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A woman who has learned to respect herself cannot be manipulated.
We are in an age of degradation, and one of its characteristics is that motherhood is no longer honorable and respected. Unfortunately, the role of the mother is not considered important or special. This does not give women any advantages or respect. Unfortunately. On the contrary, it imposes a lot of responsibility and other people’s expectations on her, deprives her of freedom, exhausts and so on.
Today, every mother can face insults out of the blue, with tactless interventions of strangers, with ridicule in her address (especially if she does not work). Even at home, she will not rest – and many husbands take advantage of the defenselessness of their pregnant or barely giving birth to wives, committing psychological and physical violence against them. Seeing this, children also cease to respect their mothers, and allow themselves and rude words in their address, and assault, and neglect them. Even parents who seem to have gone through all this in one way or another and should understand how difficult it is, can become a real stress for a young mother. With their nagging, mockery, ridicule, interference and disparaging statements.
In the morning, the mother began to worship her children (and this is in the Scriptures).
Once upon a time, every woman was honored because she was a mother, now or in the future. Mother for man was something pure, holy and untouchable. His requests and orders were immediately followed. Even if she dropped them without thinking. When the young man left his teacher’s house (about 25 years old), he received instructions, the first of which was: “Honor your mother as God.” Sounds like the Bible, right? It was a different time and a different relationship.
We live in a world where only what can be sold is valued. Therefore, surrogate mothers are sometimes more respected in society than everyone else - at least they were able to earn good money on their nature. And motherhood was devalued, and mothers were removed from their throne of honor.
But do you know what the worst and worst part is? We believed it ourselves. We let ourselves be convinced that motherhood is nothing special. We do not respect our own work, and as a result, we allow others to treat us this way, sometimes even believing that they are right. We ourselves sometimes feel guilty for being “just” a mother, nothing more (though could there be anything bigger and more significant?).
We ourselves do not respect the maternal principle, shun it, suppress it in favor of fashion, push it into the furthest corners of our personality.
Since childhood, we have observed that for her titanic work, a mother can receive from society (for example, a huge modern allowance of 150 rubles a month for a child over one and a half years old), and she was shuffled. I was thinking about what would happen to me when I became a mother.
When I was a little girl and I heard someone disrespectfully talking to my mom, everything inside of me crumpled. I was only a small child, but it hurt me to see my mother’s helplessness and defenselessness! And how hurtful it was for her when someone allowed themselves to insult her or neglect her. I don’t know how my mother handled it – she probably learned to ignore many of these things. But the little children's eyes couldn't help but notice. Neither my mother nor I could do anything about it. I just had to swallow it. It was firmly ingrained in my mind that no one respected mothers. It seems that there is nothing much to respect, nothing special has been done, everyone can give birth.
When I became a mom, I realized what a job it was. How difficult it is and how much this work is devoid of any encouragement from the outside. No one will ever tell you that you are a good mom and you are doing something right. Even from relatives and relatives it is difficult to wait for praise, approval and support, let alone strangers. But everyone will consider it their duty to correct here, correct here, then lash out with their accusations.
If you breastfeed, you will hear that your milk is not too fatty, if the baby adds a little, or that it is too fat, what kind of fat you fattened. If you feed after a year, raise a mother's son. If you don’t feed – just a terribly lazy mother, who deprives the child of the most important thing. There will be no grandchildren in diapers. You're a bigot. One child feels cold and the other feels hot. You harden, you beast. If you don’t worry, you don’t think about your health. We can go on forever. A mother is never right in the eyes of society.
That's our reality. A lot of demands hanging like a sword of Damocles over your head, a lot of reproaches and a flurry of criticism from all sides, the hum of other people's voices in which it is so difficult to hear your own.
And many new mothers write on forums about how they would like to be quiet around, so that no one presses, so that it is allowed and allowed to live their own lives and raise a child the way you want. Even here we are waiting for some kind of permission from the outside, as if we do not have the right to make such decisions.
And then, almost thirty years old, and already with two children, I went to the holy place of India, Vrindavan. This town is special because it has preserved traditions as much as possible. It used to be everywhere, but now even in India, degradation has penetrated, and attitudes towards women have begun to change. But let’s talk about Vrindavan, where there is still culture and respect for mothers.
Women are forbidden to work there, cows are free to walk the streets, as are small children. And every woman, regardless of age, is called “mataji”, which in Russian will be “mother”. With respect, sometimes even awe. And it doesn't matter if the salesman who comes to you is twice your age. You are still “mother” to him. He sees in you the mother principle, he respects it and thus expresses his respect.
No man here (even though it is India) will come and touch you, flirt with you, or make any dirty suggestions. At most, he will show you attention, protect you from monkeys or provide some kind of help (even if you do not ask).
On the back window of the car, you can often find an inscription that translates as “Protecting women and respecting women is my duty and my honor.” And there I believe it. Because I don't feel so safe anywhere, even if I walk down the street alone at night.
And if a tuk-tuk driver finds out you're pregnant, he drives you like the greatest jewel of the world, going around all the bumps and losing speed, at the expense of his own earnings (I was lucky to ride a couple of times with pregnant women).
It is said that women in India are disenfranchised and humiliated, but I realized in Vrindavana how disenfranchised and humiliated we are, because we have become tools to achieve goals and someone’s toys. Most importantly, they lost their self-respect. We've traded something very important that you can't buy with any money, that you can't replace with anything, for beautiful wrappers that have emptiness in them. We believe that motherhood is worth nothing. A mother is not worthy of respect just because she is a mother.
And then I realized how safe and healthy it is to be a mother. So much power, energy and perspective.
When there is no goal to prove something to someone – for example, that you are not a slacker, dependent or lazy. Everyone here understands, accepts and respects this. Moreover, the other – or rather our – life for them is nonsense.
One Ayurvedic doctor there said to me:
“If my wife worked, I wouldn’t feel like a man. It would be my personal defeat if I gave my wife and the mother of my children to this world. She's too good for all this. ?
This is how women and mothers are treated in Vrindavana. And they walk with their heads held high, even though their face covers the free end of the sari. Once I was riding in a tuk-tuk, which almost crushed — or rather, slightly pushed the front wheel, one mataji. A bunch of men ran away, who began to scold the hapless driver, at the same time asking about her health. She didn’t seem to notice or even be scared. She feels protected.
This is how mothers were treated not only in India, but in all traditional cultures. Christians of all women revere the Virgin Mary more than others, in Italy, where Catholicism is the most powerful, until now, mother is a holy word for everyone, Muslim men can move mountains for their mother, in Jewish families and it is precisely on the mother that the purity of the clan is determined, she is in a sense his head. But as time passes, culture and traditions are exchanged for a market economy, freedom in everything and equality. And we have what we have. We are forced to take care of ourselves, worry about tomorrow and constantly participate in some kind of race for survival. And not just run, but try to run first to get respect. The same thing that we are entitled to because we are mothers. Present or future. Because we are not used to respecting ourselves.
Remember that the world is a huge mirror that reflects our own feelings and attitudes.
If you start to respect what you do every day (no matter how silly and selfish it may seem), things will change.
How can we start to change that? You may not like the answer. Because you have to first learn to respect your mom and your spouse's mom. Just because they gave birth to you and your loved one, raised as they could. Remove all complaints against them, discontent and resentment. See how much effort they put into each of you. Learn to be grateful for it so that when you meet them at least mentally want to worship them. And with that, you will notice how the changes within you will occur.
There is a wonderful practice of bowing, helping to develop this feeling in the soul. When you start and end every day with a real physical bow in front of pictures of your moms. And the bow is not easy, but long, conscious and deep. And so on for at least 40 days. During this time, you will feel changes within yourself. And the next step after such a study will happen on its own.
You will begin to treat yourself differently, because during this time you will develop a habit of noticing and treating motherly labor with respect.
You can talk a lot, but it is better to try. It will change a lot – and the relationship in the family, and the attitude to yourself, and even the attitude to all other women in the world. We are all mothers in one way or another, this energy (as opposed to sexual) unites us and makes us stronger.
A woman who has learned to respect herself and gained inner strength can no longer be manipulated, she will not be able to put pressure on. All those who want to pour out bile somewhere, will pass by, feeling its inner strength (and believe me, maternal power is millions of times stronger than ordinary female!). But all those who have love in their hearts will be attracted to such a woman in a natural way.
Is such a cheap and unnecessary, outdated and out-of-date thing in the end is the most “respect for the mother”? Or is it the foundation of foundations and beginnings, the gateway to a new, better life and the lifeboat from a sinking ship? Each of us will make our own choices.Published
Author: Olga Valyaeva, chapter from the book “Destination to be a mother”
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: valyaeva.ru/uvazhenie-k-materi/
Today, every mother can face insults out of the blue, with tactless interventions of strangers, with ridicule in her address (especially if she does not work). Even at home, she will not rest – and many husbands take advantage of the defenselessness of their pregnant or barely giving birth to wives, committing psychological and physical violence against them. Seeing this, children also cease to respect their mothers, and allow themselves and rude words in their address, and assault, and neglect them. Even parents who seem to have gone through all this in one way or another and should understand how difficult it is, can become a real stress for a young mother. With their nagging, mockery, ridicule, interference and disparaging statements.
In the morning, the mother began to worship her children (and this is in the Scriptures).
Once upon a time, every woman was honored because she was a mother, now or in the future. Mother for man was something pure, holy and untouchable. His requests and orders were immediately followed. Even if she dropped them without thinking. When the young man left his teacher’s house (about 25 years old), he received instructions, the first of which was: “Honor your mother as God.” Sounds like the Bible, right? It was a different time and a different relationship.
We live in a world where only what can be sold is valued. Therefore, surrogate mothers are sometimes more respected in society than everyone else - at least they were able to earn good money on their nature. And motherhood was devalued, and mothers were removed from their throne of honor.
But do you know what the worst and worst part is? We believed it ourselves. We let ourselves be convinced that motherhood is nothing special. We do not respect our own work, and as a result, we allow others to treat us this way, sometimes even believing that they are right. We ourselves sometimes feel guilty for being “just” a mother, nothing more (though could there be anything bigger and more significant?).
We ourselves do not respect the maternal principle, shun it, suppress it in favor of fashion, push it into the furthest corners of our personality.
Since childhood, we have observed that for her titanic work, a mother can receive from society (for example, a huge modern allowance of 150 rubles a month for a child over one and a half years old), and she was shuffled. I was thinking about what would happen to me when I became a mother.
When I was a little girl and I heard someone disrespectfully talking to my mom, everything inside of me crumpled. I was only a small child, but it hurt me to see my mother’s helplessness and defenselessness! And how hurtful it was for her when someone allowed themselves to insult her or neglect her. I don’t know how my mother handled it – she probably learned to ignore many of these things. But the little children's eyes couldn't help but notice. Neither my mother nor I could do anything about it. I just had to swallow it. It was firmly ingrained in my mind that no one respected mothers. It seems that there is nothing much to respect, nothing special has been done, everyone can give birth.
When I became a mom, I realized what a job it was. How difficult it is and how much this work is devoid of any encouragement from the outside. No one will ever tell you that you are a good mom and you are doing something right. Even from relatives and relatives it is difficult to wait for praise, approval and support, let alone strangers. But everyone will consider it their duty to correct here, correct here, then lash out with their accusations.
If you breastfeed, you will hear that your milk is not too fatty, if the baby adds a little, or that it is too fat, what kind of fat you fattened. If you feed after a year, raise a mother's son. If you don’t feed – just a terribly lazy mother, who deprives the child of the most important thing. There will be no grandchildren in diapers. You're a bigot. One child feels cold and the other feels hot. You harden, you beast. If you don’t worry, you don’t think about your health. We can go on forever. A mother is never right in the eyes of society.
That's our reality. A lot of demands hanging like a sword of Damocles over your head, a lot of reproaches and a flurry of criticism from all sides, the hum of other people's voices in which it is so difficult to hear your own.
And many new mothers write on forums about how they would like to be quiet around, so that no one presses, so that it is allowed and allowed to live their own lives and raise a child the way you want. Even here we are waiting for some kind of permission from the outside, as if we do not have the right to make such decisions.
And then, almost thirty years old, and already with two children, I went to the holy place of India, Vrindavan. This town is special because it has preserved traditions as much as possible. It used to be everywhere, but now even in India, degradation has penetrated, and attitudes towards women have begun to change. But let’s talk about Vrindavan, where there is still culture and respect for mothers.
Women are forbidden to work there, cows are free to walk the streets, as are small children. And every woman, regardless of age, is called “mataji”, which in Russian will be “mother”. With respect, sometimes even awe. And it doesn't matter if the salesman who comes to you is twice your age. You are still “mother” to him. He sees in you the mother principle, he respects it and thus expresses his respect.
No man here (even though it is India) will come and touch you, flirt with you, or make any dirty suggestions. At most, he will show you attention, protect you from monkeys or provide some kind of help (even if you do not ask).
On the back window of the car, you can often find an inscription that translates as “Protecting women and respecting women is my duty and my honor.” And there I believe it. Because I don't feel so safe anywhere, even if I walk down the street alone at night.
And if a tuk-tuk driver finds out you're pregnant, he drives you like the greatest jewel of the world, going around all the bumps and losing speed, at the expense of his own earnings (I was lucky to ride a couple of times with pregnant women).
It is said that women in India are disenfranchised and humiliated, but I realized in Vrindavana how disenfranchised and humiliated we are, because we have become tools to achieve goals and someone’s toys. Most importantly, they lost their self-respect. We've traded something very important that you can't buy with any money, that you can't replace with anything, for beautiful wrappers that have emptiness in them. We believe that motherhood is worth nothing. A mother is not worthy of respect just because she is a mother.
And then I realized how safe and healthy it is to be a mother. So much power, energy and perspective.
When there is no goal to prove something to someone – for example, that you are not a slacker, dependent or lazy. Everyone here understands, accepts and respects this. Moreover, the other – or rather our – life for them is nonsense.
One Ayurvedic doctor there said to me:
“If my wife worked, I wouldn’t feel like a man. It would be my personal defeat if I gave my wife and the mother of my children to this world. She's too good for all this. ?
This is how women and mothers are treated in Vrindavana. And they walk with their heads held high, even though their face covers the free end of the sari. Once I was riding in a tuk-tuk, which almost crushed — or rather, slightly pushed the front wheel, one mataji. A bunch of men ran away, who began to scold the hapless driver, at the same time asking about her health. She didn’t seem to notice or even be scared. She feels protected.
This is how mothers were treated not only in India, but in all traditional cultures. Christians of all women revere the Virgin Mary more than others, in Italy, where Catholicism is the most powerful, until now, mother is a holy word for everyone, Muslim men can move mountains for their mother, in Jewish families and it is precisely on the mother that the purity of the clan is determined, she is in a sense his head. But as time passes, culture and traditions are exchanged for a market economy, freedom in everything and equality. And we have what we have. We are forced to take care of ourselves, worry about tomorrow and constantly participate in some kind of race for survival. And not just run, but try to run first to get respect. The same thing that we are entitled to because we are mothers. Present or future. Because we are not used to respecting ourselves.
Remember that the world is a huge mirror that reflects our own feelings and attitudes.
If you start to respect what you do every day (no matter how silly and selfish it may seem), things will change.
- If your husband wants you to work
- If he is not grateful for your work, he will only be very reproachful.
- If your children are constantly hurting you in words and deeds
- If they laugh at you, they think you are a hen.
- If relatives call you a lazy and freeloader
- If you hear them in the queues, you will hear a disdainful “crowd!”
How can we start to change that? You may not like the answer. Because you have to first learn to respect your mom and your spouse's mom. Just because they gave birth to you and your loved one, raised as they could. Remove all complaints against them, discontent and resentment. See how much effort they put into each of you. Learn to be grateful for it so that when you meet them at least mentally want to worship them. And with that, you will notice how the changes within you will occur.
There is a wonderful practice of bowing, helping to develop this feeling in the soul. When you start and end every day with a real physical bow in front of pictures of your moms. And the bow is not easy, but long, conscious and deep. And so on for at least 40 days. During this time, you will feel changes within yourself. And the next step after such a study will happen on its own.
You will begin to treat yourself differently, because during this time you will develop a habit of noticing and treating motherly labor with respect.
You can talk a lot, but it is better to try. It will change a lot – and the relationship in the family, and the attitude to yourself, and even the attitude to all other women in the world. We are all mothers in one way or another, this energy (as opposed to sexual) unites us and makes us stronger.
A woman who has learned to respect herself and gained inner strength can no longer be manipulated, she will not be able to put pressure on. All those who want to pour out bile somewhere, will pass by, feeling its inner strength (and believe me, maternal power is millions of times stronger than ordinary female!). But all those who have love in their hearts will be attracted to such a woman in a natural way.
Is such a cheap and unnecessary, outdated and out-of-date thing in the end is the most “respect for the mother”? Or is it the foundation of foundations and beginnings, the gateway to a new, better life and the lifeboat from a sinking ship? Each of us will make our own choices.Published
Author: Olga Valyaeva, chapter from the book “Destination to be a mother”
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: valyaeva.ru/uvazhenie-k-materi/
