Having gone very far from the source, we now have four major myth about motherhood. I want to talk more
Motherhood is hard, unbearable, and the end of life
Found very often. When we turn from selfish enjoyment to the need to care for someone, to adapt to someone trying to understand someone who himself really understands it is difficult for us.
It's hard to be dependent on the lump, which has no mode, he can't sleep schedule and sleep as much as promised. He won't eat what he prescribed pediatricians, is not going to dress up for a walk to put hour, and at night, instead of sleeping, he stares at the chandelier and COO.
It's hard to abandon what you're used to. And even on the sea not to run to the mountains, and lie in the sand and methodically to shape the patties out of the sand. When all life is passing, and you are all in diapers and sippy cups. Your nerves are frayed, the chest torn, and the main and very courageous dream of uninterrupted sleep.
A familiar picture? Many are faced with this after giving birth to their first child. Why first? Because it is the most powerful crisis – the shift from living for ourselves to living for the other. Many hear about such a motherhood – and fear it like the plague. Because you will give birth and will cease to belong to itself.
In fact, this situation 99 percent creates a mother. Self. The child is innocent. We made our own motherhood unbearably difficult. We have many reasons and many tools
Because all because, all talk about it, we expect that
To wine is not racked for the fact that I'm sitting at home and "do nothing"
To have something to talk to other
Not to change and not to cleanse his heart
And how do we create our own problems? Very simple:
Trying to drive a child's life in some kind of framework (that was put when he did not want to sleep, feed when he is not hungry or not feed, although he is hungry, try to set it mode and so on)
Don't take a rest when possible. And with the kid the possibilities are many – sleep with him in the afternoon, sleep as soon as he fell asleep in the evening (and we're at the computer immediately and half the night there!)
Not asking for help and trying to do everything themselves – even the slings use only to shopping for food, running and home heavy bags to lug.
Try to catch everything that is before birth time – plus we have it on hand (no wonder I'm sitting at home, need to catch up!)
Measure your progress and success of the child in comparison with others (the others are already sitting and crawling – we urgently need massage and exercise!)
Accustom it from the birth to sleep in his crib, stand up every half hour, instead of having to put him into his bed and sleep together
Accustom the child to the carriage, instead of carrying in a sling where he will sleep, or on the handles (one day he will peel with it, and that's when you will really want to again take him in her arms)
We decide that after the birth of his baby anything we can not be their hobby, time for yourself. Consider it a secondary, give it up, throw themselves.
Trying to cram what is impossible, for example, record it in a bunch of sections, we carry around the city all day, tired of traffic jams and roads. And for what?
Blasted kids with their anxiety – there is enough to eat, whether sleeping, will not fall and will not hit Lee. And child the way to gain experience, and yourself consumed by stress (I'm talking about daily Affairs, which do not require panic and anxiety).
Motherhood is a crap does not work and the load
So generally speaking men or those who have not had children. Remember give the editor of his book, barely her son was born. And she's gathering promised to meet. I then carefully warned – because she had one unknown, the new, which till this time was not.
Lena understood what I told her in six months. And since then often she would ask me the same thing – and when you have all three? Third, too small, too on his chest. When???
Motherhood is a round-the-clock. Constant combat readiness. You never know what and where. And if we, as firefighters, sleeping between invocations, this does not mean that during the call we don't give it my all.
The constant need to be included not used very much pulling power. Takes all the energy. And then gradually get used to live constantly in the background included. In parallel managing to do all that amazing.
Motherhood doesn't change anything
The hardest thing for me to deal with those moms who stubbornly refuse to change their lives after having children. I can't explain to them in a form that they lose.
Spas, travel without kids, work, a slim figure at any cost – all these aren't going anywhere. And after some time send back, at your own pace. But the child grows, and each day will never happen again. Each day is unique, because it's always something new. Skills, emotions, sensations, perception. It would seem that it is the same bag as yesterday. But that is another pouch. With a different feeling and understanding.
You can skip it all – first steps, first crawling, first words. You can delegate the child to those who will quickly and efficiently teach it to the potty and to walk, and to sing songs. Everything is possible.
But why then give birth to children, if you miss all the fun if your heart does not change, if his life does not change even for a while? Why, then? That was a child, because it is necessary? To show his photos to other people? In old age, someone brought water? And by the way, controversial, it will bring this water or not with this approach.
Motherhood is undervalued (a great mind is not necessary for this)
The mind really does not require much. But wisdom need very much. It is time to stop, and to get your heart to change. And in order to give your child all the love, for which he had come. Yeah, we don't pay for it, the world's largest salary, but unless money is measured by the importance of the profession?
We have already had the experience of devaluation of maternal care. Crèche from three months, kindergartens year. Mom – built BAM. Is a very happy generation? Still looking for mother – and men who drink and play tricks, and women who dragged all by yourself, but in my heart waiting for that someone will take them to handle.
It seems that everything is simple. Mom at home doing nothing. Creates nothing. Only one thing is not clear to me why accounting statements that are so prestigious to create during the working day, is more important and more valuable than the soul of the little man, which is the whole world? As working for a salary could be more prestigious than the cultivation of a small miracle – from a seed into a huge tree?
It turns out that in this place we allowed ourselves to be deceived – and it is unclear why.
I have over the years developed a different approach to motherhood. In my world this is different:
Motherhood can be and even should be joyful. Yes, you can get tired physically sometimes, but in this process lot of joy and lightness. Because the hardest thing to overcome your ego, to adapt to the child one day, learn to hear yourself and him – and then it's simple. Continue to hear and live in harmony.
Motherhood is a very responsible and important mission. As I said – this world does not need female doctors or teachers, builders or accountants. It is starving for maternal warmth that we have all of these managerial life destroyed.
Motherhood changes everything. And most importantly, it changes our heart. If you allow this to happen, you will be able to know myself much deeper. And may not always be pleasant, without these discoveries and changes will not work.
Motherhood is the most necessary profession in our time. Only professionals very little. As those who would like to become a mother. Not just another supervisor or a style icon and a real mother. Investment in true motherhood is not short-term. But the most stable in this ever changing world. published
That is my experience of motherhood that I want to share with you.
Author: Olga Valyaeva
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©