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What a woman loses when she becomes a mother
Today, motherhood in the public consciousness is shrouded in a pink marshmallow cloud, sometimes misleading those who are still waiting for the birth of a child. Ah, that's happiness, ah, that's love. Motherhood is all about pleasure and blublabla. No, of course, the smartest future mothers, perhaps, expect some trick, and probably see signs that not all motherhood is impregnated with marshmallows, among others, or know about it from the stories of relatives and friends. But why is it not customary to talk about this in a broad information field, openly listing what restrictions and losses motherhood very often accompanies? Is it said only in whispers, in the kitchen, in private, and with a slight sense of shame?
The fact that motherhood is a complete self-restraint, you need to say aloud and a lot, so that later all these things do not become a surprise. So today I decided to list what I lost as a mother.
©Jo Frances
1) Free time for yourself.
This loss is still one of the most difficult for me, and only the fact that now this time is gradually managed to carve out, reconciles me with the rarity and exclusivity of such moments. For a long time, I could be alone only when the children were sleeping - even in the bathroom or in the toilet, I was not immune from the sudden intervention of children in any, even very intimate process, at least in the form of a knock on the door, accompanied by loud screams.
2) Freedom of movement.
That’s what still bothers me: I walk a lot slower with kids than I do alone. Of course, with the purchase of a car, everything has become much easier; zero, if I have to walk a fairly long stretch of the road with a child, I prepare myself in advance for the fact that I need to spend twice as much time on this path as if I were walking alone.
(3) The ability to plan your business for a long time.
Any of my plans can easily be destroyed at any moment: fever, diarrhea, sudden allergies, and in some cases even just a bad mood of the child. Did I have guests for a few hours? Hah, my 6-month-old daughter had completely different plans for this time, which she makes me instantly convinced. Did I plan on going to my friends' weekend? Nothing like that, my son claims, covered in large chicken acne.
(4) Personal space.
It's something that a lot of people are quite relaxed about, but I need it like air. I have not had a room of my own since the birth of my children: everywhere I can find toys and their personal belongings. At any moment, if I am very busy or just thinking hard, my peace can be ruined by a sudden question, request or just a stomp with screams. For several years now, in absolute peace and solitude, I can only stay in my office at work: I do not have such an opportunity at home.
(5) Spontaneity.
Before the birth of the children, at any moment I was able to break down and go somewhere, accept almost any invitation, or suddenly, in my mood, fall off somewhere. It's all about the past. Before I decide to go somewhere, I have to solve many logistical problems, the main of which is who to leave the children with, or what can I do to take them with me?
(6) The ability to choose the pastime according to your taste.
The need to play, walk and read books aloud, not when I want to, but when a child needs it, still requires some inner effort on myself. This is especially true for walking on playgrounds and role-playing with dolls and stuffed toys: well, I don’t really like it. You should.
(7) Light luggage.
For 14 years now, I have completely forgotten about traveling with a light backpack. Every time I go out with my children at least to the country house, I carry a lot of the most necessary things that occupy a couple of large bags: clothes for all occasions, food, medicine, drink, entertainment. The reflex of not leaving the house without a small bottle of water has been crammed into me for years.
(8) External attractiveness and health.
My weight has not changed since my two pregnancies. Nevertheless, the years of feeding affected the appearance of my breasts, sleepless nights - on the complexion, the need to build inside the skeleton of a new man - on the condition of teeth and hair. But I am fully aware of the fact that I still got off easily: I did not have tears, diastasis, uterine prolapse, spinal problems, adhesions after cesarean, incontinence and other charms, which, alas, are still quite often the consequences of pregnancy for a woman.
(9) Social status.
A man, even after a divorce, is an excellent candidate in the marriage market, while a woman with a child, and even more so with two, is already in the eyes of many of our fellow citizens and fellow citizens “unfit”.
(10) Finance.
With the appearance of a child in a middle-income family, most often it is necessary to make some sacrifices - parents, of course, will primarily spend money on the needs of the child, pushing their needs into the second echelon. If a child appears in a small family, it is a financial disaster, stretched for many years; if the father of the child leaves the family, allocating formal small alimony to the “former” family, financial disaster often takes on the scale of tragedy.
(11) Career.
You can forget about a career for many years: in the eyes of any employer, a woman with a small child looks, of course, rather unattractive. If there are no relatives whose care you can entrust a child when he is sick, and the finances do not allow you to hire a nanny, you can hardly dream of a raise, or it will be associated with significant difficulties.
12) Ability to sleep all night without a break.
I have been deprived of this opportunity for many years. In addition, the same point can be attributed to the opportunity to eat quietly when you want, and not when there is an opportunity.
13) Feeling confident.
It disappears every time a child has a high fever, unfamiliar symptoms of the disease appear. Every time you have to solve a complex geometry problem. When a child cries because he does not want to be friends with someone he likes, or is poisoned at school. Or when a son or daughter decides they are too fat and stops eating altogether. In general, every time I face a task, at first glance it seems impossible to solve. Of course, every time there is a solution, of course. But that feeling and thinking, “God, what to do” — before I became a mother, I experienced it a few times.
I probably forgot to mention something else. All of these difficulties may be absent from you personally – and that’s great, so you’re lucky. But to know that theoretically they can arise, should every future mother. Motherhood is not just about being physiological. And psychological readiness, from my point of view, is an awareness of possible future difficulties, as well as finding ways to solve them if they arise.
P.S. All these difficulties do not change the fact that I consider my motherhood absolutely happy. I would never turn down the opportunity to be a mother twice. published
P.S. And remember, just changing our consciousness – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: v-s-e-horosho.livejournal.com/598420.html
The fact that motherhood is a complete self-restraint, you need to say aloud and a lot, so that later all these things do not become a surprise. So today I decided to list what I lost as a mother.
©Jo Frances
1) Free time for yourself.
This loss is still one of the most difficult for me, and only the fact that now this time is gradually managed to carve out, reconciles me with the rarity and exclusivity of such moments. For a long time, I could be alone only when the children were sleeping - even in the bathroom or in the toilet, I was not immune from the sudden intervention of children in any, even very intimate process, at least in the form of a knock on the door, accompanied by loud screams.
2) Freedom of movement.
That’s what still bothers me: I walk a lot slower with kids than I do alone. Of course, with the purchase of a car, everything has become much easier; zero, if I have to walk a fairly long stretch of the road with a child, I prepare myself in advance for the fact that I need to spend twice as much time on this path as if I were walking alone.
(3) The ability to plan your business for a long time.
Any of my plans can easily be destroyed at any moment: fever, diarrhea, sudden allergies, and in some cases even just a bad mood of the child. Did I have guests for a few hours? Hah, my 6-month-old daughter had completely different plans for this time, which she makes me instantly convinced. Did I plan on going to my friends' weekend? Nothing like that, my son claims, covered in large chicken acne.
(4) Personal space.
It's something that a lot of people are quite relaxed about, but I need it like air. I have not had a room of my own since the birth of my children: everywhere I can find toys and their personal belongings. At any moment, if I am very busy or just thinking hard, my peace can be ruined by a sudden question, request or just a stomp with screams. For several years now, in absolute peace and solitude, I can only stay in my office at work: I do not have such an opportunity at home.
(5) Spontaneity.
Before the birth of the children, at any moment I was able to break down and go somewhere, accept almost any invitation, or suddenly, in my mood, fall off somewhere. It's all about the past. Before I decide to go somewhere, I have to solve many logistical problems, the main of which is who to leave the children with, or what can I do to take them with me?
(6) The ability to choose the pastime according to your taste.
The need to play, walk and read books aloud, not when I want to, but when a child needs it, still requires some inner effort on myself. This is especially true for walking on playgrounds and role-playing with dolls and stuffed toys: well, I don’t really like it. You should.
(7) Light luggage.
For 14 years now, I have completely forgotten about traveling with a light backpack. Every time I go out with my children at least to the country house, I carry a lot of the most necessary things that occupy a couple of large bags: clothes for all occasions, food, medicine, drink, entertainment. The reflex of not leaving the house without a small bottle of water has been crammed into me for years.
(8) External attractiveness and health.
My weight has not changed since my two pregnancies. Nevertheless, the years of feeding affected the appearance of my breasts, sleepless nights - on the complexion, the need to build inside the skeleton of a new man - on the condition of teeth and hair. But I am fully aware of the fact that I still got off easily: I did not have tears, diastasis, uterine prolapse, spinal problems, adhesions after cesarean, incontinence and other charms, which, alas, are still quite often the consequences of pregnancy for a woman.
(9) Social status.
A man, even after a divorce, is an excellent candidate in the marriage market, while a woman with a child, and even more so with two, is already in the eyes of many of our fellow citizens and fellow citizens “unfit”.
(10) Finance.
With the appearance of a child in a middle-income family, most often it is necessary to make some sacrifices - parents, of course, will primarily spend money on the needs of the child, pushing their needs into the second echelon. If a child appears in a small family, it is a financial disaster, stretched for many years; if the father of the child leaves the family, allocating formal small alimony to the “former” family, financial disaster often takes on the scale of tragedy.
(11) Career.
You can forget about a career for many years: in the eyes of any employer, a woman with a small child looks, of course, rather unattractive. If there are no relatives whose care you can entrust a child when he is sick, and the finances do not allow you to hire a nanny, you can hardly dream of a raise, or it will be associated with significant difficulties.
12) Ability to sleep all night without a break.
I have been deprived of this opportunity for many years. In addition, the same point can be attributed to the opportunity to eat quietly when you want, and not when there is an opportunity.
13) Feeling confident.
It disappears every time a child has a high fever, unfamiliar symptoms of the disease appear. Every time you have to solve a complex geometry problem. When a child cries because he does not want to be friends with someone he likes, or is poisoned at school. Or when a son or daughter decides they are too fat and stops eating altogether. In general, every time I face a task, at first glance it seems impossible to solve. Of course, every time there is a solution, of course. But that feeling and thinking, “God, what to do” — before I became a mother, I experienced it a few times.
I probably forgot to mention something else. All of these difficulties may be absent from you personally – and that’s great, so you’re lucky. But to know that theoretically they can arise, should every future mother. Motherhood is not just about being physiological. And psychological readiness, from my point of view, is an awareness of possible future difficulties, as well as finding ways to solve them if they arise.
P.S. All these difficulties do not change the fact that I consider my motherhood absolutely happy. I would never turn down the opportunity to be a mother twice. published
P.S. And remember, just changing our consciousness – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: v-s-e-horosho.livejournal.com/598420.html
