like a concrete slab, from which blows cold indifference. To some extent it was her one-sided manifestation of a part of me that was lying on the visible surface. The mother, who did not notice, did not appear to be generally any feelings and emotions. She just used them all to live inside. My friend in any case was not cruel to his daughter. She just didn't think about some important things, living on the machine. Was just once: it was necessary to live and earn. I had to take care to give her daughter a life of their own.
Which program behavior might emerge in the subconscious daughter when she constantly sees the mother itself?! What could be the manifestation of the action of such program?! My friend is much to understand from that conversation and draw conclusions. She began to allow myself more likely to be living in the manifestations of their feelings in the presence of his daughter. She has learned to show his emotions of joy and sadness, to show all facets of yourself, trying to change the view about her daughter and thus help her become more open and soft. Open towards myself and relationships. Eventually, the relationship they established. My friend managed to understand and change a lot about myself. And as a result, more warm and close relationship with her daughter.
And what is the relationship in the life of you, the reader? Relationships with children, partnerships with anyone, because any person with whom you interact, regardless of the degree of closeness and the number conducted by a number of time for you is your partner as you do for him. What are your programs that you reproduce their actions, their lifestyle, their responses to various life situations? Ask yourself these questions, allow yourself to look inside yourself. Give the trouble to look at ourselves through the eyes of their loved ones! What a picture you stood in front of your inner eye? And if what you see there, there, deep in yourself you won't enjoy and will cause discomfort, the most important thing is, please don't hurry turn your back! It is neither bad nor good it is! It is what it is. And most importantly — you can change everything for the better for you and your loved ones! Do step forward! You give yourself the joy of meeting with him, a real, a living! Give yourself a meeting with a self-aware!
To be continued in part 2
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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Author: Elena SNO
Source: Elena SNO